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After the Initial Court Order

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 7 Dec 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Court Court Order Breaches Child Ex

Our three-part guide to 'Going to Court' covered all the issues you might experience throughout the court process. Many people experience issues after a court order has been made - and this guide "After the Initial Court Order" is aimed at helping you through difficulties following a court ruling.

Breaches of Court Orders

It is always important to keep a record of any breaches of a court order, however minor. Whilst it may not seem important at the time that a payment was a couple of days late or a couple of pounds short, these minor breaches all add up. A series of minor breaches on top of a more major breach of an order (such as a payment missed altogether) may be the evidence that makes a difference between a judge just giving your ex partner 'a telling off' and be told not to breach the order again, and the judge altering the order (to reduce contact or make them pay a month in advance).

You can keep a record however you like really, as long as you keep it safe. Below are a couple of popular choices:

  • Quick typed word document saved in a separate file on your computer
  • A small pocket diary kept just for the purposes of recording breaches
It is also important to keep track of any communication with your partner, even if it is just a 'courtesy call' in which there were no disagreements or agreements made. This will enable you to easily refer to exactly what was said (particularly if in person or over the phone) at a later date.

Your diary entries / notes don't have to be long.

For Example: 21/08/12 - Mark dropped Katy off at 8pm as agreed. He said she had been out with her friends at the shops all afternoon and had not had tea.

It is also worth if anything is agreed (in person or over the phone) to confirm this in writing (email is fine) with your ex partner. They do not have to reply, but they have then had the option to object if this was not their recollection of the situation.

Police Involvement in Court Order Breaches

The police generally won't get involved in breaches of court orders as it is a matter for the court to deal with. Even if your ex partner keeps your children for an extra couple of nights than they are meant to, this is not a matter for the police as the children are safe with someone who has parental responsibility. (Also consider whether you would want to upset your children by having the police come into the house and drag them away from your partner.)

If your ex partner repeatedly or seriously breaches the court order, you can apply to the courts to enforce the order. All contact orders after 2008 contain a warning about what could happen if an order is breached. If your order is breached, you need to ensure that you have an attached warning notice. You can then apply for enforcement of your order. The police will then only become involved if there are repeated serious breaches and the court punishes your ex partner via community service (or, in rare cases, imprisonment).

The police will not immediately get involved in enforcing a court order relating to children if they are with someone with parental responsibility, even if you make allegations of abuse. The correct procedure should you wish to make allegations of abuse is to make an emergency (same day) application to the courts. The police may then be used to enforce that court order, accompanying a Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) officer to remove children from a party's care.

Applying For a Change of Contact Arrangements

Clearly the easiest way to agree contact arrangements is between you and your ex partner, clarifying arrangements in writing. If this is the case and you wish to change your contact arrangements, you can simply ask to have a discussion with them and set new arrangements.

If however you have a court order detailing your contact arrangements, changing them is a little more tricky and you may need to apply to the courts again; a costly and lengthy process. The best way to deal with a change in arrangements, even if you currently have a court order is:

  • Talk to your ex partner and explain what you want to change and why. If it works out better for both of you they might not object.
  • Go your solicitor and draft a letter to your ex partner setting out the arrangements you wish to change in a more official manner on their letterhead.
  • If neither of the above has settled matters, apply to the courts to decide your contact arrangements again.

Going back to court takes time and money, so it is important to consider a) how important it is that you make changes to the current arrangements (especially if they work) and b) how major are your changes. If your changes are purely for convenience, but can still work now, then it is really not cost effective to take your ex partner back to court if they won't agree to them. Equally if your change is to which evening you have the children (e.g. Weds / Thurs) or what time they are returned (1pm / 2pm), there is also little point in taking this matter to court.

Remember the No Order Principle: the courts will not make an order, if the position is no worse if they don't make an order than if they do.

You should always aim to work together as parents and be reasonable. If you are on the receiving end of a request to change arrangements, consider if the request is reasonable and what effect it would have on you. If for example it is a change of day when you would be in all week anyway, then why object; objecting just to annoy your ex partner is never advisable as, like it or not, you have a long-standing relationship with them (until your child is 18!)

Parental Alienation

In some cases the child may state that they do not want to have any contact with the non resident parent, this is sometimes due to the fact that the resident parent has alienated the child from the other parent. This is known by some as parental alienation, this is a controversial pathological ailment most commonly claimed during divorce or separation of parents. Symptoms of parental alienation are expressed as unjustified extreme hatred for one parent.

Parental alienation remains a controversial condition in both the legal and medical professions, as similar symptoms can easily be brought on by negative comments by the other parent, or a child blaming one party (particularly if they were unfaithful) for the relationship breaking down.

Proving it in Court

Generally legal advice would always be not to plead parental alienation in court. Judges like evidence based submissions, so if you are claiming a medical (psychological) condition, the judge will want to see a medical report to prove this. This is not the sort of report a regular GP would be able to give, so would be expensive to obtain, and many medical professionals (much like with conditions such as ME) don't recognise it as a "real" medical problem.

The best way to effectively plead parental alienation would be to produce evidence in court of your child's behaviour being unsubstantiated or unreasonable. You essentially want the judge to give the wishes of your child (one item on the welfare checklist) little weight. You are far more likely to achieve this by demonstrating how good a parent you are and your closeness with your child before the separation to show how their sudden hatred is irrational. Often mention of "parental alienation syndrome", a condition proposed by controversial American psychiatrist Richard Gardner, will damage an otherwise valid point.

SUMMARY:

  • Parental Alienation Syndrome is highly controversial
  • Many medics and lawyers do not accept it exists
  • You are more likely to succeed by proving that behaviour is irrational / influenced by the other party using evidence

Applying For a Change of Contact Arrangements

Clearly the easiest way to agree contact arrangements is between you and your ex partner, clarifying arrangements in writing. If this is the case and you wish to change your contact arrangements, you can simply ask to have a discussion with them and set new arrangements.

If however you have a court order detailing your contact arrangements, changing them is a little more tricky and you may need to apply to the courts again; a costly and lengthy process. The best way to deal with a change in arrangements, even if you currently have a court order is:

  • Talk to your ex partner and explain what you want to change and why. If it works out better for both of you they might not object
  • Go your solicitor and draft a letter to your ex partner setting out the arrangements you wish to change in a more official manner on their letterhead
  • If neither of the above has settled matters, apply to the courts to decide your contact arrangements again

Going back to court takes time and money, so it is important to consider a) how important it is that you make changes to the current arrangements (especially if they work) and b) how major are your changes. If your changes are purely for convenience, but can still work now, then it is really not cost effective to take your ex partner back to court if they won't agree to them. Equally if your change is to which evening you have the children (e.g. Weds / Thurs) or what time they are returned (1pm / 2pm), there is also little point in taking this matter to court.

Remember the No Order Principle: the courts will not make an order, if the position is no worse if they don't make an order than if they do.

You should always aim to work together as parents and be reasonable. If you are on the receiving end of a request to change arrangements, consider if the request is reasonable and what effect it would have on you. If for example it is a change of day when you would be in all week anyway, then why object; objecting just to annoy your ex partner is never advisable as, like it or not, you have a long-standing relationship with them (until your child is 18!)

SUMMARY:

  • Only resort to changes through the courts if you have to
  • If changes are opposed consider carefully whether they are strictly necessary before applying to the courts

Sample Letters

We've produced 10 sample letters to help you communicate with your ex and with the various authorities to help you achieve a positive outcome with any issues relating to your children. You find them here:

After court letters part one.

After court letters, part two.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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[Add a Comment]
my partner has recently finished in court July 2017- she has a court order that states her ex should be paying extra monies over the maximum CSA allowance each month and he has not paid the first 2 months worth- he is not responding to our solicitors letters, emails etc. we cannot afford to take him back to court as he has squeezed all of our savings out of us. could we claim costs if we did go to court and could we do it so that he has to pay upfront for our court costs? what's the point in a court order if it is gong to require another trip to court when he breaches it? how to we stop this cycle before we literally cannot afford to fight him anymore? Please help us. the money is for HIS children!!!!
adz - 7-Dec-17 @ 5:50 PM
I divorced 3 years ago. All amicable but at the point of attempting to draw up a court order my ex suffered a severed meltdown and has been battling depression. We had verbally agreed all financial matters and to this day are happy with what is proposed. I know hindsight is wonderful thing and it should have all been sorted! She is in the family home and I have since re-married and am renting. The mortgage she is paying but I have remained on mortgage so that she can bring up our girls under the roof and foster which is her main income. She is currently unable to get a mortgage on her own. I have agreed with her she can have equity in the property. I am now ready to buy and have been advised I can obtain sufficient mortgage even with name on existing mortgage. However quite rightly my new wife is uncomfortable with the liability. Is my best option to draw up a court order now which offers transfer to her with an indemnity for me against the mortgage.
holyrocks - 10-Nov-17 @ 2:49 PM
@jay - I'm not sure why you would not be allowed to not show the court order to anyone. But if your company is asking to see it, then show it to them. Nothing is going to happen - if you were taken to court, you could easily justify the reason why you had to show it to your boss, so you can get the time off!
RK - 10-Nov-17 @ 1:38 PM
So i have a court order that has just been made and there christmas and boxing day that i am having my daughter and it states in the court order but from what it says im not allowed to show the order to anyone but my company is asking for a scanned copy of it to prove those two dates what do i do
Jay - 9-Nov-17 @ 6:51 PM
Hi, I have to pay full maintenance and have a court order for contact in a centre for two hours which is 90 a week I need to see my daughter but am falling behind on bills and am not aloud a variation of cost of while in the centre as my ex reports me and they can put a 20% increase on What can I do as if I don’t pay full I couldn’t get further cost but I will put sewing my daughter first
Dad - 23-Oct-17 @ 7:41 PM
I finished court on the 16th of December last and social services completely went against the court order and changed it to how they wanted and then told me I have to take them to court after spending 20k on a solicitor then representing myself in the final hearing as of all the false allegations what was made I need to know what forms I need to take social to court I already took my abusive ex to court over it and got an order to see my daughter
No comment - 20-Oct-17 @ 3:15 PM
Kay - Your Question:
I recently finished court in July 2017. We have a court order stating my son stays with me every other weekend and half of holidays. Which has been great. The court agreed it was for the best on both parents and my son. The dad has full custody and has always tried to control the situation. The past two weekends I haven't been able to pick my son up as his dad said he refuses to come with me but my son doesn't give me any reason why and doesn't want to talk. It's mainly his dad and his step mum that talks for him although he is 10 years old. I believe this is going against the court order but as the dad and step mum says it's my son refusing to go and they aren't stopping him although this is possibly not true I didn't know what my rights are? I travel to Burnham to see my son and he refuses to come to the door but I don't understand why. Please can someone help me. I'm confused as what to do.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. If there is a court order in place, then your ex is in breach if he is refusing to allow you access. Please see link here which will explain what you can do. Sometimes, a solicitors' letter reminding your ex of the obligations to the order might do the trick.
SeparatedDads - 2-Oct-17 @ 2:28 PM
I recently finished court in July 2017. We have a court order stating my son stays with me every other weekend and half of holidays. Which has been great. The court agreed it was for the best on both parents and my son. The dad has full custody and has always tried to control the situation. The past two weekends I haven't been able to pick my son up as his dad said he refuses to come with me but my son doesn't give me any reason why and doesn't want to talk. It's mainly his dad and his step mum that talks for him although he is 10 years old. I believe this is going against the court order but as the dad and step mum says it's my son refusing to go and they aren't stopping him although this is possibly not true I didn't know what my rights are?I travel to Burnham to see my son and he refuses to come to the door but I don't understand why. Please can someone help me. I'm confused as what to do.
Kay - 30-Sep-17 @ 6:48 PM
datey - Your Question:
I brought my son up for 5 years with my ex,we split up april 2015,she moved to a new home with my son,i saw him alot at first,then she graddualy stopped my access,i went to a solicitor,3days later I was arrested for rape,i got a court order to see him regulary,then in march 2017 I was charged with rape,she then stopped my contact altogether,i have not seen my son for 6 months,we had a brilliant relationship,every one said I was a great dad,i have brought up 3 daughters 2 of which went through university,all who know me know I would not hurt anyone and were shocked at my ex lies,in september,one day before going to crown court,the cps dropped all charges against me,they offered no evidence and I was found not guilty of rape,this has all been done to get me out of my sons life,her and her new wife who I suspect have been together while I was with her have tried to destroy my life,i have lost my job,my home and have to now pay for a new court case to see my son,the police have been on her side throuhgout,i went to pick my son up from school on friday 2 weeks back with my dad,the police were called,and the police dc in charge of the rape case got involved,and told me my court order was no good as an emergency order had been taken out,i left the school very upset and phoned social services,who told me there was no such order and she couldnt overturn a court order,i have been in touch with police complaints,my mp social services,but no one will help me ,i have gone back to my solicitor who has told me it may cost another 8 thousand pounds which I am struggling with,i cant sleep or work and cry alot,i just want to see my son and I know hes missing me,lm at my wits end please can someone help me and my family who all miss him so much.

Our Response:
I'm sorry to hear this. Firstly, if you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here . I suggest you sign up to our Separated Dads forum and obtain support from a group such as Families Need Fathers. The dads who have been through similar experiences (it's not as uncommon as you may think), will be able to advise further and possibly help you with your case. I know it is difficult, but I would ensure that you do not attempt to see your son without authorisation, as this could lead to your ex reporting you and making up further lies. I'm sure your son knows you love him and are doing all you can to see him (at least he is old enough to be able to understand this). If your ex is lying, the court should be able to see through this (the courts have seen it all before). The courts do want fathers to have a relationship with their children and since no charges have been brought against you, then the court order 'should' hopefully continue. However, you also need to make sure you do not contact your ex and keep away from your son, until the court can decide what it thinks is in the best interests for your child.
SeparatedDads - 25-Sep-17 @ 12:41 PM
i brought my son up for 5 years with my ex,we split up april 2015,she moved to a new home with my son,i saw him alot at first,then she graddualy stopped my access,i went to a solicitor,3days later i was arrested for rape,i got a court order to see him regulary,then in march 2017 i was charged with rape,she then stopped my contact altogether,i have not seen my son for 6 months,we had a brilliant relationship,every one said i was a great dad,i have brought up 3 daughters 2 of which went through university,all who know me know i would not hurt anyone and were shocked at my ex lies,in september,one day before going to crown court,the cps dropped all charges against me,they offered no evidence and i was found not guilty of rape,this has all been done to get me out of my sons life,her and her new wife who i suspect have been togetherwhile i was with her have tried to destroy my life,i have lost my job,my home and have to now pay for a new court case to see my son,the police have been on her side throuhgout,i went to pick my son up from school on friday 2 weeks back with my dad,the police were called,and the police dcin charge of the rape case got involved,and told me my court order was no good as an emergency order had been taken out,i left the school very upset and phoned social services,who told me there was no such order and she couldnt overturn a court order,i have been in touch with police complaints,my mp social services,but no one will help me ,i have gone back to my solicitor who has told me it may cost another 8 thousand pounds which i am struggling with,i cant sleep or work and cry alot,i just want to see my son and i know hes missing me,lm at my wits end please can someone help me and my family who all miss him so much.
datey - 24-Sep-17 @ 7:24 PM
Adpc - Your Question:
Hi I have a court order to have regular access to my daughter witch has worked but mg daughters mother is now struggling with daughters behaviour and want me to take her full time and I'm not sure what I need to do. Do I need to see lawyer again to get this written paper. Also how do I change child tax credits over and child benefit. Thanks for any advice.

Our Response:
You may wish to try mediation, please see link here . Mediation is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. However, if you wish, you do not have to have a legal agreement at all, you just need the agreement and co-operation of your ex when making these changes to who is the primary carer.
SeparatedDads - 19-Sep-17 @ 3:49 PM
Hi i have a court order to have regular access to my daughter witch has worked but mg daughters mother is now struggling with daughters behaviour and want me to take her full time and I'm not sure what I need to do. Do i need to see lawyer again to get this written paper. Also how do i change child tax credits over and child benefit. Thanks for any advice.
Adpc - 19-Sep-17 @ 9:25 AM
GG - Your Question:
My 12 year old son lives with me and is supposed to see his mum every Sunday 10-7. For the past year she is now coming either every other Sunday or every third Sunday 12-4. My son no longer wants to see her. Will a judge listen to him now and allow this to happen? Also how would I go about speaking to a judge ref the order being changed? Finally I'm being taken to court for a breach of the order (which I have evidence that I haven't) on the 16th October 2017. Any advice would be really helpful. Thanks GG

Our Response:
If there is a court order in place, you would have to refer the matter back to court regarding any variation you wish to apply for. As with any order to the court, it will always decide what it thinks is in your child's best interests.
SeparatedDads - 15-Sep-17 @ 3:44 PM
My 12 year old son lives with me and is supposed to see his mum every Sunday 10-7. For the past year she is now coming either every other Sunday or every third Sunday 12-4.My son no longer wants to see her. Will a judge listen to him now and allow this to happen? Also how would I go about speaking to a judge ref the order being changed? Finally I'm being taken to court for a breach of the order (which I have evidence that I haven't) on the 16th October 2017. Any advice would be really helpful. Thanks GG
GG - 14-Sep-17 @ 3:22 PM
Shaz - Your Question:
Hi, I have an 8 year old child who lives with me. back in 2014 a final court order was placed since then there has been many changes due to my son attending weekend arabic class. every other weekend my son goes to his father's when it comes to handing him back to me the father keeps changing the time I agree that on many occasions we both had issues were he couldn't pick his son up because of an emergency or I had something coming up like a family wedding etc since April this year things are just getting out of hand the father hands over late every time on one weekend his father has him for 2 hours tends to make it longer than 2 hours sleepover friday 6.30pm to saturday 11.30am now his decided he will hand him over at 5pm I try my best to follow the court order but as his getting older things are changing he is in year four now alot learning to do and I want my son to grow up in a healthy environment I tend to ignore the text messages his father sends me it's very upsetting always aggressive and intimidating me via text his a bully he gets what he wants all the time I am soo lost I really don't know what to do if I go to court I feel as though I won't get the support I need or won't understand my point of view I've had such bad experience in the past with the old solicitors please can someone advice me what I should do I really do not what to take this matter to court

Our Response:
If there is a court order in place,any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts, please see link here . However, if your ex has changed the order and you wish to agree on some terms and not others, then you should perhaps suggest to your ex that you both attend mediation together, please see link here. Remember, the court order issued by the courts is the one that can be reverted back to. Any departure from the original order unless consented to is a breach.
SeparatedDads - 11-Sep-17 @ 10:48 AM
Hi, I have an 8 year old child who lives with me... back in 2014 a final court order was placed since then there has been many changes due to my son attending weekend arabic class... every other weekend my son goes to his father's when it comes to handing him back to me the father keeps changing the time I agree that on many occasions we both had issues were he couldn't pick his son up because of an emergency or I had something coming up like a family wedding etc since April this year things are just getting out of hand the father hands over late every time on one weekend his father has him for 2 hours tends to make it longer than 2 hours sleepover friday 6.30pm to saturday 11.30am now his decided he will hand him over at 5pm I try my best to follow the court order but as his getting older things are changing he is in year four now alot learning to do and I want my son to grow up in a healthy environment I tend to ignore the text messages his father sends me it's very upsetting always aggressive and intimidating me via text his a bully he gets what he wants all the time I am soo lost I really don't know what to do if I go to court I feel as though I won't get the support I need or won't understand my point of view I've had such bad experience in the past with the old solicitors please can someone advice me what I should do I really do not what to take this matter to court
Shaz - 9-Sep-17 @ 1:11 AM
Tap - Your Question:
Hello, I have a question. I am the primary care of a 10 months old baby girl, her father pick her today up and now he told me on the phone that he won't bring her back to me because I can't afford her - that she has everything what she needs at his house - and he also said he will go tomorrow Monday to the council to get rehousing with her. I am on my own in a temporary accommodation (studio flat). We have in the moment a case process at the court (leave to remove from the jurisdiction England to Austria)He is a drug addict. But he is in the birth certificate. What can I do? Today is Sunday and I have no one in this country. Thank you in advance

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. The thought of your ex partner taking your children is the worst nightmare of many parents, and so if it happens, understandably it is a very emotional and stressful time. Many people turn to the police for help to return their children, but how much the police can help is very dependent upon your personal situation. If both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police CANNOT help, even if the children do not normally live with them. However, if the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene. Please see the rest of this article via the link here which will advise further. We hope this situation resolves itself without you having to go through court.
SeparatedDads - 4-Sep-17 @ 11:28 AM
Hello, I have a question. I am the primary care of a 10 months old baby girl, her father pick her today up and now he told me on the phone that he won't bring her back to me because I can't afford her - that she has everything what she needs at his house - and he also said he will go tomorrow Monday to the council to get rehousing with her. I am on my own in a temporary accommodation (studio flat). We have in the moment a case process at the court (leave to remove from the jurisdiction England to Austria) He is a drug addict. But he is in the birth certificate. What can I do? Today is Sunday and I have no one in this country. Thank you in advance
Tap - 3-Sep-17 @ 12:33 PM
Hello, really need some advice, me amd my ex went to court 2 years ago, the court order lasted a year, I need to go to see my son in a contact centre and do work on my drinking, I then started seeing him unsupervised for around a year, only the last time he was down I relapsed pretty badly and ended up kicking off in a child's play area and the police where called and he was removed from me, no charges where made against me and she's stopped contact completely, I fully understand this is my own fault and I clearly need help with alcohol again which I am willing to do I was just hoping someone could tell me where I would stand in the family courts after this amd if ill ever be able to see him again, he's 8 years old. Thank you.
D - 31-Aug-17 @ 7:20 PM
Hi, I really need some advice. After 3 child protections due to domestic violence and a plo when my ex was convicted for 41 months in prison for a violent offence on myself I admitted to the social (whilst on child in need after the 3 month plo process) I admitted I had a minor relapse of drinking and they forced my parents to apply ro the courts for a special guardianship order which I opposed and we got a child arrangement order instead of the SGO. This was in January and my daughter was living with my parents on a voluntary basis so I could get myself into AA and get into recovery. This Cao went through in may and I am now nearly 8 months sober. My daughter is 4 & we both desperately want to live together. When is an appropriate time to take this back to court to ammend or discharge the Cao to have my daughter come home to her mum. Advice would be much appreciated. Steph
steph - 27-Aug-17 @ 10:24 PM
@Chris - 42 times that you've taken her to court for contempt of court? You're kidding. I'd complain to the courts. I do know that unless the breach is frequest of significant the court won't do anything. But 42 times, jeez!
AdamY - 24-Aug-17 @ 3:45 PM
My son ex girlfriend never turns up for contact and she always gets of with contempt of court thts 42 so far why is this i reallt dont undetstand it
Chris - 22-Aug-17 @ 10:42 PM
J - Your Question:
Hi, I'm just looking for some advice as it seems going to court doesn't work. This has been going on for 4 years - we have a court order in place - we have had 3 different court orders since March 2014. My ex partner seems to decide when I see my kids and when I don't. I have gone from seeing them every weekend - one short one long to not seeing them at all throughout the summer holidays to seeing them every other weekend to not seeing them again. We have always had a court order but she seems to breach it every time. I have gone to court with this case but they seemed to have dismissed it completely and moved on to the actual court order. It has been 4 years and she is still in the vindictive state of mind, hating that I have moved on. I pay my child maintenance every month, I want to be able to speak to them and see them but she doesnt let me. She now has started stopping me seeing them on my weekends, its now 6 weeks since I have seen them last. I'm not sure how to solve this as we have been in and out of a court a million times in the last 4 years. I just want to see my kids, I miss them everyday and they shouldn't be taken away from me.I just need to understand if THERE IS a way to sort this out as she seems to be untouchable and she does as she wishes. Thanks

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. But, I can only direct you to the page, Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do here which will tell you that if the breach is regular and frequent you will have to take the matter back to court to have the order enforced. I'm afraid this is a tough path to follow, but if the courts feel your ex is breaching the order intentionally, then she can be punished. Therefore, I can only suggest you diarise every time a breach occurs in order to try to prove this.
SeparatedDads - 22-Aug-17 @ 11:27 AM
Hi, I'm just looking for some advice as it seems going to court doesn't work. This has been going on for 4 years - we have a court order in place - we have had 3 different court orders since March 2014. My ex partner seems to decide when I see my kids and when I don't. I have gone from seeing them every weekend - one short one long to not seeing them at all throughout the summer holidays to seeing them every other weekend to not seeing them again. We have always had a court order but she seems to breach it every time. I have gone to court with this case but they seemed to have dismissed it completely and moved on to the actual court order. It has been 4 years and she is still in the vindictive state of mind, hating that I have moved on. I pay my child maintenance every month, I want to be able to speak to them and see them but she doesnt let me. She now has started stopping me seeing them on my weekends, its now 6 weeks since I have seen them last. I'm not sure how to solve this as we have been in and out of a court a million times in the last 4 years. I just want to see my kids, I miss them everyday and they shouldn't be taken away from me. I just need to understand if THERE IS a way to sort this out as she seems to be untouchable and she does as she wishes. Thanks
J - 21-Aug-17 @ 3:51 PM
Stevo - Your Question:
Hi. I have 2 boys 12 and 15. They live with their mum and I have had a court order put in place so that I can see them at weekends and some evenings in the week. My eldest is having a terrible time there and his mum has a nasty temper (non-violent but extremely threatening) I recently witnessed first hand how horrible she is to him and how upset he was. He wants to live at by house but I am worried that the court order will prohibit this. Is it his choice? She had already told him several times that she will not allow it but he wants to leave. Thanks, Steve

Our Response:
If your son is 15, then a court of law will take his opinion into consideration regarding where he wishes to live. Of course, many teenagers go through a tough/emotional time at home and the courts will also take this into consideration. The court will always decide what it thinks is in your child's best interests. However, before you take the court route, you may wish to speak to your ex directly and discuss the option of your son living with you, if she disagrees then you would have to suggest mediation as a way of trying to solve these issues. Only if your ex refuses to attend mediation, would you be able to apply to court, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 20-Jul-17 @ 10:26 AM
Hi. I have 2 boys 12 and 15. They live with their mum and I have had a court order put in place so that I can see them at weekends and some evenings in the week. My eldest is having a terrible time there and his mum has a nasty temper (non-violent but extremely threatening) I recently witnessed first hand how horrible she is to him and how upset he was. He wants to live at by house but I am worried that the court order will prohibit this. Is it his choice? She had already told him several times that she will not allow it but he wants to leave. Thanks, Steve
Stevo - 18-Jul-17 @ 4:33 PM
@Wenwoo - it would be better to take it back to court to request a variation. At least you are doing it by the book then.
Mike - 7-Jul-17 @ 2:02 PM
I am after some advice. My Partner of 3 years has had some recent contact from his ex wife (not legally divorced yet). They have 2 children together, 1 of whom turns 18 next month and the other is aged 9. He has not seen his children since he left the family home 5 years ago following the breakdown of his marriage. From my understanding the relationship of 20 years was often quite unsettled on both parts and they did not work together, plus i believe there was issues of domestic abuse. My partner has informed me he suffered years of psychological, verbal and physical torment from her and never did anything about it because no one would believe a man could experience this. His ex wife used to constantly call the police on him and state that he had been abusive for which he would be arrested but then released every time without charge as their was no evidence. Anyways she has contacted him asking to meet her alone to discuss his eldest daughters severe mental and physical ill health and to look into getting adivorce. She was adamant he could not have anyone else involved and that she had not made told anyone else she was doing this. He arranged to meet her and then she harassed him for two days with text messages warning him that he would hear lots of things he didn't want to here etc. He advised that he did not want to drag up any past just talk about the divorce terms and access to his children. all this time she would not speak to him on the phone only through SMS. He constantly reiterated the point to her above when she persisted to send woeful messages about how hard this has been for her etc. The meeting never happened due to her attitude and expectation of him driving a 14 hour round trip where it was evident that she was going to be vengeful as she had in her texts. She eventually agreed to phone him that evening, he was careful to have other people in the room to hear what was being said. She was overheard saying that he was responsible for nearly killing his daughter because of her current illness and then disconnected the call. He then asked why she would cut the call off an asked her not to contact him further unless it was through a solicitor as they would not be able to sort this between them. she became very hostile and made threats that he would never have access to their children etc as she has social services on her side and police records etc. I have looked into this and believe that i am right in thinking that as he is on the birth certificates and is married to her that he has parental responsibility and can ask for access to the children's health records, education and i presume any other records or information held about his daughter say with social services. can you advise of what the best next steps are in regards to getting access and a divorce as it is unlikely this can be sorted civilly between the two of them. it may be worth advising that the home they own together he verbally agreed to lea
justice seeker - 4-Jul-17 @ 4:58 PM
Wils17 - Your Question:
Good afternoon Hope someone can help I have a court order in place with access to my daughter on a 50/50 basis in the order it states that no parent will stop the other parent from taking the child on holiday I have on several occasions tried to take my daughter away but any date I provide she refuses I even asked her to select the date from 2 months which would be best and she refused I'm trying to get her passport so I can at least take her away for a few days on my days and I get no response n when I do she refuses Please can any1 help I'm stuck what I can do next as going back to court is very expensive to change the court order Thanks in advance

Our Response:
If your ex is breaching the court order (which it sounds as though she is), please see link here . In the first instance, you may wish to suggest mediation in order to try to resolve your issues, and/or ask a solicitor to write a letter to your ex reminding her of the terms of the agreement and the repercussions if she continues to breach the terms. If your ex ignores this, then your only option would be to refer the matter back to court. If you cannot afford the hefty legal fees you can self-litigate, please see link here. The solicitor's letter will also serve as evidence (if you have to take the matter back to court) that you have done all in your power in terms of negotiation to ensure your ex keeps to the agreement.
SeparatedDads - 4-Jul-17 @ 10:58 AM
Good afternoon Hope someone can help I have a court order in place with access to my daughter on a 50/50 basis in the order it states that no parent will stop the other parent from taking the child on holiday I have on several occasions tried to take my daughter away but any date I provide she refuses I even asked her to select the date from 2 months which would be best and she refused I'm trying to get her passport so I can at least take her away for a few days on my days and I get no response n when I do she refuses Please can any1 help I'm stuck what I can do next as going back to court is very expensive to change the court order Thanks in advance
Wils17 - 3-Jul-17 @ 1:13 PM
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