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What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent?

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 13 Feb 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Child Abduction Parental Responsibility

The thought of your ex partner taking your children is the worst nightmare of many parents, and so if it happens, understandably it is a very emotional and stressful time. Many people turn to the police for help to return their children, but how much the police can help is very dependent upon your personal situation. If both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police CANNOT help, even if the children do not normally live with them. However, if the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene.

So what is Parental Responsibility?

The Children Act 1989 defines 'Parental Responsibility' as 'all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child'.In plain English, this means that you have responsibility to:

  • house the child
  • protect and maintain the child
  • make decisions about their education
  • name the child
  • consent to any medical treatment for the child

Mothers automatically have Parental Responsibility as they are listed on the child's birth certificate. A father will automatically have Parental Responsibility if he was married to the mother at the time of the birth or was listed on the birth certificate. Alternatively, both parents can sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement and register it with the courts, or more commonly, a father can apply to the courts for Parental Responsibility.

To apply to the courts, you will need to fill in form C1 found at Gov.UK - Forms and Guidance. A court fee of £215 is also payable though you may be able to get assistance with this if you receive benefits or have a low income.

But what if both parents have Parental Responsibility?

The father of my son has decided not to return my child. He has access every week, but we had an argument about what time he should return my child and he said he wasn't going to return him as he has parental responsibility and he has found out he can legally keep our son. I called the police, but they said they can do nothing about it as he is named on the birth certificate and therefore has PR. I am beside myself with worry. It has been four days now and my ex is still refusing to return him. My son is only four and has never been away from me longer than a day. I can't eat or sleep and I am beside myself with worry. I just want my little boy back.

If both parents have Parental Responsibility then the police cannot intervene to take the child off one parent and give them to the other; the police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts.

In this situation, if you are concerned about being able to see the children, or, if you think that the children should live with you, you can apply for a Child Arrangement Order.

Note: You may have heard about Contact Orders or Residence Orders. A Child Arrangement Order replaces these older orders but those with Contact or Residence Orders need not re-apply. Also confusingly often those in practice will still refer to (for example) obtaining a Residence Order when applying for a Child Arrangement Order.]

What is a Child Arrangement Order?

This court order determines where your child lives, which relatives they have contact with, and what type of contact (e.g. in person, phone calls, or letters). Anyone with Parental Responsibility can apply for an Order.

To apply to the courts, you will need to fill in form C100 found at Gov.UK - Forms and Guidance. A court fee of £215 is also payable though you may be able to get assistance with this if you receive benefits or have a low income.

I am a father of two children six and three. When I went round to pick them up last week I found my ex collapsed on the sofa through drink and drugs and her ex partner also high on drugs. My daughter and son were not dressed and my daughter's nappy had not been changed for hours and she was playing with food in the dog's bowl. I have heard they are not being fed or looked after properly and the Social Services are looking into this.

Ordinarily, the court will give notice of the hearing to both parties so that they can attend and give their side of the story. However if you think that your child / children may be in danger, then you may be able to apply for an emergency without notice hearing which will be much quicker than a full "with notice hearing". However be aware that this will only be a temporary solution and that any without notice hearing will be followed shortly after by a full "with notice" hearing in which the court order may be changed. If you are considering this option, seek professional advice or contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau for some free assistance.

If you can show that your former partner is not able or appropriate to look after your child / children, you may be able to get an order stating that the children should live with you. However you will need to evidence this.

Below are easy ways to obtain this evidence:

  • Take photographs of the condition of your children when you see them (e.g. unwashed / dirty clothes / dirty nappy)
  • Video or photograph your interaction with your former partner when going to collect your children, including any condition of their house as you can see it from areas into which you are invited / the doorway. However remember that you must not trespass into the property.
  • Take a witness with you when you go to try to collect the children (e.g. a family friend or if possible an independent person such as a local church minister).

Note that the courts are very unlikely to not award at least contact to a parent, even if they are inappropriate to look after a child. However this contact may be indirect, such as by letter, or supervised at a contact centre.

Remember that whilst the police cannot take a child away from a parent with Parental Responsibility, they are able to intervene and remove a child if there is a real risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your child's safety, speak to your local police force and social services.

If you are unsure about your rights, speak to your local Citizens Advice Bureau who will be able to provide you with free assistance. The courts may be able to help, but this can be a lengthy process and you will need to evidence any concerns. It is therefore important to know your options before seeking a court order.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Hi last week my fiancée of ten years left me trying to take our three children with her our eldest (5) refused and stayed at home with me whilst she took the younger two to her mums I wasn't allowed to see my children again untill fri night and enjoyed looking after them through the weekend untill Monday morning when the mother decided she wanted them back I didn't refuse even tho it was just before lunch and I had already prepared it for them but after a horrible handover where the mother in law became agressive towards me I had to near on force all three of my children out of my arms and into the mother in laws car screaming that they don't want to leave me because of this my ex partner and her mother in law are refusing me any access not even a phone call to spk to my children and have told me I won't see them again untill they have been able to inflict supervised visits I am obviously heart broken that both my ex partner or her parents would have complete disregard for the well being of our children and completely refuse their dad any chance no matter how small even to be allowed to see them I have already started mediation but am deeply concerned for the children as they have always had me there in their lives and to not be allowed to read them a bed time story or give them a cuddle whilst watching a movie or just enjoying every little thing they do each day is forcing me to feel like I'm failing my babies they have always looked to me for discipline and I'm sure the mum is struggling because of them not having me around but I can't bare to think about how much my children are missing me please what can I do is it really legal to just walk away with your children and force a full time dad to no longer be allowed any access at all ?
Sad dad - 13-Feb-18 @ 8:42 PM
Watts123 - Your Question:
Can anyone give advice please?My ex wife got married 6 months ago to a man she barely knew. We have two boys together age 6 and 8. They live with her and I have them every other weekend, alternate Friday evenings and when I can in school holidays. The thing is she’s just left her husband because she’s had concerns with the way he is around the kids. Also he is a total psycho and has completely lost it when she left and told him why she was leaving. He’s in their house and she’s staying with a friend. The police have been involved and social services. I picked the boys up the night she left because it kicked off with her husband. They’ve been with me a few days and I’ve decided I’m not sending them back to the usual arrangement. I’ve told her because she doesn’t have a house, she is pregnant and I have a stable job plus a nice house that I should have the boys until she gets a house sorted out but when she’s done that I’m not willing for the situation to go back to how it was. I want 50/50 or I want the situation reversed where she sees them every other weekend because I feel life with her will not be stable. I’ve told her she should move to me (I’m an hour away) so that we can share 50/50 but she’s unwilling. I can’t move to her because I have a good job and my wife has too. Plus we’ve just moved into a new house here. So I think the only way it will work will be for the boys to live with me and she can have my visitation as I have up to now. She’s insisting she wants things to stay the sameness and that she will have somewhere for her and be the boys by next week but even then I’m not allowing her so much time with them. She’s made bad decisions all the time since I left 3 years ago and this last one to marry this bloke was the final straw. Question is will I be able to get that arrangement sorted legally? Or will the courts say things have to stay the same as I’m an hour away so can’t do 50/50. Thank you

Our Response:
We cannot predict what a court may say. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 6-Feb-18 @ 12:45 PM
Can anyone give advice please? My ex wife got married 6 months ago to a man she barely knew. We have two boys together age 6 and 8. They live with her and I have them every other weekend, alternate Friday evenings and when I can in school holidays. The thing is she’s just left her husband because she’s had concerns with the way he is around the kids. Also he is a total psycho and has completely lost it when she left and told him why she was leaving. He’s in their house and she’s staying with a friend. The police have been involved and social services. I picked the boys up the night she left because it kicked off with her husband. They’ve been with me a few days and I’ve decided I’m not sending them back to the usual arrangement. I’ve told her because she doesn’t have a house, she is pregnant and I have a stable job plus a nice house that I should have the boys until she gets a house sorted out but when she’s done that I’m not willing for the situation to go back to how it was. I want 50/50 or I want the situation reversed where she sees them every other weekend because I feel life with her will not be stable. I’ve told her she should move to me (I’m an hour away) so that we can share 50/50 but she’s unwilling. I can’t move to her because I have a good job and my wife has too. Plus we’ve just moved into a new house here. So I think the only way it will work will be for the boys to live with me and she can have my visitation as I have up to now. She’s insisting she wants things to stay the sameness and that she will have somewhere for her and be the boys by next week but even then I’m not allowing her so much time with them. She’s made bad decisions all the time since I left 3 years ago and this last one to marry this bloke was the final straw. Question is will I be able to get that arrangement sorted legally? Or will the courts say things have to stay the same as I’m an hour away so can’t do 50/50.Thank you
Watts123 - 1-Feb-18 @ 11:56 PM
My partner has a child his ex has alcohol problems and meant to be ok but she has been abusive via messaging me and my partner which means she is drinking again! She lives with her parents as they have pr also through the courts but we have found out that now social services have closed the case they are covering for her so they don’t get involved again! They weee very biased due to her being a nurse and her parents being ex police! We can’t prove she is drinking but her behaviour is erratic proven in texts! Also we feel that due to her behaviour my partners child is seeing and hearing her behaviour in the house they live! Can we keep the child not taking her back after visiting he has pr also and hope that it goes to court to get full custody as it’s hard as the mothers parents are ex police and used that to say they are good role models but they are covering up and the child could be affected or even hurt! The mother is also saying she will be moving out with the child later in the year, which is scary!!!! Please help!!!
Gez - 28-Jan-18 @ 8:17 AM
Long story short me and my ex had a child 6 years ago, while I was pregnant he got in another relationship and started telling me to go "die with the kid in me" "the kid isn't his" and then would be nice when he wanted to get in my bed or money ( didn't happen apart from £20) up until our daughter was a year old wouldn't provide for her in and out her life then all contact stopped up until nearly a year ago, he promised me he had changed and wanted to be involved, we decided we would give a relationship a go and now I'm pregnant again with our 2nd, low and behold as soon as he found out I was pregnant he ended it and got in another relationship (he really wanted another child) my problem is he won't provide for his kids hasn't paid a penny towards our boy (bump) and won't pay for daughter, always trying to start arguments with me and threatening to take me for custody of both kids, I work to provide and give my kids everything they need plus more, he isn't on birth cert and still in and out of daughters life, it's messing with her head and behaviour... have I got a leg to stand on if I stop all contact/visits?
Mumto1andbump - 16-Jan-18 @ 4:17 PM
Long story short me and my ex had a child 6 years ago, while I was pregnant he got in another relationship and started telling me to go "die with the kid in me" "the kid isn't his" and then would be nice when he wanted to get in my bed or money ( didn't happen apart from £20) up until our daughter was a year old wouldn't provide for her in and out her life then all contact stopped up until nearly a year ago, he promised me he had changed and wanted to be involved, we decided we would give a relationship a go and now I'm pregnant again with our 2nd, low and behold as soon as he found out I was pregnant he ended it and got in another relationship (he really wanted another child) my problem is he won't provide for his kids hasn't paid a penny towards our boy (bump) and won't pay for daughter, always trying to start arguments with me and threatening to take me for custody of both kids, I work to provide and give my kids everything they need plus more, he isn't on birth cert and still in and out of daughters life, it's messing with her head and behaviour... have I got a leg to stand on if I stop all contact/visits?
Mumto1andbump - 16-Jan-18 @ 4:17 PM
My friend is a neighbour of a Woman who has 2 kids and is separated (he lives in UK with a wife and kids). The mother of the kids took to drink.. Has left the children alone all night.. Let them play on the street, locked them out of the house and there is mention of people taking indecent pictures of the boy (kids are 8 and 9). My friend contacted the dad to tell him who came from UK to Ireland.. Found the kids alone and took them back to UK with him. Her family are denying the whole neglect issue and that she doesn't drink and the dad is x pleading with me to help him by giving a statement against the mother. My friend wants to help him but has to live amongst the mother and family around the town. To make matters worse my friends husband it seems has been having an affair with the mother despite an age gap. She's beside herself to know what to do and I don't know how to help her.
Charlie - 31-Dec-17 @ 10:43 PM
Hi, I am having some issues with my husband we are separated and he currently has our 3 girls 3 days a week this has been happening for over a year now and my children are not happy because when he is supposed have our girls during the week they're being looked after by other people even though I am at home and able look after them, I am concerned because the mid week is very disruptive for our girls and my older 2 have expressed that they would rather be at home with me. His solicitor sent me an email stating that he wants to have our girls 3 days a week and half the time during the school holidays, however over the last year during the week they have been looked after by lady from our church for 2 out of the 3 days he is supposed to have them and the girls are not happy they have expressed that they would rather be at home with me because they do not see their dad enough during the week this is very unsettling.I responded to his solicitor by saying that the girls staying with him at his parents house mid week is very disruptive and I proposed that he has our girls every other weekend as he can spend time with them because he doesn't work weekends. Their dad has started a new relationship and has been secretly seeing this married women for months now she is also pregnant and has a child of her own, after I found out this information via an anonymous text my my husband decided to tell our girls without my consent and he even had his pregnant girlfriend come over and talk to them again without my consent now this relationship is out in the open he has had my children around this woman that they knew as their aunt for many years and he is still making our girls call her Aunty he has upset my girls by showing them a 3 month scan pictures of his new baby and telling them that he and this woman are moving in with each other. My husbands brother has had a blackout while driving with our girls in his car and my husband knew that his brother has had previous blackout however he continues to allow his brother to drive our girls around. This is just a few of my concerns but I wanted to know if I started to collect my girls from school instead of them being with a sitter during the week when my husband is supposed to have them am I breaking any laws and could this go against me long term if he decided to go to family court. I am very concerned for my girls emotional wellbeing please can you advise me.
Joani - 28-Dec-17 @ 7:22 PM
Hi, I am having sine issues with my husband we are separated and he currently has our 3 girls 3 days a week this has been happening for over a year now and my children are not happy because when he is supposed have our girls during the week they're being looked after by other people even though I am at home and able look after them, I am concerned because the mid week is very disruptive for our girls and my older 2 have expressed that they would rather be at home with me. His solicitor sent me an email stating that he wants to have our girls 3 days a week and half the time during the school holidays, however over the last year during the week they have been looked after by lady from our church for 2 out of the 3 days he is supposed to have them and the girls are not happy they have expressed that they would rather be at home with me because they do not see their dad enough during the week this is very unsettling.I responded to his solicitor by saying that the girls staying with him at his parents house mid week is very disruptive and I proposed that he has our girls every other weekend as he can spend time with them because he doesn't work weekends. Their dad has started a new relationship and has been secretly seeing this married women for months now she is also pregnant and has a child of her own, after I found out this information via an anonymous text my my husband decided to tell our girls without my consent and he even had his pregnant girlfriend come over and talk to them again without my consent now this relationship is out in the open he has had my children around this woman that they knew as their aunt for many years and he is still making our girls call her Aunty he has upset my girls by showing them a 3 month scan pictures of his new baby and telling them that he and this woman are moving in with each other. My husbands brother has had a blackout while driving with our girls in his car and my husband knew that his brother has had previous blackout however he continues to allow his brother to drive our girls around. This is just a few of my concerns but I wanted to know if I started to collect my girls from school instead of them being with a sitter during the week when my husband is supposed to have them am I breaking any laws and could this go against me long term if he decided to go to family court. I am very concerned for my girls emotional wellbeing please can you advise me.
Joani - 27-Dec-17 @ 3:56 PM
Hi, I am having sine issues with my husband we are separated and he currently has our 3 girls 3 days a week this has been happening for over a year now and my children are not happy because when he is supposed have our girls during the week they're being looked after by other people even though I am at home and able look after them, I am concerned because the mid week is very disruptive for our girls and my older 2 have expressed that they would rather be at home with me. His solicitor sent me an email stating that he wants to have our girls 3 days a week and half the time during the school holidays, however over the last year during the week they have been looked after by lady from our church for 2 out of the 3 days he is supposed to have them and the girls are not happy they have expressed that they would rather be at home with me because they do not see their dad enough during the week this is very unsettling.I responded to his solicitor by saying that the girls staying with him at his parents house mid week is very disruptive and I proposed that he has our girls every other weekend as he can spend time with them because he doesn't work weekends. Their dad has started a new relationship and has been secretly seeing this married women for months now she is also pregnant and has a child of her own, after I found out this information via an anonymous text my my husband decided to tell our girls without my consent and he even had his pregnant girlfriend come over and talk to them again without my consent now this relationship is out in the open he has had my children around this woman that they knew as their aunt for many years and he is still making our girls call her Aunty he has upset my girls by showing them a 3 month scan pictures of his new baby and telling them that he and this woman are moving in with each other. My husbands brother has had a blackout while driving with our girls in his car and my husband knew that his brother has had previous blackout however he continues to allow his brother to drive our girls around. This is just a few of my concerns but I wanted to know if I started to collect my girls from school instead of them being with a sitter during the week when my husband is supposed to have them am I breaking any laws and could this go against me long term if he decided to go to family court. I am very concerned for my girls emotional wellbeing please can you advise me.
Joani - 27-Dec-17 @ 7:30 AM
The mother of my child is holding him from me and I haven’t seen him for a month & I didn’t rven see him for his first Christmas this year and I want to take her to court but what do I need to make sure I get what I deserve?
anonymous - 27-Dec-17 @ 2:47 AM
This is so hard - Your Question:
So I obtained a court order in Oct 2017. Which states I have my child every other weekend. easter holidays. 4 additional nights. Not to be connected to a weekend.Two separate weeks in summer holidays. 5 additional consecutive nights ( does not state not to be joined to a weekend) In court my ex was all nice and polite agreeing etc. Even though I could see through her as I know her too well. The judge stated I am to let her know my holidays. Which I told her the ones I intend to book.for next yr She ignored this. By time she replied. The summer two separate weeks I could not book. So I gave her two other weeks that I could. Knowing it's not when she's on holiday so saw no reason as to why she'd refuse. Well she did. She Tried saying my child is in holiday school. This is a lie as I've contacted the holiday school and it's too early to book. Where do I go from here. Those are the only two weeks I am able to take. I have given 9 months notice. So I'm not being unreasonable I have since messaged and said I will be collecting and returning on the dates and times and you would be in breach of the court order if you don't comply She replied I'll see my solicitor! What if she's not there when I go to collect being as it's in my order.? Can I do anything before as she's playing games. Or do I have to wait until she physically refuses next summer then go further I have kept log of all calls and text. I record all calls. I record all times at drop off and pick up. Which is on a memory stick. All text are printed etc At the moment it seems she has the upper hand still and going to court was a waste of time

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this - but stick with it. In the first instance, you might wish to ask a solicitor to write a letter to your ex reminding her of the terms of the contact order and the repercussions that may occur if she acts in contempt of court. You can see more via the link here. Logging the ways your ex has tried to be awkward and the ways you have attempted to work around any issues will help as evidence if you need to refer the matter back to court. If your ex continues to ignore the court order, then you would have to refer the matter back to court. However, it is also important that you do not overstep the mark which may give your ex ammunition and a reason 'why' she has withheld access. Keep to the rule book your end and ask the solicitor to pen the dates you intend to take your child on holiday and the fact you have given nine months notice and hopefully this will work.
SeparatedDads - 14-Dec-17 @ 12:02 PM
So I obtained a court order in Oct 2017. Which states I have my child every other weekend. easter holidays. 4 additional nights. Not to be connected to a weekend. Two separate weeks in summer holidays.. 5 additional consecutive nights ( does not state not to be joined to a weekend) In court my ex was all nice and polite agreeing etc.. Even though I could see through her as I know her too well. The judge stated I am to let her know my holidays. Which I told her the ones I intend to book.for next yrShe ignored this. By time she replied. The summer two separate weeks I could not book. So I gave her two other weeks that I could .. Knowing it's not when she's on holiday so saw no reason as to why she'd refuse... Well she did. She Tried saying my child is in holiday school.. This is a lie as I've contacted the holiday school and it's too early to book. Where do I go from here. Those are the only two weeks I am able to take. I have given 9 months notice. So I'm not being unreasonable I have since messaged and said I will be collecting and returning on the dates and times and you would be in breach of the court order if you don't comply She replied I'll see my solicitor! What if she's not there when I go to collect being as it's in my order..? Can I do anything before as she's playing games. Or do I have to wait until she physically refuses next summer then go further I have keptlog of all calls and text. I record all calls. I record all times at drop off and pick up. Which is on a memory stick. All text are printed etc At the moment it seems she has the upper hand still and going to court was a waste of time
This is so hard - 13-Dec-17 @ 1:41 AM
Molly - Your Question:
Hi my partner has a 3 yr old with his ex who is emotionally black mailing him with his son because he don't want to be with her I've been told if he takes him and don't give him back that the police can't do anything about it and his ex has to take him to court to try to get him back and that it is a long and costly procedure that she wouldn't be able to afford as she is on benefits and that in most cases the court won't take the child away if he is settled and happy in his new home with his father my question is, is all that true or is it not as easy as that. Thanks

Our Response:
It's never a good idea to take a child and keep the child without the consent of the other parent, as it can have long term repercussions. Firstly, a parent should always decide upon what he/she thinks is in the best interests of the child, not themselves. A court will not condone a parent taking a child because the other parent is being unfair. It could also hamper your partner's future access if the court order a return of the child to the mother (who would be able to apply to court as she can represent herself if she cannot afford a solicitor). The court will usually return the child to the primary carer, if the child has been taken without consent for a non-valid reason, plus a reason which is not deemed to be in the best interests of the child. Your partner would be best to suggest mediation and if his ex refuses, apply to court himself for access.
SeparatedDads - 12-Dec-17 @ 12:21 PM
Hi my partner has a 3 yr old with his ex who is emotionally black mailing him with his son because he don't want to be with her I've been told if he takes him and don't give him back that the police can't do anything about it and his ex has to take him to court to try to get him back and that it is a long and costly procedure that she wouldn't be able to afford as she is on benefits and that in most cases the court won't take the child away if he is settled and happy in his new home with his fathermy question is, is all that true or is it not as easy as that. Thanks
Molly - 11-Dec-17 @ 5:41 PM
Jonlee - Your Question:
HiMe and my ex girlfriend of 8years broke up 10months ago. We have 2 boys 7 and 4.The 4 year old is myn I’m on the birth certificate but the 7 year old isn’t mine. But I’ve brought him up from 1 year old I’m the only dad he knows and calls me dad I’ve lived with him for 6/7 years and provided and payed for everything.My question is if I decided to keep both kids one day am I braking the law?Thank you jon.

Our Response:
The police would be able to intervene and return your child to the mother if you do not have parental responsibility of him. However, it's never a good idea to keep a child without the consent of the other parent as it can seriously backfire.
SeparatedDads - 11-Dec-17 @ 12:38 PM
Hi Me and my ex girlfriend of 8years broke up 10months ago. We have 2 boys 7 and 4. The 4 year old is myn I’m on the birth certificate but the 7 year old isn’t mine. But I’ve brought him up from 1 year old I’m the only dad he knows and calls me dad I’ve lived with him for 6/7 years and provided and payed for everything. My question is if I decided to keep both kids one day am I braking the law? Thank you jon.
Jonlee - 10-Dec-17 @ 2:29 AM
Big J - Your Question:
Hi I'm a father that went abroad a long time ago a got talking to a women I had met year's ago. she accused me of rape and I spent a few days in a local police station until I got realised. I then came back home (uk). after a few months I was told to travel back by a friend to attend the police station. when I got there I realised that the women and family members of hers were present and a family ritual was asked by the police. I explained my situation to police and asked to be allowed to travel back to UK. Once I got back the women then used take documentation to travel to UK and a marriage license. I then took in consideration that it would be in trouble due to concerns over the document that she had minipulated from some source or another. The women then ran off and then later that year turned up again on my door step. she then intoxicated me with some sleeping medication then after a few months later can back to the house I stated that I raped her again which she later explained that she was pregnant with my child. after a few years went by she then explained to me after months of arguments how far she'd gone to cover her ground but could not get by mentally and physically any more. so I took her to court to have matters to diminishe under UK laws. the court heard the case under which I went through some discomfort and stress. The court to my amazement heared that she not be deported to her own country because the daughter and that I would gain full custody of the child for 12 months until she would gain a police order under residence laws plus I gad to pay £50k plus child maintenance which I paid in advance totalling £100k. now I find that the women has decided on a siege on my house which is mostly empty all year round. which to astonishment she's been there for several year and even obtained a British passport. I can get my head round the system as in how she obtained it. I would of thought the court order would have be been sufficient and the money paid to her would have helped her settle. Now I need some help and advice on how to get her out my life and home.

Our Response:
This is beyond our remit to advise. You would have to seek professional legal advice regarding this, if your ex is essentially squatting.
SeparatedDads - 4-Dec-17 @ 11:53 AM
Hi I'm a father that went abroad a long time ago a got talking to a women I had met year's ago.. she accused me of rape and I spent a few days in a local police station until I got realised.. I then came back home (uk).. after a few months I was told to travel back by a friend to attend the police station.. when I got there I realised that the women and family members of hers were present and a family ritual was asked by the police.. I explained my situation to police and asked to be allowed to travel back to UK. Once I got back the women then used take documentation to travel to UK and a marriage license. I then took in consideration that it would be in trouble due to concerns over the document that she had minipulated from some source or another. The women then ran off and then later that year turned up again on my door step.. she then intoxicated me with some sleeping medication then after a few months later can back to the house I stated that I raped her again which she later explained that she was pregnant with my child.. after a few years went by she then explained to me after months of arguments how far she'd gone to cover her ground but could not get by mentally and physically any more... so I took her to court to have matters to diminishe under UK laws.. the court heard the case under which I went through some discomfort and stress. The court to my amazement heared that she not be deported to her own country because the daughter and that I would gain full custody of the child for 12 months until she would gain a police order under residence laws plus i gad to pay £50k plus child maintenance which i paid in advance totalling £100k... now I find that the women has decided on a siege on my house which is mostly empty all year round.. which to astonishment she's been there for several year and even obtained a British passport.. I can get my head round the system as in how she obtained it.. I would of thought the court order would have be been sufficient and the money paid to her would have helped her settle. Now I need some help and advice on how to get her out my life and home..
Big J - 2-Dec-17 @ 11:32 AM
Mrs B- Your Question:
Hi my son and his now x girlfriend are having a baby ( due in February 2018).She is not going to let him see the baby at all or us the grandparents.We have tried to talk to her mum and Dad but they say the baby isn’t here yet so get used to it as you are not going to see the kid and your son will never see him too. Just need advice of how we go about getting to see the baby if possible

Our Response:
Your son's only recourse would be to suggest mediation to his ex in order to try to resolve this issue outside court, please see link here . If his ex still refuses, then the option would be open for your son to take the matter to court. Unfortunately, it's not the best start to the birth of your grandchild. However, the courts do want both parents to have a relationship with their children and will do all it can to put this into place. Unless there is a very good reason why your son should not be involved in his child's life, then there should be no reason for the courts to propose an access arrangement from the start and proceeding through to the future. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 1-Dec-17 @ 11:48 AM
Lee - Your Question:
Hi ive been seperated from my wife nearly a year now and shes moved on with another blole whos been barred from seeing his children from a previous relationship ive movex on and my new partner has z little girl who my oldest doesnt always get on with and now despite my son saying he wants to come and stay my ex is restricting my accesss I ve tried talking and offered mediation but to no success to be honest feel alone like theres no help for me

Our Response:
If your ex has refused mediation, your only recourse would be to deal with this through the courts. Our Separated Dads forum may help you emotionally and practically through this tricky time. If you cannot afford legal representation in court, you can self-litigate, please see link here. There is help out there, you just have to look for it. If you have been a consistent dad to date, then the court should re-instate access if your ex will not.
SeparatedDads - 1-Dec-17 @ 10:50 AM
Hi my son and his now x girlfriend are having a baby ( due in February 2018) . She is not going to let him see the baby at all or us the grandparents. We have tried to talk to her mum and Dad but they say the baby isn’t here yet so get used to it as you are not going to see the kid and your son will never see him too . Just need advice of how we go about getting to see the baby if possible
Mrs B - 30-Nov-17 @ 7:01 PM
Hi ive been seperated from my wife nearly a year now and shes moved on with another blole whos been barred from seeing his children from a previous relationship ive movex on and my new partner has z little girl who my oldest doesnt always get on with and now despite my son saying he wants to come and stay my ex is restricting my accesss i ve tried talking and offered mediation but to no success to be honest feel alone like theres no help for me
Lee - 30-Nov-17 @ 4:22 PM
Melmel - Your Question:
Well that would be brilliant, but he won't budge. He could easily go and stay with family, but he is trying to drive me out by ignoring me. This is so unhealthy for my youngest son. The atmosphere is so bad. I am going to my parent's this weekend, just to sort things out and have some breathing space. I'm either feeling angry and tearful, and that is not the way to live.

Our Response:
The Citizens Advice link heremay help you with more practical issues. Unfortunately, emotional issues are more tricky to navigate. I know it may seem difficult, but can you sit down and try to discuss what you should do if you separate? Obviously, if your partner owns the house, then he is going to be more reluctant to move. If you co-own the house then you have equal rights to stay in the property. If you are the primary carer of your children, then it makes sense that the children are not disrupted from their day-to-day routine. If you cannot negotiate a separation with your partner directly, then mediation may be an option to suggest, please see link here . Putting the interests of your children first should always be the objective in any negotiation for a separation, as this is what the courts focus wholly on.
SeparatedDads - 7-Nov-17 @ 9:34 AM
Well that would be brilliant, but he won't budge. He could easily go and stay with family, but he is trying to drive me out by ignoring me. This is so unhealthy for my youngest son. The atmosphere is so bad. I am going to my parent's this weekend, just to sort things out and have some breathing space. I'm either feeling angry and tearful, and that is not the way to live.
Melmel - 6-Nov-17 @ 4:44 PM
@Melmel- can't your partner move out of the house? It sounds like a nightmare situation.
Corey - 6-Nov-17 @ 3:09 PM
Hi. I'm in a nightmare ATM. I have two sons. One is nearly 18 and my youngest is 12. I have been living with my partner, who is their father, for over 20 years. The problem is when we argue, which is often, he gets verbally nasty and threatens to kick me out of the house. He's working and I'm a stay at home mum.We just had an argument over the weekend, and I'm getting the silent treatment, which I class as mental abuse. The other issue is if we aren't married, who gets custody of my sons. I could go to my parents place, but the boys school is close to us where we live and I don't want to disrupt their routine, but I can't take this treatment anymore.
Melmel - 6-Nov-17 @ 1:01 PM
Ano - Your Question:
Hi me and my partner have not been getting along he is mentality abusive to me and shouts at my order kids there not his kids my youngest 9 months old is his and some days he says oh I can't cope with him and most days he just leave me to get on with it myself I want to leave him but he keeps saying he is taking my baby and I'm so scared to leave him ive cause I don't want my baby gone he has had other children look away from him adopted years ago if I left and took my baby what's the chances I would be able to get my baby back and what would happen thanks

Our Response:
If you would like to speak to someone personally, you can speak to an adviser via Woman's Aid here . You don't say whether your partner is the father of your baby and whether he is registered on the birth certificate. If he is not, then as specified in the article, the police can intervene.
SeparatedDads - 3-Nov-17 @ 12:57 PM
Hi me and my partner have not been getting along he is mentality abusive to me and shouts at my order kids there not his kids my youngest 9 months old is his and some days he says oh I can't cope with him and most days he just leave me to get on with it myself I want to leave him but he keeps saying he is taking my baby and I'm so scared to leave him ive cause I don't want my baby gone he has had other children look away from him adopted years ago if I left and took my baby what's the chances I would be able to get my baby back and what would happen thanks
Ano - 2-Nov-17 @ 9:27 PM
CT - Your Question:
My sister has a son with her ex partner. Her son lives with her. After a domestic incident the court deemed that the son must only have 3 hours contact per week with the father. And the child is under no circumstance allowed around his mother (the childs grandmother). The sons father is living with his mother and my nephew is there around the grandmother when he is not supposed to have contact. This is court ordered until December 2017. The father has not returned the son since his last contact visit last week and the police say theres nothing they can do. Social services have also been contacted. the head of the department said my sister should collect the child from school but then a collegue advised my sister against this. My sister has had so many battles with her ex and in court they deemed him unsuitable so what rights does she have now? I dont understand why the social services are not doing anything. A cafcass report indicates her son should not be in the exs house but he is. Social services are failing her and the child. Please can anyone offer any advice as what steps she can take?

Our Response:
If the court deems your sister the resident parent and a residence order is made which determines where the child should live, then the police should be able to intervene and return your sister's son to your sister.Has the order been shown to the police? Unless there is a good reason why your sister's child should be kept by the other parent, then your sister can legally pick her son up from school. It is advisable that your sister seeks legal advice immediately. If the police and social services cannot intervene, then your sister would have to apply for a court order asap.
SeparatedDads - 2-Nov-17 @ 10:29 AM
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