You may have split up from your child’s mother but you are still both jointly responsible for your child’s upbringing and making choices that influence their life. It can be difficult if you have differing opinions, but you need to respect each other's viewpoints and discuss them maturely. You have a legal right, as your child’s father, to have a say in major decisions in their life.
If you're uncertain about your legal standing when it comes to making decisions about your child's upbringing, you can use our free Rights Checker.
Why Make Joint Decisions?
It doesn’t matter that you have split up from their mother, or how far away you live from them, you will always be your child’s father. This means that you will be always be responsible for their wellbeing and major decisions that affect them. You and your ex need to find a way to work together for the sake of your child and respect each other’s opinions. Your child will feel better knowing that you act as a united front and can set an example.
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Of course, you and your ex are not going to agree on everything – even if you were still together you wouldn’t. What is important is finding a way to listen to each other, consider and respect the other person’s opinion and come to a decision together. Stay calm and focused on the needs of your child. Never raise your voice, make any kind of threats or undermine your ex as this will only make future communication much harder. (Read our article How to Improve Relations With Your Child's Mother on this site.)
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Legal Rights
As the father of your child, you have a legal right to be involved in any major decisions in their lives. If your ex has custody, they have the responsibility for your child’s everyday upbringing and have the final say over the decisions. However, for major things such as medical or financial matters, you have a right to be involved. If your ex tries to cut you out, consult your lawyer for advice.
The Benefits of Mediation
One of the best ways of finding ways to communicate and make decisions together is through Mediation. A mediator can help you to talk with each other calmly and teach you the tools to do so in the future. Whatever you think about your ex and her decisions, you need to find a way to work with her so that you can be involved in your child’s upbringing.
No two people are ever going to think exactly the same about everything. As parents, though, you need to work together to make important choices about your child’s upbringing. You have a legal right to be involved in major decisions and if mediation doesn’t help you communicate, you should contact your lawyer to make sure you can execute your right.
The decision between accepting her offer now or going to court is deeply personal and depends on many factors. Court can be lengthy, expensive and emotionally draining for everyone, including the children. However, accepting now doesn't prevent you from seeking changes through mediation later as circumstances evolve.
Consider speaking with a family solicitor who can assess your specific situation and explain realistic outcomes. They can also advise whether your desired arrangement would likely succeed in court. Remember, arrangements can be reviewed as the girls grow and their needs change. Whatever you decide, maintaining a cooperative relationship with their mother will benefit your daughters most.
My and my partner are going through divorce. We have twin daughters aged nearly 4. We have agreed to the finances and she has allowed me
To pay her out to keep the house. My primary intention to keeping the marital/children’s home is for the kids.
I wanted wed, Thurs and Saturday nights or alternative weekends
But she is only agreeing to wed and Saturday nights or she’ll pursue arrangements through court. She’s primary carer
I’ve been involved on a daily basis in my children’s lives. The fact of only seeing them twice or three times a week is very painful.
Should I take this deal without going to court, or go to court
Or take it for now and try change it through mediation later?
Please advise
Thanks
I know when it comes to deciding about child residence its whats best for the child however me and my partner are now married and will hopefully be together forever and i only see my partners child a few hours a week as due to having my own baby i've changed working days to work around my baby and childcare. With joint custody I would be more involved in school drop off and pick as well as afternoon care after school meaning she see's her sister more.
What would the chances of 50/50 be ?
I am aware that if he goes his rights are reduced. What can he do now, before he leaves to secure him seeing his children regularly once he leaves?
Many thanks
The eldest, who is now 17, was successfully alienated from his dad about 2 years ago. After a minor arguement with his dad, he stopped going to his dad's, having any contact with any family on that side, moved to a school much further away from his dad's house and stopped all contact with any friends from his old school. He has totally cut himself off from everyone and everything.
His youngest has just spent two weeks with his mum, as part of his summer holiday. He is due to return to his dad on Thursday. My partner has just received a text from him saying that he won't be returning to his old secondary school (which is very local to my partner) and is now going to the same school as his brother, miles away. As a result, he probably won't stay at his dad's so often.
There has been no consultation at all about this. Obviously my partner is very upset and extremely worried that he is now going to lose his youngest son too.
I would be very grateful of any suggestions of what he can do, not to stop it, but to stop her from alienating his youngest son too.
Thank you.
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