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Christmas holiday stress
#1
Things have been relatively quiet recently, [don't think she's talking to me this month] so I've now emailed my proposal for the holidays which have to be shared equally save for a couple stipulations. It should be easy enough to arrange but I can feel the stress rising by the minute now I've sent the email. I just know she'll find something wrong just to stamp her authority on it.

Any others getting ready for the Christmas fireworks?

I want to make sure there's time to get it into court if she goes loopy like Easter.
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#2
Yeah know that feeling of dreading sending email about holiday arrangements! Like opening Pandora's box. Yup I think my current situation (breaches and messing about) is all in preparation for Christmas! Her current argument is - son is 11 and can decide for himself and so no doubt she'll say he doesn't want to come for Christmas. So knocking that on the head hopefully now via enforcement application.
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#3
Christmas is always a funny one like you say. Sadly this year i am at work 11th December to the 8th January so even though it is my year to have the boys xmas eve and xmas day morning she will drop in lucky.

I will be having xmas in January, not the first time and probably won't be the last but mine will be the house that still has the tree up heading into the second week in January lol
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#4
I think the main thing is that any emails you send are ultra polite, courteous and reasonable, so if you do need to make an application you can be seen to be the polite reasonable one. That kind of thing really counts. So let any frustration out on here and whatever she does or says, send polite courteous, blindingly reasonable emails. And take a day to reply rather than react.

Once you've agreed dates, I would suggest booking something. If she does start messing about you might need to think about applying to vary for defined dates for holidays in future.
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#5
Yeah, the order is pretty ambiguous and she has taken full advantage so far. it really only relates to new year and xmas day. All other holiday is supposed to be shared equally. But then comes the question of when school holidays start exactly and finish.
Im still waiting for the school to make an official statement on some previous issues, like who gets called for sick on what days. Who signs the permission slips etc. Then its very likely back to court. Bored of this game. It'll be 5 years in Jan since we split.
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#6
I remember you having problems over when school holidays start and finish. If there is no start date in the order then the holidays start from the time they finish school on the last day of term. If she says they start after the first week-end, then you could agree to that but say it works both ways from now on. So the last week-end is part of usual schedule and the holidays start on the Monday.

I would try and pin her down on that (carefully). eg Dear Ex, as per correspondence regarding x holidays, it was agreed that school holidays start on the first Monday after term ends, with the last week-end at the end of term being part of the usual schedule. On that basis, the school holidays for Christmas run from Monday 23rd December through to the morning of Tuesday 7th January - ie 14 nights - so 7 nights each for daughter with each of us. This easily creates a full week each with Christmas being during the first week and New Year being during the second week. As daughter is with me for Christmas this year, then she will be with me x date to x date and I will return her to you x date at a time that is convenient to you.

Depends what your order says of course. Is it your turn for Christmas this year?
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#7
I get xmas eve and day until midday, she gets the same for new year. Everything else has to be shared "half holidays" and agreed 28 days in advance. Ive sent her a very basic email with my suggestion. However, mine is one of those ex's that doesnt care whats best for child, or whats in her own best interest. She just wants to "win" and she doesnt like having to negotiate anything, she is the important parent so believes she should be telling me how it is. Its in her DNA and its never going away.

She wants to reduce my time by every minute she can, so she insists that she only has "to make child available" and any other time [like inset days] belongs to her by default. Legally I can see it, but I know if I did get it changed she would just find something else to establish superiority. I just wish she would grow the fuck up.
My problem is Ive remained flexible and co-operative for childs best interest, every time I think "this is it, she's surely going to calm down after Ive been so nice" but no, she kicks me in the teeth every single time and my current partner is getting really pissed off with it.

Ex doesnt see it as compromise because she is entitled, and to the entitled, equality feels like oppression.


Cheers Charlie, I have a suggestion for Seperated Dads, could we have a legal wording section, people can ask and paste stipulations in their order. [not the whole order of course] I know when I go to court next Ill be self representing and will want advice on making it watertight. Holiday wording would be a good place to start and we can share all the ways the ex manages to get around it. Id say its just as important to negotiate the wording of the order than what the judge orders.
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#8
Ok - only think I can think as regards Christmas then - if you have 24th and 25th and half the rest of the holidays -is propose something you don't want! Then she'll come back with something else and you can agree. I would settle for 2 or 3 consecutive days at a time with it being the Christmas period - at least you'll get to see her regularly then. Is she still claiming the holidays start from the first Monday?

My order is - the year I have Christmas (23rd 5pm to 26th 11am) I then get the last 5 days of the holiday and ex gets the other days. But that means getting both Christmas and New Year and your ex has NY so that wouldn't work.
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#9
We have sent our christmas dates in for this year, not heard back ....yet!

Last year we didn't hear back so after 1 month I emailed again saying as we haven't heard back from you I have now confirmed my annual leave with work. Somehow I doubt this year will be so easy Sad
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#10
Yeah its been nearly three weeks since I emailed. On a side note I spoke to mediator last week, she was adamant that I engage with the process right up until she pulled my file lol. My ex and her family have been through that mediator for all their divorces and custody battles. She agreed to have a quick video call and she'll sign my C100 lol. What do you think the chances of getting an final hearing by December?
Im bored of the games now, going for 50/50 joint residence.
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