Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
help pls anyone?
#1
Help Pls, i dont know what to do.

It all comes down to this, i want to get a non mol injunction against my STBX as it kicked off again last night where my ex and her mother were screaming at me outside my room because i had my two young kids with me and they didnt want to leave, i was actually asking them to go with their mother but they flat out refuse and thats when they started screaming at me accusing me of brainwashing the children. All on video, i always have my phone recording everytime i have to interact with them, now for a brief recap. My ex started really getting agressive with me when i filed for a divorce last November, 2 incidents where I was physically assaulted by her, first one was when she poked me with a bread knife just missing my eye and the second one when she slammed the door on my face leaving me with a big bump to my forehead, all on video and have pictures as well to back me up, been to the police twice but i always chickened out and never filed for charges but I do have incident reference numbers and names and badge numbers of the police officers that dealt with me. I was so close to getting a non mol for her then but I was worried that my children will be traumatised by the experience and also deep inside maybe it was just one of those stressful time for her so I left it alone, so to make it easier on everyone involved most specially my children, i started confining myself in my own little world which is a double bedroom where I stay and only come out on a must need basis just so I dont have to deal with her, it all went quiet for about a month and she was even agreeing to my proposed 50 50 shared parenting agreement, I even applied for my own flat where I paid admin fee of £270 to do the referencing thinking that I will finally get my agreement with the kids and also part payment for my share of the house. Then it all changed when my ex mother in law (her flying monkey) arrived and stayed in the house, they both started their relentless attack on me and accusing me of all sorts in regards with the kids like brainwashing and stuff, my kids especially my daughter is really close to me but even got closer when for some reason by ex started slacking off looking after them. Ive been doing the school run which includes getting them ready for school, breakfast and picking them up from school and getting them dinner and getting ready for bed
And ive been doing it since November my ex excuse is that she doesnt want to see me so she stays out late most of the time and really late in Friday night. Fair enough but i am in the same boat as her where I cant stand her but i put that all aside and just focused on my children who is the most affected by this toxic environment and bear witness to it. The last 2 weeks before Xmas was the worst, she stayed out late most nights because of all her work Xmas parties and sorts meanwhile i was left to organise a Xmas party for my kids and myself and put up the Xmas tree which they enjoyed.

Now im really worried that she is back to where she left off and i really serious of obtaining a non mol against her, she backed out of our agreed child arrangement and wants full custody of the children even resorting to blackmail where she wont give me my part payment for my share of the house. I dont give a rats ass about the money, Im not leaving this house unless i got my child arrangement which she initially agreed on. the kids shouldnt be exposed to her violent outburst and verbal abuse, even my 7 yr old daughter was trying to protect me from her tonight which makes me very proud of her but ashamed at the same time as Im suppose to be the one protecting them, HELP PLEASE?
Reply
#2
In boxed you.

Please stay safe.
Reply
#3
Does she return to house drunk and abusive at weekends at all trying to assault you
Reply
#4
Thanks asd, i appreciate it mate

Thats the thing, shes not alcoholic and a professional, shes a scientist so i dont know what her problem is. She doesnt used drug either i think

Thats the thing, shes not alcoholic and a professional, shes a scientist so i dont know what her problem is. She doesnt used drug either i think
Reply
#5
hi Yuri,

Its strange as your situation sounds very similar to mine. See my latest post in this forum.
I also felt terrible and scared to press charges at the police station so just had it logged and I was given a crime number.
I just wanted to protect myself.

The police gave me details of the National center for domestic violence (who issue the non-mol and occupation orders) I gave them all the details and they are going to issue them.

I am terrified of what impact this will have on my kids. As I said before, I need to protect myself and my children. She is not a bad person but she will take any decent advice from anyone. I feel like I don't have any options.
Reply
#6
Do you have anything in writing - texts, emails, etc as to what the agreed child arrangements would be (ie evidence).

The upshot is that one of you needs to leave the house to prevent the kids being involved in the conflict, and that is how the law and Cafcass would see it. They won't care who is right or wrong, they will just look at the conflict on the kids. The trouble is it is almost impossible for a Dad to move out and take the kids with him. So it means you need to stay put to be with the kids - as once you move out she can prevent contact with them and make allegations (untrue ones) and it could be months before you see them again.

So it seems the way forward is as Chester was advised - apply for a non molestation order and occupation order - so you remain in the house with the kids and she has to move out. However, things can be biased towards women. So you would need a well prepared case, with evidence, and even then a court may put it down to "parents fighting due to pending divorce" and look at the best way to protect the kids from the conflict - ie order one of you to leave the house.

So I think you need to think carefully about how to deal with this and handle it. Keep notes and diary entries (email them to yourself) about all the care of the kids. You can do one now for the past stuff. Brief and factual as they may need to be read by someone else - keep emotion out of it. So Diary for 13th Feb. Have been taking children to and from school for x months each day and preparing their tea each night. At Christmas I did xyz and put the tree up with the children as their Mother was out a lot at parties.

Second diary entry for 13th Feb. Incident yesterday when childrens Mother and Mother in law started shouting at me and being aggressive. Daughter witnessed this and tried to intervene. In view of the injuries I have sustained in the last few months and the conflict for children have decided to take advice on obtaining a non molestation order and occupation order. All previous discussions regarding child arrangements if I move out, have broken down. As such I cannot abandon my children.

Then try and get any copies you can from the police, of logged incidents. Preparation is the key. I think it would be worth having a half hour's free legal advice.
Reply
#7
Thanks a lot Charlie, excellent advise. I very much appreciate it
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)