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Critique my divorce so far...
#1
Evening Chaps,

I'm just looking for some feedback from you...good or bad or indifferent regarding the process of my divorce so far.

So I've been with the wife for 29 years (18 married) and we have a 15 year old son.

We are divorcing on the basis of separation even though we live in the same house...my solicitor has said this will go through as its uncontested and the marriage has been dead for years.

The house is in joint names with no mortgage...its been valued at 280000

I am going to buy her out and give her 140000

She'll also get half of the savings...so she'll get an extra 6k

There are 2 pensions...both dormant, I have offered her half of the second one (worth 50k) as that was accumulated during our marriage.

I am not offering her half of the first pension (worth 60k) as this was paid into and stopped before I met her.

There's no debt...she'll have her car signed over to her (everything and every bill is in my name)

I have gone to a solicitor to sort this all out...she has not, and so far is not intending to....but herein lies my fear, I know that if she does sit in front of a solicitor then i'm going to be screwed regarding spousal maintenance...she hasn't worked for 17 years because as you can probably guess she is a lazy-assed cow that is happy for me to work and pay for everything....a solicitor will spin that as if she has been denied a career due to raising a child...she hasn't,she's happy to sit on her ass and let me pay for everything.

Problem is my solicitor says it could take 6 months for the financial order to be sorted by the courts due to high demand and backlog...during that time anything could happen but I need to crack on with getting a mortgage and due to Brexit a mortgage offer is only good now for 3 months (Lenders are jittery).

I am tempted to go ahead,get the mortgage and let her stay here until end of June (when our son finishes his GCSE's...we wont tell him of the divorce until then)...I've spoken to my solicitor and he is drawing up a financial order to reflect this.

So chaps....how am I doing?
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#2
I’m no expert but from my understanding is, if you leave the house then she has every reason to carry on sitting on her ass and drag it out forever. It’s my understanding you should NEVER leave until it’s all finalised. There are plenty of historical posts on here where people have left and regretted every second of it.
I’m sure others will be able to expand.
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#3
No, i'm still in the house...so is she.

The divorce papers are going through and the solicitor is working on the financial order.
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#4
There are plenty of historical posts on here where people have left and regretted every second of it.

Is this the case when the woman leaves with the kids too???

In my case she left whilst i was out of the country, i lent her the deposit for her rental and she was gone with most of the family items on my return, yet thinks she can just wonder back to the home whenever she likes, we're mortgage free and both on the title deeds as joint owners.
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#5
(01-13-2019, 06:24 PM)pazzer1973 Wrote: There are plenty of historical posts on here where people have left and regretted every second of it.

Is this the case when the woman leaves with the kids too???

In my case she left whilst i was out of the country, i lent her the deposit for her rental and she was gone with most of the family items on my return, yet thinks she can just wonder back to the home whenever she likes, we're mortgage free and both on the title deeds as joint owners.


Sounds like you need to get legal advice here Pazzer...
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#6
Had some on thursday bud, a stern letter sent .... but iv'e been reliably informed by eldest daughter that the ex has signed all relevant paperwork .... fingers crossed ..lets hope so.
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#7
Hi Lincoln

Good - 8 out of 10 from me. It looks like you've covered the bases in terms of reasonable division of assets. The key concern for me would be spousal maintenance, and formalising the agreement.

Formalising this all might be as simple as doing a separation agreement (free template on this website) and then paying a few hundred quid with a solicitor to get it turned into a more formal consent order (plus the £55 court fee) do that and then you have some protection for you informal separation agreement.

The aspect to be concerned about then might be spousal maintenance, if she hasn't worked for a while then its reasonable for you to support her for a year or two with some money while she gets herself on her feet, come up with a 'plan' of reducing payments (on top of child maint) to support her, chat it through with her and if she agrees build it into the separation agreement and consent order, that way your support is time limited and formalised?

Let us know how it goes...
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#8
(01-14-2019, 03:54 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Hi Lincoln

Good - 8 out of 10 from me. It looks like you've covered the bases in terms of reasonable division of assets. The key concern for me would be spousal maintenance, and formalising the agreement.

Formalising this all might be as simple as doing a separation agreement (free template on this website) and then paying a few hundred quid with a solicitor to get it turned into a more formal consent order (plus the £55 court fee) do that and then you have some protection for you informal separation agreement.

The aspect to be concerned about then might be spousal maintenance, if she hasn't worked for a while then its reasonable for you to support her for a year or two with some money while she gets herself on her feet, come up with a 'plan' of reducing payments (on top of child maint) to support her, chat it through with her and if she agrees build it into the separation agreement and consent order, that way your support is time limited and formalised?

Let us know how it goes...


Mr Sandman, Thanks for your reply...that's what I was hoping for.

I do think i'm doing well with it so far,I am using a solicitor who is drawing up a consent order for the financial side of things...he sent me a copy today of a draft version which I showed my wife (we're still amical...so far) she agrees with everything in it.

The Issue of Spousal maintenance is the biggie for me....I have not offered it and I will not offer it...yes,she hasn't worked for years but that has been her choice nothing would have pleased me more than her going out to work and helping pay the bills but she chose to go to the gym 3 times a day,lunch with friends and go shopping...she never intended to work.

My solicitor says he is drawing up a consent order for my wife to sign together with a waiver form saying she does not want legal representation...she is in total agreement with me on this.

What worries me is how a court would see this?....My solicitor says I am being more than fair...i'm giving her half of the upper valuation of the house plus half of the stocks and Shares ISA ( I agreed 6k as it was valued at 12k...it dropped 2k the day after I offered the 6k...just my luck!)...would a court say "Hang on, lets get this woman some spousal support"...or would they just look at this as 2 people agreeing to divorce and agreeing the division of assets without argument?
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#9
If she claims universal credit , which is likely if not working, spousal maintenance is deducted from it pound for pound so not worth it. She will also be expected to look for work on Universal Credit.

She should be expected to claim whatever she is entitled to.
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#10
(01-15-2019, 12:12 AM)Hazy Wrote: If she claims universal credit , which is likely if not working, spousal maintenance is deducted from it pound for pound so not worth it.  She will also be expected to look for work on Universal Credit.

She should be expected to claim whatever she is entitled to.

She's not claiming anything...she's a kept woman....we have a 15 year old son and we have agreed he'll spend a week with me then a week with her and so on..she gets a small amount of child benefit(I think that's what its called) she can still keep that.

I can't see why on earth I can be compelled to pay her a monthly amount on top of the fat wedge of cash she's getting??...she can go to bloody work like the rest of us.

If i'm ordered by the court to pay spousal maintenance then I wouldn't be able to buy her out of the house...we'd be forced to sell it for less and incur selling costs so my estimate is she'd be 5k out of pocket doing it that way plus she'd have the cost of a solicitor....another 3-5k....this makes no sense at all to me.
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