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is my ex being unreasonable? Advice needed
#1
Ok a bit of history, seperated 2013 divorced 2015 2 daughters now aged 6 and 8 I live in Berkshire ex lives Hampshire


January this year I suffered a massive heart attack and while in hospital begged my ex to bring the children to see me and would have arranged transport via a freind as she doesnt drive, her response "I would find the journey too difficult" so I didnt get to see the kids which at the time was heart breaking for me as I honestly didnt know if I was going to make it.
Clock forward to February, ex ends up in hospital with scepsis of the leg and I end up having to stay at her house (something which I was very uncomfortable with) as the kids had school, next thing she is phoning me from the hospital saying she misses the kids and could I take them to see her which I did even though I felt she was being very hypocytical.

Next thing I know shes meeting me at the door, ie she doesnt want me in her house which in itself is fine by me, however then she gets an appointment on a thursday but my eldest is off school sick so "could I go and sit with her at her house while she goes to her appointment" so she was prepared to let me in her house because she was stuck, I denied the request as I had a hospital appointment that day.

Now, I have the children every second weekend via court order and longer in the holidays by mutual agreement.
xmas has always been me going down and spending the day with them at her home but now all of a sudden this year she wants the kids xmas day and me to have them boxing day which is something im not happy about as xmas day is special and if she cant put her differences aside then its a bad thing, My youngests birthday is before xmas and as yet im not sure what she is going to say about that as its a weekday, she wont allow me in the house so how am I supposed to see her to giver a present, im sure as hell not missing her birthday ON THE DAY as I hve always been there in the past

when the kids are here she demands a phonecall at bedtime so she can say goodnight so in effect she is on contact every single day, now she wants facetime calls which ive suggested in the past as a means for me to see the kids which she has always refused.
I also found out tonite that the the reason I dont get a daily bedtime call from my girls is that she will not allow them to ring me and for me this is the final straw

We have been apart 6 years yet she still seems to hold a grudge, double standards and uses the kids to get her own way and this had GOT to stop NOW!!
Im at my wits end and need to stay calm because of my heart condition but tonight ended up taking my spray as I got so wound up and had chest pains because of finding out she wont allow my girls to call me.

I really need to sort this but facing her directly isnt an option as it gets me nowhere (Ive asked for bedtime calls before to no avail) so its either back to my old solicitor who dealt with the case but I know I can no longer obtain legal aid despite not working off long term sick / disabled, or social service again to try and obtain mediation?

anyother advice im all ears
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#2
It does sound as if your ex is being inflexible and hypocritical in her attitude. One option would be to apply to the court to vary your current order. If the order has been in place for several years and circumstances have changed then an order to vary seems the way to go. Under some circumstances you can apply for financial assistance with court costs by completing a form EX160A, which you can get from your local court, or you can download it. Also, you can keep costs down by self-representing.

If you apply direct to court on a C100 to vary the order without attempting mediation first, the court may refer you back to mediation before they proceed.  I read of one case of an application to vary where the court suggested mediation (which was refused by the mother) and then the court ordered that both parents attend a parenting course, even though their daughter was 12 and an order had been in place for several years! So you might want to see first if your ex is willing to attend mediation. The initial MIAM session usually costs around £100. If your ex is inflexible then this initial appointment may be all you need to get signed off to apply to court. You can only hope that she won’t want to return to court, so will be open to mediation.
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