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Advise pls
#1
Hello everyone,

I havent posted for awhile and this nightmare doesnt seem to end for me. Basically my STBX is kinda blackmailing me in a way where shes threatening me to withold access with my kids if I dont pay my part of the children school fees, shes also threatening to take me to court for neglecting my fatherly duties according to her because of unpaid fees, now before you guys go off on me. Heres the whole story, I have no problem paying it if i have the resources to do so and she knows well that I am relying on the money that she owe me to buy me out of our FMH. I already told her so many times to just take the money out off of it but she refuses until I signed the financial agreement or seperation agreement stipulating how much I will get etc etc, I am wary of signing it as there is a part of it where Im not happy about ie the school fees for the kids and no outs for me if i sign it. Im just worried that what happen if i lose my job and cannot pay my part of it? She will be getting a consent order for it once I sign it. But at the same time I dont want to lose access with my children, my daughter is aware of whats going on and not because of me but because my ex told her the cunning plan to stop me from seeing them and shes getting anxious and upset, poor girl and shes only 7. How can a mother do that to their own children is beyond me and could be classed as emotional abuse in my opinion. People had told me and advised accordingly to seek for a CAO which I will be doing sooner rather than later.
Now Ive been trying to keep STBX sweet and not even argue with her as it is pointless, basically just saying yes to whatever it is she wanted.

My question is if she gets a consent order based on the seperation agreement that I signed (reluctantly and definitely against my will) what are my chances of getting it varied in the future to include something in the effect of in case that I lose my job and cannot pay that I am not binded by it?

Will the judge or court call for me to attend before it gets rubber stamped?

Thank you!
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#2
I also think you should apply for a child arrangements order and don’t agree or sign anything until you have one. Not sure how often you see them now but suggest going for 50/50 shared care “lives with both parents”. She can wait for the financials. Once you have your court order for child arrangements she can’t just stop them seeing you. If she did it is contempt of court and you can enforce the order. Do you think she’s likely to move out of the area quickly or is she tied due to the mortgage? That’s the next thing they often try once you’ve got an order - move away. But worry about that only if and when it looks likely and there are things you can do if that happens.

So you need a C100 form from the .gov.uk website. You can apply on your own and ask for advice on her what to write in the summary box. The application fee is £215. Once you submit the form you and she will get court papers within a couple of weeks with a date for the first hearing. Usually about 4 to 6 weeks after application. There is opportunity to reach agreement for a consent order at that hearing (not the same thing as a divorce consent order it is solely about arrangements for the children ). Not likely you’ll reach agreement and it then goes to a final hearing.

Before you can submit the application you need to have had a first mediation appointment (MIAM) which you go to on your own, tell the mediator about the situation. She then invites the ex to the next mediation session. If ex won’t go or doesn’t turn up, mediator signs you off and you’re free to apply to court (you need the form from the mediator). Even if your ex does go it’s not likely to achieve agreement for a consent order but it shows the court you tried.

The only way to avoid her blackmailing you is to be in a strong position regarding child arrsngements. Then you can negotiate on finances.

However you need to be whiter than white when applying to court. The only thing you are required to do financially is pay child support at the rate assessed by the CMA. Highly recommend you get an assessment and only pay what you are assessed for, through child maintenance options. If you want to pay more than that, do it separately.

Otherwise you could be paying in kind ie paying the mortgage - and she could still claim you have never paid child maintenance. So do that by the book.

Also show you are the polite reasonable one and make sure any communications you send by text or email are that - as if writing to a businessman colleague. Her c..t text will be great evidence! Screenshot it and print it out.
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