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Your Ex and Holiday Issues: Letter Templates

By: - Updated: 19 Jan 2015 | comments*Discuss
 
Letter Ex Child Abroad Holiday Residence

When you're living apart from your ex, it's crucial to maintain clear communications over children's holidays both with and without you. If you can achieve all holiday arrangements amicably, by planning in advance and staying in contact, the children will benefit from the ensuing routine and stability in their lives.

We've created the following four letter templates to help you in your communications:

  1. Letter to Mother who wants to take child abroad on holiday - giving or refusing consent and/or suggesting alternatives
  2. Letter informing mother that you are taking a child on holiday abroad
  3. Letter informing of holiday details and requesting extra days
  4. Maintaining communication channels while one party is away - ensuring both you/your ex can speak to the child in some way (phone/email/text) during that period

1. Letter to Mother who wants to take child abroad on holiday

[Father’s address]

[Mother’s address]

[Date]

Dear [Mother’s name],

Re: Taking [child name] abroad

I understand that you [are planning/have made arrangements] to take [child name] on holiday [outside of England and Wales/the jurisdiction/] from [date] to [date].

[Option 1 - residence order in place]:
As you are aware, there is a joint residence order in force and you can therefore take [child name] abroad for a maximum of one month. Any longer than this and you must obtain my express consent and permission.

[Option 2 - no residence order in place]:
As there is no residence order in force regarding [child name]’s residence, you must inform me of all foreign trips and holidays you are planning on taking [child name] on, and you must obtain my prior consent. I would prefer notice of at least 1 month where possible, so that we can re-arrange my contact with [child name] in advance, thereby causing minimum disruption to both [his/her] and your routines.

I [do/do not consent] to you taking [child name] abroad on this occasion.

[If you do not consent]:

My reasons for my refusal to give you permission to take [child name] out of the country are as follows:

  1. [State reasons, e.g.: if you had something special planned / specific function; or you were going to take child away at that same time etc
  2. [State reasons]
  3. [State reasons]

Might I suggest that you take [child name] on holiday between [date] and [date]. This would be far more convenient and I would consent to you going away with [child name] during this alternative period.

[If you do consent]:

I would be grateful if you could provide me with your contact details whilst you are away so that I can contact [child name] if and when necessary. Please also provide me with the [name, address and contact number of the holiday resort/details as to where you will be staying] in case of emergencies.

[If you consent and your contact with your child is affected, suggest alternative sessions so you do not miss out].

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Yours sincerely,

[Father’s name]

[Father’s signature]

2. Letter informing mother that you are taking a child on holiday abroad

[Father’s address]

[Mother’s address]

[Date]

Dear [Mother’s name],

Re: Taking [child name] abroad

I am writing to inform you that I am planning on taking [child name] on holiday [outside of England and Wales/the jurisdiction/to…] from [date] to [date].

[Option 1 - if there is a residence order in force]:
As you are aware, there is a joint residence order in force and I can therefore take [child name] abroad for a maximum of one month. I will of course adhere to these rules and will only be abroad for [x] number of days. As a matter of courtesy, I am writing to inform you of my plans. We both have parental responsibility for [child name] and I want to organise this holiday amicably, so that both of us are content with the arrangements.

[Option 2 if there is no residence order in force]:
I am asking for your express prior consent for [child name] going on this holiday. We both have parental responsibility for [child name] and I want to organise this holiday amicably, so that both of us are content with the arrangements.

I can provide you with contact details for the [resort / camp site / hotel etc.] whilst we are away, so that you can contact [child name] in case of emergencies.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly so that I can finalise the arrangements.

Yours sincerely,

[Father’s name]

[Father’s signature]

3. Letter informing of holiday details and requesting extra days

[Father’s address]

[Mother’s address]

[Date]

Dear [Mother’s name],

Re: Holiday

I am writing to let you know that when I have contact with [child name] from [date] to [date], I plan to take [him/her] [to … / camping / on holiday etc] for [the weekend / a few days].

I can confirm that we will be staying in England and Wales. [Disclose address should you wish to / in case of emergencies].

In order to make the most of the trip, I was hoping you might agree to me having [child name] for an extra few days, say until [date]. I understand that this is during [the school holidays / at the weekend / on half term etc] and will not interrupt [child name]’s schooling.

I have already told [child name] about the trip and we are both very excited – [he/she] is very much looking forward to going.

I will of course cover any expenses involved in buying specific items for [child name] for the holiday.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Yours sincerely,

[Father’s signature]
[Father’s name]

4. Maintaining communication channels while one party is away

[Father’s Address]

[Mother’s Address]

[Date]

Dear [Mother’s name],

Re: Communication with [child name] whilst [you are away/I am away]

[When YOU are away]
I am writing to inform you that I will be away in [place]from [date] to [date].I would like to arrange some communication channels for the duration of my time away, so that I can stay in touch with [child name]as normal.

[When your ex is away]
I understand that you will be away in [place]with [child name] from [date] to [date]. I would like to arrange some communication channels for the duration of your time away, so that I can stay in touch with [child name] as normal.

I propose that we agree to stay in touch via [telephone/email/letters/video-messaging/web-cam].

My contact details are as follows: [set out details]

I would be grateful if you could provide me with your contact details as well.

I propose [telephoning/emailing etc] on [date] for [a brief catch up / conversation] with [child name]. If this is inconvenient, please let me know when would be more suitable for me to talk to [child name].

Yours sincerely,

[Father’s signature]

[Father’s name]

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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[Add a Comment]
@jimmy - you first need to look at our partner page When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access link here. You will need to firstly write the letter and then if there is no joy, apply for a contact order. The fact you pay money has no relevance on whether you see your child or not and you will need to get some structure in place via the mediation or court process. For the best results, while it is an incredibly emotional and frustrating time, I suggest you do this methodically and systematically without rising to her bait. We also have a Separated Dads Facebook page which can give you lots of information and support from dads who have either been in the same position or who are going through similar issues. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 21-Jan-15 @ 10:41 AM
I have separated from my partner and we have a little girl aged 1 year. I give her £40.00 each week for my daughter as agreed .But she now says I CANT SEE MY DAUGHTER she has become very nastyand flatley refusses to let me see our little girl,I. DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, OR WHO DO I GO TO FIRST PLEASE HELP.
jimmy - 19-Jan-15 @ 10:02 PM
@spence, take a look at our facebook page, there's lots of info there and many dads who have been in your situation or who are still going through it.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jun-14 @ 12:07 PM
Two years ago my partner and I seperated and she absconded 340 miles away with my two sons. Not only did she refuse me any contact with my sons for seven months, she ensured I spent a small fortune through the courts obtaining a contact order!(£25,000). Even though the order was awarded in my favour she continues to manipulate my son's and flaunt the order however she sees fit. On top of this she is now demanding 50% from the NET proceeds from our former home. The property was formerly my father's barn which he sold to me at a hugely discounted price. My ex only ever payed for seven years of a much lesser mortgage and failed to pay for the last six years of our relationship. I also put down our first deposit of £15,000 and had to increase my mortgage by £13,000 to pay for a fraudulent benefit claim shed made. I've contacted her three times about mediation in a hope of resolving the issue amicably but on each occasion she's ignored it. Now I've received a letter from her solicitor claiming that they're going to attempt to win a greater proportion for their client. I'm at my wits end, can I stop her from getting her hands on the money and get back what I'm owed?
Spence - 5-Jun-14 @ 4:37 AM
When the children are sick eg days off school,am I obliged to take time off work to look after them,or as the mother is the principle carer should she findcover.
kryz - 1-Feb-13 @ 1:18 PM
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