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Advice needed
#41
Don't be depressed. At least you know now. Some Dads find the agreement for 50/50 stops the day they move out and then don't see their kids for months. have you had a miam and been signed off in the last 3 months?

Don't move out.
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#42
Cherry on the ?. Stbx has failed yesterday to attend mediation regarding children that I had re-opened. So it is second time she did not bother.
This morning was told she will stay in house with the kids until youngest will reach 18 and I will be paying mortgage for her. She doesn't want to sell anymore. Can she do it?
I really need a good kick and file C100 to get child arrangements in place, hope 50/50. Only one thing stops me that I see my child everyday now,but sooner or later I will need to sent C100 anyway..
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#43
Hopefully your still in the house.
What would be your respective mortgage capacities once the house is sold?
If she can easily afford another place there's no reason for her to stay there.
She's looking for a Mesher order where the house is sold when the youngest child is 18 and the proceeds split.
Even then, she would be paying all or most of the mortgage.
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#44
You must get the Child Arrangements application in I think. It isn't just to make sure you get to see the kids if she gets you removed from the house (by fair means or foul), it means you have more control over finances.

Put it like this. If no Child order, and divorce finances are to be sorted, she will be going for spousal maintenance as well as Child Maintenance and claiming she is the resident parent. Her solicitors will have advised her to go for everything. Although technically neither of you are the residence parent without an order, it is generally viewed that the kids live with the Mother if they are living in the former marital home with her.

Whereas if you have an order for 50/50 you have options. It means if you choose to move out then you get to see the kids half the time. And it means if she moves out and takes the kids with her and then goes for an occupation order to get you out - that you get to see the kids half the time.

Without a Child Arrangements order you risk - being removed and not seeing the kids for a long time. I don't know what your ex is like but some use all kinds of manoevres and tell lies to get you out. Then you're in a bad place - no home,no kids, paying child support.

If you get a Child Arrangements order for 50/50. No child support to pay. But she may still go for spousal maintenance. However her case for that is lessened as she is not the sole resident parent if you have 50/50. They live with both of you.

She hasn't gone to mediation - so get the mediator to sign you off and get your C100 in - run it by us on here before submitting if you want. I find the initial application wording (which is read by Cafcass) can be helpful for success later.

Don't tell her you're submitting this! Not yet anyway! Or you could find yourself arrested - as she will try and prevent it.

Sorry to say all this but if she is not agreeing to things it is a case of "do what I want, give me everything, and get lost". And even if she was agreeing to things it's not reliable unless in a consent order. Your case is now stronger in that she refused to go to mediation.

I think you need to think about where you would live if you moved out. Sooner or later one of you is going to have to move out. She won't discuss things so you need to work out what you can do, what you can afford, and what you'll be prepared to pay.

This is typical divorce. On her side she will want to keep the house, the kids, you move out and pay spousal and child maintenance to cover the mortgage - for a very long time. On your side the argument would be - the house should be sold, so you can both afford to live somewhere, and the equity released and shared 50/50, and the kids live with you both 50/50. She wants to be numero uno.

These two stances are poles apart. But if she won't even go to mediation to discuss how it can all be done fairly for both, then she is just looking out for herself. So you have to as well.

I would think you would need to have a "housing plan" if submitting the C100. eg saying you are separating and one of you will need to move out of the house, but don't wish to separate until Child Arrangements are in place. Mrs Ex has refused to attend mediation to discuss or agree child arrangements. She initially agreed to 50/50 shared care with you but will now not agree to anything. That you plan to rent a house within the area until the divorce finances are resolved, to ensure the children remain close to friends and relatives and their school is easily accessible, and wish the court to order that the children live with both parents on a 50/50 shared care basis, to enable them to start having some certainty and stability, as at present it is an anxious and uncertain time for them. Also at present you are sharing the care while living in the house, and regularly cook for them and take them to activities, and put them to bed at night while Mrs Ex is out. And have been a hands on Dad since they were born, taking into turns with feeding and nappy changing (if that was the case, or something similar). That kind of thing.

That is what I would do - but easier to say when you're not in the middle of it. At the moment it feels safe and comfortable and hard to imagine what it would feel like to lose your home and kids overnight and have no money to fight anything.

I am no expert on divorce, but I believe Child Arrangements, while not ordered, are set down as part of the divorce - so if you both agreed 50/50 that would be in the papers. But if you don't it may be left that the children live with the Mother and she needs to keep the house to provide for them. This is one way pro-Mum thinking - unless someone stands up and says - I'm doing this and my kids need this.

Another point. If you have a child arrangements application in, this gives you some cover/security in case anything nasty happens. ie if she made allegations, or applied for an occupation order claiming dv or had you arrested or something (common scenarios at this stage). Because your application is already in, it is clear that her claims are retaliation. And you had already got something underway. Without it, you are guilty until proved innocent.

So the application is also a kind of evidence and a security.

Basically when everything is stalemate and nothing is moving forwards, be the proactive one to make things happen on your terms. Rather than wait and find things have been going on in the background and you suddenly can't go home one day.
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#45
I need to put myself together.. thank you for your points Charlie. It's a big help...will complete c100 (it's in my car for the last 3weeks). We are already separated, but still shearing same house. Would be difficult to house myself, in short time if it would be a case.
Mark: I am still in house. Note sure can we afford mortgage on our own, unless from sale of house.


She earns 24k, that's 5k less than me, don't think she is entitled for spousal maintenance.
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#46
She might be - if she stays in the house and you've been made to move out - to support a home for the kids. It's based on her needs. Hopefully she won't be. Although you're separated, you're still living in the same house. So the order would need to reflect that at some point you won't both be living in the same house.

Tough time - are you hoping she will come round and make a go of things? Or are you resigned to divorcing?
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#47
Charlie: I have agreed and signed divorce petition , and sent back to court 2weeks ago. Still waiting for an outcome. All I know that her solicitors dealing with divorce and finances only. Her fixed fee does not include children.
I don't mind to move out, once children arrangements are in place and she can take mortgage and bills on her name only. Reading on few forums spousal maintenance is not common in this days. Also she works full time.

Have c100 Infront of me just need encourage myself and focus about the future of child. Shall I ask court to do interim order until matter is resolved/ divorce completed? How this order would work if we still live together? It won't be rejected / invalid by court because we still live together?
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#48
I would suggest having a half hour's free legal advice. It will help psyche you up and will answer the questions you have in more detail and with some advice. You can do that 2 or 3 times with different solicitors.I found that helps to find the right one - some are a bit lazy.
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#49
Thank you all for support and advice. Have completed C100, just need to polish statement to support it and it's ready for submission. It's no other way..
I may look for free advise just to feel more confident. Will submit C100 by end of this week.
Anyone will be available to review statement?
Thanks
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#50
Yes. We can look over it on here. It isn't a statement exactly at this stage, its the "summary" bit on the form. But know what you mean.
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