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Can I still see my son if my ex doesn't want me to?
I'm in the UK

Hi all

So long story short, my ex is controlling my life completely, deciding what I do on what days. We have split time with my son, who I have been an amazing dad for since he was born 5 years ago!

I've been dating someone for 6 months or so and it's pretty serious. But I have my son 3-4 days a week and my ex will never let her meet him. 

I know when he's with me, she has no say on who I introduce him to, so long as it doesn't harm him.

But if I did introduce her, and she found out, she'd stop me from seeing him completely.

Lets say I told my ex I'm going to introduce them and she'll be around him 1-2 days a week. She says "well no or you're not seeing him. And I don't trust you so while you and her a thing, you're not seeing him". Is there anything I can do?

As the law stands it’s more that the rights are with the child to maintain a relationship with both parents.

You seem to be quite clued up about what will happen if you try to introduce your new partner to your son: she may well stop your current arrangement of split care for your son.  It happens often when a new partner is around.  If this does happen then your first step would be to contact your ex in writing (via letter or email) to try to resolve the situation.  If she just ignores this or replies negatively then your next step would be to arrange an appointment with a Mediator, who will contact your ex and ask them to attend a mediation session to try to work out an agreement.  If she doesn’t want to attend mediation, then the mediator can sign off the appropriate page in the C100 form so that you can apply to the Family Court for a Child Arrangement Order.

That’s the general process, but, of course, things can get very complicated in the Family Court if there are any allegations made by your ex. While you are having 3-4 days a week access to your son, make sure that you keep a diary of all the days he spends with you, and anything that shows how he spends his time with you. It may come in handy later if you do ever have to go to Family Court.
Off to bed but a quick reply. Yes ur probably very right about her reaction to that. As Kate said keep records of all ur time with son this will be very important later on as she will try to minimise ur time so if u can prove u have 3-4 days a week that's great.

Keep all contact with ex in writing, no more phone calls. Email or text so u have evidence. Keep all your messages brief polite and Only about children. Nothing else. Try to discuss handovers/sons time with u ex so u have proof of him staying 3-4 days /week with u in addition to pics etc.

I would not introduce ur partner and then risk ex cutting contact as it may take months to do the whole process and like Kate mentioned it will likely involve false allegations. Exes can get really nasty at this point.. I would say be patient and gather some evidence first. Then send a brief polite email to ex about wanting to introduce partner to child and u want to discuss this with her. Hopefully she will not understand that u might go to court so she might reply with her real feelings threatening to cut contact. Which is good evidence.
If she says no invite her for mediation and suggest it's better as you will have someone impartial there to help. Go have ur mediation session. Most likely ex will say no and you can get signed of for court. If she does agree to mediation then obviously try to reach an agreement and take it from there.

If u apply to court check in here for more tips. Don't write anything bad about ex, simply state the contact you are currently having and for how many years its been going on, how u wish to co parent and now want something official to get each of your times with son in writing as ex has threatened to cut contact and attach the email from her in your application. Then wait for ex to cut contact and explode when she receives it. If ur lucky it won't take too long until u get a hearing.

Be prepared that court takes time and is hard on the children and dad's as exes get nasty and the system is slow. But be patient and U will prob get a solid order for same as now maybe less but u can introduce ur partner and do whatever u want on your time once u have that order as she won't be able to dictate anymore. And that's what u need to stop. The constant worry of what she will do as she is the boss.
Thanks guys, booked in for mediation on Monday Smile she has of course refused to go.

She now wants to change his school and get him baptised. But I've read it requires my consent since I'm on his birth certificate.

Any way I can stop her from doing so? He's fine at the school he's in, doing really well. She's doing it out of spite and to save 5 mins of driving 3 days a week Sad
Perfect get that signed off and you can apply to court.

Yes you can apply for a Prohibited steps order (same c100 form) that would prohibit her from moving far (thats next step to get away from you), changing sons school , etc..

Make sure you write you want lives with both instead of "contact", because that is what son is currently doing and no reason not to stay the same as no welfare concerns. It will keep you in a stronger position if she acts up in the future.
(09-04-2019, 01:07 PM)ryemck Wrote: Thanks guys, booked in for mediation on Monday Smile she has of course refused to go.

She now wants to change his school and get him baptised. But I've read it requires my consent since I'm on his birth certificate.

Any way I can stop her from doing so? He's fine at the school he's in, doing really well. She's doing it out of spite and to save 5 mins of driving 3 days a week Sad

As far as the law is concerned, your both on the same legal standing until a CAO is made.

All that changes then, is you out rank her in the time the child is with you.

The only lawfull way for your ex to stop the child meeting your new partner, is by Prohibited Steps Order.
To get this , she would need to evidance she is a risk to the child.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
OK great Smile

So basically I need to get this contact order in place, then I can start doing whatever I want (so long as it doesn't harm him ofc)

Just worried it takes months for this court order to be made. And by then she could have changed his school, stopped me from seeing him and claimed child allowance Sad

Anything I can do in the mean-time?
I had this in the early days. Ex refusing to allow my partner to be involved and threatening to stop contact. Waited a year and then saw a solicitor who said - do it anyway - your decision. If she stops contact you apply to court and you’ll get it back again within 4 weeks via an interim order. In the end she backed down when I said I would go to court. Still ended up in court a few years later though.

I would take this one step at a time. Keep very careful records of when your child is with you so she can’t deny it was 3 or 4 days a week. Make sure everything is in writing - either text or email as that can be used as evidence. Particularly her threats to move etc. If she has threatened to move and declined mediation then get your C100 into court for child arrangements and prohibited steps to prevent mother changing chikd’s School. What you ask for in your application is very important. I would suggest asking for 50/50 shared care as now. Which is why you need clear evidence when he comes now. How far away is new school?

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