After the Court Order: Sample Letters Part 1

Author: Abigail Taylor

The final guide in our series, dealt with the ongoing issues you might face following a court order, including what to do when your ex refuses to uphold the order or attempts to change or adapt the court ruling against your wishes.

If you need help drafting your own correspondence to maintain clear communication with your ex, you can use our free Letter Builder.

To accompany the final guide we've produced two sets of sample letters which should make it easier for you to communicate your wishes - and to keep a trackable record of all communications. To read any of the guides in this series take a look at the overview page.

The first set of letters are:

Letter: change of surname
Letter: being informed of child's school issues
Letter: children moving school
Letter: taking children on holiday
Letter: agreeing communication whilst away

Letter: Change of Surname

#todaysdate#

[Your address]

Dear [name],

I am writing in relation to our child, [child's full name]. I want to change [child's first name] name to [proposed full name].

My reasons for wanting to change [child's first name] are:
[reasons

E.g. so that she has the same name as her other siblings
E.g. so that she shares the same name as myself]

[Child's first name]'s view on this matter is [insert view e.g. she wants the same name as me]. *

As a person with parental responsibility, you have to consent to this name change. It will not cost you anything or affect any of the current financial and contact arrangements we have.

Please can you confirm that you consent to this name change in writing to the above address or via email to [your email address].

If you have any queries relating to this change then I would be happy to discuss the matter with you.

Kind regards,

[signature]
[your name]

*Only include this paragraph if your child has expressed a view and is old enough to have a say in this regard (perhaps aged 9yrs and over) as clearly a toddler cannot express a reasoned view as to their name.

Letter: Being informed of Child's School Issues

#todaysdate#

[Your address]

Dear [name],

I am writing in relation to our children [names of children].

I would like to be kept informed of any issues relating to our children's education, including:*

Having a chance to read their school reports
Being informed in advance so that I might attend parent evenings / prize giving events
Being informed in advance so that I might attend any performances such as music concerts / school plays and any sports matches
Having a chance to discuss in advance any subject choices with our children
Having a chance to discuss with you any potential change of school / choice of university with you and our children

I would also like to be on our children's emergency contact list so that in the event the school cannot get hold of you for any reason, I can be contacted. I would then of course contact you to keep you informed of any emergency situation.

If you would like to discuss any of the above matters, then please do not hesitate to contact me at the above address or via email at {your email].

Kind regards,

[signature]
[your name]

*Delete / add your own items as appropriate in this list

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Letter: Children Moving School

#todaysdate#

[your address]

Dear [name],

I am writing in relation to our children [children's names]. I understand that you want them to move from their present school to [name of school].

I am concerned about this proposed move because:*

a) it is a big upheaval away from their friends
b) they are settled at their current school and doing well
c) the proposed new school does not have as high an Ofsted rating as their current school
d) the proposed new school is much further away than their current school

I would prefer to resolve this issue ourselves rather than have to get the courts involved which would only cause extra stress, inconvenience and expense for us both. I would therefore like to discuss my above concerns with you before a final decision is made and the children move schools. Please can you contact me within the next 14 days via email at [your email address] or phone ([your phone number]) to arrange a convenient time for us to meet to discuss this issue.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Kind regards,

[signature]
[your name]

*Add in your own / delete concerns as appropriate.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Letter: Taking Children on Holiday

#todaysdate#

[Your address]

Dear [name],

I am writing to inform you that I am taking our children [names of children] on holiday from [date] to [date]. We are going to [place in the UK] with [names of anyone else going]. During this holiday we will be [activity e.g. sightseeing].

This will not affect our current contact arrangements.*

This will obviously affect our current contact arrangements. I suggest that to make up for the time you would miss with our children during this period, you have the opportunity of an extra contact time of [number of days / evenings missed]. I am happy to arrange for this one-off addition to your contact at a mutually convenient time within 6 weeks of our return from holiday.*

If you wish to discuss my holiday arrangements, please contact me within the next 7 days. Otherwise I will assume that you have no objections to my arrangements.

Kind regards,

[signature]
[your name]

*You will need to choose the most appropriate of these paragraphs and delete the other. You do not have to offer additional contact time but it will prevent any later arguments about them having missed out on contact time.

Letter: Agreeing Communication Whilst Away

#todaysdate#

[Your address]

Dear [name],

I am / you are planning on going away on holiday on [date] to [date]. During this holiday, I would like us to be in regular communication and also be able to contact each other during emergencies.

I will give you / please will you give me:

The address of (y)our hotel / accommodation for the duration of the holiday
The times of (y)our flight / ferry

I will also keep my mobile on me at all times. / Please will you keep your mobile on you at all times?

I will also ensure that you are notified via text when we arrive in [place] and when we return to the UK. / Please ensure that I am notified when you arrive in [place] and when you return to the UK.

Should any accident / emergency arise during the holiday I will ensure you are notified / please ensure I am notified and keep in touch until the situation is resolved.

Kind regards,

[signature]
[your name]

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Court Statement Writer lets you draft a court statement for your hearing. Takes 5 minutes. Try it now →

Showing 20 of 30 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 22/05/2026 at 9:18 am

@Guy Your PR is alive and well regardless of being inside, so you're right to act. A simple recorded delivery letter to her, headed "Exercise of Parental Responsibility", setting out each concern (overseas travel without consent, religious upbringing, name change, staying with unknown adults) and asking for written agreement before any of these happen, is the proper first step. Make clear that taking them abroad without your consent is potentially child abduction under the Child Abduction Act 1984. Keep a copy for any future C100 application.

Guy 02/08/2023 at 4:19 am

Me & my partner split up in 2019. I had to that point played a pivito role in raising out two children, I have remained in contact sending them money and presents for birthdays and christmas, also had them " when I could get in touch with thier mother" My parents have also always regularly had the children at weekends which had ceased due to thier mother basically brain washing the children against myself , my parents and even her mother has shown concern that she no longer sees the children. I am currently serving time in Jail but still had contact as did my parents, still making sure the children have money , are seeing tier grandparents regularly, which as mentioned above has ceased. I was aware thier mother had a new partner and had no issue with this , but have since learned my ex has converted to Islam, she has taken the children out of the country several times without seeking consent from myself, and I have founf out they are staying with her partners parents in London during the holidays, I do not know these people nor do i agree with this, also that they are mentioning they are praying 5 times a day and when staying with my parents refusing to eat certain foods and are just totally different and acting strange, my son who is 11 mentioned wanting to change his name which I feel is related to his mothers change in religion and again something I totally disagree with.

I am named on thier Birth citificates and understand I naturally have PR how do I exersise this or send the mother a letter reminding her of my PR rights regarding

The children staying with people unrelated to them , whom nobody knows
Any attempt to change thier religion and or convert them to Islam
Any attempt to change thier names
Taking them out of the country , which as said has already been done numerous times
and any other rights governed by my PR

Thier mother and I were in regular contact until quite recently as were me and the children , I would call them , make sure they had money , send birthday and christmas presents, they would stay with my parents regularly, thier mother even provided me with a letter of character for Court stating despite us not being together I still provided for her and the children.

What letter at this stage can be written to remind my ex of mt PR and my rights regarding the above

any help would be greatly appreciated

Regards

Guy

barri 10/05/2021 at 7:33 am

Hi there 5 may i had have court trubinal on video. Mother of my child she played taktic asked court i have to buy sim card for she do favour for me i can see my child on video 5 minutes. i was nerveous i didnt explain court my concern my worry is i beleive she is after a plan for plotting false accusation against me. I dont understand at tribunal court rebuked me thereathen me i have to follow court order i didnt let express my concern and worry my word was only started with list of reason i cant afford buy sim card i was stopped for tell the court very important reason is i am not happy contact mother because NMO and i belive she plot some accusation against me. i couldnt ask court another option instead my child mother i am happy contact my child grandmother.
But Now i am so stress worry i dont want blame breach court order if i am not sending sim card. Because i am very sure my child mother definetly will plotting someting against me.i prefer patiantly wait court day not see y child on video because my child two years old this is problem i have to contact mother for see my childn on video that i dont want contact mother. I am so sad court ignored my statement not took attention on my statement i was explain in my statement best for child i dont want contact my child mother i want contact my child with social worker supervising. Unfortunatly court just folloved mother order.

ryjacame 21/02/2020 at 9:02 am

My ex partner has applied for a c100 and we have a court date in 2 months. We have come to an amicable agreement and this seems to be working for everyone involved. I just wondered how we go about cancelling the court date and if anyone could provide a letter template as to what we write to the court. Many thanks in advance

jey 09/02/2020 at 9:23 am

Hi Me and my ex wife separated in June 2019 because conflict.I applied for child arrangement order myself in July 2019,My ex wife applied for Non Molestation order through legal aid solicitor in September 2019. There was nothing happened for three months after separation so court did not place the Non Molestation order but I took undertaking.
The honourable court ordered to file top 5 allegation before the child arrangement but they did not file any in their time period and then solicitor asked the court further time to file allegations now the second time limit also passed but still they did not file any allegations.I contacted ex wife's solicitors several times. They replied that they had prepared a draft and waiting for the police disclose and also they mentioned that to get independent legal advise.
Could anybody help me in this regards.I do not have solicitor and They have already breached court order two time.the hearing will be in April.What can I do in this situation.
I expect reply from you please.
Thank you

None 20/09/2019 at 7:11 pm

My ex gets away with no paying support for months at a time, what can i do? There is a court order but his employer obviously doesnt care either. They pay only when they feel like it which is complete bull---t. How to MAKE them abide by a court order?

Tray 30/04/2019 at 11:38 am

I've been to court in the past and won my case after 7 harse Yr with socil serverces 3 moth ago a referral was put in I was working with the cpplan and then even though progress Wass made thay said thay were going for a legal planning meeting then I hear nothing my kids go to there dads in Wales for 10 days holiday after 2 Yr not seeing them the day before thay come home the socil worker phones and says she's advised Ash to keep the kids there told my ex thay put the app in for kids removal so he fault he do ne what was best for kids to stop them being taken on the day thay are ment to come home I get a message saying he's got a residency order unilcourt but ss avent even put a app in now there Ave meetings and that even changing my kids school dentist ect and my kids just wanna come home thay have cut me out

Ollie 21/09/2018 at 5:45 pm

My ex is breaching court order . Please can you advice me the steps to take as presently I am in debt to my solicitors that won the case for me . I don’t want to incur more debt as I know I can take this steps myself. Should I email her solicitors directly or should I inform cafcass; please advise .

Nelly 13/09/2018 at 7:04 am

Hi, my ex has stopped all contact for me to see my son on 2 or 3 occasions in the past year. We have a contact order for him to stay overnight on a Saturday and to come for tea on Monday and Tuesday but she's not letting me see him again. I have evidence of abusive texts from her aswell. What can I do?

Jase 18/07/2018 at 5:22 am

Hi upto now I have been to courts around 3-4 times and each time my ex partner becoming drawing up more issues regarding to our son.

Issues I've had over the past 3-4 months are my son hasn't been handed over at allocated court order times one being his birthday, also my son got rushed to hospital she messaged after he came out but saying he got diagnosed with potential luekima and said she didn't have a phone to get hold of me while he was in for 2 days, worst part about it is she had more than enough people to forward to me.

She's stopped contact on random times just because she's said he doesn't wanna go with me which in my experience the only time this happens is when she tells him off or extremely tired and just woken up my son is 3 and we have an excellent bond I'm a very loving farther and my boy is glued to me when he's with me but all I ever seen to do is get negative from her no matter how hard I try, the most recent one is I recieved a message saying my boy is going away for 2 weeks she will make up the time up which I have never had anytime returned why would this be any different she's given me like 2-3 weeks notice and no option what should I do I don't have a clue? I'm constantly on the defensive and all I want to do is right by my son even recently I teaching him to swim he's 3 years old and already able to swim with floats but she tells me I'm doing wrong? Tells me he's doing lessons but he tells me he never goes swimming? He's a very smart switched on little dude I'll be putting in for breach of court order over the next few days but ive already quit one job due to all of this and kept with the more stable job with sensible income, I feel lost sometimes going weeks not seeing my boy then I see him properly it's all very frustrating i could never do this to someone is their more I can do please someone help

SeparatedDads Editor 03/05/2018 at 9:50 am

Any changes to the court order you wish to make should be referred back to the courts either by you or your ex. Your ex could get the police involved to return your son to her if she wished to push the issue, as you are currently in breach of the court order by keeping your son against the terms of it. However, if your son refuses to return home, you could apply to the courts for a residency order. You don't say how old your eldest is, as if he is over the age of 13 his opinion will count in court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

bob 02/05/2018 at 11:50 am

hi I currently have a court order that I get my sons on a tuesday, wednesday (weeekly)and every weekend from school till the Monday (fortnightly) My eldest has always wanted to live with me and has stated so on many occasions however this has fell on deaf ears for the last 8 weeks he has refused to go home to his mum saying that she has hit him on several occasions and has been nasty to him, mum has not tried to get son back and states that she is giving him space he has asked her if he can just live with me and go to the school nearer to me but she has refused he has not seen her in that time and when they speak on the phone (6 times in 8 weeks) he just keeps asking her why she hit him and that he is not coming back to her and that he is living with me and wants to change schools. noone is helping him he has reported allegations to school and they got mum in to talk to him(never informed me ) he has been with me since the day after as refused to return to either school or his mums. He also reported it to the scouts group. i am awaiting an update from them she is now saying its all my fault and i have alienated him against her he is free to see his mum whenever she wants she has never asked me how he is or anything. I always ask him if he wants to se or speak to her and dont keep secrets from him. I had to take my ex to court 5 times to get access as she kept saying the boys were frightened of me. My other son is in a wheelchair and currently comes within times of court order as he is afraid of his mum to speak out. I am confused and need help. School wont return my calls.

Green 26/10/2017 at 10:42 am

My ex partner had non molestation order and he could not see our son on myself.He took us back to court and i agreed for him to see our son once a week,Unfortunately he saw him only once and never turned up on other occadions(5times) which is affecting childminding (he ment to pick him up from school)and my own plans. He goes on holiday without informing me in advance and then i struggle with childcare. I would like to stop the contact complitely So i can set childminder days and holidays without waiting on the day and wondering will he showing or not..How could I do si? Thank you
Ps. I cant afford solicitor advice and CitizenAdvice didnt help with the matter.

Dents 29/03/2017 at 4:32 pm

I obtained a final order in January and had a Cafcass section 7 report which was damning on her part, the access has been staggered and a slow build up as per the court order, this weekend is to be my first full weekend having had 1 night for the past 3 visits and now she says my son is anxious and tearful which he has never shown with me and she wants to keep to 1 night which is against the order.

She has written to court, if only it was that simple. I have spoken with his school and they haven't noticed any change in behaviours so it seems to be just her final way of getting back at me. i have emailed her and stressed that the order must be kept to and she is adamant he wont be allowed to stay the agreed 2 nights - how can this be right???

Deeji 31/12/2016 at 7:38 pm

My son-in-law discovered he was the father of a three yr old daughter seven years ago. He pays maintenance and has been to court on at least six occasions to get access for contact with his child. He and the mother had a fortnight long relationship. Court order states he can see child for two hours once a week and all day every other weekend plus child staying at his during school holidays. Mother has never allowed him to see the child without her being there. On occasions she has also brought her own mother too. Why do courts not impose some restriction on the parent with residency? It all seems a waste of time and children are suffering. Deeji

Jamie78 Editor 09/12/2016 at 2:53 pm

@Natty - If your ex is breaching the court order she cannot be forced to have your daughter if she is inebriated (which is part of the order) and a court will never force a parent to have a child if it is against that parent's will. So, while you can stop contact if your ex breaches the order, you can't actually force contact. JTG

Natty 02/12/2016 at 8:18 pm

We have finally got a final court order on 27th September it is now 2nd December and my ex is breaching the order every week by not having her on Saturdays. My daughter lives with me 6 nights a week and my ex has my daughter 3 days and 1 night. Can I take it back to court this soon ? She must of let us down 10/15 already top of my head. Also she's signed a under writing to the judge not to drink 24h before or while having my daughter. Today I got sent a message saying she was at a party with my daughter drinking small bottles of wine is that enough proof ? Can I take it back to court ? Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 31/05/2016 at 10:56 am

If you are given written access through a court order and this has failed, you can take the order back to court to have it enforced. The courts can put a trace on the whereabouts of your child. Please see link:Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do

SoggyP 30/05/2016 at 10:17 am

I have not seen my daughter for three years after me and her mum split and she stopped me seeing her. Then she moved and I don't know where they are. We went to court and I was given written access four times a year.. I was given the address of a friend of my ex to write to but she has now moved and I have no forwarding address. What can I do as I have no idea whether or not my daughter will receive my letters now and I have no idea where she is.

Bobby 21/05/2016 at 9:53 am

Hi

Can anyone help I recently went to court for a Specific Issue order done by the Mother, it was agreed that our four year old son due to be five in August changes school.

It was not until a few months later that I had discovered that the previous order was changed without my knowledge to show that I no longer have shared custody and now just have parental responsibility. The Mother is now saying she wants to remove our son to go and live in Spain as she knows she has sole custody. I have written to the Judge as the order was drawn up by the other parties solicitor at the time, he has said that he is refusing to revert it back to former states, saying that the new order supersedes the previous order. I have been told that I now need to go back in front of the judge to reapply for what I already had, or appeal! Clearly if I go up against a Judge It will not look good.
I am at my wits end as to how to move forward, I currently have my Son every Tuesday to Wednesday and every other weekend, she has played on Domestic Violence for the last three years, which never ever took place and was order as No Further Action.
The Mother is also experiencing depression and making lots of wrong decisions which she admits when she is in a good place.. She is doing all this to force me into having a relationship with her.

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