Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Child benefit – shared care
#21
That is excellent news!! Congrats....you must be so relieved and your ex must be fuming lol did you represent yourself through the whole thing?!Is your order an SRO or something different? I need to get equal but it's been 8 years since court so I don't know if they would change it just because I request it? Would probably need evidence/caffcass involvement etc...because she won't relent the control at all and will fight it all the way. I've only just recently after eight years paid of the 20k it cost last time we went back and forth over custody rights. I fear though I may have to reopen my court quarrel as I have today been verbally abused by the ex for not providing clothes for my boys...even though I buy them lots of clothes for Xmas and birthdays. She will not entertain the idea of the kids having a bag of clothes for when they stay at mine...the clothes at her house are for when the boys are with her apparently and not for when I have them....I must provide clothes for my boys - she won't provide them for me....it's so fucking crazy?! I despair I really do....the only thing I said to her was my rent is 800...your mortgage payment is less then 300...yet I'm to buy my kids clothes when they have a house full of them at yours. Aren't they their clothes??! No! They are her clothes - she paid for them so she owns them...demented and crazy all rolled into one. Maybe I should pay the solicitor to get the ball rolling on occupational rent...even though effectively I know I will be tagged the lowest of the low and my name will be dirt and she will tell everyone what a scumbag I am for making my kids homeless...it's come to the point it's stressing me out so fucking much I think it's making me ill? She does not accept that I am effectively giving her a massive cash cow every month by allowing the house to not be sold...yes I accept that I have to house my kids but not her also...my kids could live with me and we could rent the FMH for a grand a month easy....aaaannndddd big sigh!!! I'm waffling so will stop...getting stressed typing this message!! Hope all goes smoothly for the CB - are you allowed to back claim against her for the money she should have been paying you? That would be an arseholenthing to do but I bet your ex like mine wouldn't think twice if the roles were reversed!!
Reply
#22
I had a similar situation with clothes, every time I picked the children up they would be either dressed in inappropriate items for the weather conditions (i.e. shorts when it’s raining), or they would be sent with their worst, messy, old clothes. Despite the cost I did just buy them clothes for my home, and I maintain it now never relying on her again, and although this is costly in the end her silly games of sending them in bad clothing went against her, because when I wanted more access leading to shared care I could argue that I am already catering for all their needs including clothing etc.

Like you my life is full of expense and debt due to getting access to my kids, but for me I’d rather have the debt then not have my kids, but I am lucky because I now have that full shared access.

I have always said, the situation for Dads has got better but it still a long way off becoming fair and equal. If you have parental responsibility you should have instantly legal rights to shared care on separation. Parents access should start at 50/50 and only be decreased if shared care can’t be achieved. We should have to argue our access up, or at all, it should be the default position
Reply
#23
(07-15-2019, 07:37 AM)Goetia Wrote: I had a similar situation with clothes, every time I picked the children up they would be either dressed in inappropriate items for the weather conditions (i.e. shorts when it’s raining), or they would be sent with their worst, messy, old clothes. Despite the cost I did just buy them clothes for my home, and I maintain it now never relying on her again, and although this is costly in the end her silly games of sending them in bad clothing went against her, because when I wanted more access leading to shared care I could argue that I am already catering for all their needs including clothing etc.

Like you my life is full of expense and debt due to getting access to my kids, but for me I’d rather have the debt then not have my kids, but I am lucky because I now have that full shared access.

I have always said, the situation for Dads has got better but it still a long way off becoming fair and equal. If you have parental responsibility you should have instantly legal rights to shared care on separation. Parents access should start at 50/50 and only be decreased if shared care can’t be achieved. We should have to argue our access up, or at all, it should be the default position

My ex does the same, must be par for the course. Just get a whole wardrobe of clothes at your place, it sorts the hassle... just try not to send them back in anything nice that will get swapped for old tat.

The best my ex has done is for school holiday changeovers - when she knew I was taking our son straight on a holiday she dressed him in school uniform (on a Saturday). Could see people staring thinking "why's that kid wearing his school uniform on holiday?"

I didn't have a different pair of shoes with me so I had to faff around getting him changed and trying to find a suitable pair of trainers for the trip - pathetic! Now I just take a whole extra change of clothes with me on changeovers if I'm going away.
Reply
#24
(07-15-2019, 04:47 PM)yetanotherone Wrote: My ex does the same, must be par for the course. Just get a whole wardrobe of clothes at your place, it sorts the hassle... just try not to send them back in anything nice that will get swapped for old tat.

The best my ex has done is for school holiday changeovers - when she knew I was taking our son straight on a holiday she dressed him in school uniform (on a Saturday). Could see people staring thinking "why's that kid wearing his school uniform on holiday?"

I didn't have a different pair of shoes with me so I had to faff around getting him changed and trying to find a suitable pair of trainers for the trip - pathetic! Now I just take a whole extra change of clothes with me on changeovers if I'm going away.

Lol it’s like you were living my life, I’ve had exactly the same situation.

The only thing my ex now does with regards to clothes, is she occasionally keeps my school uniform on the rare occasions we have a swap over day where I can’t send them back in the uniform or clothes they came to my house in. She keeps them mainly because I won’t have my children looking messy so make sure I buy the right size and refresh items as they become dirty, whereas she will let them go in ankle swingers for a long time before she finally buys them new ones
Reply
#25
(07-16-2019, 01:05 PM)Goetia Wrote:
(07-15-2019, 04:47 PM)yetanotherone Wrote: My ex does the same, must be par for the course. Just get a whole wardrobe of clothes at your place, it sorts the hassle... just try not to send them back in anything nice that will get swapped for old tat.

The best my ex has done is for school holiday changeovers - when she knew I was taking our son straight on a holiday she dressed him in school uniform (on a Saturday). Could see people staring thinking "why's that kid wearing his school uniform on holiday?"

I didn't have a different pair of shoes with me so I had to faff around getting him changed and trying to find a suitable pair of trainers for the trip - pathetic! Now I just take a whole extra change of clothes with me on changeovers if I'm going away.

Lol it’s like you were living my life, I’ve had exactly the same situation.

The only thing my ex now does with regards to clothes, is she occasionally keeps my school uniform on the rare occasions we have a swap over day where I can’t send them back in the uniform or clothes they came to my house in. She keeps them mainly because I won’t have my children looking messy so make sure I buy the right size and refresh items as they become dirty, whereas she will let them go in ankle swingers for a long time before she finally buys them new ones

I have picked up my youngest from ex on several occasions, finding out when we arrive at my place that he's not wearing pants underneath his trousers! When I called her out on it over text,  she replied "lol".

I have a wardrobe for my kids, but I am finding with time, ex is keeping all the new clean clothes and swapping for stuff that is too small/haggard for the kids to wear. It is tiring mentally and physically to keep buying new uniform and presentable stuff.
Reply
#26
(07-16-2019, 02:13 PM)proud_dad Wrote: I have a wardrobe for my kids, but I am finding with time, ex is keeping all the new clean clothes and swapping for stuff that is too small/haggard for the kids to wear. It is tiring mentally and physically to keep buying new uniform and presentable stuff.

Is it not possible to do as I do and return them in the clothes she sends them in?
 
For example when I collect them from school I wash and dry their uniform so when its time for me to take them back to school after our time they can wear her uniform again?
Reply
#27
(07-16-2019, 02:22 PM)Goetia Wrote:
(07-16-2019, 02:13 PM)proud_dad Wrote: I have a wardrobe for my kids, but I am finding with time, ex is keeping all the new clean clothes and swapping for stuff that is too small/haggard for the kids to wear. It is tiring mentally and physically to keep buying new uniform and presentable stuff.

Is it not possible to do as I do and return them in the clothes she sends them in?
 
For example when I collect them from school I wash and dry their uniform so when its time for me to take them back to school after our time they can wear her uniform again?

Hi Goetia,

I lose the clothes due to the fact that the kids live with me every Monday as standard (they also live with me every other weekend Friday to Tuesday), and eldest has PE on Tuesday. I provide kit, which he takes back to her place Tuesday afternoon, for me to never see again. I will ask her over text for kit to be returned - only to get kid come to live with me having gym clothes from 2 years ago. 

I lose school uniform when she asks me to care for children out of parental schedule (which I snap up). They will come wearing casual clothes, I dress them in uniform, they go to school, return to her place only for me to never see uniform again.
Reply
#28
My god it does all sound so familiar...I reckon there must be a Mumsnet thread somewhere in tactical unpleasantness for father's. I imagine it is never gonna stop....i have ordered my two another set of shorts shirts etc.... and like mentioned by someone earlier I just do my best to ignore her and not play her games.... For me personally I think it's verging on abuse against my kids because she regards their clothes as her clothes....because she paid for them!! What kind of mother sends her kids out in charity shop clothes (not that I am saying they are crap... Some good buys at CS!) when they have smart clothes in their w/drobes. It's horrific to not be able to do anything about it either, like the time I took my children to rugby/football practice and the boots at my house didn't fit so call and ask if any at her house which is a yes, so ask if I can collect on way to practice....took a lot of convincing her but she agreed. In the bag were boots she picked up from lost property at work which don't fit them and almost cripple them just to be able to have a little giggle to herself knowing that I will look like an incompetent twat. They had new boots in a box at home..but of course they were for her to use when she took them to practice..my kids must've wondered what the feck?!
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  50/50 Shared Care and CMA greggs80 13 6,028 05-18-2021, 06:55 PM
Last Post: Fatcat1980
  Child Benefit Claims boyce57 1 1,753 10-29-2020, 10:41 AM
Last Post: Fatcat1980
  Equasl shared Care / CMS MikesWife 6 4,889 06-27-2020, 11:00 AM
Last Post: boyce57
  Child Benefit reclaim letter miker_71uk 12 12,435 08-29-2019, 08:57 AM
Last Post: miker_71uk
  Child benefit / maintenance markrugby 2 3,902 11-22-2018, 10:59 PM
Last Post: Hazy
  Child Benefit Counter claim luhkyuht23 2 3,788 10-29-2018, 01:18 PM
Last Post: MarkR
  CMS, Consent Order, Child Benefit blah2335 7 8,340 10-22-2018, 09:29 AM
Last Post: mickeyp
  High income child benefit charge miker_71uk 3 4,729 09-26-2018, 06:05 AM
Last Post: miker_71uk
  Child Benefit Payments RockAndAHardPlace 1 3,470 09-18-2018, 08:39 PM
Last Post: MarkR
  Child benefit/ child tax credit AnomDad 1 3,123 09-12-2018, 03:55 PM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)