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Children Ill, what should I do about contact
#1
Good Afternoon,

I've been a lurker for a while and thanks to the information throughout this forum, I have managed to successful reinstate contact with my children after years of drama and sagas. (Contact was initially stopped for reasons their mother has not given to this point). Since reaching an agreement through court, she has tried every day to antagonize me with some email about not letting them be seen by my partner or family because she doesn't like them etc. 

Today she tells me today, on my first day to start seeing them, haven't seen them in nearly 6 months, that they are too ill. She has not taken them to the doctors and I believe it's nothing more serious than a simple cold. Bear in mind they'd just leave her house and go straight into a warm car and then off to mine. No intention of taking them out if they are unwell and help nurse them back to good health. I just want to spend time with them again after so long and I know they do too.

The order made in court hasn't even arrived yet. (Judge said it will come through the post since they were having an incredibly busy day).

Is there anything I can do? Am I in the wrong in any way?

Thanks
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#2
I assume it was agreed in court that your time with the children will start from today? If so, this is what the court order would reflect and needs to be followed irrelevant of whether the actual hardcopy of the order has been received, it's usual for this to take 2-3 weeks from your last hearing date.

If the court has ordered you to have your children today then she needs to follow that order. Contact her and remind her politely that you are scheduled to have your children today and are intending on picking them up and will do so at the time agreed in court for pick up. The court has endorsed you being able to spend time with the children by taking into consideration the welfare checklist (i.e. meeting physical and emotional needs of the children) and hence, you are quite capable of caring for your children whilst they are unwell.

She does not have any right to stop you seeing the children today however, do not engage in any tense communication with her as she could quite easily turn it all against you. The fact that your ex is already scheming ways to obstruct contact on the first day the order is "live" will go against it and shows that she has no intention of following the order going forward.
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#3
Its a clear breach of court order and i would remind her so politely and you will be popping round to collect them. I would also ring police and say what you are doing before you pop round if she is one of these woman that alleges DV etc. You say i appreciate they maybe ill she would need a medical note from doctors as well but you are no less capable of meeting your childrens needs than herself. An order has been made and we need to co - parent and follow it

Its highly likely though there is nothing wrong with them whatsoever or a little cold at worst
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#4
Thank you for your swift response.

Yes, time starts today. I should have waited for your response. After letting her know that she will have to explain why she stopped me from seeing them on their first day and why she didn't take them to the doctors if it was so bad, I also suggested that the time I've lost is made up. She said she is fine with this (I won't be surprised if this changes). I thought maybe this was the more diplomatic approach.

Now that I have your advice, I plan to not let this happen again at all but I hope this doesn't set precedence, by allowing this to happen, especially on the first day back?
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#5
(02-08-2019, 01:25 PM)superdaddy Wrote: Good Afternoon,

I've been a lurker for a while and thanks to the information throughout this forum, I have managed to successful reinstate contact with my children after years of drama and sagas. (Contact was initially stopped for reasons their mother has not given to this point). Since reaching an agreement through court, she has tried every day to antagonize me with some email about not letting them be seen by my partner or family because she doesn't like them etc. 

Today she tells me today, on my first day to start seeing them, haven't seen them in nearly 6 months, that they are too ill. She has not taken them to the doctors and I believe it's nothing more serious than a simple cold. Bear in mind they'd just leave her house and go straight into a warm car and then off to mine. No intention of taking them out if they are unwell and help nurse them back to good health. I just want to spend time with them again after so long and I know they do too.

The order made in court hasn't even arrived yet. (Judge said it will come through the post since they were having an incredibly busy day).

Is there anything I can do? Am I in the wrong in any way?

Thanks

As far as the law is concerned, it is not her decision on if contact should go ahead, if its in a Court Order.

The fact is that if you have PR, your on the same standing as her with regard to Medical Matters (and Education), and in fact you outrank her in the time the court put the child in your case.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#6
Thank you all for your responses.

I will make certain this never happens again. I will try and find a way to articulate it to her, as she doesn't consider this a breach.
If she continues to deny contact, or sporadically, I suppose my next step would be to contact mediation?
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#7
If it's any consolation, my ex breached left right and centre for the first couple of weeks after the order! (Mine also hadn't yet been sent out). My solicitor advised "letting that one go" and said ex was a "caged animal" after losing in court. If she does it again, get a solicitor's letter sent.

Incidentally - does your order include pickups and dropoffs to and from school? It is much better if it does - rather than from her house where she can say they don't feel well and want to "stay at home" or where she can send them to the door and make them say they don't want to come.

If your order isn't to and from school - then see how things go over the next few months. Or if you have to enforce any breaches. If she does breach and you need to enforce then at the same time you can ask for the order to be varied to collections to and from school (then it's only her house in the holidays).
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#8
It doesn't iron out pick ups and drop offs but I think she wouldn't argue with that as she could definitely use the help with school runs. I certainly think this "losing in court" mentality exists and she has consistently messaged me daily trying to find a pressure point to aggrevate me, needless to say I'm not falling for it. I've let that one incident slide and hopefully it won't happened again. Let's see.
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