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Going for Full Custody from Shared Care
Hi All

Has anyone ever experienced difficulty with an ex whereby they live such a distance they make it near on impossible to support the children attending after school activities they want to go to or football training and matches (or similar) they want to go to etc...

On that basis has anyone ever attempted to go for further custody so as to provide the children a more stable normal lifestyle?

Keep in mind I live where the children have grown up and still attend school etc...
So I'm not quite clear if you and ex live at a distance or the kids school is nearer you than her. With shared care and long distance it could b very difficult to have anything except shared care. Unless she does something outrageous. It is more likely to be a variation. Eg if they kids go to school near you and she is further away then say shared care on the basis they spend midweek nights with you and week-ends with her - plus half the holidays each. Or 3 week-ends out of four with her plus Skype calls or something. Best done by agreement at mediation if possible. If she won't co-operate with mediation then it would mean applying to vary the schedule. Which could be risky if they go to school near her.
you wouldn't get residency based on what you have said
Yes correct, the children are in school in the town i live in and a tight community with several primary schools but one secondary school which caters and partners with all primary schools in the area. Kids going to any other secondary school is a bus journey.

Ex is suggesting a secondary school near her which would mean at least 2 bus's for the children from my house or me driving him but then dragging thee youngest out the house very early to then just bring him back to go primary school. So proposal is he goes to the local secondary school here as that would satisfy the status quo and children would remain at secondary schol with all their friends and also more support from family and friends around here where i live.
Ok so you need to be careful here - it sounds like she is trying to change the arrangements by getting them in at a secondary school near her - because of course the journey is too far so she would then say they need to spend all midweek nights with her.

What is your current schedule under shared care? I think you need to start mediation (if she will go) and try and get agreement on which school they go to. If no agreement then you can get signed off and get an urgent specific issues order over schools- your argument being they are happy with current schedule and school area. But you'd need to prove the one you want is a better school. If you do nothing she may just enrol them in the new school near her. Also keep everything well documented in emails and texts - politely and reasonably. You may need them for evidence. Is it for this september? If so they must have already got their names down somewhere.
It's for sep 2021 so application this September. She has already said about schools near her but the kids have no life at all when at hers other tha with her.

They have been brought up inthe town I live as I'm still in the matrimonial home. They have all their friends here and my family. All their friends will be going the school here.

So going to a school near her will mean I cant get them there easily if at all. But the ex has always been able to get them to my town because of her shift patterning. But when she is working she physically can not get them to school.
So you need this sorted by end of September for deadline for applications. Totally see what you’re saying but sometimes exes just do stuff and it changes everything.

I would try getting agreement and if not apply for specific issues order then you can make the above argument to the Judge. I’m just aware that they can put a good school before a schedule providing kids both still see both parents. So you need a strong argument for the school near you, not just location.

Eg if they do a particular subject that your kid is really interested in or if they have a good football team etc. Not just academics. Even without separated parents situation, some people actually move house to get their kids into a great school.

I am just wondering if this school near your ex really is v good or if it is just an attempt to change things so they live with her more.
It's to change things...the school is better but that's all no other benefit for the kids. In fact it would cause a logistical nightmare getting them there as I have them equally plus she struggles to get them school often so has to ask me for help...
If it goes to a specific issues and the school she wants is the better school she may well win there. Education is seen as a really high priority. What would happen if you agreed to the school she wanted and mediated on transport. I’m sorry I can’t remember but is there a court order for shared care or is it all informal? If no court order I would try and get an agreement drawn up and put into a consent order that they live with both parents (is it 50/50 or more time with you?). And includes agreements on schools and transport. If you’re reasonably amicable - and get it drawn up.

You’d need it agreed that you get the free school transport. A kind of bargain. Ok I’ll agree to the school you think best if we draw everything up in a consent order to formalise things and I get the free school transport.

Sorry I’m not being much help.

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