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7 months in
#1
Wife and son have been gone for 7 months now, does it ever get any better, still can't sleep right and stressed out most of the time, still grieving the loss of the family structure, how I wish this would end
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#2
(04-08-2019, 12:31 PM)Davethedad Wrote: Wife and son have been gone for 7 months now, does it ever get any better, still can't sleep right and stressed out most of the time, still grieving the loss of the family structure, how I wish this would end

Hi Davethedad


You are not alone mate and the first 6-12 months is always the hardest, like a grieving process.  It does get easier in time as you adapt and just have to focus on having a brilliant time when you see your son. 

The key for me was learning to live by myself again and deal with the loneliness / quietness so get out there, join clubs, meet up groups, gym and stay active.  Lots of people have re-created their youth with a Nintendo switch and only start dating again when you feel ready as it will leave you empty, like it did me. 

I am now 17 months in and it is much better.  I see my kids once every other weekend and once in the week so I look forward to that but the rest of the free time, I try to fill it with things I was never able to do, playing golf, watching football and chasing skirt. 

Time is a healer my friend.
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#3
I’m 15 months down the line and feel like I’ve turned a corner in the last month. Never thought I would. Nothing has changed for me so I’m quite confident this is the grieving process at work. I was a mess at your stage! SteveyA has some good advice. Take care of yourself, and push through. There will be happier times ahead.
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#4
13 months in myself, it's still not great but I'm managing.

Fortunately I'd prepared myself for leaving for a number of years so it's not been as bad as it would have been had she left me out of the blue. I suppose I allowed the grieving process to happen while I was still with her to an extent.

STBX has treated me like crap since I left, she must think it's a sport making my life difficult. She's very good at it.

She goes out every weekend with her BF, leaving the kids with their grandma while she swans around in a new car, lives in a nice 5 bedroom detached house with my kids and has me pay half the mortgage and loans, I'm stuck in a room in a shared house with 10 other people missing my kids like crazy. I don't miss her in the slightest. I recently found out she's tried to alienate all around me including my immediate family while painting herself out to be whiter than white.

But it's OK.

I'll smile, take the money she owes me and set up again. Things will change. Karma will come back to haunt her. I'm sure of that. When it does I'll be the one laughing.
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#5
(04-08-2019, 12:31 PM)Davethedad Wrote: Wife and son have been gone for 7 months now, does it ever get any better, still can't sleep right and stressed out most of the time, still grieving the loss of the family structure, how I wish this would end

It gets better, it will still hurt.  But your not alone.

We have all gone through it on here.

Just don't do anything silly to yourself.
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#6
I promise it gets better. It's 10 months for me and we still have a lot to resolve but I also feel that I've turned a corner lately. I'm certainly still grieving and I still can't believe my family broke up. But the more I get into my own life and focus on what I want, the less i care about the end of our relationship. I still hurt but I'm used to it now. Just look after yourself. Focus on your future. Meet new people. Make sure you move forward in your life.
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#7
I’m 6 months down the line, have good and bad days but that’s more around missing my children. Don’t miss my ex one bit and feel like a free man after getting out of the relationship. House is finally sold next week and there isn’t much to sort out financially now, just focusing on my court case and when that’s over I can get on with my life in peace! It does get easier I think as time is a great healer.
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#8
Thanks very much guys for the feedback and encouragement, this must be the hardest thing I've went through in my life, the guilt of not being able to stop her leaving and breaking up the family is crushing
All she said was I don't love you any more I'm leaving just like that, I tried everthing to change her mind
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#9
You didn't leave her, she left you. Hold your head high for that and trust me you will come out stronger in next 6 months or so. Key is to accept the reality, get busy and look after yourself.
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#10
Dave - It gets better, its been 30 months for me and although I occasionally feel bad because my marriage failed, maybe once every week or two I have a few tears, I'm now thankful in many ways. Think about if your day-to-day life was all that happy or were you arguing? Was there a constant bad atmosphere? If she wasn't even bothered to seek counselling to save it then she was a flawed person, either she had very poor judgement or was possibly lining up a new man behind your back, either way she isn't your friend.

If you are 45 or under (ish) then you have a great opportunity to meet someone else and start a new family, and have some fun looking. And if she walked out the family home then a lot of those stressors might have been removed. The key thing is have a plan, get to be an expert on divorce and separation, get a plan to have a great time with your son, take up some cool new stuff, get fit again, buy a hot-hatch or a new stereo....

All of this is academic while your not happy though, but understand why you aren't happy and take slow steps to the other side, you'll be surprised how much better it will be on the other side. Good luck...
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