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Complete mess and don't know what to do
#1
Hi
Ill try and explain as much as I can in the hope I get some Advice

Myself and my ex had been together for 21 years and 17 years married. We have a brilliant son who is now 16 and a half. 
2 years ago my Ex started acting strangely and coming up with any excuse she could to have an argument. the sign of no sexual contact and pretty much sitting on the opposite side of the couch started making me think worryingly. 
With that in mind she would come home from her job and talk about blokes at work and then mock me coming up with any excuse she could to make me feel down about myself.
Typical comments of you look fat and you should treat me like a queen comes to mind.
Things escalated last year when there were noisy arguments and constantly telling my son how bad I was at being a Dad. I will point out I was the main earner and 90% of my wages would go into the bill account for food clothing bills etc.
Anyway it came to a head when my partner decided to get drunk in front of me and my son and dance provocatively in front of me all night.
I challenged her on this at home and it got so bad she was arrested for assault. i dropped the charges however because I loved her and didn't really want them to do this.
Anyway this ended in separation and I moved out
Since I left the house in november I have only seen my son twice for a maximum of 10 minutes. Hes pretty much a mums boy but im worried that my wife is advising him not to see me and threatening not to give him lifts to college etc to ensure he doesn't see me.
I have written letters to both asking to see him and also asked for mediation. All of this has not been responded to.
My ex has changed his mobile and changed his email address
If i go around which nobody answers. On fathers day I went around and literally spoke to him for 4 minutes as he was more interested in his xbox.
I thought my ex was having an affair and I found out as soon as we separated she was dating a guy from work and still is now.

My questions in my head are all over the shop and im wondering what to do now
My Ex has left me with all the bills and she has all the household goods 
She has ensured no conversation is responded to and im just sitting here twiddling my thumbs on how to see my son on his own and see what is really going on


Its all a mess and im not sure now what to do or where to turn.  Sad Sad
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#2
If u got a mortgage i would be selling house, i would not be paying household bills especially with another man being there. Your son is 16 1/2 and there is very little you can do than try and speak to him personally or get him a mobile phone. U can start by ringing all the companies gas,water,electric,broadband ,water ,mobile phone and whoever else and removing your name .
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#3
Really sorry to hear this. As Warwickshire says, there isn't much you can do about a 16 and a half year old legally - nothing in fact. Having said that - he can do what he wants - if he is prepared to stand up to his Mother. He sounds pretty controlled if she has changed his email account. Is there any other way he can contact you? Facebook? Could you call in at the end of the college day, have a chat with him and give him details of your Facebook or instagram or whatsapp or something? The last two are apps and the content of chats on those doesn't show up on any parental monitoring software. Just let him know he can come to you whenever he wants. Tell him he can send messages via other relatives maybe?

You do still have parental responsibility for him, so do have all the rights and responsibilities of a parent until he is 18 I think. So although a court wouldn't make an order for contact for a 16 year old, you could try getting a Solicitor letter sent saying that you still have responsibilities for him and saying ex needs to allow contact with him or something (worth a try). I would also write to his college, formally, introducing yourself as his Father, that you have parental responsibility and asking them to keep you updated on his progress and reports and any parent evenings please.

TRouble is ex may try and block that if she is the parent with care. Which she will say she is, because he lives with her. Do you think he would want to come and live with you?

The only other positive is that in 1.5 years he will be a legal adult and she can't control anything then.
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#4
Hi Thanks for your replies
I have taken your ideas on this and come up with 2 things
Firstly I have dropped in a letter to my sons grandparents asking to see if they can help in anyway. Problem is that its her parents but they were always kind to me so they may help in some way
I have contacted his college as yes you were right and I do have parental responsibility until he is 18 years old. So hopefully I will hear something from that
With regards to contact I truly believe he is being controlled as even though hes nearly 17 he is doing as his mum says.

Ill keep my fingers crossed and hope he changes his mind one day Smile
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#5
I know it can become an ingrained thing for a child to become controlled - whatever their age. It is usually years of threats and anger, combined with rewards. Hope you manage to get some contact with him via the College. The difficulty is, they can still end up living at home after the age of 18 as can't afford to live independently - unless he goes away to uni? Until he leaves home it could be hard to get that contact back but fingers crossed. There is also something like Whatsapp. I believe that is not monitored by parental control apps so ex couldn't see if he was contacting you - possibly.
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