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What to expect - ex announces pregnant with New Partner
#1
Hi everyone,

I thought I would draw on the collective knowledge of you all please.

Ex and I separated 9 months ago, child contact has had its ups and down, I'm on about 10 night a month Informal arrangement. I'd like more so we are due to start mediation next week,

My spidey radar went off a few weeks ago when the kids were saying a few things each time whey were with me, which led me to ask the ex last time I saw her "Are you Pregnant ?, to which the answer was , " No, why would you say that".

Anyway this evening I have had an email to say I was correct and that her and new partner are expecting an they have told the kids tonight, who are very excited apparently and it will only be a good thing for them to look forward to.

So,emotionally, I really couldn't give a to$$, if she's happy it should make my life easier, however I do have concerns as to wether or not this is going to change her mindset on how often I will be able to see the kids.

I just wondered if others might be able to share their experiences of similar and if there is a standard pattern that might evolve which I should watch out for and things to try and get into the mediation to mitigate against them ?

Thanks in advance.
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#2
If you just have your children as normal and dont discuss anything with ex other than your own children you should be fine and contact will continue.

If you show it bothers you then thats when you may get issues, she shouldnt be telling you your 3 children are excited as thats kind of rubbing your nose in it. Now she is pregnant it maybe the start of closure for you and her and you are likely to be angry naturally and a bit up and down but you may be able to move on now and just focus fully on children.
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#3
Hi Warwickshire,

Thanks for the reply. Closure is well and truly done, I have a new partner as does she, the relationship ended long before we separated 9 months ago.

Thanks for the advice Smile I have no intention in becoming involved in matters that don’t involve me, my primary concern is if the new fly in the ointment is going to be “mum not wanting to split the kids away from their new to be sibling”. I can envisage this and it placing greater influence/ pressure on her in wanting the kids (hers and mine) to come to me less as not to split up her new “family” - she’s already asked me if I will move my summer holiday with the kids so that they can be there in the event the new baby arrives late !

Of course there is the added thought bubble that this likely means her new partner will now be moving in with her and more importantly our kids - That may take a little getting my head around. I suppose at least I found all this out before mediation started so I can think about building in some protections about that new dynamic int any agreement we may reach.

Over the last 3 months I have been accused of introducing the kids to a partner too soon, told off for letting them stay overnight with my parents (their grandparents) all because these are unsetting times for the kids (age 5&7). There is an element of hypocrisy there now - doh !

If anyone has been subject the the above type scenario I would welcome any experiences and issues that arose so I can potentially head them off at the pass - or indeed if there are any good books about this sort of thing ?
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#4
I would strongly advise to convert the arrangement from informal into formal, I've read recent examples on this forum where there has been a long standing informal arrangement in place and then all of a sudden, the ex creates issues. Looks like you are by having arranged mediation.

"Over the last 3 months I have been accused of introducing the kids to a partner too soon, told off for letting them stay overnight with my parents (their grandparents) all because these are unsetting times for the kids (age 5&7)." - from this it appears as though she has already started to get cold feet.

Another thought, your ex may want to have the kids more once the new baby arrives so that your kids develop a relationship with her new baby.

I'd suggest it would be wise to agree at mediation and formalise it.
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#5
(01-10-2019, 01:23 AM)AnotherDad Wrote: Hi everyone,

I thought I would draw on the collective knowledge of you all please.

Ex and I separated 9 months ago, child contact has had its ups and down, I'm on about 10 night a month Informal  arrangement. I'd like more so we are due to start mediation next week,

My spidey radar went off a few weeks ago when the kids were saying a few things each time whey were with me, which led me to ask the ex last time I saw her "Are you Pregnant ?, to which the answer was , " No, why would you say that".

Anyway this evening I have had an email to say I was correct and that her and new partner are expecting an they have told the kids tonight, who are very excited apparently and it will only be a good thing for them to look forward to.

So,emotionally, I really couldn't give a to$$, if she's happy it should make my life easier, however I do have concerns as to wether or not this is going to change her mindset on how often I will be able to see the kids.

I just wondered if others might be able to share their experiences of similar and if there is a standard pattern that might evolve which I should watch out for and things to try and get into the mediation to mitigate against them ?

Thanks in advance.

While its in the early stages, inform her that due to the timing, plans for the summer need to be agreed asap.

Also, you need to talk to her about what provision she has for the children when the time comes. 

If you have PR, then in the event of her being incapaicated, then the child should be with you, if your able to have them.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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