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Ex has new partner and has cut me out of her life.
#1
Hi all

My ex wife and I had been managing to co parent the children amicably for a few years now. We would chat at pick up and drop offs, go to parents evenings together, do birthday parties and even go out for a meal with the kids once in a while. We both still own the house and I would always try and help out if I could. I have had a new partner for around a year and she thinks it's cool that we stay amicable. 

Recently though, things changed. She started acting defensive when the lock down started. She didn't want me near the house during the NHS street clapping. Once I got caught out as I was late returning the kids at 8pm and was stuck in front of the house having to clap awkwardly in front of the neighbours. My ex then said that I was not to go into the house anymore and just drop off at the door in future. I thought this was a bit dramatic but thought ok. Shame because the girls liked showing me their new things in their bedrooms and flowers they had planted in the garden.

The other day, she informs me that she doesn't want me in her life anymore. She doesn't want to see my face again and told me that she can't move on with her life with me in it. The girls came over this weekend and nervously told me that their mum had a boyfriend but have been sworn to secrecy and they clam up and look scared if I even mention their mum. 

I tried to reason with my ex via whatsapp to find out why she has to cut all contact after everything but she has become a different person and just throws abuse at me. She even said that all my tools that I left at the house are now hers and she will do with them as she likes. 

I don't get it. After everything I have done for her, she turns on me as soon as she meets a guy that she has known for about a month from Tinder. I thought there was a lock down in place? 

I'm confused as what to do. A bit shocked by it all. I have no idea who this guy is but I doubt he has had anything to do with all this.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?
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#2
I would hazard the guess the new guy is calling the shots and wants you out the way, she sounds she will do anything to appease him.

I would get ready for the denial of contacts to start.
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#3
This is sadly quite common actually. She now wants to have the perfect family - herself, the girls and the hubby. You showing up makes people ask questions and ruins her fantasy. She wants to get rid of you now, slowly but surely. Whether its the new guys fault or hers is irrelevant, theyre probably both mental and this is just the beginning. Scotay is right, prepare for the worst as soon she will stop you from seeing the kids. Im guessing you do not have a court order in place and its just been agreed directly between you 2?

Whats the current set up, do you have set days or it changes weekly? Its really important now that you keep seeing them regularly the way you have, so that if you have to go to court, then you are more likely to keep the same schedule with the kids.

Keep all your communication in writing, no phone calls. Make sure all communication is short, factual and polite, and to a minimum. Always put the kids first (even when you feel she is being horrible and all you want to do is tell her to F off), when you write the email imagine a judge might read it later down the line. This will be your evidence later to show that you are being reasonable and put kids first and she is not. Keeping it polite and to a minimum is also so she cant say youre harassing her.

Actually she has done you a favour in asking that you drop off the kids outside. Now that she is being irrational, I would not go near her, and most definitely not inside her house. That just leaves you open to false allegations, which are very likely to happen. Ideally handover should be somewhere else and not from her home, like nursery, a relatives home etc. Assuming you cant do that right now with lockdown so I would drop them off a few metres from the door and let the kids walk alone to the house to ensure distance between you. If theyre too young then get someone to go with you so you have a witness, as next thing she might say you went there agressive and shouting and she was scared for her life etc..You could also wear a body cam if ur alone. No doubt she will at some point say youre jealous and threatened her new partner etc .

How old are the kids? You might have to prepare for her to involve the kids to poison them against you. Do not respond to this. Always correct the lie but dont say anything bad about their mum and reassure them everything is ok. Example: "mummy said youre mean and a bad daddy" or "mummy says youre bad because you dont let us watch the iPad" etc.. nothing new. Just keep being the great dad you are and show them love and trust and dont get pulled into this.

Im sorry if these things scare or shock you . You're ex might not do any of these things and be fine in the end, I hope so, but reality is most will follow the above protocol like clockwork so the more prepared you are the less headache later. This forum has been my saviour so keep coming on here for guidance and you should be ok
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#4
Thanks for your replies.

The arrangements as they stand are that we have a long standing agreement since the divorce. The girls stay with me every other weekend and come over once in the week. Any extra days or favours are not planned but it's nice to have the flexibility. Their mum has calmed down and is happy for the youngest to come over tomorrow for a few hours. 

I don't think she stop me seeing the girls. It would mean less time for her to spend with the new guy. She also has to go back to work soon and as I work from home right now, I am the easy option for childcare as she hasn't got many friends or family who are local. 

This isn't the first time she has pulled a stunt like this. She met a guy three years ago who was a complete psycho. He was a control freak and wanted me out of the picture. The relationship lasted three months and she came running back wanting to be mates. 

What gets me is the sudden verbal assault as if I am scum and have done something terrible. I can't remember the lifts to her work and maintenance jobs I've done in that house. Only last month she asked me if I wanted a cocktail and let me sit with her in the garden. It was a bit weird I must admit but to go from that extreme to this is messing my head up. 

The girls are petrified to do the wrong thing. Last night I was on a video call with my daughter and my mum. As soon as the ex heard my voice she must have made a gesture to my daughter to turn the call off. The look on my daughter's face was worrying. I don't know exactly what has been said but there would be consequences if they said anything.
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