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In the thick of it
#1
It continues.  Since hearing in July ordering dates for this summer and ex to pay costs, she has continued to try and prevent son coming home from school with me when he starts secondary school.

A letter was sent telling her that it would still be considered a breach if son got on the bus to her house as it would be seen she had encouraged this, as son would not ignore arrangements I had made for him.

She has constantly argued back via Solicitors letters she seems to have written herself, saying it's his choice.

Things got worse when the costs were applied for via her solicitor.  Her response was to send demands for hundreds of pounds a month more child maintenance and say she would only pay £1 a week.  As retaliation also she has now sent a solicitor's letter saying she can't control son and he is insisting on getting the bus to hers from school on my nights and she was going into the school to see the deputy head about son's "choices".

A solicitors letter was sent yesterday requesting she cease and desist from interfering in travel plans I make for son when he lives with me/is in my care.  I also emailed the school explaining there was an issue, reminding them I had sent a copy of the court order previously, and explaining the legal position and that I would be there to collect son tomorrow as per the court order for his arrangements.  Said I realised it is not their remit to get involved in parental disagreement but I wished to avoid son's first few days at new school being stressful.

Had a phone call from Deputy Head today who says ex is going in to see him today. Asked if I had been collecting son previously - yes.  Asked if I would be there to collect son tomorrow - said yes.  Said he couldn't take sides but would have a word with son.  I said - he will do what his Mother tells him to do if in that position.

So I guess I had better start filling out my C79 form as no doubt I will be standing there like a lemon tomorrow while he ignores me and gets on the bus - as instructed by ex.  He wouldn't dare defy her and she would probably half kill him if he did - he knows that.  Because she wants him to say what she wants.

Solicitor has said I could have great difficulty proving it's a breach.
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#2
Have you a CMS application for child maintenance? I reckon you need to nip that one in the bud ASAP, she can't just decide how much maintenance is.
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#3
Yup dealing with that in the background. I already pay more than assessed. A bit concerned about how this will go. Have already started filling in my C79 form. Son will say whatever she tells him to say because he's in the middle, manipulated and scared of what she will do if he doesn't.

Yet again, I think she wants me to apply for enforcement so Cafcass get involved - which they would.

Hmm - maybe rather than enforcing I could apply for specific issues order over the breached recitals - that son will bring his schoolbag and homework to my home. Because if he goes to her house, changes out of school clothes and leaves his school bag and homework there (which is what she wants so it is just like a "sleepover" at my house), then that can be ordered (I believe Mark mentioned this before) and at the same time highlight what's happening. Like last time when specific issues became enforcement. She is doing exactly the same thing. Trying to get the school to side with her to prevent son coming home with me.They of course won't get involved I expect.

This isn't just about whether he gets a bus one night a week instead of me picking him up - it's about it leading to him not coming at all - next thing she will send him to the door saying he doesn't want to come. It's why it was court ordered that I would facilitate his transport from school on the days he is in my care.
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#4
If you apply for a specific issues instead of C79, won't it still trigger cafcass? If it doesn't then spec issues is a clever way of getting round it.

Can u apply for spec issues for breaches of recitals and ask to include them as ordered rather than recitals?

When is all this happening, tomorrow Friday after school?
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#5
(09-05-2019, 03:55 PM)Tigre Wrote: If you apply for a specific issues instead of C79, won't it still trigger cafcass? If it doesn't then spec issues is a clever way of getting round it.

Can u apply for spec issues for breaches of recitals and ask to include them as ordered rather than recitals?

When is all this happening, tomorrow Friday after school?

Yes tomorrow after school.  Unless I hear back from Deputy Head before then.  I feel sorry for the guy.  Last school were used to ex having "meetings" and being negative about me and she terrorised the lot of them when they took a fair stance.  I am not sure secondary school will want to know and just say - sort it out.  They can't enforce the order.

Poor son must be so stressed - all this shite coming into his new secondary school right at the start, just as it did at the end of term at his old school.  Cafcass might just give him to one parent due to him being in the middle of conflict.  Which is why I need that transcription back!  It could be weeks apparently. Been at transcribers and gone back to the court for Judge's approval of wording and they warn it could take weeks.
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#6
I would just go to school and collect him . Your ex has no right to get involved and i would chase the money she owes and only pay what csm order you too. You are trying to be nice and she is being difficult . How old your son again ?
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#7
He's 11. His 2nd day at secondary school - and already he's being talked to by Deputy Head with his Mother at the school trying to get them to back her up.

I am really quite down actually.
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#8
I can imagine very upsetting. You need to be ruthless now and do above. You were awarded costs for a reason last time. You need i feel to have a meeting with head teacher of school and take court order in with you to show them
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#9
Have spoken on the phone - I did email them a copy but not sure if he has actually seen it. Yes I'll take a copy with me tomorrow. You're right maybe I should ask for a meeting face to face.
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#10
Hey Charlie, sorry to hear about the nonsense continuing.

I dont have much time to write but wanted to remind you that you son is starting to approach an age 13-14+ where he will hopefully have a more independent view, more confidence to support his views, less fear of his mother, and will likely be far less vulnerable to her nonsense. I do think this fear and influence that many (bad) mothers exert on their child can only last for so long, especially when the child is spending some good time with the other parent as in your case. It is important, as you say, to protect this time with you, especially as you are only a couple of years away from the ex likely greatly losing her control and power, or at least being heavily reduced.

You just have to take the steps you have to take mate, and you are completing C79 already which is right. Attend tomorrow, as you should, perhaps early to try and chat to headmaster? Of course if your ex is there remember always the utmost important thing which is no confrontation, no arguments, no mistakes, no falling into traps.

I will try to check back soon.
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