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Ex-Wife Assaulted & My Child hurt
#1
Good afternoon everyone
 
The fact I'm posting here makes me very sad indeed.  A terrible incident took place over the festive period that means things need to change.
 
The events below unfolded at my ex-wife's house and in summary:
 
- Ex-wife’s fiancé gets very drunk with his friend and friend leaves (circa midnight)
- My daughter wakes up and is around the family area
- Ex-wife’s fiancé wants to drive off (maybe he had an argument with my ex-wife?)
- Ex-wife’s fiancé assaults her(pushed to the ground then mounted and hit several times) in front of my daughter (12) as she tried to stop him driving off, whilst my 8 yr old son is sleeping
- My daughter tries to call police/help, he grabs my daughters’ phone and pushes her backwards to the ground, bruising her lower back and elbows
- My daughter helps stop the blood flow from her mother and describes how horrible it was
- There’s more but it is irrelevant....
 
My daughter arrives with me on Xmas day afternoon and explains everything!
 
In short, I gave my ex-wife until boxing day to call the Police/Social Services....she didn't and wouldn't (he has 2 other children with his ex-wife, and it is very 'rocky' in terms of him being able to see his children; his daughter doesn’t want to see him, so my ex-wife clearly doesn't want to upset this).
 
I called the Police, they turned up and took a statement from me and my daughter.
 
They visited ex-wife’s home, she wouldn’t press charges and he wouldn’t say what happened however it was clear something had occurred.  They chose to arrest him under suspicion of assault.
 
He appeared at court a week last Monday and a DVPO was issued (Domestic Violence Prevention Order) and he has to stay away from the home until the 26th Jan and can have no contact with my ex-wife or children.
 
I also called Social Services (SS) and they are now involved.  To date, my ex-wife and I share a 'non-court ruled' 50/50 care plan and it works great.  We're all happy with the arrangement and ideally want this to continue however....
 
In summary, I do not want him to be around my children again.  He has been very drunk in the house with them previously and had a knife of the table saying he was going to end himself as his daughter didn't want to see him.
 
I feel this guys pain, and rather than going to visit and beating the shit out of him (by god it took everything in me to hold back!), I have gone through the 'official channels' and hope and pray that SS agree to help keep him away from my children.  A Care Plan is being formulated by SS and I will be chasing her by the end of this week.  We have 17 days left until my children are potentially at risk again.
 
I reach out to you on here seeking guidance.  How can I ever trust this man around my children again?  To date, I believe he's been OK around them, they seemed fond of him, with only 1 other physical incident (he grabbed my son and pulled him very hard out of a van) and I told him via email that I was not comfortable with him 'touching' my children and that it should not happen again.
 
The thought of him being around my children again, despite 99% of the time he has been OK, fills me with worry that if the event happens again, and from what the Police, SS and my friends have told me, it very likely will, that my children will be hurt very badly in this process.
 
So, let me have your thoughts people.  What would you do in my situation and what if SS turns around and states it's OK for him to be around my children?  How do I sleep at night and not stop myself from removing him from the land of the living?   Sad
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#2
(01-09-2020, 01:24 PM)MayTheForceBeWithYou Wrote: Good afternoon everyone
 
The fact I'm posting here makes me very sad indeed.  A terrible incident took place over the festive period that means things need to change.
 
The events below unfolded at my ex-wife's house and in summary:
 
- Ex-wife’s fiancé gets very drunk with his friend and friend leaves (circa midnight)
- My daughter wakes up and is around the family area
- Ex-wife’s fiancé wants to drive off (maybe he had an argument with my ex-wife?)
- Ex-wife’s fiancé assaults her(pushed to the ground then mounted and hit several times) in front of my daughter (12) as she tried to stop him driving off, whilst my 8 yr old son is sleeping
- My daughter tries to call police/help, he grabs my daughters’ phone and pushes her backwards to the ground, bruising her lower back and elbows
- My daughter helps stop the blood flow from her mother and describes how horrible it was
- There’s more but it is irrelevant....
 
My daughter arrives with me on Xmas day afternoon and explains everything!
 
In short, I gave my ex-wife until boxing day to call the Police/Social Services....she didn't and wouldn't (he has 2 other children with his ex-wife, and it is very 'rocky' in terms of him being able to see his children; his daughter doesn’t want to see him, so my ex-wife clearly doesn't want to upset this).
 
I called the Police, they turned up and took a statement from me and my daughter.
 
They visited ex-wife’s home, she wouldn’t press charges and he wouldn’t say what happened however it was clear something had occurred.  They chose to arrest him under suspicion of assault.
 
He appeared at court a week last Monday and a DVPO was issued (Domestic Violence Prevention Order) and he has to stay away from the home until the 26th Jan and can have no contact with my ex-wife or children.
 
I also called Social Services (SS) and they are now involved.  To date, my ex-wife and I share a 'non-court ruled' 50/50 care plan and it works great.  We're all happy with the arrangement and ideally want this to continue however....
 
In summary, I do not want him to be around my children again.  He has been very drunk in the house with them previously and had a knife of the table saying he was going to end himself as his daughter didn't want to see him.
 
I feel this guys pain, and rather than going to visit and beating the shit out of him (by god it took everything in me to hold back!), I have gone through the 'official channels' and hope and pray that SS agree to help keep him away from my children.  A Care Plan is being formulated by SS and I will be chasing her by the end of this week.  We have 17 days left until my children are potentially at risk again.
 
I reach out to you on here seeking guidance.  How can I ever trust this man around my children again?  To date, I believe he's been OK around them, they seemed fond of him, with only 1 other physical incident (he grabbed my son and pulled him very hard out of a van) and I told him via email that I was not comfortable with him 'touching' my children and that it should not happen again.
 
The thought of him being around my children again, despite 99% of the time he has been OK, fills me with worry that if the event happens again, and from what the Police, SS and my friends have told me, it very likely will, that my children will be hurt very badly in this process.
 
So, let me have your thoughts people.  What would you do in my situation and what if SS turns around and states it's OK for him to be around my children?  How do I sleep at night and not stop myself from removing him from the land of the living?   Sad

What an awful scenario for the children to be in.  

If it was me, I would never let him  anywhere near my children again.  Your restraint is admirable and if you have 50% access, I would want 100% if they remain together, he assaulted her after all.  People are creatures of habit and it will absolutely happen again. 

What was his response to your email??

Feel for you mate
Reply
#3
You are in a very awkward situation. You can only sit back patiently if you are doing things through the official channels to see what social services are going to do about it. I am guessing they are going to end up doing nothing unless he is convicted of an offence . If there are no charges I am guessing they will close the case.

Can I ask what is happening on 26th January. Is something happening on that particular date? Is he due in court or is there a meeting taking place.
If social services do think they are at serious risk they can prevent him from coming around your childrens home , but end of the day your ex is responsible in a way for not allowing this to happen by not wanting to press charges and not taking it any further.

If your daughter does not get on with him and he still comes round your ex partners house , she is now getting older and older and soon be able to have a say in where she lives as she is 12 now as long as shes not seen to be influenced in anyway
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