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Advise Needed Please!
#1
Hello everyone

Im struggling with my divorce even though its been a year now, there's still so much going around my head and although my heart is telling me to move on from this horrible time of life my head keeps drawing me back to the divorce deal.

Can you please give me your opinion on the below.

Together with my ex, we have and have nearly paid for a three bedroom detached house in Staffordshire. The amount owed on the mortgage is around 15k now and the house is worth about 200k.  I (foolishly but emotionally) moved out of the house when we separated which I deeply regret, but with the way things were going I thought it best.  We have two children 4 and 12 and I didn't want them to see the after affects of us separating and living together as it wouldn't have been smooth.  Im living in a small end terraced house which is a rental for now.

Due to the fact I have a good pension, the way things are going with the negotiations currently stands that I will have to sign over the house in its entirety in order to keep my full pension, which I am not due to take for some time yet.  My access to the kids is reasonable compared with some of the horror stories I see on here and I am fairly satisfied with that side of things although you can never see enough of your kids.  The only alternative is to fight her for half of the house and split the pension, although I am informed that it is likely this would result in my having to wait until the kids have both reached 18 which is years away, as the courts would look for stability for the kids first and foremost.   So, should I chance my arm in the courts or should I just take a small lump sum and keep my pension?

I would like to know what others on here would do.  It's such a big decision to make.  If I sign over the house I sign over the last 20 years of my life, and a pension is never guaranteed until the day it matures.  However, the flip side is I keep a full pension which will last me the rest of my life when taken.

What would you do?

Cheers
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#2
(01-02-2019, 03:15 PM)stokiesteve71 Wrote: Hello everyone

Im struggling with my divorce even though its been a year now, there's still so much going around my head and although my heart is telling me to move on from this horrible time of life my head keeps drawing me back to the divorce deal.

Can you please give me your opinion on the below.

Together with my ex, we have and have nearly paid for a three bedroom detached house in Staffordshire. The amount owed on the mortgage is around 15k now and the house is worth about 200k.  I (foolishly but emotionally) moved out of the house when we separated which I deeply regret, but with the way things were going I thought it best.  We have two children 4 and 12 and I didn't want them to see the after affects of us separating and living together as it wouldn't have been smooth.  Im living in a small end terraced house which is a rental for now.

Due to the fact I have a good pension, the way things are going with the negotiations currently stands that I will have to sign over the house in its entirety in order to keep my full pension, which I am not due to take for some time yet.  My access to the kids is reasonable compared with some of the horror stories I see on here and I am fairly satisfied with that side of things although you can never see enough of your kids.  The only alternative is to fight her for half of the house and split the pension, although I am informed that it is likely this would result in my having to wait until the kids have both reached 18 which is years away, as the courts would look for stability for the kids first and foremost.   So, should I chance my arm in the courts or should I just take a small lump sum and keep my pension?

I would like to know what others on here would do.  It's such a big decision to make.  If I sign over the house I sign over the last 20 years of my life, and a pension is never guaranteed until the day it matures.  However, the flip side is I keep a full pension which will last me the rest of my life when taken.

What would you do?

Cheers

You will need a  home of your own that can  house your two kids. Based on your mortgage capacity  you will need some of the equity in the former matrimonial home as you can't live in a pension. 
The complicating factors are that you are already renting (adequately housed in her view) and that a court battle could easily cost five figures.
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#3
(01-02-2019, 04:32 PM)watsa64 Wrote:
(01-02-2019, 03:15 PM)stokiesteve71 Wrote: Hello everyone

Im struggling with my divorce even though its been a year now, there's still so much going around my head and although my heart is telling me to move on from this horrible time of life my head keeps drawing me back to the divorce deal.

Can you please give me your opinion on the below.

Together with my ex, we have and have nearly paid for a three bedroom detached house in Staffordshire. The amount owed on the mortgage is around 15k now and the house is worth about 200k.  I (foolishly but emotionally) moved out of the house when we separated which I deeply regret, but with the way things were going I thought it best.  We have two children 4 and 12 and I didn't want them to see the after affects of us separating and living together as it wouldn't have been smooth.  Im living in a small end terraced house which is a rental for now.

Due to the fact I have a good pension, the way things are going with the negotiations currently stands that I will have to sign over the house in its entirety in order to keep my full pension, which I am not due to take for some time yet.  My access to the kids is reasonable compared with some of the horror stories I see on here and I am fairly satisfied with that side of things although you can never see enough of your kids.  The only alternative is to fight her for half of the house and split the pension, although I am informed that it is likely this would result in my having to wait until the kids have both reached 18 which is years away, as the courts would look for stability for the kids first and foremost.   So, should I chance my arm in the courts or should I just take a small lump sum and keep my pension?

I would like to know what others on here would do.  It's such a big decision to make.  If I sign over the house I sign over the last 20 years of my life, and a pension is never guaranteed until the day it matures.  However, the flip side is I keep a full pension which will last me the rest of my life when taken.

What would you do?

Cheers

You will need a  home of your own that can  house your two kids. Based on your mortgage capacity  you will need some of the equity in the former matrimonial home as you can't live in a pension. 
The complicating factors are that you are already renting (adequately housed in her view) and that a court battle could easily cost five figures.

Ive been offered 15k to get going but it comes at a cost, I will have to forgo a percentage of my pension albeit a small percentage.  I was thinking about going for shared ownership to be honest.  Don't want to go to court and neither does she....that would be disastrous for everyone.

Its just a tough choice when you have spent so much time paying off a house to walk away with practically nothing.

Thanks for the reply
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#4
I feel your pain stokiesteve, with the start of the New Year I was optimistic that mine would be sorted soon and I could just move on instead of being in limbo! Then I get an e-mail from my solicitor yesterday to say that the pension actuary won't even start looking at the pensions until 6 weeks after my ex wife and I have submitted them a big long list of information they require. I (and my solicitor) was hoping for a FDR in February but realistically it's not going to be April or even May now. My ex wife has a pension 3 times bigger than mine so they're considering pension sharing. She also wants the entire family home signed over to her and the mortgage paid off. She just refuses point blank to negotiate even via solicitors or mediation. I've even met with her father who refused to get involved, despite him having to fund her legal costs.

We also have a buy to let than was our home when we first got together, so it's risen in value quite a lot since we first purchased it. She wants me to have that and take out a new 25 year mortgage, which will take me up to the age of 70! A year ago when we first started looking at the financials there was no capital gains tax due. However, in the November 2018 budget new tax rules were introduced and if I take on the buy to let home, I will have to pay nearly £25k tax out of the £85k equity I would get (based on today's houses price) unless the property is sold before March 2020.

Then because my business is performing badly, I've not been paid any salary or dividend for December. It's also looking likely that I'm not going to get paid any salary or dividend at the end of January, so my rainy day savings are just being depleted without taking into account legal fees. My mortgage capacity was also significantly reduced but the mortgage adviser has now indicated it will be almost impossible to get a mortgage later in the year, until my business has two good years of trading.

It's just so mentally draining and hard to focus on much else.

Sorry, I cannot really help in answering your question. I can understand where you are coming from with regards to wanting to keep your kids in a place where they would not be disrupted. However, they also need to feel happy when they are with you, wherever you end up. I do think kids are very resilient and adapt well to change, although I appreciate this can also vary from child to child. I do find that the mother's don't think the kids see what is going on but as they get older they really do. My daughter who is 15 soon is really starting to see how her mother is carrying on and their relationship is starting to deteriorate slowly. I've always said I will never say anything derogatory about the mother to the children and I still stand by that. I don't think she is doing the same towards me!
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#5
(01-03-2019, 10:18 AM)stokiesteve71 Wrote:
(01-02-2019, 04:32 PM)watsa64 Wrote:
(01-02-2019, 03:15 PM)stokiesteve71 Wrote: Hello everyone

Im struggling with my divorce even though its been a year now, there's still so much going around my head and although my heart is telling me to move on from this horrible time of life my head keeps drawing me back to the divorce deal.

Can you please give me your opinion on the below.

Together with my ex, we have and have nearly paid for a three bedroom detached house in Staffordshire. The amount owed on the mortgage is around 15k now and the house is worth about 200k.  I (foolishly but emotionally) moved out of the house when we separated which I deeply regret, but with the way things were going I thought it best.  We have two children 4 and 12 and I didn't want them to see the after affects of us separating and living together as it wouldn't have been smooth.  Im living in a small end terraced house which is a rental for now.

Due to the fact I have a good pension, the way things are going with the negotiations currently stands that I will have to sign over the house in its entirety in order to keep my full pension, which I am not due to take for some time yet.  My access to the kids is reasonable compared with some of the horror stories I see on here and I am fairly satisfied with that side of things although you can never see enough of your kids.  The only alternative is to fight her for half of the house and split the pension, although I am informed that it is likely this would result in my having to wait until the kids have both reached 18 which is years away, as the courts would look for stability for the kids first and foremost.   So, should I chance my arm in the courts or should I just take a small lump sum and keep my pension?

I would like to know what others on here would do.  It's such a big decision to make.  If I sign over the house I sign over the last 20 years of my life, and a pension is never guaranteed until the day it matures.  However, the flip side is I keep a full pension which will last me the rest of my life when taken.

What would you do?

Cheers

You will need a  home of your own that can  house your two kids. Based on your mortgage capacity  you will need some of the equity in the former matrimonial home as you can't live in a pension. 
The complicating factors are that you are already renting (adequately housed in her view) and that a court battle could easily cost five figures.

Ive been offered 15k to get going but it comes at a cost, I will have to forgo a percentage of my pension albeit a small percentage.  I was thinking about going for shared ownership to be honest.  Don't want to go to court and neither does she....that would be disastrous for everyone.

Its just a tough choice when you have spent so much time paying off a house to walk away with practically nothing.

Thanks for the reply

Is that enough to get you  back on the housing ladder?
You could easily spend that going to court.

Does it equate to 50% of the overall assets  (equity + all pensions + savings - debts)?
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#6
So your CETV must be £210k - £280k? If your CETV is towards the top end, take the £15k with a polite smile, get pissed and put it down as a deposit on somewhere new to live. If you're giving her too much pension or your CETV is at the bottom end of the scale then give us more detail, you might not be getting a good deal...
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#7
(01-03-2019, 04:50 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: So your CETV must be £210k - £280k? If your CETV is towards the top end, take the £15k with a polite smile, get pissed and put it down as a deposit on somewhere new to live. If you're giving her too much pension or your CETV is at the bottom end of the scale then give us more detail, you might not be getting a good deal...

£248K

Ive been thinking long and hard about this and I agree with you.  I don't think its going to get any better.

Its very hard signing over ones last 22 years lifes work however!!
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#8
If you think you are getting a fair deal go down the cricketers arms and have a nice pint with the money and have a nice holiday
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