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Lies, lies and making things up
#1
Just need to vent about my ex.  There is a court order.  Sometimes she insists on following it to the letter, interpreting as she wants.  Other times she completely ignores it and makes things up!  The only response is no response but aargh.  So for example - she wouldn't agree to phone calls in holidays in the order.  In fact she cost me a lot of money after the hearing by refusing to agree that for both parents.  So to get the damned thing sealed I agreed to have it taken out.  As my Solicitor said - that means you can decide whether to allow them or not.

She ignores all the recitals - and is now re-writing them and quoting her authorities!  So in a recital I am to allow a phone call on a birthday when son is here for half term.  She wrote confirming dates and I replied that was fine and son could phone on x day.  So what do I get in response?  A stroppy message saying that Judges and Cafcass have told me numerous times that son can phone whenever he wants. I really want to give her a mouthful! But won't.

By that she means, she will now tell him to call regularly and if he doesn't he will be intimidated and rejected - which puts the pressure on me to allow it.  Will fudge it.  But she is out to spoil yet another holiday for him one way or another.
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#2
It’s rubbish mate, my ex is the same and I don’t anticipate things improving when I get my court order in place, something I’ll probably have to “work around”. But I take the view that a leopard doesn’t change its spots! And in fact people like that having to stick to something is always going to be difficult when they like to call the shots!
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#3
Cheers Astroman. Well - yes they cause trouble when they can. I guess she just hates him coming to me for a longer period. I don't like it when I don't see son for a longer holiday period either, but get on with it and she blocks any phone contact. What makes me angry is putting a kid under pressure like that, and lying to him.
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#4
Yeah, I think I’ll get the same issues to be fair. She will hate the fact i’ll “Win” in court even though it’s not a game and she’ll detest me getting the midweek access im seeking.
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#5
It's about not getting their own way! But in my case too, as I suspect many others, a complete disrespect for me being a loving parent. Her attitude is - I'm dispensible and her H can be the parent instead!
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#6
Snap mate! My ex thinks her new bf is the best thing since sliced bread and I’m just a piece of garbage she no longer needs.
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#7
Think that is quite common - replacing the Dad with someone else - so they can have a "normal" family.
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#8
I wouldn't put up with it. In your time it's up to you what you do. He doesn't ring you when hes with mum all the while. . If he doesnt ask to ring mum then no reason for him to. If he keeps asking cause of mum say he can in evening. I would also get him another phone when he is In your care so she cant keep tabs as that's not right anyway
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#9
Cheers Warwickshire - yeah I know. Son knows too. He very carefully tries to keep everyone happy and off his back! It would really stress him if she tells him to phone every day eg, and if that happens I'd say no then it's me that gets shouted at and not him. She does treat him like an adult though (a bit freaky) and "entitles" him to do what he wants in that regard, so he may turn up a bit like that but it soon wears off once he's here. Just hope she doesn't start stressing him out with instructions about half term this week as he's in the middle of his Sats.

Am still thinking about the phone business. How best to deal with it - might wait till he starts Secondary school if if isn't causing major issues. I don't have a real problem with him sending her the odd text as long as it doesn't affect our time - the main issue is that she prevents him having contact with me by phone, so he isn't entitled then! He would be far too scared to try and sneak a text to me because she can see everything he does on it. Excessive parental controls misused.
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#10
If that was me I would saying you have no problem with son communicating with her so long as you can communicate with him during her time, it’s either a two way thing or not at all if it was me. Give people like that an inch they will take a mile.

I think my ex is bad sometimes, but she’s also a bit odd with phone contact. Example being I often get a random phone call on Tuesdays (sometimes Wednesdays) from son but she always has it on speaker phone so I’m very careful what I say. I think she sometimes feels guilty that she blocking midweek contact so rings me, often I ask but sometimes she just gets him to phone me. Not that I’m complaining but I get no warning often, especially when I work shifts. Son often now asking to see me and that the gaps are too long he says, mum doesn’t seem bothered that he’s missing me though! So glad I went down the court route now.
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