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Easter holidays - shared
#1
A bit of a tricky one.

The question is about Easter holidays and sharing them equally.

Half terms are easy and simple, nothing changes, weekends simply extend by 2 and a half days or so, and the term time alternate weekend pattern continues.

But for Easter it seems a little less clear. So if we assume the parent that the child was supposed to be with the first weekend of the Easter holidays has the child (as under the usual term time pattern) and the stay extends to 8 days to the following Saturday night (ie around half holidays). Then the other parent has the child 8 days until school drop off Monday.

Who does the child spend the first weekend following the Easter holidays with?  

If the  usual alternate weekend pattern doesn't shift and the second parent has the child again that weekend, it means that the parent who spends the first week with the child, will go almost 3 weeks before having the child for a weekend again?

Or does it make sense that in these holidays, the alternate pattern should shift so that the first-Easter week parent has the child again for the first term time weekend after the holidays and the alternate weekends continue from that?

Sorry it probably sounds far more complicated on paper than it does if you just look at this years Easter holidays calendar.  Lets say Parent A has child during Easter from 3rd April 2020 to evening of 11th April 2020, then Parent B from evening of 11th April to school on Monday 20th April. If the term time weekend pattern doesn't change then it means that the first weekend after holidays (24 -26th April) is spent with Parent B again? So Parent A will only have child for a weekend again on May 1st, so almost 20 days after hand over on 11th April. (Leaving aside midweek contact, it doesn't change anything)

The advantage of the alternate weekends not shifting probably means clearer arrangement to be able to make long term plans etc. But it does mean that one parent would have to go a while without having the term time weekend after the first Easter holiday week.

On the other hand, over the years this will balance out as both parents would at times be the 'first week' parent, so it would balance out..? 

Some thoughts would be appreciated.
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#2
you could have parent 1 Friday 3rd and Saturday 4th ( 2 overnights) handover on sunday midday
parent 2 sun 5th - sat 11th ( 7 overnights) handover sunday 4-5pm
parent 1 sun 12th- sat 18th ( 7 overnights) handover sunday midday
parent 2 sun 19th ( 1 overnight)


so above parent 1 would have 9 overnights and parent 2 would only have 8 overnights ..however parent 2 would actually get kids at midday twice instead of 4-5pm which would make up for it fairly

(01-02-2020, 05:45 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: you could have parent 1  Friday 3rd and Saturday 4th ( 2 overnights) handover on sunday midday
                     parent 2 sun 5th - sat 11th ( 7 overnights) handover sunday 4-5pm
                     parent 1 sun 12th- sat 18th ( 7 overnights) handover sunday midday
                     parent 2 sun 19th ( 1 overnight)
                   

so above parent 1 would have 9 overnights and parent 2 would only have 8 overnights ..however parent 2 would actually get kids at midday twice instead of 4-5pm  which would make up for it fairly

I have wrote parent 1 and parent 2 as above would depend on who is meant to have them weekend start of holidays. it could be you or your ex
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#3
Thank you. Yes I can see what you're doing.

We both would prefer that 'holidays' start from after school Friday and end start of school Monday morning, and that we split it half way. So we each get as long as possible a 'block' of time with chid in order to visit overseas families.

So I guess, with my approach, it may make sense that the term time weekend pattern 'shifts' so that the parent who spends the first half with the child would then have the first term time weekend?
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#4
yes to avoid confusion .unless you get on great is for parent who is due them that particular weekend to start their holidays then. or you could have 9 days each starting whenver if they go back on a Tuesday and you revert back to your usual weekends straight after
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#5
Hi Jam W . Your suggestion is pretty much what ex and I are doing at the moment.

We both also prefer to have one big block of consecutive nights each to be able to travel etc so all holidays are (or should be) split in the middle. The order states that Christmas and Easter are divided into an equal first and second part, alternating yearly who has which part.
Example
Parent A : From end of school term 2.30pm for 9 consecutive nights . Then handover at 5pm.
Parent B: picks child up 5pm and has child until first day of school for 9 consecutive nights.
The first weekend after holidays is then automatically with parent A, regardless who had the weekend before the holiday, as parent B has just had the child.

To be honest, I never even considered that the weekend schedule would remain the same and start up with whoever didnt have the child before the holidays until your post. Ex has never questioned it either, I guess we just both assumed it was like this. Personally I think its easier like this and makes sense for the child to get quality time with whoever they havent just been with. You can easily calculate which weekend will be yours far ahead as you know which part of the holiday you will have. Yes, sometimes it means I go 3 weeks without seeing son, but its not very often actually, and even so, sometimes it means he ends up coming more frequently if I have the weekend before the holidays, and the first part of the holiday for example, and whoever has the first part also gets son for an extra 2.5 hours. So win some lose some. In the end it all evens out I reckon and I'd rather do the consecutive block than have him bounce back and forth and less communication with ex is always a winner!

For half-term however, we do it differently and alternate them in full. I do not want the 2.5 days for the same reasons you said above, to travel abroad, and I feel like that way I get actual quality time with son to do something if he comes for the full week or alternatively put my head down and work and make money if he is with his mum. So if she has February I have May and then she has October. And the following year I would have February and October and she May. So its 2 half terms one year and 1 halfterm the next year, so again, it evens out.

The one thing my order lacks which I am trying to improve now that I am back in court, is definition. At the moment when the holidays are an uneven number of nights ex always takes the extra night, I would like it to be alternated. I also want defined weeks for summer holidays. Most seem to have defined weeks but my order only says summer is to be split equally with minimum 2 consecutive weeks with dad. Meaning we have to agree on dates, and you can imagine the hell that is every summer. We tend to split it into one block of 2 weeks each, and then another block of approximately 10 days each which works well, but need to get something in writing so I can plan ahead as atm I am at her mercy and its always last minute. Im also trying to get it so that if bank holiday friday/monday coincides with my alternate weekend (Friday to Sunday), son would either come on Thursday instead of friday , OR, goes back home on Monday instead of Sunday.
Not sure I can get any of those but worth a shot. Anyways just some ideas in case it might help.
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#6
Thanks Tigre for the detailed reply, its helpful.

So I guess there are no hard and fast rules, which makes sense.

I am going through a period currently with ex behaving very unhelpful and a little hostile... again. It happens in phases.

Though I don't quite see how you both have 9 nights during Easter when from Friday after school to Monday morning to school are 17 nights. Handover would be around Saturday evening then? One parent would have 9 and one 8 nights right?
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#7
Hi JW,

I’ve done the above so mother is having 9 nights this year and I’m having 8, told her I’ll be having the extra night next year. Sometimes it’s not worth fighting over one night, sometimes I’ve gained extra and sometimes she has. Like my solicitor said it’s about give and take and that’s what being a parent is all about. I’ve learned now that arguing over one night here and there isn’t worth it. I just make note of the extra night she’s had and bring it up next year.

So mother having Friday from school until Easter Sunday 10am (10 am is in line with term time collections) and I’ve got 10am until return to school Monday.
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#8
I hear you Astroman and I agree completely.

I believe I am as 'easy' and chilled with arrangements, date changes requests, as any parent can be.

Problem is when the ex wants one way for her and another for when child is with me. So, to borrow your words, with her is is only 'take' and very , very rarely, 'give'. Just plan nonsense, so much so in fact that I have not even bothered to write about all the rest of it on the forum. Just over the nonsense Wink
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#9
Totally agree mate, I used to get hung up on her benefiting but now I just think it's one night in the grand scheme of things. Just make sure it's all documented so she can't say she doesn't owe you.
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#10
Hi, can you just not have a full week each?
We agreed to a week each and it is alternated each year from 1st to 2nd week.
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