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Dating (in my dreams!) advice needed
Hi guys and I know also some gals. 

The reason I am starting this thread is a bit unusual. There's a woman I am getting to know a little bit and I have rather a high regard for. She has a job with some authority managing staff and interacting with the public and she does it very well. She has a a friendly manner, is helpful and efficient. She comes across as self-sufficient, independent and private without in the least seeming unsociable or distant. Everybody respects her and likes working with her.

The only thing that is slightly jarring is she has a very loud voice when being helpful with the public and especially on the phone making 'official' or 'managing' type calls. It's almost like she wants people to hear how efficient she is being. I was thinking about her the other day and the thought came into my head: it's a shell. The confidence and efficiency and helpfulness is real but it's also a cover to protect the private woman inside. 

I don't know if I am right or not. It could be I'm kidding myself and way off beam. But I would really like to become friends and maybe more with the private and sensitive and maybe vulnerable woman underneath. I am not bad at talking to women but in this case I simply haven't got a clue the best way to get through the shell and I don't want to mess it up. I have tried googling but different versions of the question don't yield results. 

I know it's not at all the usual type of post on this forum but if anybody has time to spare from all our troubles I would appreciate any insights or suggestions. Thanks.
Hi Jim, not sure if my response would be suitable but here goes.... if you have the confidence to approach this woman do so and get to know her a little, see if there's an opportunity for a night out meal/drinks and tell her that her load vocabulary initially drew you toward's her ..made her stand out from the crowd and see what kind of response you get from her ???
(01-13-2019, 11:48 AM)Jim Wrote: Everybody respects her and likes working with her.

Hi Jim 

I don’t know whether this will be of any help, but I think that the above is the key bit of information in your post. In the workplace with competitiveness and the cliques that form it says a lot that she’s in a managerial position and is liked and respected.

If she really likes to be helpful, maybe you could ask her advice about something? Nothing too deep or personal, but something that will engage her in conversation and let her know that you respect her views and opinions.

Also, I noticed when I met my now long-term partner that within the first 10 minutes of conversation he dropped in the information that he was divorced – a signal that he was a free agent perhaps?
Do a little digging and find out if she is single, and then ask her for 'quiet word' about something, then just ask her out. The 'bravado' is likely a front, she might actually be loud and efficient, but the only way to be sure is to at least go for a coffee....
Hello folks. Thanks for taking the time to respond to my plea. Much appreciated. She has already been helpful. I shall try to give her the opportunity to do so again. Then a coffee maybe. Thanks.
A coffee sounds like a good start. You never get to know the real person until you've been dating for a few months (IMHO). Everybody is on their best behaviour at first. And things that initially you think may be an issue (loud voice eg) seem different later when you know the real person. eg when I met my partner she is quite a slow methodical person. I am much quicker and more spontaneous. It took a while to get used to our different ways but in the end, I speeded her up a bit and she slowed me down a bit and we met in the middle.

Having said that - early instincts are often good - if someone lies about their age eg or tells a few porkies - that could be a sign they may tell lies ongoing. Being evasive and not answering questions until you feel ready, is not the same as lying about something.

My only advice is - don't spend the whole date talking about your ex and your divorce. Talk about stuff that interests you. If she asks just say you don't want to spend the whole date talking about your ex and divorce - you both have separate lives now and your kids are great - then respond with a question - so you don't feel like you are being interrogated. eg does she have kids?

I have found some of the best dates are going for a walk (conversation is more natural and there are distractions). Sitting over a coffee can feel like pressure to talk. But asking for a coffee first and then suggesting a walk to x place or something might be good.
Going for a brew on a date is a good idea.

One turned into further brews back at mine and then ended up getting lucky.

The other turned into drinking alcohol and then going back to hers.

Did initally meet them online,

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