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Social services complaint and Ridiculous demand from EX
#1
Hello,

Summary: Kids with me for almost a year, she was cautioned for child cruelty and has since seen them only twice for 1 hour each time. she refuses to sign contact centre form.

So I had a call from her (I am not making this up)
  • She said, "I had a call from social worker informing me that the case is now closed and she (the social worker) advised me to apply for custody"
  • I was shocked as I was not aware that the case was closed, but expected it to be closed this month. Social worker treats me like scum and all along has favoured my ex even though I had overwhelming evidence against her and she was not able to substantiate any of her claims.
  • My ex demanded that I accept 50/50 saying that now the case is closed "I do not want to deprive you of the kids" further she said "You know in this country no matter what, children will go back to their mother"
  • I was shocked and told her to ask her solicitor to write to my solicitor if she wants to try mediation or wants to make any suggestions
  • I told her to only communicate to me via solicitors unless its about contact with the kids.
So then, I emailed the social workers boss and ccd her
  • I feed disappointed that social worker has informed my ex and not me especially as the kids are with me full time
  • I have never been treated fairly during the entire process
  • I request all documentation, reports, call logs sent to me
  • To confirm if indeed case is closed.
I must say, I was impressed with the social workers boss, he called me and confirmed that the case was recommended for closure and that he will speak to the social worker next week and would like to invite me in to discuss my complaints. He was too nice, I am still cautious, but hopeful that there are fair descent people there. I told him first speak to the social worker and I will come in with all my complaints as I do not want any cover-ups.

I also said to him "Now that the case is closed, respectfully and don't take this the wrong way, custody of my children is none of your business, its a matter for the courts"

I may have opened a can of worms, but it had to be done.
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#2
Now the case is closed you could be in for a major court battle. It will depend on age of children though. She is kind of right family courts favour mums and no matter what she is going to get a lot of access. The thing is what do you do now? Do you off your own back let her have access unsupervised 1 day a week so it looks good on your part , you could mediate and build contact up and find out what she exactly wants. ideally i guess you want her to have kind of access a dad would get in long run with you having them live with you.

Have u got a child arrangements order , i guess social services probably did advise her to take you to court.
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#3
Suggest mediation to her to discuss things before she applies to court! Once she's put an application in you'll have to go through the whole process again and if social services have said no further issues the courts will be looking to give her equal time probably. If the mediator helps sort an agreement you could do a consent order. On the other hand you might be able to make an application to court for the order to be varied, saying social services are closing the case against your ex and you wish the order to be varied to allow regular contact with the ex. Ie get in first! To try and keep residency. How long have they been living you full time now?

She could be bluffing - ie saying she's been advised to apply for residency but is offering 50/50 - as a way of geting 50/50 instead of you keeping residency and her having "spends time with".
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#4
Thanks for the advice
Kids are 3.5 and 9.5.

Have been with me for a full year - that is just over a qourter of my youngest life. She seen them twice, last time was in July, both for 1 hour only. I want to build contact, but she refuses to go via contact centre. I told her that her solicitor needs to contact mine to start mediation.

She is still in a hostel and is claiming benefits working the minimum 16 hours.

I have not done anything in terms of legal or paper work, I have been advised by my solicitor to just react only when she makes applications. She was cautioned for child cruelty. Proper physical abuse, hitting and slapping the kids. Her excuse is that I was abusive towards her but it's clear she is lieing and she had not been able to produce her "evidence"
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#5
So you don't have a court order for them to live with you?
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#6
What will play a crucial part if this does go to court is the wishes and feelings of your 9 1/2 year old. I would be asking your ex what contact she is wanting to have, basically what her intentions are. you dont really want it going to court and it would be much better if you worked towards an arrangement what us dads normally get so you would still have residency of children and get all the benefits that go with it.

Maybe if she done 1 or 2 supervised sessions as you could say your 3 1/2 year old not seen his mum for a year then progress to unsupervised all day saturday or something and build it up if all goes well. depends also how your oldest one feels about it all but you crucially have to be seen as encouraging and promoting contact at all times no matter what and been polite about their mum at all times despite what has happened as this will bode well for you if it does go court route.
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#7
Personally I would be wanting everything in a court order. I would start with mediation though. If she is wanting 50/50 she isn't going to settle for less at mediation and will keep threatening to go for residency. I think if you don't have a court order for residency, you need one. The court needs to know that the children have lived with you full time for a year and are settled. And that you wish contact with Mum to begin gradually, supervised initially, leading up to 2 nights a week or something. Cafcass will have some input so they will decided if it should be less.

You won't ever be able to prevent her having any contact. I think it needs to go before Cafcass re the previous welfare issues - it may be they decide she needs to go on a course or something before having contact.

She must be off her head to think she can go from no contact to 50/50. But you do run the risk, if you don't have a court order - that she could just keep them and then you'd have real difficulty getting them back. So I'd write a list and tick things off.

1) Text or email her and briefly say, you are aware Social Services are in the process of closing the case and propose mediation would be the best place to discuss ongoing arrangements.

2) Get a copy of that closure report from social services. Although you've complained, from now on, be polite and respectful with them - keep them onside. You may need to ask them to be a court witness.

3) Start filling out a C100 for the children to live with you and spend time with their Mother.

You want it legalised that they live with you before she just takes them.
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#8
No 3 is a very tricky one to do at this early stage . Its going to play a huge role in what his 9 1/2 year old child wants to do . Imagine if he/she asks to live with mum then you wish you never put court application in. If you are certain they will 110% stress they want to live with you and spend time with mum then it would be a good move
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#9
9.5 year old will probably say he wants to see both parents but has been happy living with you or something. When will he be 10? Cafcass didn't talk to my 9 year old.

The danger of agreeing 50/50 or any overnight contact - is if there are safety risks.
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#10
Where there is no child arrangements order in place it could end up being a huge court battle ahead as they would have to decide who children reside with. Who knows what the oldest one will say when it comes to the crunch. I know they will be wanting to keep both children together whatever happens. If i was very confident oldest one would want to live with me if he/she was asked then i would put an application in. if there was any doubt whatsoever i would be probably be wanting to avoid court and trying to work out what contact ex would be wanting and mediation etc.

My son is 7 and he got very easily manipulated by his mum. absolutely loves seeing me and since mum seen him saying he dont want to see me and thats how easy a situation can be changed Smile
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