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Are they all biased? It seems that way...
#1
So having had my final court hearing done remotely by phone it was not the outcome that I wanted, despite the fact that it was me who filed for the Child Arrangements Order and has cost me thousands of pounds over the last 4 years in legal fees, I think to myself, was it really worth it?

My ex on the other hand was gloating afterwards saying that she has not had to pay out a single penny which as I explained to the Judge, has left me in severe debt hence why I could not afford to pay for a barrister this time and had to do it alone, as daunting as it was.

I am sure that if the Cafcass report was written by a man and the Judge was also male I would have had a totally different outcome but no, because all the people that were involved were women (Cafcass, The mediator we had, CYPS and the Judge) they all seem to take the Mothers side and fall for her 'poor little me' routine.

I am not going to go into the ins and outs of the hearing, and although I do have access to see my children there were still some ongoing issues that hadn't been properly resolved. Even though I told the Judge that I felt the report was biased in my ex's favour and was happy to give my reasons why, the Judge didn't want to know which I felt was so unfair. So was the fact that some issues were given in the favour of my ex just because she was playing the 'poor single mother' routine.

So my question is this, where do I go from here? Do I simply cut my losses and accept the order knowing that my ex has got away with everything or do I fight? If I do then how do I go about doing that without it costing me vasts amount of money which I can't afford and will probably come to nothing as usual? Can I make an appeal? Or is it worth writing to my local MP giving a brief summary of why I was mistreated?
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#2
I suppose the first question is what access did you get
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#3
yes what access did u get. seems like u deviating away from whats most important which is your children and very angry at moment
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#4
sorry bud but i have to disagree,

my mediation was a female and after one session i was given the C100 application to apply to courts as ex felt female mediator was siding with myself.

when the ex raised false allegations and cafcass became involved the cafcass worker who interviewed me and conducted the reports for court was female and she wrote a glowing report highlighting " there is zero concerns over the health and welfare of the children and that she asks the courts to decide on the child arrangement"

in my preliminary hearing the Judge was female and whilst the ex and her solicitor wanted a section 7 report done to prolong matters, the female judge refused as there was no need for one to be done and granted the application go straight to a final hearing. after she granted a final hearing to be heard the female judge said "it is refreshing to see fathers like you who wish to be so involved in their childrens lives and its clear to see this from the reports."

my final hearing was a male district judge and yes i got everything i asked for (see my posts previous).

my theory here is and my advise i will always give fathers is it doesnt matter who your up against you try convince or prove to me im not a loving devoted father and il step aside! there is enough fight in me to break anyone who has this view because i love my children and that passion should always put to bed any opposition. you have to be calm and be ready to weather some heavy storms but what you cannot do is break at any point and stop the belief you have as a father because thats when these people (cafcass, mediators, judges) may make you crumble. previously i agree it was a womans world, but i believe unless there are reasons not to, that fathers are now seen infront of judges as equal and they should have 50/50. i also believe it does come down to the way the father portrays himself and again if the passion is there no judge can say no. ive had three of my friends who have had to fight for their children all of which have got shared custody 50/50 so it is becoming common.

as warwichsire has said above, your focus and most important thing should be the children. forget what your ex says and dont allow your energies to be consumed by the negativity surrounding her. its frustrating yes but you still get to see and speak to your children so the relationship you have with them can be positive or your mood can be effected by the resent you feel towards your ex, either way it will be what your children see you as. this is not criticism and i hope you take my view positively in continuing to build on the relationship you have with your children without being influenced by things your ex does. dont rise to it as it is what she will want my friend.
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#5
Thanks for your advice guys, I will certainly take on board your comments but I do feel now that I am up against a brick wall as things have become much worse since the final court hearing and I do not know what to do next, I cannot afford to keep going through my solicitor as I just don't have the funds to keep paying out and nothing seems to get achieved.

So to keep it brief, the arrangements are that I have contact with my children at least once a week which I duly let my ex know what dates I am available 2 months beforehand. As I work shifts and on a rolling roster where each week is different I do not always have the same days off and quite rarely have any full weekends off. Even so, I still manage to let my ex know my dates when I am available each month which has always worked fine. One of the ongoing issues was who was to pick up and drop off the children so in the original court order from 2019 it specifically said 'Pick up and drop off of the children is to be shared equally between both parties' which is absolutely spot on. However, since that time it has been me that has done all of them because my ex said that due to medical reasons she is no longer driving, although her car was in her driveway most of the time apart from the last few months when it has seemed to have gone which makes me think she has sold it.

However, my argument was that because her mother only lives a few houses down the road and her brother lives in the same area, they have been taking the children to school so if they can do that then why can't they bring/pick them up to my house? Or how about public transport? There is a bus stop 5 minutes walk from my house so why can't my ex bring the children on the bus and I will gladly meet them. But no, it seems that just because I have a car I have to continue doing all the pickups and drop-offs just because my ex said she cannot drive, which may well be true but as far as I'm aware there is no proof, no medical note and the Judge is taking her word on it. But what would happen if I had a problem with my car or for some reason I am unable to drive, would that mean that I would have to use public transport to see my kids? So if I have to do that then why can't my ex? It just does not make sense.

Admittedly the distance between our houses isn't a million miles away but it's more the principle than the point of it, the fact that it clearly said in the original court order that it is to be split equally yet it's been me doing all of the ferrying around. Of course, I don't mind doing that if that is what it takes to see my kids as the distance isn't too great, but what would happen if one day I moved further afield, say on the other side of the country? Does that still mean that I am responsible for picking up and dropping off the children each week, driving hundreds of miles costing hundreds of pounds in petrol each month that I cannot afford? Is that really how it works? It seems wrong and unfair to me.

There was another ongoing issue that got brought up which is kind of personal which I don't want to go into, not involving myself mind, but once again the Judge alongside with CAFCASS took the side of my ex even though there was no evidence because she had made up the whole story which they all believed, what a surprise!

Since the final court hearing I have not seen my children, I have been sticking to the dates when I am supposed to have contact and I drive to their house, wait outside in my car, and if after a short while the children don't come out I go home. I never ever enter my ex's property, not even to knock on the door as I was advised by the police when we first split up not to do that for my own safety as she was hostile and aggressive towards me and even Cafcass said it's wise for me to wait in my car on the public road, the children are old enough to come out of the house on their own as they always have done. Even though my ex knows that I have been waiting outside in my car (as she sends me a text afterward confirming it) she is not letting me have contact with my children, the words 'Parental Alienation' springs to mind which is quite obvious.

I am more frustrated rather than angry just because of the judicial system which in my opinion is corrupted and biased and I just don't know what to do next. I am doing all the right things in my opinion but my ex is holding all the cards and playing with my mind. I did think about writing/emailing the Judge to tell her what has been going on and how she has been gloating that I have spent thousands of pounds and she has spent nothing. Do you think that is wise or not?
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#6
No its not wise to email the judge. Unfortunately it is very common for dads to do all pick up and drop offs unless ex agrees otherwise. In some cases dads even have to go to public places to meet etc which is inconvenient. If you move further away that will go against you as well
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#7
(07-31-2021, 09:37 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: No its not wise to email the judge. Unfortunately it is very common for dads to do all pick up and drop offs unless ex agrees otherwise. In some cases dads even have to go to public places to meet etc which is inconvenient. If you move further away that will go against you as well

So hypothetically, what would happen if my ex moved further away? Does that mean I still have to do all the picking up and dropping off just because she wanted to be in a different location, therefore I have to use more petrol and more time travelling? It still does not seem fair to me...

Also, I still don't know what to do next as we have a final court order and I have specified to my ex which dates I want contact with my children but every time I go round to her house and wait outside in my car none of the children come out, yet my ex is totally aware that I am waiting outside. I can't keep paying out for an enforcement order as I simply cannot afford it. I really don't think she gives a damn about the court order as she has continued to get away with doing what she wants, when she wants.
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#8
(08-02-2021, 11:30 AM)Secret-squirrel100 Wrote:
(07-31-2021, 09:37 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: No its not wise to email the judge. Unfortunately it is very common for dads to do all pick up and drop offs unless ex agrees otherwise. In some cases dads even have to go to public places to meet etc which is inconvenient. If you move further away that will go against you as well

So hypothetically, what would happen if my ex moved further away? Does that mean I still have to do all the picking up and dropping off just because she wanted to be in a different location, therefore I have to use more petrol and more time travelling? It still does not seem fair to me...

Also, I still don't know what to do next as we have a final court order and I have specified to my ex which dates I want contact with my children but every time I go round to her house and wait outside in my car none of the children come out, yet my ex is totally aware that I am waiting outside. I can't keep paying out for an enforcement order as I simply cannot afford it. I really don't think she gives a damn about the court order as she has continued to get away with doing what she wants, when she wants.

Keep a diary and txt messages of all the breaches. Then get an enforcement order. Apply to vary the order at the same time.
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#9
Yes, I keep a log of every time I attempt to pick up my children at each time and also make a video recording sat in my car outside her house as further proof.
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#10
Follow the order, and always be very patient, calm and cool. Wait for longer to give ex ample opportunity to handover the kids and show that you are being understanding. I sometimes waited for hours. You could txt ex that you have arranged for kids to see relatives at a certain time, have a day out planned etc. Every time she breaches the order is one more thing you can put in the diary. Don't bother the court with a few trivial matters. If it becomes a pattern going on for months only then go back to court for an enforcement. Then use a solicitor to make the statement and application to enforce the order. It will cost you money and if ex found guilty then ex likely just told not to do it again but you could then ask the judge that as ex has been found guilty of breaches you need to make a variation. If a small change the judge might do it there and then but bigger changes will likely involve Cafcass again. At least Cafcass will be aware that breaches by ex were proved in court.
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