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Help please
#1
Hi, I posted in here a while back and things settled until now. I was restricted to seeing my 1 year old daughter once week at my ex partners house and only with my mother which I went along with as her mum said things would get better with time, so at least I got to see her. Now the ex is saying because she hasn't seen an improvement I cannot see her? I have bent over backwards to keep her happy and it is never enough. 
I have applied to mediation which they want me to go on my own which is £90 then another if she will go which will be again more money. I really do not want to miss any time with my daughter and the mediation isnt till next week, when would I be able to get the c100 form? I do not get benefits as work part time but not on the best wage.
I have paid £40 weekly every week for my child since birth, never missing a payment.
I do smoke cannabis occasinally which I know she will use in court, how much of this will affect any chance that I can get to see her? I am not asking to have her overnight at the moment I just want at least 1/2 days week until things settle.
I would really like any advice please
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#2
Hi, I posted in here a while back and things settled until now. I was restricted to seeing my 1 year old daughter once week at my ex partners house and only with my mother which I went along with as her mum said things would get better with time, so at least I got to see her. Now the ex is saying because she hasn't seen an improvement I cannot see her? I have bent over backwards to keep her happy and it is never enough. 
I have applied to mediation which they want me to go on my own which is £90 then another if she will go which will be again more money. I really do not want to miss any time with my daughter and the mediation isnt till next week, when would I be able to get the c100 form? I do not get benefits as work part time but not on the best wage.
I have paid £40 weekly every week for my child since birth, never missing a payment.
I do smoke cannabis occasinally which I know she will use in court, how much of this will affect any chance that I can get to see her? I am not asking to have her overnight at the moment I just want at least 1/2 days week until things settle.
I would really like any advice please
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#3
I think you are going to have to grab what you are been offered until your daughter is 2. If you go to court it will only end up being supervised and could be a long time before you see her unsupervised. The fact you smoke cannabis will go heavily against you as well and the problem you also have is your daughter is only 1 so they will be even more cautious than ever. I would wait until daughter is at least 2 before attempting family court as at least you can go for overnights then as well. before age of 2 is only 4-6 hours a week unless ex agrees to more.
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#4
Can you clarify if the ex is saying no more contact or that the current contact of once a week remains?
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#5
She is denying all contact, thanks for the help

Why do I have to grab what I can, I have a great bond with my child and why should she call all the shots?
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#6
Ok so she objects to you smoking cannabis - she is completely in the right there. Drugs are no go with Child Arrangements. You need to stop. She could even claim welfare issues if you applied to court and you'd have to have a clear hair strand test to prove no drug taking.

The court will side with her if you smoke Cannabis. You need to get your life on track and prove to her that you are safe to be around the child. Your ex will be worrying about this.

There are conventional families who have their kids taken away if there are drugs involved. So if you want to have full contact and parent your little girl - give it up, get some evidence that you are clean, and persuade your ex that you have got your life in order. I would bend over backwards to get your ex onside rather than think about court right now.

I have merged your two threads as they were on the same topic, and moved it to the Contact Issues section. This section is for court results.

The way the courts view it is that a Mother could be breast feeding up to the age of 2 (whether she is or not) so the child is mainly with her and overnight stays wouldn't be ordered until the child is 2. It would need to be privately agreed between you and your ex if overnight stays happened earlier. Your best chance is to bend over backwards to be helpful and keep onside with her. Be a friend if possible - offer to babysit, prove to her that you are safe and reliable, and don't fall out with her.

I had my son overnight from being 12 weeks old. Because I helped support his Mum - she needed a break, I'd give her lifts places, show interest in organising baby stuff and taking her to second hand childrens sales etc. May have been easier for me as she had no family whereas if your ex has her parents supporting her she may decide you're not useful.

If you did go to court, and there were no welfare issues found you'd probably get about 4 hours a week, unless you can get the ex to agree otherwise.
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#7
She will not accept any help at all, she is actually quite unhinged, I have lots of screenshots to prove this. I do not smoke round my child or before I see her and I am not heavy user, can stop if it will affect my chances to see her.
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#8
I would give it up if you are wanting regular contact with your daughter. Also i wouldnt mention that shes unhinged or show any screenshots or that will just make matters worse. You got to be completely child focused otherwise you will end up playing tit for tat and prolong seeing your daughter.
We are all on this forum as we all try to help each other and theres lot of horror stories we all been through. Its unreal what exs do to us dads
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#9
As both Charlie and Warwickshire have suggested previously, you need to give up the drugs if you want a relationship with your daughter otherwise this is easy pickings for your ex to use this against you. It's irrelevant in children proceedings whether you do the drugs around your daughter.

You would need to build up contact given the young age of your daughter and the only way that would happen is if your ex would be agreeable so you need to continue to support and appeal to her good side.
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#10
Start the mediation. The mediator might be able to help her be more reasonable. If she brings up drugs then just say you have given up your recreational use since becoming a parent and feel strongly that you want to be the best Dad to your daughter and not expose her to anything that may be harmful. Some ex's would refuse contact just for smoking normal cigarettes. Also at mediation try and show willing saying you would like to support her so your daughter sees both parents getting on well.

Also bear in mind that even at 1 year old your ex could still well be hormonal after giving birth. Is she still breast feeding? Meanwhile you could try changing tack. Acting unpredictably can sometimes change things. eg send her an upbeat friendly text or email and suggest something the baby might like - an item or an event- and what does she think? eg start talking as if you're both on the same page about daughter's interests. Flattery sometimes works too! Eg I know you're a great Mum and have thought of everything daughter needs but have you seen this new xyz - I think it would be good for our daugher, what do you think?
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