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Do existing arrangements count for much?
#11
How old are they now? The weed smoking would be taken seriously. However you might not be able to prove it and she might deny it. And then it comes across as slagging her off.
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#12
Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. We have a degree of trust still at the moment and we cooperate. But she knows - she lies about it to the kids and she always used to with me. So she'd certainly rather keep the extent of her habit a secret.

The kids are 10, 12 and 13
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#13
Getting older then. My son is 12. They are old enough to take some control themselves providing she allows them to come. But if she doesn’t it makes it very difficult for them to come. At the moment I think my son is coming of his own volition after I had to explain to him when he is supposed to be here under the court order (Ex has told him he can choose what he wants to do when) and I will be there on x day to pick him up. Result was I got accused of parental alienation because I had talked to him about it. He is coming but I am not sure how much flack he is getting.

Anyway it’s tricky ages in some ways and good in others. If she starts reducing the time then you may need to apply to court and at least the kids can say what they want.
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#14
Yes, you're right about the ages.  The two oldest are embracing their independence at being at high school but it presents new problems made worse by the fact that their parents aren't together.  You're probably finding the same with your son.  Fortunately we only live a mile from one another which helps in many ways, although I'd like a lot of distance between us!

The parental alienation thing is a worry and very pertinent to my situation.  By sheer coincidence I'm reading a book on law at the moment and it talks about cases where courts had to decide on what was best for the kids when the parents had opposing views on raising them.

A friend of mine has suggested today that I get things set in stone for when "she runs out of money". I think, based on what we've discussed here, he's right and I'm sure he's prediction will come true too.
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