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A living nightmare
#1
My ex has deliberately blocked a holiday and I have written to her solicitor. She has used this letter against me to twist my daughter’s brain further and now she refuses to see me. Definitely parental alienation going on, have evidence of messages between mum and daughter where mum slags me rotten.

Lo and behold ex texts me to meet up to chat, doesn’t want to go to court. I’ve suggested mediation with solicitors. She’s now taken a total hissy fit at this (as mediation means she has to relent control). She’s got my daughter to block me on everything and has now totally shut me out.

I want to go back to court but simply can’t afford it. I would qualify for legal aid if I didn’t have savings but I do and they are due for a house move in a few months. Haven’t bought a house yet but I need to move and I can’t afford to pay solicitors constantly. Final order only made back in January and I’ve had under a third of court ordered contact.

Throughout the last year, my daughter has drastically changed her mind and says strange things. Social services were involved last year. Would it be worth contacting them again? I am genuinely worried about my daughter’s health. My ex is an extremely talented manipulator and uses a lot of gaslighting to make you come round to her way of thinking. She blames EVERYTHING on my daughter, making her out to be a brat and not wanting to go (total lies) and she seems to think if a 12 year old “doesn’t want to go” then screw the court order.

Would appreciate thoughts, thank you.
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#2
You could just pay the court fee, £215 ish, and rep your self?
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#3
There is no legal aid for family court. Only for woman that claim DV wether true or made up

I would go back and enforce order and self represent as suggested above 215 quid. I just put a c100 in myself few days ago
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#4
I’m based in Scotland, Legal Aid covers family law. I struggle to speak in public, I’d genuinely be hopeless.
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#5
(06-11-2019, 03:29 PM)Marky207 Wrote: My ex has deliberately blocked a holiday and I have written to her solicitor. She has used this letter against me to twist my daughter’s brain further and now she refuses to see me. Definitely parental alienation going on, have evidence of messages between mum and daughter where mum slags me rotten.

Lo and behold ex texts me to meet up to chat, doesn’t want to go to court. I’ve suggested mediation with solicitors. She’s now taken a total hissy fit at this (as mediation means she has to relent control). She’s got my daughter to block me on everything and has now totally shut me out.

I want to go back to court but simply can’t afford it. I would qualify for legal aid if I didn’t have savings but I do and they are due for a house move in a few months. Haven’t bought a house yet but I need to move and I can’t afford to pay solicitors constantly. Final order only made back in January and I’ve had under a third of court ordered contact.

Throughout the last year, my daughter has drastically changed her mind and says strange things. Social services were involved last year. Would it be worth contacting them again? I am genuinely worried about my daughter’s health. My ex is an extremely talented manipulator and uses a lot of gaslighting to make you come round to her way of thinking. She blames EVERYTHING on my daughter, making her out to be a brat and not wanting to go (total lies) and she seems to think if a 12 year old “doesn’t want to go” then screw the court order.

Would appreciate thoughts, thank you.

I thought that was me writing that for a minute there! In a similar situation here. Your ex is furious because you won in court and now trying to wriggle her way out of everything.

As you've found out the hard way (as I did) anything you put in writing to her or her solicitors, she will show to your daughter to "prove" that you are bad and trying to upset Mum. If you have any evidence of her doing something like that, keep it. eg a text or email where either ex or daughter mentions daughter seeing your letter to her solicitor.

All these bits of evidence add up to show she is derogating you to your daughter.

She is getting away with too much. If she has not kept to the court order and not blocked a holiday, you must get it sorted in court or she will do more and more. The £215 court fee is all that is needed (and some printer paper!).

So how is she blocking the holiday? Preventing daughter coming? ie breaching the order. Or just saying she can't come.

I'm not sure how it works in Scotland but I would suggest applying for a specific issues order for the holiday (or the equivalent in Scotland). The court fee is still the £215 but this is not like a big court case with plenty of hearings and you really don't need to say much. No cross examinations etc. Because you will be going for an urgent hearing at day or two days notice.

Because it's an urgent specific issues order, you can attach your evidence. Which is - confirmation of the holiday booking, and any emails you have etc from ex saying daughter can't come,or daughter doesn't want to see you etc. Which is evidence of her preventing the holiday and also not being supportive of your daughter's time with you, and clearly trying to prevent that relationship wiht you.

Because the argument "she doesn't want to come" isn't an argment. The child doesn't decide what to do - the court has made an order and she is in your care during the time of that holiday - it is none of your ex's business.

You might get to see the Judge for a few minutes on the day you take the application in and then a hearing a day or two later and the ex will be served papers. And she can tell the Judge daughter doesn't want to come! And see what reaction that gets.

You will get your holiday ordered. And if she won't allow daughter to come on the day you can get an urgent hearing the next morning so the Police go round and ensure your daughter comes to you. And if your daughter comes kicking and screaming then that is a clear sign she is quite alienated.

Once with you and away from her Mother's influence she will quickly return to normal within a day or two. So it is absolutely imperative that if your ex breaches, you enforce and keep your daughter coming. It wil be worth it in the long run to prevent your daughter being alienated, and also because if you enforce 2 or 3 times the court will look at serious penalties or even transfer residency.

If you are representing yourself the Judge will do most of it for you. No case to argue - you will get your holiday ordered - providing you can prove it's booked!

It is a short, urgent hearing for the purpose of getting an order for the holiday- nothing much to say - you can put most of what you want to say in your application (type "Please see attached sheet" in the summary box on the C100 and type out what you wish to say - no more than a page of A4. Get the wording right, edit and re-edit so it's polite, formal, gets the points across without saying anything negative about the ex and is child focused. Put your name and application details at the top and copy the statement of truth at the end of the C100 to the bottom of the sheet, print your name at the bottom and sign above that, and date it). Ensuring of course that everything on it as absolutely truthful and correct.

It is simply - fill in the form - say your piece, attach the copy of the holiday booking and your ex's nasty texts or emails, take it to court as early in the morning as you can, pay the £215 and wait - they will take it through to the Judge who will probably see you for a few minutes or if not the clerk will come back and say come back for a hearing in two days - ask you to wait while they print out the court papers. You take them with you and have to serve them on your ex (or get someone to do that - the court will advise).

Then two days later (yes you have chance for nerves to kick in!) Just go along to the court. Call the Judge Sir or Madam if you speak to them (they hate it if you don't use their respected titles! And if your ex doesn't they will think more favourably of you and less of her).

The Judge will probably ask her more than he does you. Been through one of these and I didn't have to say a thing. But if the Judge asks you a question, just answer it - using their title. Feels weird calling someone Sir or Ma'am but it's court etiquette.

Your order will be written out on the day, you wait while it's sealed. In the application ask for your daughter to come a day or two before the holiday - to allow adjustment time (and in case ex refuses to send her or daughter says she's not coming - so you can then go to court next morning for an order to get the Police to fetch her and still have time for the holiday).

You need to deal robustly with people like that.

It will be slightly different in Scotland, but you get the picture.

Glad you posted as answering yours has made me feel I should take the same advice myself for my situation!

Tip - be very careful writing to her solicitor - don't rant or sound angry - it will be used against you - not just to your daughter. Keep all communications very polite, formal and brief.
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#6
Hi Charlie. Thank you for your reply, on my way to work so will reply in full later. Ex is stopping the holiday as she wants the SAME dates as me. I told her of the dates I was taking (in line with court order) back in end of Jan. Ex turns round on the last possible day to do so in May to say she’s having my dates and that’s that. Thank you for all your advice, will explain more in full soon.
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#7
I had a similar problem with my ex trying to arrange holiday dates as my order stated " to be agreed by both parties 6 weeks before".
Obviously as we all know ex's try everything to be as obstructive as possible.
I'd think that if you have given her your dates in plenty of notice and informed her that you have booked a holiday, then she has told you later on that she has now booked one on those same dates, you are on strong grounds for a Specific Issue order.
I can only assume your ex is as obstructive as mine so I would recommend to vary and define your order showing this as an example.
Get all holidays and special days defined to the day and time, so this can't happen again.
That's my opinion anyway.
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#8
Put in an urgent specific issues application - assume you have that agreement from Jan in writing- screenshot the text and print it out or the email and a copy of your holiday booking and attach that to the application. Also email her and say your holiday has been booked since x date, in line with the court order and as agreed in January. Then attach a copy of that email to the back of the application. And any response from her - especially if it says - tough I am taking those dates now.

Not just obstructive some of these ex's but deliberately try to cost us money.
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#9
Thank you. I am intending on going back to court. It’s scary how much my daughter is using strings of sentences identical to my ex.

This whole situation keeps getting beyond belief but I wanted to ask another question. I found out that my former solicitor’s partner is my ex’s solicitor. This was NEVER declared to me and I feel creeped out as he could have taken my file home and discussed the case or anything really. Would anyone say this is a conflict of interest? I’ve always felt like my solicitor sold me out last minute and didn’t submit evidence I asked him to.
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