Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Warning to end contact arrangements

I have a Section 8 Child arrangement order in place and I have decent amount of visiting contact agreed.  My sons mother is difficult at any opportunity as she is very controlling and combative but I rarely respond.  I have had problems with her not making our son available on certain dates but this has improved after a warning re the order was made.  I keep our relationship very business like despite her best efforts to embroil me in debates around what she thinks is stated in the court order.

All going relatively well then until the past few weeks when she has began to make allegations that our son is telling her that I am being negative about her ie calling her a bad mum etc.  She is claiming this is due to my controlling behaviour and an attempt at child alienation which is what she accused me of when we were together.  I have never said anything of the sort and make a great effort to always speak positively about his mum.  Our son is 4yrs old btw.   She has warned that if this continues she will halt contact and log a report with Social Services.  She makes no mention of contacting the court.  This all feels very much like a repeat of what happened when we were together.  

My main query is what should I do and are her threats just hot air or can she halt contact and what role could SS's play in this?
Let’s be realistic what are social services going to do? She’s admitting wanting to breach the court order, let her crack on. Social services will do nothing on hearsay especially with something as trivial as you calling her a bad mum, it’s laughable she thinks they would even be remotely interested. They will only involved over a serious safeguarding concerns. I deal with SS in my job and I’ve seen some horrendous cases where they have effectively binned it off, so I don’t have much faith in them anyway. Just stick to your guns tell her you’ve not said anything of the sort she that you’ve noted she intends to use this unfounded allegation to breach order.
She is doing what my ex does. Accuses you of things to pre-empt a court application. Ok so if she goes to social services saying you are alienating child and are controlling , they may or may not investigate. My ex did this - they talked to son in school (without my knowledge) and ascertained he has been coached and was using adult language. It bounced back in her and they had words with her. This just made her more angry and controlling.

What she is trying to do is get evidence for court via social services. Just stay calm and let things go ahead. When SS came to see me they were happy with me and could see what she was doing. Although scarily they did believe some of the rubbish son had been told to say(eg he didn’t love me, just Mum and Stepdad). But not the more serious accusations. She accused me of being controlling too saying I forced son to do xyz (ie suggested healthy exercise!).

At the end of it I had a copy of a closure report showing no issues with me. That was very helpful evidence for court.
Your child arrangements order outranks anything anyone can do as to supposed if you didn't have one. What you need to do now is ignore her allegations and don't get involved in any arguments or spats. try and do all child contact via WhatsApp/email/text rather than verbally. everytime from now on email yourself anything your child says which is untoward and even write brief notes what happened during contact. also log anything she is not sticking to . by emailing yourself you have the exact time and dates and if accused of anything can refer back to notes and anything else she has done. social services will initially log anything she does and close case quickly. after a few times may ring you to find out your side and close the case. unfortuanately ex partners like to go down the road of false allegations and repeatedly reporting concerns so theres a trail. a good way to combat awkward ex partners is to use nursery/school to do handover so you don't have as much to do with their mum
My oh used to work for ss. They won't be interested. Just keep being polite, friendly and firm with her, documenting everything, and if and when she breaches the order, deal with it then.

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Mother changing agreed contact arrangements Sadman2016 5 3,625 09-16-2020, 09:50 PM
Last Post: Charlie7000
  Child arrangements order - resident vs contact Ric134 6 5,456 07-15-2019, 09:12 PM
Last Post: Charlie7000
  Interim contact arrangements advice thelongroad 22 18,539 12-23-2018, 04:19 PM
Last Post: thelongroad
  Changes to contact arrangements taco19685 2 3,286 07-03-2018, 10:32 AM
Last Post: Charlie7000
  Just a word of [financial] warning!!! Naive 6 7,107 01-22-2018, 02:43 PM
Last Post: Tom_W88
  Pre Existing Contact Arrangements strider 4 6,378 02-23-2017, 12:36 PM
Last Post: strider
  contact arrangements warwickshire1 2 6,681 04-13-2016, 09:41 AM
Last Post: warwickshire1

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)