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Advice needed
#1
Hi,

So have now been separated and living under same roof for 1 year. ( Divorce agreed, just asking to amend amend statement)

This morning I thought i will start new year with new- I am. Past is the past.
So I have removed one chest of drawers with her clothes/staff to from my bedroom to hers. Minute after I have done it, ex is back home. Not happy why I have moved it to her room, I told we are separated and I don't want her staff apart kids in my room. Have asked her politely to remove her clothes from wardrobe. She get mental.. saying she will remove once solicitors will tell her it is ok to move out. I have explained her what it's our house but we are living separate life now.

Am I ok to remove her clothes from my room to hers? ( I can access her room as older son sleeps in same room, same she can access my room because of younger boy, just I don't want her staff in my room) how to avoid any conflicts what may be used against me?
I need to stop playing by her game, she need to understand that I have rights too.

Thank you
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#2
(01-01-2019, 12:07 PM)AK2018 Wrote: Hi,

So have now been separated and living under same roof for 1 year. ( Divorce agreed, just asking to amend amend statement)

This morning I thought i will start new year with new- I am. Past is the past.
So I have removed one chest of drawers with her clothes/staff to from my bedroom to hers. Minute after I have done it, ex is back home. Not happy why I have moved it to her room, I told we are separated and I don't want her staff apart kids in my room. Have asked her politely to remove her clothes from wardrobe. She get mental.. saying she will remove once solicitors will tell her it is ok to move out. I have explained her what it's our house but we are living separate life now.

Am I ok to remove her clothes from my room to hers? ( I can access her room as older son  sleeps in same room, same she can access my room because of younger boy, just I don't want her staff in my room) how to avoid any conflicts what may be used against me?
I need to stop playing by her game, she need to understand that I have rights too.

Thank you

Honestly, I would pick your battles.

I am in your situation - but almost at the end of this horrible journey. I can tell you from my experience that you will encounter challenges from your STBX that are far greater than this, which will probably cause you a lot of worry, anguish and uncertainty. Most importantly, don't give her ammunition to accuse your of harassment, which she can then leverage to get you out of the house.

Save your energy and focus for these battles. In the meantime, use the relative 'peace' to develop your long term exit strategy, understand your legal position as a single father, develop alternative plans should your main plan not work out, and take stock of your finances.

Remember, you can lose a battle but still win a war.

Take care brother.
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#3
Proud dad. Do understand your point. Thanks.

Need to concentrate on kids. Mediation was refused by stbx, so now judges will decide. What is the the process?
*Divorce
*Children
*Finance

Can divorce be granted, before agreement is reached for children and finances?
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#4
i am not an expert on divorce, but from my understanding, it is the finances that have to be legally consented in an order for divorce absolute to be granted.

In relation to kids, make it abundantly clear to your STBX through solicitors that "the sooner a children's agreement can be reached, the sooner my client can leave the property as these arrangements will understandably influence his future living arrangement" - something like that.

Once that agreement has been sorted, push hard on finances. But start working on the finance strategy now! Have you exchanged Form Es etc? Don't leave property until you resolve finances.

Biggest bit of advice - disengage mentally from your STBX. She will push your buttons etc. In your eyes, she is now a stranger. Just focus on your kids, and your strategy. Pull together a calendar with evidence of everything you have done and are doing for the kids - no matter how trivial. You make porridge in the morning for them? Record it in the calendar! You played lego? Great! Record it in the calendar. Identify through the calendar what you are not doing much of and start doing it!

Communicate with your STBX only through text and email. If she wants to have a chat, ask her to put the main points that she would like to discuss in an email to give you time to think before the chat. Any chats need to happen in a public space like a cafe. Passively record the chats.

STAY STRONG!
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#5
(01-01-2019, 01:09 PM)AK2018 Wrote: Proud dad. Do understand your point. Thanks.

Need to concentrate on kids. Mediation was refused by stbx, so now judges will decide.  What is the the process?
*Divorce
*Children
*Finance

Can divorce be granted, before agreement is reached for children and finances?

I would of just left her draws with clothes  in your room. as annoying as it is for yourself. Reason she probably went mad is for a silly enough reason she may not have enough room for it to go in there lol.

I think the process to some extent is down to yourself... I think children is the most important out of the 3 to sort out by getting a child arrangements order. Quicker you get application in more chance of that been dealt with 1st.  If its you wanting divorce then i would do that 2nd if not finances i guess followed by divorce..

Everyone is different in how they sort it all out but regular contact with children would surely put you in a happier place to tackle other 2 major issues.
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#6
(01-01-2019, 01:09 PM)AK2018 Wrote: Proud dad. Do understand your point. Thanks.

Need to concentrate on kids. Mediation was refused by stbx, so now judges will decide.  What is the the process?
*Divorce
*Children
*Finance

Can divorce be granted, before agreement is reached for children and finances?

If you both get on well enough and agree, the divorce can go through with informal arrangements for money and children, this is dependant on both sides signing-off the decree nisi, in effect your wife would have to agree to it for it to happen, a 'separation agreement' can be drawn up between you detailing what happens with money and children. But if she doesn't agree because she has concerns about money or children then the divorce doesn't get processed and it can go to court, the court insist that mediation has (at least) been tried. Also, when you apply for a decree nisi, the courts might also delay the process if its obvious that something isn't right, in the six weeks after the nisi has been issued your soon to be ex wife can raise objections too, that will delay the process.

In your case it sounds as though it will go to court as she wont go to mediation, and it is unlikely the divorce will be granted until the courts have made their orders about children and money, this will take some time...
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#7
They dont get on at all. They are under same roof until he knows hes not going to be stitched up awaiting for the above to be finalised
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#8
(01-02-2019, 12:25 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: They dont get on at all. They are under same roof until he knows hes not going to be stitched up awaiting for the above to be finalised

Yes - the divorce wont go through until a lot of detail has been worked through.
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#9
Thank you all for input.

Left her clothes in wardrobe, don't want any drama. it's just annoying when she comes in when I am asleep.
It is sad we don't talk to each other even about kids or how to do divorce nicely. Though mediator would help to come to agreement without any abuse or any unnecessary blames.

I remember her saying, she would get divorce by last summer, than by Xmas..now she is saying by 2020. Hope it won't drag for so long.

Still I don't understand her positions ' solicitors will decide about everything'.

Can't wait until everything is sorted and over.
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#10
My guess is she's stalling to develop her strategy and to catch you out (I hope I'm wrong).

Maybe you should consider filing for divorce. Why allow yourself and your kids to have to live like this?
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