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Gone & bumped my head a bit
#1
Been a while since I've posted anything on here & a lot has happened since I have.

Split with my ex back in June last year, sold the FMH in September this year, she's bought a place nearby & lives there with my two boys & I have also bought a place of my own. Hadn't had any involvement with anyone else since the split.

Two weeks before I moved house I had a weekend away with some old friends I haven't seen in years, a particular female was there who I've known for about 8 years & we've always had a thing for each other. Suffice to say, as soon as we found out that we were both now single, it didn't take long for that to progress & my 14th month abstinence in that department was well & truly broken, what a weekend!

She stayed the first two night's in my new house when I moved in & yes, we were at it like rabbits the whole weekend again & we saw a fair bit of each other from then on, nights at mine, meeting up for meals in the evening, took her away for a weekend, WhatsApping daily & I completely fell for her, she did the same with me. She really is an amazing person.

Over the last month though she really began deteriorating, the affection was still there although she was becoming very vacant inside. Comments were made about how she can't see as much of me as she'd like due to me having my boys every other weekend & she'd also only split up with her ex just 5 weeks before we met again that weekend. She's having a real hard time with that one (that's a very long story but suffice to say she's not regretting breaking up with him or anything, she'd love nothing more than to just see the back of him but it's very financially complicated & she stands to possibly loose her house of 20 years, she was with him for 7). She's also going through a bit of a medical scare at the moment too.

A couple of weekends back she admitted to me that she was clinically depressed, cried all the time for no reason & was just completely lost with herself. The contrast in the women I've known, the life & soul of the party, to who was sat with me that day was heartbreaking & I began to see the end coming as nothing I could say or do would be able to get her out of the dark place she'd fallen into.

This weekend it happened. I did a very difficult thing & let her go, she needs time to find herself again & become that happy & wonderful person she was before. There were lots of tears from both ends & I left the door open to her & said that when she's healed her wounds & found herself again to come & find me.

As admirable as I think that was, I feel like utter shit now. There's absolutely nothing I could've done for her but I'm now left feeling like a love sick puppy, completely grieving (even more so than when I split up with my ex of 17 years), stomach in knots every day since, not sleeping well, not eating much & every time my WhatsApp tone goes on my phone I hope it's her (it isn't, just my mate sending me more porn).

How the hell did this happen?

In the one hand I'm hoping that she will get back in touch one day, when she's healed & ready, & we can pick things up again. In the other hand though I feel like I should just completely let go & move on.

Not necessarily looking for an answer here, more of an open up from me as I haven't really spoke to anyone since this weekend & felt this was a good place for a bit of release.
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#2
Welcome back DanDad! I’ve been a member on the site for a while now and I often wonder how things are going for members who post frequently but then disappear off the radar. In my case, the situation with my son and his access to his son, that lead me to posting on the forum, has resolved itself naturally. I thought it was a lost cause, but a woman’s prerogative is to change her mind and that’s what’s happened with his ex.

Seems that’s what’s happened with your new relationship. She’s suddenly gone cold. I’m a bit older than many on the forum, but I can just about remember those heady days of new love! I don’t know but to me it sounds like it could have been more lust than love (on her side maybe?), but you’ve created a deeper bond. Obviously, if she’s stressing about losing her house that she’s had for 20 years to a guy who’s only been on the scene for 7, then, yes, maybe she’s burnt out and needs to be on her own for a bit. You’ve left the door open for her, so maybe it’ll resolve itself in time.

You weren’t expecting responses to your post, but I hope you don’t mind my replying. I’m not giving any advice, or any answers, as there probably aren’t any answers to be had in a situation where someone is suffering from depression.

Best wishes to you.
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#3
Cheers Kate.

I've still logged in here quite frequently but I suppose I'm lucky in the sense that I never had the trauma of courts etc just to see my own children, fortunately that was settled amicably with my ex & we also settled the financial split ourselves (eventually) to enable us both to move on. For those reasons I can't really offer much on here to those Dad's going through what I fortunately never experienced so my posting kind of stopped.

I hear what you're saying about the lust thing & you could be right, I have known her for a good few years now though & she really is a wonderful lady & I totally believe that when she told me how she felt about me, she did mean it so I hope you are wrong (we're not spring chickens either although she is 8 years older than me).

I've just kind of regressed again from being at the bottom of the roller coaster at the beginning of this year, to hitting the very top of the climb 3 months ago when my end was in sight, my new house & new life was completing & I got together with someone already very special to me, now I'm plummeting back down the drop again in my emotional feelings.

I really do hope she'll get the proper help she needs, find herself & come find me again when she has. I'm just thinking that am I putting myself through more pain than I should be by effectively waiting for someone who may never return?

I'm not stupid, I don't intend on putting my life on hold but I know for a fact that if & when she does get herself sorted, ready & if she does give me that signal, I'd be there like a shot!
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