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Break Up Advice Needed
#1
Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile
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#2
Do you have any specific questions/concerns?

If the separation is amicable, then that is a positive start.
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#3
(10-03-2016, 02:32 PM)StartingLifeAgain Wrote: Do you have any specific questions/concerns?

If the separation is amicable, then that is a positive start.

Thank you for the response! My main concern at this stage is the joint tenancy with housing association. As far as I understand we would need to go to court to get the tenancy assigned but we would like to keep the whole process out of courts and come to an agreement ourselves. Also, I will be having our son from friday, after school to school drop off Monday morning so in terms of child maintenance I have no idea how that's calculated or how best to proceed there....
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#4
(10-03-2016, 11:50 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote: Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile

The legal side of things is that as its in both names, you both can live in it as long as nothing along the lines of None Molestation Orders exist.  Should either of you not use the house as your Primary Residenace, it will change things.

While its in both names, any shortfall in rent can result in them coming after either or both of you, for the full amount. Its not a 50/50 situation.

Who ever has the child for over 50% of the time, should claim child benefit, and now be making a single person claim for tax credits and Housing Benefit (It might be you both can claim, depeding on your income).

While you both live in the house, bear in mind the Resident Parent will get money for the children from the state, and child support. Therefore, the none resident parent only needs to be paying a fair share of the bills to cover their own useage. Typically its about 30-35% of the Gas and Electric, and with Broadband, TV and Landline phone, base on it how much everyone uses it.

If you are eating together, there is no issue with it, but you need to show your sharing the costs, and its best if you do this by bank transfer, or taking turns in buying the food and keeping reciepts (paying by card is also best, as this can show whos card paid as reciepts normally have last 4 numbers on them).

While a court could transfer the house into just 1 name, the court would need to see good reason why it needs to happen.

Either party has a legal right to give notice, and the landlord is under no obligation to offer the place to the other person. Often in a Social Housing situation, as long that the house has the correct number of rooms needed (with no spare bedrooms), they will let someone end the agreement, and give the other person a new agreement the next day.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#5
(10-03-2016, 08:39 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 11:50 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote: Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile

The legal side of things is that as its in both names, you both can live in it as long as nothing along the lines of None Molestation Orders exist.  Should either of you not use the house as your Primary Residenace, it will change things.

While its in both names, any shortfall in rent can result in them coming after either or both of you, for the full amount. Its not a 50/50 situation.

Who ever has the child for over 50% of the time, should claim child benefit, and now be making a single person claim for tax credits and Housing Benefit (It might be you both can claim, depeding on your income).

While you both live in the house, bear in mind the Resident Parent will get money for the children from the state, and child support. Therefore, the none resident parent only needs to be paying a fair share of the bills to cover their own useage. Typically its about 30-35% of the Gas and Electric, and with Broadband, TV and Landline phone, base on it how much everyone uses it.

If you are eating together, there is no issue with it, but you need to show your sharing the costs, and its best if you do this by bank transfer, or taking turns in buying the food and keeping reciepts (paying by card is also best, as this can show whos card paid as reciepts normally have last 4 numbers on them).

While a court could transfer the house into just 1 name, the court would need to see good reason why it needs to happen.

Either party has a legal right to give notice, and the landlord is under no obligation to offer the place to the other person. Often in a Social Housing situation, as long that the house has the correct number of rooms needed (with no spare bedrooms), they will let someone end the agreement, and give the other person a new agreement the next day.

Thank you MarkR, much appreciated. Currently, my ex and child are still living in the property but she is looking to move in with her Mum within the next two weeks. My partner has agreed that our son will stay with me from after school on Friday until school pick up on Monday so there will be a 4/3 day split. In this situation, as she's moving out, would I be classed as the Resident Parent? She is also planning on seeking help from the council for a property to rent but I assume she wouldn't be able to do this whilst she is listed on the tenancy? We ideally don't want to go to court as trying to be as amicably as possible. Do you think our Housing Association would amend the tenancy to my name without needing the courts? The house is a 2 bed so no spare rooms. You mentioned that should one of us not live in the house that it will change things, any idea how? Sorry for the questions! Thanks again!
Reply
#6
(10-06-2016, 01:06 PM)PhoenixLaw Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 08:39 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 11:50 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote: Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile

The legal side of things is that as its in both names, you both can live in it as long as nothing along the lines of None Molestation Orders exist.  Should either of you not use the house as your Primary Residenace, it will change things.

While its in both names, any shortfall in rent can result in them coming after either or both of you, for the full amount. Its not a 50/50 situation.

Who ever has the child for over 50% of the time, should claim child benefit, and now be making a single person claim for tax credits and Housing Benefit (It might be you both can claim, depeding on your income).

While you both live in the house, bear in mind the Resident Parent will get money for the children from the state, and child support. Therefore, the none resident parent only needs to be paying a fair share of the bills to cover their own useage. Typically its about 30-35% of the Gas and Electric, and with Broadband, TV and Landline phone, base on it how much everyone uses it.

If you are eating together, there is no issue with it, but you need to show your sharing the costs, and its best if you do this by bank transfer, or taking turns in buying the food and keeping reciepts (paying by card is also best, as this can show whos card paid as reciepts normally have last 4 numbers on them).

While a court could transfer the house into just 1 name, the court would need to see good reason why it needs to happen.

Either party has a legal right to give notice, and the landlord is under no obligation to offer the place to the other person. Often in a Social Housing situation, as long that the house has the correct number of rooms needed (with no spare bedrooms), they will let someone end the agreement, and give the other person a new agreement the next day.

Thank you MarkR, much appreciated. Currently, my ex and child are still living in the property but she is looking to move in with her Mum within the next two weeks. My partner has agreed that our son will stay with me from after school on Friday until school pick up on Monday so there will be a 4/3 day split. In this situation, as she's moving out, would I be classed as the Resident Parent? She is also planning on seeking help from the council for a property to rent but I assume she wouldn't be able to do this whilst she is listed on the tenancy? We ideally don't want to go to court as trying to be as amicably as possible. Do you think our Housing Association would amend the tenancy to my name without needing the courts? The house is a 2 bed so no spare rooms. You mentioned that should one of us not live in the house that it will change things, any idea how? Sorry for the questions! Thanks again!

The deciding factor on Child Benefits is number of nights, and in this situation, you only have 3 to her 4. She would get Child Benefit and claim anything else.

The issue is the the child's occupancy only courts at the patents house who gets Child Benefit. Under this arrangement, you are only entitled to 1 bedrooms.

To make it worse, your ex would be considered as being Homeless Voluntarily, so they would not help her.

Under Social Housing Guidelines, they would not let you remain where are you, as you only need 1 bedroom. They might be open to the idea of giving you a 1 bedroom, if they had any.

The only other way forward, is letting your ex stay in the house, and you get somewhere, as with the child she needs 2 bedrooms under the rules. They would normally allow this to happen.

The right to enter would change if someone started to have another Primary Home.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#7
(10-06-2016, 05:17 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-06-2016, 01:06 PM)PhoenixLaw Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 08:39 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 11:50 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote: Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile

The legal side of things is that as its in both names, you both can live in it as long as nothing along the lines of None Molestation Orders exist.  Should either of you not use the house as your Primary Residenace, it will change things.

While its in both names, any shortfall in rent can result in them coming after either or both of you, for the full amount. Its not a 50/50 situation.

Who ever has the child for over 50% of the time, should claim child benefit, and now be making a single person claim for tax credits and Housing Benefit (It might be you both can claim, depeding on your income).

While you both live in the house, bear in mind the Resident Parent will get money for the children from the state, and child support. Therefore, the none resident parent only needs to be paying a fair share of the bills to cover their own useage. Typically its about 30-35% of the Gas and Electric, and with Broadband, TV and Landline phone, base on it how much everyone uses it.

If you are eating together, there is no issue with it, but you need to show your sharing the costs, and its best if you do this by bank transfer, or taking turns in buying the food and keeping reciepts (paying by card is also best, as this can show whos card paid as reciepts normally have last 4 numbers on them).

While a court could transfer the house into just 1 name, the court would need to see good reason why it needs to happen.

Either party has a legal right to give notice, and the landlord is under no obligation to offer the place to the other person. Often in a Social Housing situation, as long that the house has the correct number of rooms needed (with no spare bedrooms), they will let someone end the agreement, and give the other person a new agreement the next day.

Thank you MarkR, much appreciated. Currently, my ex and child are still living in the property but she is looking to move in with her Mum within the next two weeks. My partner has agreed that our son will stay with me from after school on Friday until school pick up on Monday so there will be a 4/3 day split. In this situation, as she's moving out, would I be classed as the Resident Parent? She is also planning on seeking help from the council for a property to rent but I assume she wouldn't be able to do this whilst she is listed on the tenancy? We ideally don't want to go to court as trying to be as amicably as possible. Do you think our Housing Association would amend the tenancy to my name without needing the courts? The house is a 2 bed so no spare rooms. You mentioned that should one of us not live in the house that it will change things, any idea how? Sorry for the questions! Thanks again!

The deciding factor on Child Benefits is number of nights, and in this situation, you only have 3 to her 4. She would get Child Benefit and claim anything else.

The issue is the the child's occupancy only courts at the patents house who gets Child Benefit. Under this arrangement, you are only entitled to 1 bedrooms.

To make it worse, your ex would be considered as being Homeless Voluntarily, so they would not help her.

Under Social Housing Guidelines, they would not let you remain where are you, as you only need 1 bedroom. They might be open to the idea of giving you a 1 bedroom, if they had any.

The only other way forward, is letting your ex stay in the house, and you get somewhere, as with the child she needs 2 bedrooms under the rules. They would normally allow this to happen.

The right to enter would change if someone started to have another Primary Home.

Hi MarkR

Thanks again for your help. Well after a discussion yesterday, my ex is aware about making herself voluntarily redundant and is thinking of trying to rent privately with housing benefit. Our tenancy is an assured one so I don't know if that would make a difference? I assume not as it would be a new single agreement. If she rented privately would the housing association need to even know? I appreciate that could be a silly question. My ex has the benefit of well off parents to help support her and at this stage I can't afford a deposit/1st months rent upfront etc., for a new place. Thanks!!
Reply
#8
(10-07-2016, 08:34 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote:
(10-06-2016, 05:17 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-06-2016, 01:06 PM)PhoenixLaw Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 08:39 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(10-03-2016, 11:50 AM)PhoenixLaw Wrote: Hi All

Am new to this site as of today and wondered if I could get some general advice from a male point-of-view. My (now ex) partner and I have agreed to go separate ways after 10 years and we have a 6 year old. We agreed to this on Thursday of last week so it's all very new. 

We currently live in a housing association property with an assured tenancy and she would like to move into her mums. Ideally as the home is our family home and I will be having our son from Friday to Monday I would like to keep it that way. Ex doesn't earn enough to pay the rent for a 2bed house, it will be tight for me but worth the money.

I am in a new world here so any help from guys out there who have experienced similar would be much appreciated. 

All my balls are in the air at the moment and I'm not sure which ones to catch first!!!

Thank you!

Smile

The legal side of things is that as its in both names, you both can live in it as long as nothing along the lines of None Molestation Orders exist.  Should either of you not use the house as your Primary Residenace, it will change things.

While its in both names, any shortfall in rent can result in them coming after either or both of you, for the full amount. Its not a 50/50 situation.

Who ever has the child for over 50% of the time, should claim child benefit, and now be making a single person claim for tax credits and Housing Benefit (It might be you both can claim, depeding on your income).

While you both live in the house, bear in mind the Resident Parent will get money for the children from the state, and child support. Therefore, the none resident parent only needs to be paying a fair share of the bills to cover their own useage. Typically its about 30-35% of the Gas and Electric, and with Broadband, TV and Landline phone, base on it how much everyone uses it.

If you are eating together, there is no issue with it, but you need to show your sharing the costs, and its best if you do this by bank transfer, or taking turns in buying the food and keeping reciepts (paying by card is also best, as this can show whos card paid as reciepts normally have last 4 numbers on them).

While a court could transfer the house into just 1 name, the court would need to see good reason why it needs to happen.

Either party has a legal right to give notice, and the landlord is under no obligation to offer the place to the other person. Often in a Social Housing situation, as long that the house has the correct number of rooms needed (with no spare bedrooms), they will let someone end the agreement, and give the other person a new agreement the next day.

Thank you MarkR, much appreciated. Currently, my ex and child are still living in the property but she is looking to move in with her Mum within the next two weeks. My partner has agreed that our son will stay with me from after school on Friday until school pick up on Monday so there will be a 4/3 day split. In this situation, as she's moving out, would I be classed as the Resident Parent? She is also planning on seeking help from the council for a property to rent but I assume she wouldn't be able to do this whilst she is listed on the tenancy? We ideally don't want to go to court as trying to be as amicably as possible. Do you think our Housing Association would amend the tenancy to my name without needing the courts? The house is a 2 bed so no spare rooms. You mentioned that should one of us not live in the house that it will change things, any idea how? Sorry for the questions! Thanks again!

The deciding factor on Child Benefits is number of nights, and in this situation, you only have 3 to her 4. She would get Child Benefit and claim anything else.

The issue is the the child's occupancy only courts at the patents house who gets Child Benefit. Under this arrangement, you are only entitled to 1 bedrooms.

To make it worse, your ex would be considered as being Homeless Voluntarily, so they would not help her.

Under Social Housing Guidelines, they would not let you remain where are you, as you only need 1 bedroom. They might be open to the idea of giving you a 1 bedroom, if they had any.

The only other way forward, is letting your ex stay in the house, and you get somewhere, as with the child she needs 2 bedrooms under the rules. They would normally allow this to happen.

The right to enter would change if someone started to have another Primary Home.

Hi MarkR

Thanks again for your help. Well after a discussion yesterday, my ex is aware about making herself voluntarily redundant and is thinking of trying to rent privately with housing benefit. Our tenancy is an assured one so I don't know if that would make a difference? I assume not as it would be a new single agreement. If she rented privately would the housing association need to even know? I appreciate that could be a silly question. My ex has the benefit of well off parents to help support her and at this stage I can't afford a deposit/1st months rent upfront etc., for a new place. Thanks!!

Sorry to be the bearing of bad news again, but The Housing Fraud Act 2013 now makes it a criminal offence not to inform the landlord in Social Housing if you move out.

Check your tenancy agreement, but I am sure you have to report any changes of people living in the house (other than the people named on the agreement), so in your case also the child is moving out, as where your ex lives is where he does as far as the law is concerned.

If your getting Housing Benefit (or you will be doing once she moves out), then Bedroom Tax will come into it if you have more than 1 bedroom.

In terms of getting Deposit, often the local council will have a Deposit Bond System in place, but then it is subject to finding a landlord who is happy with that.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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