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Parent evening logistics
#1
So I am now stuck with having to collect son to and from his Mother's house on school nights instead of from school.  And next week it is parents evening/afternoon on the day son is with me.  The app the school uses has a booking thing to book for seeing certain teachers at certain times.  The times are all after school but go on for 2 and a half hours.  I can't book an appointment to go because I don't know when she is going and that will determine where son is and when.  So if I can't book or could end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Doing my head in.  No point asking her as I won't get a straight answer and will get a lot more besides.

It would be easier just to skip it this time, but I think I need to keep involvement with school and get myself known.
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#2
they don't do parents evenings for 2 and a half hours. you sure you aren't mistaken that the parents evenings last for 2 1/2 hours after school. parents use app to pick a time slot for yourself only for 10 or 15 mins. normally slots go fast and your ex will pick hers just like u select yours. i have school app and receive text and pick a slot over a set amount of days

I wouldn't let your ex get away with making you go to hers after school and before school. You are leaving yourself open to her moving to the next stage saying he don't want to go at all. you need to get her back into court as you are meant to pick and drop off to school for a reason. so you don't have to put up with ex and her hostility
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#3
Court decided it unfortunately. Useless Judge said he couldn't force an 11 year old not to get on a bus. I need to get the timing right before going back to court and have more to go back with. The order still stands but has been undermined by a recital which I had legal advice about recently and they said it was a very dangerous recital (thank you Cafcass). This would just be seen as "flexibility" (except it's one sided). The parent evening is a weird system. You book slots with different teachers - 10 minutes each. So I could only need to be there for half an hour if I can book 3 teachers with consecutive slots but there aren't many consecutive slots available. There are a lot of separate teachers but would only want to see a couple I reckon. Would just like to know when she's booked her slots! I guess I could ask school and then I could plan round it.
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#4
Hey Charlie, we have a stupid system like that however it only allows one parent to pick timeslots so I often have to phone up. Hope things are going okay with your son after a difficult time you’ve had recently.
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#5
Charlie can you call the school asking to confirm when she is booked maybe?

"Judge said he couldn't force an 11 year old not to get on a bus." Sorry to bring this up again , but thats ridiculous. A judge could say this about any order for an 11 yo then. In fact you may still be able to appeal that order/recital, out of time on the basis that there was no application before the judge (not very likely to succeed but possible) and only untested 'evidence' by a Cafcass officer to that effect. IT is plainly wrong in that it creates more back and forth for child, more potential for friction, etc.

I too feel that if this is left alone it is only a matter of time before you receive that letter/email from ex advising that midweek time with you should stop because of the 'toing and froing' (phrase they love to use including cafcass) of child and that your child agrees. A court is more likely to 'fix' this silly bus issue now than it would be to reverse a new established status quo if it continues much longer.

I hear your very sensible arguments in waiting for 'more things to go to court with and that if you went to court to 'fix' this she would say to your son things like 'see what dad is doing against us and against what you want' putting your child in the middle. It is honourable and the right thing that you are trying to protect your child from being placed in the middle. But, the reality is that your ex is being strategic, and now that this first step has been taken, she just needs to 'lay low' for a while, not give you these 'bigger things' to go to court with, and then make what by then may actually sound like a reasonable argument and application to court, to vary the order so that child is not forced to get on buses and between homes on one evening each week. SO in effect, the strength of your current argument against that, will actually become her argument against you as absurd as that is! And she will potentially succeed in getting it varied.

Again sorry mate for bringing this up, I know your question was about something else, but to me at least it just seems that you are putting yourself at a big disadvantage allowing this pass. Unless of course you are considering that giving up the midweek, if it was to come to that point, would be a sacrifice worth making, if you felt it would protect your child from her manipulation against you. That is something that is a whole other matter of course with its own arguments against and for. That is why I always say, the parties involved are the only ones who truly have a sense and knowledge of all the nuances and details of their situation, the history, the personalities (and disorders) involved and many other things. At the very least, I hope to perhaps simply offer a wider perspective to you, just in case it helps at all.

Whatever you do or do not do, it is absolutely clear you are doing with your child's best interests at heart and for that you should not feel guilty or weighed down.
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#6
Thank you. Yes I hear everything you're saying. But we are all burned out. Had a death in the family recently as well. Son just wouldn't handle it right now. Yes he is still having uncertainty and a bit anxious probably, but a lot better than before. Yes it's clear she's looking to get rid of the midweek nights. If she wanted to she would have to apply to vary. Been advised I can't appeal probably but would have to apply to vary or possibly ask for new directions on a C2. But ex and her solicitor strategy is a bit clearer now - I would get the same Judge and the same Cafcass officer. It's the only Judge available at the small family court. I always apply to the bigger court but they have cottoned onto this and last hearing was listed at local court "because it was closer" - they have clearly requested this knowing this Judge is not very good (as I do). As for the Cafcass officer - had her at both courts. So I need to think all this through and approaches etc. My ex is quite dangerous so I have to think it through carefully.

Of course she never does apply to vary she just does it and then that leaves me in the position of having to apply to court or it becomes accepted as a new agreement - she's obviously been advised of that. Just glad the holidays are over.

Cheers Astroman. Yes I think I'll see what the school say. I would happily book slots if I knew she couldn't see which ones I've booked (under son's account) but I am not exactly sure how the system works - it's only geared for "regular" parents.
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#7
Sorry to hear about the loss in the family.

The small court and the judge and cafcass officer almost certain to be the same certainly doesn't help. Good example that there are details in everybody's situation that only the party may be aware of which can and do influence decisions. Judicial continuity is actually to be welcomed, but in trying to convince the same judge that a previous order or action was wrong, is not the easiest thing.

Just another couple of years to go before your son reaches an age where hopefully the influence by the ex will start to diminish and he will vote with his feet. This may be the reason or one of the reasons for your ex's actions?

Not right that the school does not have an option for separated parents, it is hardly an extraordinary situation to have to accommodate separated parents.
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