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Forced to move out BUT there is hope!
#1
Hi all, 

So I have been posting on here for several months.  I started when I was worried that my relationship was going to end and I thought my world was going to end.

So, I was married for 15+ years and had 2 children and we all lived together in the family home.

My ex decided one day that she no longer wanted to be with me (turned out that she was having an affair). 

My ex wanted nothing else but for me to leave the family home - she would make constant false allegations and constantly bad mouth me to anyone who would listern.

After much advice, I decided to hang on for as long as I could at home.  I knew she would be difficult with my access to the children so I really didn't want to leave.

It all ended in a court after my ex falsely accused me of many accusations of DV and everything else.    However - the judge wasn't buying it and we both signed joint undertakings.

The judge decided that because I work full time, I would have to leave the home.  I then had 2 weeks to leave the home (the ex had to give me some money to enable this).  I also negotitaited that I would have my children stay with me: Every other weekend (Friday til Monday morning) and on a Wednesday after school for dinner.


So I have now moved out into a flat nearby.   It was hard at first coping with the loss but I am slowly starting to get back on my feet.  Dare I say it, but I am starting to enjoy this.

I kinda get the best of both worlds (although I miss my children constantly).  A friend of mine told me that you don't need to see your children everyday to be a good dad as long as the time you spend with them is quality time.

I am now is a lovley flat that is big enough for me and my boys.. its costs ALOT but I think its worth it.  I am dating now and really enjoying it and I have started a fitness and healthy eating regime.     I am starting to feel happy again.

Meanwhile my ex just seems to be  fuelled with anger, hatred and resentment.   I am still getting a letter from her solicitor approx every 2 weeks with false claims!   I thought they would all stop but I just think she is so angry that she cannot help it.

I just wanted to post to prove to people in a similar situation to what I was in as I was terrified.  You can make it work.

I would like to know how some of my old buddies on here are doing also. 

Still a long way to go and I don't know how long this good feeling will last but I feel like this is a start.

Good luck everyone!
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#2
Nice to hear mate!
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#3
Good to hear something positive! Hope it all works out for you!
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#4
It's always nice to read stories like this. I hope you continue on this positive path. I notice quite a bit on here men talking about false DV claims by their wives. Is this really your wife telling the authorities that you hit them when you didn't? This is often mentioned in a very cavalier way, but I'm struggling to see this as anything but completely diabolical behaviour. And when the judge sees through the claims, there are no consequences on your wife?

I read this yesterday evening after coming out of yet another mediation session where I was forced to comply with my ex's awful demands. I made choices and agreed to things early on to make things easy for her when I still thought there was hope for us. These acts of kindness are being used against me. But of all the things she has done she has never made any false claims of violence. I can barely look at her as it is, I don't know what it would do to me to have these claims aimed at me.

Am I overreacting here? How do you reconcile this behaviour and hand your kids over to a person that would do these things?

I expect the answer is "it's par for the course" but I don't know if I can accept that. Maybe I need to learn to accept it. My view of humanity has suffered so much since things started to go tits up for me, I don't know if I can allow it to sink even further!
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#5
What's the situation with finances - are you still paying for anything in the former matrimonial home?

I know you sound positive but I can't see an upside to this until finances are sorted.
It sounds as if she could drag things out as she's got exactly what she's wanted??

I would press ahead with the divorce and financial settlement as soon as possible.
If you don't, a status quo will be established that will be hard to challenge.

You also should be asking for at least 5 nights a fortnight with the kids.
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#6
Been wondering where you'd got to Chester!

Knowing how much you didn't want to leave your house, glad to hear that you're finding your feet after having to do so.

Now you're where you are & have the arrangements for your kids in place, get your teeth into the divorce & sort the finances out.
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#7
Really great to hear.

I to hated my life when it all went wrong, but now I have shared care, a new love, and a wonderful life with happy children. Nasty spiteful women will only lose in the long run.
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#8
Good to hear you're in a nice flat and enjoying life :-) Were the child arrangements put into an order or just a formal agreement? It sounds as if her continued allegations are intended to try and prevent Child Arrangements ongoing, so keep careful records of when they children are with you, what you did - a kind of diary of when they are there, where you went, any activities, what you cooked for dinner even, if you visited family etc. Then if there is any trouble later, you can show a full happy life for them.

So watch your back. It seems she will want a new life without you and it is common for them to want one normal full-time family and replace the Dad with the new man. I cannot see any other reason why she continues to make allegations other than to try and prevent Child contact longer term. Also you should be having them overnight on the Wednesday. It is really important to have significant and regular contact, even if you cope in between not seeing them, so she can't erode the bond between you and the kids.

Now that you are actually separated, is there any really urgency for the divorce and financials to go through? Maybe you could focus on getting a Child Arrangements order. Ask her to go to mediation. She'll probably say no if she's making allegations. I would suggest going for 50/50. Once you've got that it will be pointless her continuing with allegations and it sets a precedent over Child Support regardless of whether the divorce financials have been completed.

Mike C - suggest you start a thread so people can respond to you directly as there are some issues in what you've said that you could maybe get some help with - so the responses don't get lost in Chester's thread :-)

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I read this yesterday evening after coming out of yet another mediation session where I was forced to comply with my ex's awful demands. I made choices and agreed to things early on to make things easy for her when I still thought there was hope for us. These acts of kindness are being used against me."

You shouldn't have to be forced to comply with her awful demands. Acts of kindness will be used against you. She will take whatever she can get. So you need to have a bottom line. And also focus on Child Arrangements - she can wait for the finances. If the finances are agreed first she may then play fast and loose with you being able to see the kids. Mediation isn't binding unless the agreements are then put into a consent order.
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#9
What a great post to read.

I'm sure many dad's on here will find this inspiring and full of hope. I know I do.
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#10
Point out to her solicitor that any allegations need to be brought to court otherwise you may register a complaint with the SRA as they are being used as a harassment tool
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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