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Advice needed
#31
Wow. That looks good. Suggest you get the house on the market and get your solicitor to send her the consent order. If she now says she won't agree it until the finances are done, then say you won't do the finances until the child arrangements are in a consent order, so you can both get on with your lives.

That still leaves the question of who is going to move out. Could you actually afford to buy her out and stay there?
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#32
Divorce file is at court and her solicitors would deal with divorce and finances only (cheap fixed fee option, but have many hidden fees Smile ) I am lucky I found this forum.

I guess we need first to agree how we will split the finances (work on progress) mutually before we sell house. Once agreement reached, her solicitors would do a concent order. it is included in her deal, but I may be wrong.

We own only 50% of the property under shared ownership, based on my income I should be able to buy her out. I could give her 10k cash, and remaining via remortgaging ( her part 35-40k, I could go away with 30-35k) So I want to have this option available.

Can't we both live in one property until is get sold, if buy out option not available?
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#33
Yes I don't see why not.
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#34
(01-23-2019, 09:25 PM)AK2018 Wrote: Divorce file is at court and her solicitors would deal with divorce and finances only (cheap fixed fee option, but have many hidden fees Smile ) I am lucky I found this forum.

I guess we need first to agree how we will split the finances (work on progress) mutually before we sell house. Once agreement reached, her solicitors would do a concent order. it is included in her deal, but I may be wrong.

We own only 50% of the property under shared ownership,  based on my income I should be able to buy her out. I could give her 10k cash, and remaining via remortgaging ( her part 35-40k, I could go away with 30-35k) So I want to have this option available.

Can't we both live in one property until is get sold, if buy out option not available?

If you can cope with it then yes, it makes sense. Save the money for when you need it, which you will.
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#35
Just don't move out until you have Child Arrangements in anorder.
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#36
Thanks, I won't move out definitely until I have child arrangements in place.
Received reply from solicitor advisimg to go through mediation in event she alleges I have made it up or committed some fraud so I would have a proof.

Re-opened mediation, and by the sounds of it she is willing to come to agreement.

Can mediation put term in place:

* Child's arrangements will start once finances are finalized (she does not want to sign anything until finances are agreed)
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#37
They both need agreeing at the same time - and formalising in a document. You cannot trust any agreements that aren't in a consent order unfortunately. Hopefully the mediator will get things sorted.
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#38
Hi all.

Have received D10 form (acknowledgement of service). Not sure how to answer question #6
#4# Do you intend to defend the case - NO ( if it is only relating for a divorce, finances are not agreed)
#6# Even if you do not intend to defend the case do you ­object­ to paying the costs of the proceedings? If so, on what grounds?”

I’m not willing to pay the full costs - I’m may be willing to pay half the costs for the application if it would speed up process ( want to avoid extra cost) - then we each pay our own costs (she has solicitor, etc). So on what grounds I can object to pay a cost?

Thank you

One more. How does it work with sale of house or buying out order done via court?
* If we agree to sell house during financial agreement via court. Will we have a time scale by then house needs to be sold. Don't want to live in same house any longer after court.

* Will court put an option to buy other party from the property? Is it a standard procedure for the court? Can this option be refused by stbx? ( She does not like this option, don't know why. Trying to explain she would get same % in value of house,also it will be beneficial for the kids)

Can all the above be enforced by court?
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#39
I'm afraid I don't know anything about the divorce side of things. Good that she has agreed to mediation - but you need to be careful.

It is in her interests to have all the finances tied up as part of the divorce - and after that she has no incentive to be reasonable about child arrangements.

If you're going to mediation then make it clear that both must be done at the same time - Child Arrangements and finances,and that you won't sort the finances without the child arrangements. If that puts you at stalemate then hopefully the mediator will mediate and get something sorted.

You can have a consent order for both - if her solicitors will only deal with divorce and finances then that is because they are looking out for her interests as she is their client. Her interests are to have no child arrangements order - because then she is in total control and can call all the shorts. Unfortunately Solicitors aren't child focused - they only act in their client's best interests.

You would not be able to see your kids at all without your ex saying yes, no,maybe and would end up having to go to court for an order.

A consent order for child arrngements would be quick and simple to organise and I would suggest seeing a solicitor and getting one drawn up, then taking it along to mediation and saying this is what you want agreeing to so it can be sent to court for sealing - she can show it to her solicitor for a once-over if she wishes. And that you already have finances agreed and you are happy with what is agreed.

So the consent order could start from the day you separate. eg

"Child Arrangements order by consent

The children shall live with both their parents

With Father, from the time he moves out of the family home

Week 1 Wednesday and Thursday from the time school finishes on the Wednesday to 9am Friday morning.
Week 2 Wednesday, from the time school finishes, through to Monday 9am.

With Mother at all other times during term time.

The school holidays will be shared equally as follows:

A one week and a two week block each in the summer, a full week at Easter. Half terms to be the first or last half of the holiday period.
Christmas holidays:
2019 and odd years - 1pm 24th December to 11am 26th December and the last 5 days of the holiday with Mother, the remainder of the Christmas holidays with Father.
2020 and even years - 1pm 24th December to 11am 26th December and the last 5 days of the holiday with Father, the remainder of the Christmas holidays with Mother.

Special Days:
Special days will be Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's birthdays.
Children's birthdays to be spent with Father in 2019 and odd years and with Mother in 2020 and even years.
The special day clause takes effect if the children are not already scheduled to be with the respective parent that year
Special days to be from 5pm the night before until 9am the day after the special day.

Any additional holiday days to be shared.
Such further and other times as agreed between the parties in writing.
For the avoidance of doubt, the above provides for an equal sharing of care for the children"

That is the kind of thing you want. Obviously it can be tweaked as to what you agree over Christmas Day etc - some people split the day (I think that can be a bit weird for the kids) or have different timings. But the above means they get Christmas Eve and Christmas day with you on alternate years, and from Boxing day for a few days in the years in between.

I am just a bit concerned that she is saying - yes you will have 50/50 shared care - but she won't deal with that until the divorce and finances are done in a consent order. That is a very dangerous situation. She wants you to commit legally to the house and finances but won't commit legally to organising arrangements for the children until you have signed up. After which she can use the children as leverage because she's got the finances sorted.

Not good. Her Solicitors should know that it is usually recommended to sort child arrangements first.

Try not to get into arguments, just keep assertive and firm over wanting child arrangements sorted legally and put something in writing to her to say you agree to the finances as set out in x letter and will proceed with the consent order for finances and divorce once the child arrangements are legalised and formalised. But say that at mediation. And take a draft consent order with you for discussion.

If she objects to any of it or won't agree to have it in a consent order then you know you may be in for some difficulties in seeing the kids. If she just says - I won't discuss that until the finances are done, then ask the question - why? The arrangements for the children are the most important thing - we are agreed on finances. All at mediation, with a mediator present.

It is hard to imagine now, but once you move out of the house - all kinds of things can happen - instantly. She could move a boyfriend in and want to have a new normal family and not have the kids "away" much. If you meet a new girlfriend she can stop the kids coming and make up all sorts of false reasons etc.

You need Child Arrangements legalised. Before you move out, and I would say, before the Consent order for the divorce is finalised.

Don't do anything on trust or word of mouth.
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#40
I am tired of talking and dealing with my stbx. Though we are going the right direction, have re-opened mediation. But today she said she won't attend mediation and won't agree on 50/50 shared care. Have emailed her proposed parenting plan for her to review and discuss further.will give her few days to think about it.

It doesn't look that I will avoid court. Feeling depressed.
What are my next step? C100?
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