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Unexpected situations
#1
Hi All,

I have few questions and I am wondering if you could help me.

Little background.
I am separated from 2.5 year. 2 daughters (8y and 10y) . No official custody plan, never been in court or mediator.
We agreed provisional custody plan.
Both are leaving with my ex who is reviving child benefit and child tax credit

Questions:

Do I need to look after children when my ex planned some unexpected trip, holiday ect without kids for herself.?
(currently she is blackmailing me that this is my responsibility and she will go and will not pick up girls from school)

Where I can report this kind of blackmail please?
(I have called NSPCC helpline but they redirected me to coram legal advice)

What if I refuse to pick them up from school?

What if I will be not able to take them in agreed time ?

I appreciate for any advices
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#2
(06-05-2019, 02:50 PM)Unknow999 Wrote: Hi All,

I have few questions and I am wondering if you could help me.

Little background.
I am separated from 2.5 year. 2 daughters (8y and 10y) . No official custody plan, never been in court or mediator.
We agreed provisional custody plan.
Both are leaving with my ex who is reviving child benefit and child tax credit

Questions:

Do I need to look after children when my ex planned some unexpected trip, holiday ect without kids for herself.?
(currently she is blackmailing me that this is my responsibility and she will go and will not pick up girls from school)

Where I can report this kind of blackmail please?
(I have called NSPCC helpline but they redirected me to coram legal advice)

What if I refuse to pick them up from school?

What if I will be not able to take them in agreed time ?

I appreciate for any advices

Without a Child Arrangement Order, you are both on the same legal standing.

My suggestion is to
1, Pick them up
2, Apply for an Urgent Ex Party Child Arrangements Order, asking for an Order to be made saying they live with you
3, Refuse to return them to your ex, unless required by a Court Order.

If she calls Police, state that No CAO Exists, so in law your both on the same standing, and she has neglected them by going awol, forcing you to take residance.

In law, a Non Resident Parnet can not be forced to have contact outside of times they want.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
I understand that the most of the Fathers have problems to see their children and they wish to be in my situation.
I have unlimited access to my daughters because my ex is enjoying life of single woman (holidays, parties). She is working on part time, receiving benefits and living in social accommodation and have plenty of time.
I am working nearly 50h per week and need to pay a lot for rent. To pick up girls from school I need to finish work 2h early
We are not in good relations at all so she is trying to control my life as she want.

So if she want to go somewhere in my free weekend she is making up some stories and then saying its your responsibility as the father to stay with them (which I usually doing) then after when I asked her if she can pick up girls from school because my work. She is saying (f...k o..) this is your time.

So to achieve above she is usually using words ("I am going away. Kids are in school and I cant pick them up")

I stretched my employer patience to the limits so I am currently started worry about my position.

This is the reason why I wanted to stop pick up them from school and pick up them from her 1h after school.

Also this is the reason why I asked if this sentence is true "In law, a Non Resident Parnet can not be forced to have contact outside of times they want."
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#4
That sentence holds weight, as a Non Resident Parent the court will only place the children in your care for the times you suggest that you are available.

The children live with your ex so it is up to her to arrange childcare outside of your contact time. By not showing up when your ex is due to have the children, she is essentially abandoning them.
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#5
Sorry to jump in on your thread but Mark and Leader can I ask about this law and how enforceable it is because previously I had an order for alternate weekends and holidays since I work Monday to Friday so child lives with its mother but now its been changed and I have just been ordered to pick my child up from school during my work hours 2 days a week even after I kept telling the magistrates that I cant due to work and asked for other times on the weekend but it was denied. And I only have them for 2 hours then go home!!

My boss has said that if I have to leave work early twice per week every week to pick them up then I will be laid off because they need someone that follows the contract that I have signed. So I have to chose between not seeing my child and being fired... It seems like the law says one thing but the court orders what it wants depending on who you get on the day!
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#6
(06-06-2019, 11:57 AM)Tigre Wrote: Sorry to jump in on your thread but Mark and Leader can I ask about this law and how enforceable it is because previously I had an order for alternate weekends and holidays since I work Monday to Friday so child lives with its mother but now its been changed and I have just been ordered to pick my child up from school during my work hours 2 days a week even after I kept telling the magistrates that I cant due to work and asked for other times on the weekend but it was denied. And I only have them for 2 hours then go home!!

My boss has said that if I have to leave work early twice per week every week to pick them up then I will be laid off because they need someone that follows the contract that I have signed. So I have to chose between not seeing my child and being fired... It seems like the law says one thing but the court orders what it wants depending on who you get on the day!

Put in an application to Stay the Order, and vary it by Higher Court.

Ask for the Case to be heard by a Ticketed District Judge for Family Matters.

State that your ex has the provision under The Welfare Benefit Reform Act of 2013, to claim back via Working Tax Credits or Universal Credit, 70 or 85% of the cost of aproved childcare.

Also state under employment law, as your Child Arrangements Order does not say the child lives with you, your employer is under no legal obligation accomodate any request for flexable working, unless in the case that she is incapacitated, for example took into hospital.

Also The Children Act of 2002 sets out that it is the Child that has the right to spend time with both parents, but only at times the non resident parent can do it. The Resident Parent has no legal right to demand the other parent has contact.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#7
No worries I am also curious how this is working as I am affected by this right now and could be even more in the future.

I informed school but they replied that they don't want to be involved into the parents dispute
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#8
Agree with Mark R
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#9
Thanks guys this was very helpful. 
I spoken to the school and NSPCC helpline but both sent me for legal advice.
I scheduled initial meeting with mediator already so I will start a formal process asap.
However I still need a help where to report her behaviour before court or mediation have place or even after
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#10
(06-07-2019, 07:23 AM)Unknow999 Wrote: Thanks guys this was very helpful. 
I spoken to the school and NSPCC helpline but both sent me for legal advice.
I scheduled initial meeting with mediator already so I will start a formal process asap.
However I still need a help where to report her behaviour before court or mediation have place or even after

You can not do that before it goes to Court, but use it to show you need an Order giving you Residance.

Until the CAO exists, you are both on the same legal standing.

In your Court Position Statement, set out that she was the Primary Carer (and getting all the Benefits for them), and abandend the children.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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