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Finance Settlement Agreed
#1
Hi all


After 2 years of hell & betrayal, the nightmare looks like its over. 

Deal:   I transfer the house into her sole name with £190k of equity in it, I get a lump sum of £26,700 and the £30,000 cash in my business (£20k NET if taken out).  

£46,700 me
£190,000 her

£900 a month child maintenance ongoing and £250 a month spousal maintenance for a fixed 3 years (stops if she co-habits for 3 months within this period)

80 / 20 in her favour or slightly worse as her pension is better.  Appreciate the deal is terrible for me especially as she cheated on me with my mate but at least I'll be free, off the mortgage and my 3 children are secure.  He has already practically moved into my house so saw little point in fighting it all and just wanted to move on (court would cost thousands with no gaurantee of a better outcome) so decided to accept it. 

Owned a house since 2006, most of the equity built is from my overpayments and now walking away with basically nothing.  Tough to take and the thought of starting again with nothing at 42 years old is daunting but new beginnings bring new opportunities and I'll no longer be involved in any toxicity.  My mental heath / freedom is worth much more to me than money (at least thats what I tell myself!!)

Thanks to everyone for their help & advice and would like to wish everyone the best of luck for their settlements

Onwards and upwards!!
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#2
Holy crap...glad you're free but that's a shocking deal. How did it end up so one-sided?
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#3
That’s an awful deal on face value.
I assume you earn much more than her?
Did your solicitor say it was worth accepting?
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#4
(10-02-2019, 07:58 AM)Gra76 Wrote: Holy crap...glad you're free but that's a shocking deal. How did it end up so one-sided?

Hi Gra76

Yes it is a terrible deal but she was totally un-reasonable and had spent £40k on legal fee's trying to sort something which couldn't continue. 

Sure I would have got more had we gone to court but felt the time & money to follow that process would not benefit anyone so decided to accept it and move on.  

I have told her I have given everything I have and other than maintenance, she is on her own.

Now to re-build my life from scratch!!!

Thanks

(10-03-2019, 09:22 PM)watsa64 Wrote: That’s an awful deal on face value.
I assume you earn much more than her?
Did your solicitor say it was worth accepting?

Hi watsa64


Indeed an awful deal but yes my earning capacity is much larger and we have 3 children who live with her so wanted to do the right thing even though she cheated.  I'm now free to build my business up and being relesed from the mortgage was important to allow me to move on. 

My solicitor hasn't come across anyone so stubborn in 10 years so her advice was to settle and be done with her.  I was tempted to go to court but couldn't take another 6-12 months of this for my own mental health and happiness.
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#5
Good to be able to walk away like that and have a fresh start. You have your business. And 42 isn’t that old :-). Even if it isn’t fair. One thing I wanted to ask though - do you have child arrangements formalised? That is really important. If the finances are formalised she is sitting pretty and could mess about with child contact. You need that in a consent order too. What has been agreed?

Sounds like you won’t have to pay the spousal maintenance too long at any rate.
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#6
(10-09-2019, 07:17 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Good to be able to walk away like that and have a fresh start. You have your business. And 42 isn’t that old :-). Even if it isn’t fair. One thing I wanted to ask though - do you have child arrangements formalised?  That is really important. If the finances are formalised she is sitting pretty and could mess about with child contact. You need that in a consent order too. What has been agreed?

Sounds like you won’t have to pay the spousal maintenance too long at any rate.

Thanks Charlie7000.  My sanity is worth more than money and can build it up again via my business which be solely mine.  

We have had child arrangements for 2 years now (every other weekend friday to sunday night) and then every other Tuesday night with wednesday after school till 6:30pm.  This has been in place and nevr changed but nothing formal.  I ask my solictor to include this but she said it's a seperate agreement and wouldn't be on this consent order. 

Now I have transferred the house to her, she has changed slighlty with threats that if I ever reduce payments, I will not see the children anymore etc.  Believe me if that happened, my entire family will go down there and demand access!!  I am keen to get a more legally binding agreement in place but I have never had issues to date with seeing the kids, I think she welcomes the break to spend time with her boyfriend!
Thanks
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#7
(10-10-2019, 09:08 AM)SteveyA Wrote:
(10-09-2019, 07:17 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Good to be able to walk away like that and have a fresh start. You have your business. And 42 isn’t that old :-). Even if it isn’t fair. One thing I wanted to ask though - do you have child arrangements formalised?  That is really important. If the finances are formalised she is sitting pretty and could mess about with child contact. You need that in a consent order too. What has been agreed?

Sounds like you won’t have to pay the spousal maintenance too long at any rate.

Thanks Charlie7000.  My sanity is worth more than money and can build it up again via my business which be solely mine.  

We have had child arrangements for 2 years now (every other weekend friday to sunday night) and then every other Tuesday night with wednesday after school till 6:30pm.  This has been in place and nevr changed but nothing formal.  I ask my solictor to include this but she said it's a seperate agreement and wouldn't be on this consent order. 

Now I have transferred the house to her, she has changed slighlty with threats that if I ever reduce payments, I will not see the children anymore etc.  Believe me if that happened, my entire family will go down there and demand access!!  I am keen to get a more legally binding agreement in place but I have never had issues to date with seeing the kids, I think she welcomes the break to spend time with her boyfriend!
Thanks


Definitely time to get an order formalised for the childrens arrangements.  You can get your solicitor to draw up as is now and if other side agrees it can be sent to court to be stamped without having to attend any hearings.   Believe me, it will protect you in the long run !!
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#8
(10-10-2019, 10:37 AM)MikesWife Wrote:
(10-10-2019, 09:08 AM)SteveyA Wrote:
(10-09-2019, 07:17 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Good to be able to walk away like that and have a fresh start. You have your business. And 42 isn’t that old :-). Even if it isn’t fair. One thing I wanted to ask though - do you have child arrangements formalised?  That is really important. If the finances are formalised she is sitting pretty and could mess about with child contact. You need that in a consent order too. What has been agreed?

Sounds like you won’t have to pay the spousal maintenance too long at any rate.

Thanks Charlie7000.  My sanity is worth more than money and can build it up again via my business which be solely mine.  

We have had child arrangements for 2 years now (every other weekend friday to sunday night) and then every other Tuesday night with wednesday after school till 6:30pm.  This has been in place and nevr changed but nothing formal.  I ask my solictor to include this but she said it's a seperate agreement and wouldn't be on this consent order. 

Now I have transferred the house to her, she has changed slighlty with threats that if I ever reduce payments, I will not see the children anymore etc.  Believe me if that happened, my entire family will go down there and demand access!!  I am keen to get a more legally binding agreement in place but I have never had issues to date with seeing the kids, I think she welcomes the break to spend time with her boyfriend!
Thanks


Definitely time to get an order formalised for the childrens arrangements.  You can get your solicitor to draw up as is now and if other side agrees it can be sent to court to be stamped without having to attend any hearings.   Believe me, it will protect you in the long run !!

Hi Mikeswife


I am planning to move back to London from the South Coast early next year so having them the every other Tuesday / Wednesday might be tricky but every other weekend is fine.  Dont know if I go to all the trouble of formalising an agreement based on the current, whether its looks bad on me reducing to just every other weekend?
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#9
It might. It depends on how reasonable your ex is and whether you can have regular phone and FaceTime contact in between.

I agree you should get a consent order for child arrangements. Have the finances actually been signed off yet? Once they are your ex has no incentive to stick to the informal child arrangements. Dads are generally advised to get child arrangements sorted before finances and eg you could say you will agree to the above financial package on the basis that a consent order is made for child arrangemts as agreed at present, before signing off the finances.

If you later need to change the arrangements if you move, you can. What can happen is - when people move on after divorce and ex remarried eg / that they want a normal family and cause problems for you seeing the kids. It depends what your ex is like but if she is genuine she shouldn’t have an issue with agreeing a consent order for child arrangements.

Be careful here. If she did happen to cause problems re child arrangements though then you could apply to court to get the time reinstated - but it can be lengthy and costly.
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#10
(10-11-2019, 12:23 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: It might. It depends on how reasonable your ex is and whether you can have regular phone and FaceTime contact in between.

I agree you should get a consent order for child arrangements. Have the finances actually been signed off yet? Once they are your ex has no incentive to stick to the informal child arrangements. Dads are generally advised to get child arrangements sorted before finances and eg you could say you will agree to the above financial package on the basis that a consent order is made for child arrangemts as agreed at present, before signing off the finances.

If you later need to change the arrangements if you move, you can. What can happen is - when people move on after divorce and ex remarried eg / that they want a normal family and cause problems for you seeing the kids. It depends what your ex is like but if she is genuine she shouldn’t have an issue with agreeing a consent order for child arrangements.

Be careful here. If she did happen to cause problems re child arrangements though then you could apply to court to get the time reinstated - but it can be lengthy and costly.

Thanks Charlie7000

Sounds advice and contacted my lawyer today so get something in writing.
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