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end of the fight
#1
Court result. judge recognised the alienation but refused to order our child to go to counselling, ever thou i had it booked and paid for. She is 13 but he repeatly referred to her being 14/15. Too old to force against her will. He would not restart contact even thou i was applying for an enforcement due to order breech. The once a week phone call is now 2 weeks apart. The child was barely speaking to me for the last 2 months. Only answering the phone calls cos its in the order. Its now over for me. Over 10 years fighting. Over 12 court hearings. 
I wish all the other dads the very best of luck in the furture. Dont like the child got too old before starting a court case is my advice. 13 seems to be the cut off. After that age, the ex,s control is not questioned.
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#2
chin up my friend, you have done everything you possibly could have. she wont be 13 all her life and one day she will be of a mature age where she will realise. yes it will be lost time but she will recognise that you fought years just to be in her life. she will be able to make her own mind up and not be controlled by the control of her mother. dont give up with the telephone calls and continue to make contact with her buddy. it is difficult when you dont get conversations or she may just about give you one word answers but it is most likely because she feels shes in a situation where her mums telling her one thing and she feels stuck. hang in their my friend there will be a time when your relationship with her will be much better when she can make her own decisions without being influenced.
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#3
Ty gurm. Kind of you to post. I am curious of the pov of dad's that have lost their children. Obviously, the dads that couldn't cope are no longer here to reply but I would really appreciate any comments from dad's that are in this position. How hv they managed. Thanks
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#4
i have read a couple of comments from dads that have had to accept a bad outcome regarding contact. I think on all these cases the dads had restarted life with new partners new children. I am extremely happy for these men and glad they have someone else to focus on for the rest of their lifes

My question is , for someone who doesnt have other children, how can someone cope with the grief of losing a child (through the courts)? Is there a real coping mechanism to carry on?
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#5
(01-04-2022, 09:03 PM)jamesbond Wrote: i have read a couple of comments from dads that have had to accept a bad outcome regarding contact. I think on all these cases the dads had restarted life with new partners new children. I am extremely happy for these men and glad they have someone else to focus on for the rest of their lifes

My question is , for someone who doesnt have other children, how can someone cope with the grief of losing a child (through the courts)? Is there a real coping mechanism to carry on?

This isn't quite what you asked for but I hope it helps... while I am going through terrible parental alientation and a court case at the moment (including false accusations of abuse), I take a lot of comfort from that fact that EXACTLY the same thing happened to me as a 5 year old. I didn't see my dad from the age of 10 to when I went looking for him again at 21. I now have a great relationship with both my mother (who it took some time to forgive) and my father.

I have used meditation and mindfulness to manage the grief, and also to avoid being angry and bitter - you don't want to carry that shit around with you or let it define who you are. Mindfulness teaches "relax and release" - let the bad shit go don't hang on to it. Acceptance is key. I am not a fucking hippy or mystic: this is real practical stuff that works to make you happier and manage depression.

My goal is to be in the best posible mental state when I do get to see my kids again. Positive and happy. Not angry or bitter.

I also took up a new hobby which keeps me fit and is pretty awesome. Something positive to go forward with. Don't dwell on the hard stuff. Not thinking about it is a valid coping strategy.

I don't have a partner or other children, and don't plan to. I am pretty ruined financially - still earn well but she got the house and I got the debts. So, I just don't think about it. I have a (rented) roof and food and have fun - I focus on that.

It's difficult to point to ways for people to get started as everyone is different, but you could try Michael Singer, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh. It works. I believe that it has saved my life at any rate.

DD
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#6
many thanks doodad for replying.
meditation and mindfulness is something i havent tried but feel i need to. As a last resort.
I was on meds for a couple of years that got me over the really bad patch. I took up sport as well, which helped. But in reality. i feel my life has been in suspended animation for last 10 years.
Now i find out from the section 7 report how much the alienation is ingrained, i no longer feel or want to life another 10 +years like the previous 10.
The mental health charity called MIND has a tag line , "to help prevent living miserably" rings a bell with me and im sure a few other fathers.
hope other dads here are doing better
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