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Advice needed
#21
Just a tip - unfortunately you can't trust anything she says. She may tell you all sorts and then as soon as you move out, move another man in. So there is a need to start thinking individually - hard to get used to when couples tell each other everything but from this point on (or earlier) you are both looking out for number one - in a way. It would be good if something fair could be agreed, but be very very careful of trusting someone's motivations as she may have an agenda.

If she wants the house sold, why does she want you to move out? And not move out herself? Only three reasons I can think of:

1) To have control over Child contact on her own terms once you've left.
2) Because a Solicitor has advised her not to move out until she's got her money out of the house possibly.
3) Because she intends to move someone else in with her.

A female friend of mine was advised not to leave until her H had bought her out of the house or it could take a long time to get her share. So they stuck it out living together separately while the divorce and finances went through - took it's toll but they both moved on very quickly afterwards (no kids involved).
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#22
What is my legal grounds for her converting living room to her bedroom? Don't want to involve the lodger,but I may not have an option other than to give a notice.
Had to take a brake outside once I have see her measuring room while she was on the phone with her parents.
In C100 form I have mentioned this as her being unreasonable.

Can family court resolve this issue? Don't think they are dealing with this.

What are your opinion on asking her untill court order is in place:to splitt equally school drop off , collections from after-school ,also payments towards childcare? Can it be treated as an abuse, as she is not flexible with her work?

I have already opened few cans of worms.
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#23
I don't know about legal options when you're both living in the house you joint own. It's difficult. The main thing you've got to be careful about is not getting into an argument - or she may accuse you of dv and get you out that way.

I guess basically she can do what she wants and if she won't listen to reason your hands are tied - she is probably trying to either force you out (make life impossible) or push you to snap so she can accuse you of violence. So don't.

There is nothing to stop you using the living room whatever she does. You could calmly say you also need the room for access and maybe she should move out if she wants self contained space.

I think you have to play everything by ear at the moment until your court papers come. If you mean as part of the order then the usual is you do your pickups and drop offs and she does the ones on her nights. If she is getting the child tax credits she should be entitled to government help with childcare. Child support would be payable by you, unless you get a 50/50 order with neither of you paying it.

Why does she want that room? What is she doing at the moment? Still sharing a room with you?
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#24
Childcare as of separation: most of the times I do school runs (taking to school and picking up) also I contribute 90%of cost to towards.
House 3beds: I am with my child (7yr) sleeping in one bedroom. She is sleeping in another room with another from her past. During separation she moved to the smaller room, but surender it to a lodger and moved to kids room.
What's she is doing? She is working full time if that's what you mean.

Have prepared a letter stating I am refusing, and offer her few optinios. Most of them giving a notice to lodger to vacate room, so she could move in.
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#25
If she does take over that room and put a lock on the door - is there any other way you can get to the garden? And can you still get to the kitchen? Just thinking you and kids could have both the bedrooms then. Now technically she's not allowed to lock you out of your own house (or part of it) but I am not sure there is much the Police would be able to do. They'd just class it as a domestic I think.
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#26
Have received an email that stbx agree with 50/50 child arrangements on 5:5:2:2 rota if we will start selling house. At least I have it in writing now.

My steps are :
1: re-open mediation and get parenting plan agreed
2: a solicitor to look over the agreement,
3:get Consent Order by court

Correct me if I am wrong.

Once agreement is reached, start discussing about the sale of house.

How can I put to her, what child arrangements should be agreed before we start discussions about finances?
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#27
That sounds positive. I think she is more or less saying - I will do this if you will do that. There is no harm in putting the house on the market now - nothing is going to happen that quickly and everything needs both signatures. To show agreement to that. While then starting the mediation to get a consent order drawn up. Actually if she has agreed to that in writing you may not need to go to mediation - just go to a solicitor and ask them to draw up a consent order for the 50-50 and send a copy to your ex to agree. She will need to get a solicitor and have legal advice. Both solicitors will need to have agreed the terms (for their clients) and then submit the order for sealing at court. So it's above board and can be shown that both sides have had legal advice and are in agreement. So if your ex means what she says, she will tell any solicitor to do the consent order. There may be the odd bit of wording that needs discussion.

If you do it via mediation first, as an agreement to be drawn up (which is sent to both of you and you give to solicitors to say - put this into an order), then it might be a way of getting the detail agreed - eg days, times, which weeks of the holidays etc. And any other things you might want in an order like who holds the passport (usually the Mother) and that they will release it 21 days before a holiday or on request.

But all you really need is

The Children will live with both Parents on a 50/50 shared care basis

With Mother every Monday and Tuesday and every other week-end from Friday to Monday and half the school holidays
With Father every Thursday and Friday and every other week-end from Friday to Monday and half the school holidays.

Child spends Christmas day on alternate years with each parent.
Mother will keep child's passport but release it to Father within 21 days of a holiday or on reasonable request.

So I am not sure it is necessary to go to mediation. You could send the above wording to a Solicitor, ask them to draw up a consent order and send it to your ex proposing it as a consent order for her to agree to and advising her she may wish to have a solicitor look over the consent order before it is submitted for sealing.

So what order to do things in. If the house goes on the market and she starts stalling and delaying over the consent order, you can take it off the market again.

So maybe show willing by replying briefly to her email that you agree to put the house on the market and will ask a solicitor to draft the consent order for the 5-5-2-2 child arrangements to be sent to her for her approval.
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#28
I am getting solicitor to draft the consent order.

Have spoke with stbx about finances. She said she will agree and sign it only of she is happy with finances ( not child focused). Should not child arrangements agreed before we move to finances. In my case stbx solicitors dealing only with divorce and finances, not with child arrangements as per her package.
Can I put clause that agreed child arrangements will start once finances are agreed?

How court will look in to finances? Will they ask both of us to come to agreement first?

Thank you
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#29
That is par for the course. She will want finances agreed before agreeing to child arrangements so she can use child arrangements as leverage to get more money. You want child arrangements sorted before finances to avoid her witholding contact to get more money.

Therein lies the problem. Could you get it in writing that she will only agree to the consent order if she agrees with the finances? Try and get everythign documented in writing. If you're both using solicitors now it will probably be stalemate with neither side giving. So keep talking if you can.

When your solicitor has drafted the consent order, ask them to send it to you for approval and tell the solicitor you will discuss it with the ex. Then if it's right for you - email it to the ex as an attachment, along with a brief email saying - I have had the consent order drafted and am attaching a copy. Please can you let me know if it is agreed. As discussed I agree to put the house on the market asap when we have agreed the child arrangements".

Now she may be savvy and not reply in writing and just say - not until the finances are agreed. So you then email yourself a diary note saying

"Emailed consent order to ex who has said she will not agree the consent order for child arrangements until the finances are agreed".

It may be that you both have to remain living in the same house until both finances and child arrangements are agreed at mediation for a consent order. Some people do manage to do it all by mediation. If it isn't by mediation and is via solicitors, then her solicitors have a duty to act in her best interests and it will become adversarial - they will advise her possibly to go for something more than is fair.

Do you know exactly what she wants finance wise? This seems to have moved on from her saying she will agree the child arrangements if you put the house on the market!

Anyway the point is - if you can't get the child arrangements agreed and she is sticking out for finances agreed and she won't go to mediation. Then you apply to court for the child arrangements, and your email with the draft consent order, along with your diary note, will be evidence for the child arrangements. And it will help. Also anything she puts in writing that isn't child focused. She is not supposed to use the children as leverage.

If you are both on the same page about finances and it's reasonable, then maybe you can get both agreed at the same time. But don't move out until she agrees the child arrangements in a consent order.
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#30
That's a reply that I have received (have in email, and whats up) It's not detailed.

I will agree to the below terms regarding xxxx on the condition that you will agree to sell the house with me. We will sell the house as soon as possible for us to move on with our lives.

Week 1 – With father – Monday (collecting after school) to Wednesday morning (taking to school). Mother – Wednesday (after the school) to Friday morning (taking to school). Father – Friday (after the school) to Monday morning (taking to school)
Week 2 - With Mother – Monday (collecting after school) to Wednesday morning (taking to school). Father – Wednesday (after the school) to Friday morning (taking to school). Mother – Friday (after the school) to Monday morning (taking to school)
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