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Can’t let go of bitterness.
#1
Around my partner, at work, in the playground I’m the same old me. But something is festering and building inside. It’s fuelled by every surprised look I’m given when I say that it was me that braided daughters hair, or found a great ointment for chicken pox. It’s fuelled by parents that one day are friendly but after being friendly with ex now won’t make eye contact. And it’s fuelled by feminism in society, in media and on Facebook.
And yes It’s fuelled by the ex constantly manipulating and teaching our daughter that she is family and I am not. What’s most shocking, whatever the ex is saying, it’s working.
The next person to ask if I’m babysitting to give mum a break is going to get my foot in their ass.

I’m descending into depression, I can’t keep this up yet the ex lives for this kind of conflict. I don’t like to admit it but I feel terribly angry when I hear women whining about pay gaps when they haven’t had the horror of bankrupting themselves to stay in their children’s lives.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t show it but it’s consuming me. The lies, the manipulation, the conflict, it’s all boiling away inside and I feel very cynical about people.

Since a hut in Alaska is out of the question I’m going to have to address this before I lose my family and daughter.

Anyone else feel likes this? Any advice past the obvious?
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#2
Dude ignore it .... i've been here with all the bullshit lies and allegations, and the school playground stares lol... they only hear one side of the story/bullshit, and does it matter who are they anyhow.... what matter is you and your kids, stay true to them and trust me they see whom the bad apple is, my 12 year old just the weekend as told me she's sick and tired of the lies from her mum..lol, and sooner or later my boy will see her in her ways too....stay calm i know its easy to say but why let it bother you, just live your life without this shite, rise above it.
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#3
Yep. The silent majority feels what you feel. People know what is right and what is wrong, even though they don't dare speak up.
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#4
Women band together in some false sense of solidarity because they would all do the same if they were in the same situation. It’s a massive copycat culture because it has worked for them so far. I think women know full well that some of it is lies but they’re all for this ‘believe her’ nonsense.

Just have a special smile for them when they say stuff or just say ‘ I don’t babysit I share the care’ .

Just do your thing and let them stew in their own prejudices because that’s exactly what it is. Be proud that you are there , that you Can braid your daughters hair and find ointment etc.
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#5
Feel for you mate - judging by Wilfette when she has a cider too many and goes off on one, women are incapable of acknowledging any personal responsibility for anything bad that happens in their lives. On a macro level, that translates to a culture where we are guilted into believing "man bad, woman good" in any situation because off same vague, ill-defined sense of women having been oppressed.

Even if we didn't do the oppressing.

Enjoy their hatred. It's your enemy being unable to destroy you - and knowing it.
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#6
Thanks guys, there is a pattern I’ve noticed. It started with the childminder years ago and now it’s with the school teachers. At first they’re all like; aren’t you a good dad. But then the ex gets a hold of them and something snaps. It’s like, how dare you step into a mums world.
On the odd occasion I’ve heard of a mum buggering off and leaving the kids with dad I just want to hug him like he’s won the lottery. I’d give my right but for my ex to disappear and leave our daughter with me. (Wouldn’t wish that for my daughter obviously but it’s nice to dream)
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#7
I absolutely feel your pain but what i would say is that the people that actually matter to you know the truth and all these sheep that are happy to point fingers and side with your ex really aren't worth your time and effort.

we all do what we do for the sake fo our kids and that will ultimately drive us and one day the day will come that your kids will realise for themselves just how manipulative and plain wrong their mother is.

In the meantime i can't stress enough that you need a release for the emotions you are feeling. For me it was running and MMA as it allowed that time to switch off and reset and be ready for the next round or garbage that was inevitably comming your way.

If you get chance, google and do some reading on the concept of emotional intelligence as it is very very interesting stuff. or if you want a little bit of reading grab a copy of the chimp paradox from Amazon or ebay as it is a good read and will help with understanding your reactions and feelings in certain situations and dealing with them.
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#8
Go to the gym and punch a punchbag? It helps. Just wanted to say that the internet is not "real life" - all the stuff on Facebook etc is fake a lot of it - people just trying to sound amazing. And in real life there are good people as well as these idiots. With school I've had very positive experiences - they know what his Mum is like and they bend over backwards to be helpful with me. Some people out there do see the importance of Dads.

Yes even a lot of my friends see me as "secondary" to the Mother. I had people talk about "ex name's baby" when he was little - erm - he was my baby too!

I found reading buddhist meditation stuff helped - have compassion for the idiots - they just don't understand. Many are women in good marriages with normal families, who do most of the childcare in a conventional relationship and just cannot imagine letting anyone else do it (or imagine being separated). It is totally different to a separated family.

It can help to read stuff by people with the right attitude. Bob Geldof had a few things to say about it!

Focus on enjoying your time with your kids and being a great Dad. The rest of the world is a mess and what we see on the internet isn't the half of the real world.
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#9
(01-16-2019, 10:49 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: all the stuff on Facebook etc is fake a lot of it - people just trying to sound amazing

Isn't that the truth! My STBX paints herself out to be whiter than white on social media. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth according to anyone that looks at her FB page. She's poisoned anyone that'll listen, including my eldest son to an extent (which I've had to work hard to fix).

My aunt-in-law came into the office last week and spouted a tirade of abuse at me about how 'bad' I am as a man because I've sent some not so pleasant emails and texts over the last 10 months. When I told her it was six of one and half a dozen of the other she laughed and said that my STBX would NEVER do that. My STBX had told them that she didn't retaliate or rise to any of it. So I showed her a few of the more nasty things she'd sent me in retaliation, or arguments she'd started (which she'd told them I'd started).

Now she believes.

Turns out my STBX had visited my uncle-in-law & aunt-in-law a week before as uncle-in-law was in hospital and spent 2 hours ranting about how much of a scumbag I'd been to her and how difficult it had been. Totally turned them against me. It hadn't helped that her mum and sister were there poisoning them too.

Now they believe me more than her.

I've never painted a false picture of my life. I left because I was deeply unhappy. She took it badly and has spent the last 10 months trying to make my life difficult. I've not been perfectly behaved I'll admit, until a few months back I didn't take things the right way sometimes and I'd react in an unfavourable way. Now I ignore it all and rise above it so all she has left is to try and turn people against me. She's succeeded in a few cases and some of my long term friends are no longer friends because of it, but I don't see it as my loss, I see it as theirs. What really hurts is when she turned my eldest against me. That took weeks to fix and I'm still not impressed with her attitude relating to that as she thought it was funny at the time but the repercussions could have been much longer term if I'd not have fixed it. Silly woman doesn't see how much of a problem she caused.

Anyway...I'm much happier now. She's had a BF for a few months and that seems to have chilled her a bit, as she now has other things to concentrate on. Lets hope it stays that way till I've finally got the money she owes me and the divorce is done with so I no longer have to interact with her unless it's about the kids, because after what she's been doing any ounce of respect I had left for her has long since departed.
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#10
(01-16-2019, 06:29 PM)Naive Wrote: Around my partner, at work, in the playground I’m the same old me. But something is festering and building inside. It’s fuelled by every surprised look I’m given when I say that it was me that braided daughters hair, or found a great ointment for chicken pox. It’s fuelled by parents that one day are friendly but after being friendly with ex now won’t make eye contact. And it’s fuelled by feminism in society, in media and on Facebook.
And yes It’s fuelled by the ex constantly manipulating and teaching our daughter that she is family and I am not. What’s most shocking, whatever the ex is saying, it’s working.
The next person to ask if I’m babysitting to give mum a break is going to get my foot in their ass.

I’m descending into depression, I can’t keep this up yet the ex lives for this kind of conflict. I don’t like to admit it but I feel terribly angry when I hear women whining about pay gaps when they haven’t had the horror of bankrupting themselves to stay in their children’s lives.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t show it but it’s consuming me. The lies, the manipulation, the conflict, it’s all boiling away inside and I feel very cynical about people.

Since a hut in Alaska is out of the question I’m going to have to address this before I lose my family and daughter.

Anyone else feel likes this? Any advice past the obvious?

This.

Mines done the exact same thing, and then when i get the evil looks, or snidey comments i get well i didnt tell them those things.

Then this week, paints herself to be this amazing mum over the phone, despite what the school think about her with my little boy.

Apparently i dont need to be told about doctor appointments, the fact my sons pooing himself in school etc. 

I wont even get into the lies she's been telling people. 

Luckily i have a few family and friends to keep me calm.

@Naive, go see someone you trust and have faith in what you say.  Rant at them, let them calm you down.
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