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Need advice for my partner.
#1
Hi guys,

For once I am not posting a question relating to myself, but actually for my partner.

My partner has an 8 year old son who sees his Dad from Saturday Afternoon until Sunday dinner time. This was an arrangement he requested when they separated and has been in place for the last four years roughly.
Now my partners ex has been extremely volatile in the past, abusing her, financial control and physically abusing her. Now he seems to have decided to change his approach now that my partner's son is 8.

He has been probing questions and asking her son if he would like to move over to where he lives to be with him, he is promising him things like aquariums and puppies to try and manipulate him into moving some where he doesn't truly want to be.

A bit of background about their relationship is that the son's father often cancels last minute to collect him because something has come up, frequently shouts out the son according to the son himself. He also refuses to purchase any clothing for his son himself and instead requires everything to be provided for him to care for his son.

My partner is distraught and I can't see her go through this as he is confusing her son and using him as a weapon to hurt her intentionally.

What can we do to protect her son from this emotional abuse?
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#2
(04-14-2019, 08:20 PM)Akarou Wrote: Hi guys,

For once I am not posting a question relating to myself, but actually for my partner.

My partner has an 8 year old son who sees his Dad from Saturday Afternoon until Sunday dinner time. This was an arrangement he requested when they separated and has been in place for the last four years roughly.
Now my partners ex has been extremely volatile in the past, abusing her, financial control and physically abusing her. Now he seems to have decided to change his approach now that my partner's son is 8.

He has been probing questions and asking her son if he would like to move over to where he lives to be with him, he is promising him things like aquariums and puppies to try and manipulate him into moving some where he doesn't truly want to be.

A bit of background about their relationship is that the son's father often cancels last minute to collect him because something has come up, frequently shouts out the son according to the son himself. He also refuses to purchase any clothing for his son himself and instead requires everything to be provided for him to care for his son.

My partner is distraught and I can't see her go through this as he is confusing her son and using him as a weapon to hurt her intentionally.

What can we do to protect her son from this emotional abuse?

Does any Court Order or Mediation Agreement exist? I need to know that before I can advise a way forward.

However, its up to the parent having contact, to provide for everything in that time. That is why they get a reduction of Child Support.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
All I can say is build evidence if things are bad. A court would expect mediation to have been tried. A good mediator might be able to get them to see each others points of view and get them to draw up an agreement/parenting plan that works - it can include things like agreements on who pays for what, what discipline will be (eg time out, no smacking or shouting), what they will do for communication, how much notice is needed for change of plans, that kind of thing. Your ex could offer to send son with a change of clothes for the week-end if he goes in school uniform. That can work well as then you don't get the hassle of clothes being in the wrong place all the time - ie child comes back in the clothes he was sent with and school uniform in the bag. I currently have the issue of son going back on Sunday nights in clothes I provide, with his uniform in a bag,and the clothes don't get returned for weeks so he then goes back in another set, and another set - gets expensive. I do provide everything for son when he's with me, but would prefer it if she sent a set of clothes for him to return in after he comes here from school for the week-end.

I am assuming there is no court order. Also look at what you might be able to do to improve things (if that is possible) - does the Dad feel angry that she is in a new relationship or think you are trying to take his place? Or is he just really unreliable. It does sound worrying if he is putting the child in the middle - so build evidence. If he shouts on the doorstep, record it.

If child is scared then call social services.
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