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Controlling behaviour
#1
Hello all and hope you are all in good health.
My situation is I am stuck within the system. Separated from ex in 2018 as out of the blue ex took the children (aged 2.5 and 5.5 now) and went to her parents. Allegations make the very next day. Police got involved and I was interviewed on voluntary basis. Case was closed by the police and ex was referred to a Psychiatrist. She was suffering from post natal depression and Psychosis. I started the court proceeding and raised this with the court. All of a sudden she was well.
She made the same allegations to the family court CAFCASS got involved and section 7 report was ordered. CAFCASS complete the report with recommendation of fact finding. This was February 2019. Court hearing was cancelled 3 times and next one is in late April. In September 2018 I agreed to prohibited steps order and she agreed for supervised contact in contact centre 2 hours a week. This has been going since till cluster of contact centre.
One of allegations she made was controlling behaviour. With another 7 from domestic abuse to rape in marriage which obviously all lies and unfounded. All Are against her from medical report to police disclosures. In medical report she said to her doctors and nurses how supportive I was and how good I was etc however after separation she said exactly opposite.
Anyway while contact centre is closed I cannot see my children physically. She came with no proposal and I went with Skype idea where I could talk to them face to face. She played internet issue for a few weeks and came up with proposal as below:
She will set up a conference every week and share the delays when she wants for me so I could talk to the children
Due to age of children she or an adult need to be present there just to help with technical bit( and listen to my conversation)
No one in my household is allowed to be there while I talk to my children.
I can’t pass on any messages to her through children (for gods sake why would I even want to )
And many other things

To me this is controlling behaviour and she uses children to control me. 2 hours session was needed after 30 minutes I didn’t even say good by to my children.
Do you think I should raise this an an example along with other at fact finding hearing as controlling behaviour? I didn’t raise any allegations whatsoever.

I did suggest she will create Skype I’d for this and I will call when I meant to see the children as opposed to she is telling me.
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#2
As you have a hearing coming up I would just agree to whatever she offers. I am not sure the court would consider that controlling behaviour - more “Mother dictating “ which is something they are used to Mothers doing.
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#3
The issue is it would be controlling if it was other way around. Also she has to self isolate for 3 months due to her cancer treatment and it is more than likely hearing will be adjourned and I cannot wait another 3 months just for none sense she made up. This is really frustrating and I wish I could let this go and give up like some others.
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#4
Oh absolutely - as a man she would accuse you of controlling behaviour. If it's any help my ex has been saying that to Cafcass for years and they just put it down to her hating me! But if a man accuses the Mother of anything whatsoever - he is seen as controlling. Confusing eh. So best not to accuse her of anything.

Regarding the situation - due to the Coronavirus and lockdown, these are unprecedented times and I would accept the self isolating with your kid, providing you get regular video and phone calls, as per judicial decisions in this circumstance of the pandemic. Don't give up. However long you have to wait now, it will feel like yesterday when you see them again. Why do you think the hearing will be adjourned? They are doing video conferencing hearings at the moment.
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#5
(04-06-2020, 01:57 AM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Oh absolutely - as a man she would accuse you of controlling behaviour.  If it's any help my ex has been saying that to Cafcass for years and they just put it down to her hating me!  But if a man accuses the Mother of anything whatsoever - he is seen as controlling.  Confusing eh.  So best not to accuse her of anything.

Regarding the situation - due to the Coronavirus and lockdown, these are unprecedented times and I would accept the self isolating with your kid, providing you get regular video and phone calls, as per judicial decisions in this circumstance of the pandemic.  Don't give up.  However long you have to wait now, it will feel like yesterday when you see them again.  Why do you think the hearing will be adjourned?  They are doing video conferencing hearings at the moment.

I have a feeling that she would use excuse like internet is down or something else as it would work for her to avoid this hearing because her lies will come out. Longer she keeps me away from children is better for her. I think spending 18 months in contact centre is long enough to be wanting to have quality time with your children when you are not looked down or judged by people at contact centre.
I asked my solicitor to be proactive and put everything in place to ensure hearing would still go ahead remotely. To be honest I think solicitors don't mind for this to take longer to get money out of me that's how I feel at the moment. Last hearing we went to the court and she got a letter from her doctor saying that she couldn't attend because of health reason. I was advised if we carry on she could easily appeal against the decision. The hearing before that court was busy with an urgent case and the one before was cancelled by the court so who knows what would happen this time. I just want to get over this made up allegations so I could concentrate on the children rather than ex behaviour.
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