How to remain calm

[Alex S]

Hello,

How do I remain calm, my ex has completely broken off contact, she will not answer the phone or the door. It has been 2.5 weeks and I have not seen my son.


I have been to the initial mediation assessment and if the mother does not attend I will get a deadlock letter which gives me route to court.

This could take another 5 weeks....

How do I keep calm. I am close to camping outside her flat in a sleeping bag in the hopes of seeing my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but I am having trouble focusing on anything else and I am getting more and more frequent outbursts of crying. It is so unfair that she can see him and I can't. I think I'm not far from hurting myself.

I know if I do any of that it will be used as evidence of not being fit to be a father.

But a lot of nasty thoughts are going through my head. My thoughts are that if I have to go to jail then sobeit.

[LTCDAD]

Take a deep breath mate... you make 1 mistake here and it will be longer than 5 weeks before you see your son .... so no aggression, no crazy texts, no shouting down the phone that shes the bitch from hell, no harassment, no stalking

Reassure yourself that you are doing the absolute best you can to ensure your fulfill your sons rights to have a positive relationship with you as his father. You've already been to mediation session so you are following a good path to resolve this.

The ex is playing games, trying to push buttons, trying to trick you into doing something so she can call police - don't fall for it - there is a legal process that supports YOU but there is short term pain in order to achieve a long term positive relationship with your son.

Get to your GP TODAY... explain the situation, ask for help. Also find someone who has been through the same but is further along the road, buy them a pint and let them explain and reassure you how they got through the situation

Practically, distract yourself, do overtime, go and see that movie you wanted to see, grab a box set and work your way through it "Narcos" on Netflix is excellent... go for long walks... do some exercise... go and get yourself a new shirt ... try to feel good about yourself... keep away from the booze or similar ... you need a fit mind as well as physical shape!

Have you got a mutual friend that can go and speak with her on your behalf?

Keep a diary - of any contact between you and the mother and of when she is refusing access and but keep a record

If it really gets to rock bottom... call Samaritans on 116 123 (UK)

Its completely understandable what you are feeling - you are not alone in that but you MUST think of your son... you are no good to him in jail or in the ground

[StartingLifeAgain]

^^ Amazing advice.

Whatever you do, DO NOT get caught in this downward spiral. You are on a trajectory of self destruction.

You have to break this negative mindset immediately, because it will only lead to making the situation worse.

YOU NEED to find one positive to focus on, and that might be hard, but it needs to be done. You have to find inner strength to get through this.

Crying is fine dude. Let those tears out, and don't fight them.

But you have to tap into that inner strength, and that survival instinct, to get through this.

The future is full of uncertainty, and you want to be in a position of strength to deal with anything thrown your way.

Good luck, keep in touch.