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Practical anti-alienation strategies
#1
Dads,

I've started this thread so we can share anti-alienation strategies that are practical, don't involve counter alienation and is positive reinforcement.

I'm at the receiving end of subtle alienation where ex is using control, coercion, manipulation and disrespect to turn my eldest kid against me.

Stuff I'm implementing (a lot based on Charlie's book recommendation) :

1. Special time - I commit an hour to doing whatever it is the kids would like me to do with them, without any distractions

2. Weekly family meetings where we go through what we're going to do in coming week, highlighting how we feel about things

3. Monthly pizza time

4. Reward based on behaviour - I'm going to ask my eldest what massive gift he'd like. I'll explain to him that the gift will be given to him in 4 months. The gift will be associated with 100 drawn out lines. I'll explain that if there are 100 lines at the end of the 4 months, he can get the gift. If he is hurtful, very difficult, dismissive or poorly behaved, then a line is taken away. He has the opportunity to make up lines - for every three good acts, he can get a line. The tallying of lines will be very visual. We'll cross of the days on a calendar. I'm hoping that after a while, good positive behaviour will become reflexive.

Any others?
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#2
That sounds brilliant. I have got into bad habits again - must start the family meetings again - it's good - makes them feel like they have a say and are listened to. Not sure how old your kids are but I used to find coloured stars went down well on reward charts! I had one going last term - son is older now so it just had ticks and crosses but he suddenly became amazingly motivated to get all the ticks! Not just the reward but it made him feel he wanted to achieve all ticks.
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