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Obligation to report back to Mum during unsupervised contact?
#1
I used to see my son two days during the week, every Sunday and have overnight stays every other weekend. However, this has now stopped partly because I am not giving information to my son's mum as to where I am and what I am doing with him when he is alone with me. 

She has previously put conditions on my independent contact with him, telling me I am not to have certain people around when I am with him, i.e. mutual friends whom she has now fallen out with. But now that I am refusing to willingly tell her where I go with him she is claiming that I am breaking the trust she has with me having our son overnight.

Personally, I don't see why I should have to report to her with regards to my activity with our son when he is with me. I have said previously that my time with him is my time and I am free to go and do as I please - but she does not agree with this and, as a result, she has cut my overnight stays and independent contact with our son.

Do I have an obligation to provide information as to what I am doing, where I am going with him as and when she requests it?
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#2
No, you don't have to tell childs mum where you are going and what you are doing. Same applies to your ex in that she doesn't have to tell you anything either what she is doing or where she is going either. do you have a court order in place or is it mutually agreed, how old is your child at moment?
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#3
(01-03-2020, 10:58 AM)warwickshire1 Wrote: No, you don't have to tell childs mum where you are going and what you are doing. Same applies to your ex in that she doesn't have to tell you anything either what she is doing or where she is going either.  do you have a court order in place or is it mutually agreed, how old is your child at moment?

Hi, thanks for your response. 

I have a shared care application with a hearing set in February. I previously had alternate weekends, every Sunday and nursery pick ups twice a week but this has now all stopped. But in the meantime, between now and the court hearing, I still would like to see my son...I have asked to have him on Saturdays for the day but she has come with conditions i.e. only if he shows a willingness to go (He's 2??) and I must inform her exactly where I am going when I come to take him.

I'm not prepared to agree to this as I think its incredibly unreasonable - do I have to agree to this? Wouldn't it undermine my application?
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#4
yes agree to her conditions until you get to family court. contact is better than no contact. what I am saying if you complain which you are fully entitled to do she will just refuse any form of contact. when you go to court you can then tell them you done what she demanded to maintain contact with your son and had no choice. you were ensuring that your son didn't lose contact with his father
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#5
As Warwickshire has advised, given you have a hearing coming up then do not rock the boat. You need to ensure that contact remains throughout proceedings; just provide her with updates when prompted to do so.

Once you have a final order, then who you see or where you go when the child is with you is none of her concern.
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#6
This thread makes me think of a problem my ex has with me when I have my kids. She is insistant that I do not allow the kids to have a baby sitter that isn't a close relative or somebody they don't know well. I'd never leave them with somebody I don't fully trust to care for them, but sometimes it could be necessary to have a baby sitter and surely this is a normal thing that parents do? Its hard to agree to be restricted in a way that you feel is just the mum trying to be controlling and exerting power over you when you basically have little choice but to agree or not see your kids.
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#7
(01-17-2020, 03:11 PM)batman Wrote: This thread makes me think of a problem my ex has with me when I have my kids. She is insistant that I do not allow the kids to have a baby sitter that isn't a close relative or somebody they don't know well. I'd never leave them with somebody I don't fully trust to care for them, but sometimes it could be necessary to have a baby sitter and surely this is a normal thing that parents do? Its hard to agree to be restricted in a way that you feel is just the mum trying to be controlling and exerting power over you when you basically have little choice but to agree or not see your kids.

In the case at the start of the thread, the member outranks his ex in what happens in his time, and only a prohibited steps court order can stop him taking the children to see set people. They are only granted if she could prove child protection issues, normally after a Sarah's Law Application.

However, the child has the legal right to contact (Children Act 2002), so if you are using a babysitter, that is not contact, and your ex is entitled to ask the court to put the child in her care at that time.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#8
(01-15-2020, 10:36 AM)Leader1978 Wrote: As Warwickshire has advised, given you have a hearing coming up then do not rock the boat.  You need to ensure that contact remains throughout proceedings; just provide her with updates when prompted to do so.  

Once you have a final order, then who you see or where you go when the child is with you is none of her concern.

Hi Guys,

An update - as you now know she wanted me to tell him where I was going with him on the proposed Saturday contact to which i bregrudgingly agreed but then asked if she would bring him to the car so we could go peacefully and without any argument.

She has now refused independent contact completely and said that if I want to see him I have to go to her house until the hearing date. My issue with this is:

1) She continuosly chooses to have both her Mother and new partner present when I visit, creating an awkward and tense environment which doesn't help in my interaction with my son

2) There have been occasions when I have visited and have been drawn into arguments with my son's Mum; not really trying to be in that situation again?

Any advice? At this point I'm just confused...
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#9
I would not go to her house under any circumstances until hearing date. you are leaving yourself open to all sort of accusations . she will have witnesses and you are been made to see your son in a very hostile environment where there is huge potential for conflict and them to press your buttons.

I would wait until wed/Thursday and text/ring asking for your usual contact as normal unsupervised where you go off on your own and say you can let her know what you are doing. by texting you can prove you have tried. if she offers the above you wrote , say sorry its not fair for me to have contact with our son in a hostile environment where there is likely to be conflict witnessed by our son.
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#10
If you have to go to ensure contact take a friend or family member with you.
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