Home > Psychology > Coping With Life as a Separated Dad

Coping With Life as a Separated Dad

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 31 May 2017 |
 
Separated Dad Kid Children Weekend

No father wants to be away from his children, but if you find yourself in this situation, there are certain things you can do to ensure that you have a great time with your children when you do see them. Breaking up with your partner is always painful, and more so if there are children involved.

Even if you only see your children every other weekend, you are still a very important part of their life. It is vitally important to ensure that you try to make peace, if just for the sake of your children, with your children’s mother. Although this may at times seem like an uphill struggle, the hard work it requires is far outweighed by the benefits to both you and your children.

Handovers

Inevitably as a separated dad, you will come into contact with your children's mother. Try to make the handover times as stress-free as possible. If you can, ensure that you don’t express any anger. This flares up the situation and your children may start to play up. If Your Ex Has A New Partner, he is likely to be tense as well, and in such circumstances it is easy to see how situations can get out of hand.

When it’s time to say goodbye, tell your children you love them and give them a hug. Ensure that you tell them when you are going to see them next and, at all times, try to be strong for the sake of your children. Remember, no matter how hurt, angry or bitter you may feel, you are the adult and they are the children!

Time Out

When you haven’t seen your children for a while, it may be tempting to plan a huge weekend full of exhausting activities for them. That’s not necessarily what they need from you as a father. Try, if you can, to balance fun and exciting activities with quiet time for you and your children. Reading a book with them, playing a board game, or just listening to them are all good ways to show them that you care without spending a fortune. (For more information, read our article Making The Most of Your Time With Your Child.)

Keeping in Touch

When you’re not with your children, it’s really important to keep in touch with them by phone, text and email – or whatever way you can. If your children know you are around, thinking of them, you are reinforcing in their mind that you are there for them. They should know that you are always around to talk to them if they need you.

Discipline

If you only see your children twice a month, try not to be too much of a disciplinarian. While this doesn’t mean allowing them to run riot and create total havoc for two days, it does mean that they should come away with happy memories of the time you have spent with them. You may feel that you need to enforce authority and stick to rules, but remember that your kids have been hurt in the process of separation, too. Talk to their mother and agree certain rules, which you can use flexibly, so that your children have some continuity and know the difference between what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong.’

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Lazy- Your Question:
I'm looking for some advise I split up with my wife and she moved back to the UK and I stayed Spain. We split up very amicably and are friends. So we agreed that I'd visit the UK to see the kids and spend time with them whenever possible. The problem I'm having now is because my she lives with the kids the majority of the time even when I'm visiting she has plans with them and other times I'm involved if possible and others I miss out on seeing the kids cos she's taking them somewhere I don't want to go or not invited. Am I supposed to confront her and say that when I'm visiting to minimise the plans she makes so I can make plans to do what I want with the kids or since I don't have them the majority of the time I should just do what she wants and see them and go on with the plans she's made. I have also started seeing someone and the transition has been really hard because she also lives in the UK and I can only see her when I visit. So when I still go by the plans my kids mother has made all the time and I don't get to see my girlf she challenges me a lot on that and it's been causing a few problems between us because I can't make plans with her at all until I know what my "kids mother and kids" have told me their plans is she being misunderstanding and stubborn or is she right in saying I should try and stand up to my kids mother on the plans wise or leave it until she moves on and is seeing someone else and not trying to run my life like before? This is all very new and such a hard time I'm glad for forums like this were single dads can get help and advise. Thanks

Our Response:
Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If you can't agree between you, then you should seek mediation in order to try to resolve your issues via a third party. There are no right or wrong answers here - therefore, if you can come to some sort of agreement it will benefit all.
SeparatedDads - 1-Jun-17 @ 11:24 AM
I'm looking for some advise I split up with my wife and she moved back to the UK and I stayed Spain. We split up very amicably and are friends. So we agreed that I'd visit the UK to see the kids and spend time with them whenever possible.The problem I'm having now is because my she lives with the kids the majority of the time even when I'm visiting she has plans with them and other times I'm involved if possible and others I miss out on seeing the kids cos she's taking them somewhere I don't want to go or not invited. Am I supposed to confront her and say that when I'm visiting to minimise the plans she makes so I can make plans to do what I want with the kids or since I don't have them the majority of the time I should just do what she wants and see them and go on with the plans she's made. I have also started seeing someone and the transition has been really hard because she also lives in the UK and I can only see her when I visit. So when I still go by the plans my kids mother has made all the time and I don't get to see my girlfshe challenges me a lot on that and it's been causing a few problems between us because I can't make plans with her at all until I know what my "kids mother and kids" have told me their plans is she being misunderstanding and stubborn or is she right in saying I should try and stand up to my kids mother on the plans wise or leave it until she moves on and is seeing someone else and not trying to run my life like before? This is all very new and such a hard time I'm glad for forums like this were single dads can get help and advise. Thanks
Lazy - 31-May-17 @ 6:37 PM
Margie - Your Question:
HiWe have a very upsetting problem with our 5 and a half year old grandson. He is our son's son from a relationship that ended when the boy was just 6 months old. We are on good terms generally with the boys mother who had a daughter just 18 months after the split, but has since married the father of her after a stormy relationship. They seem very happy and settled now and her husband is a great step-dad to our grandson.Since the split, my son has regularly had his son (twice a week) and we have tried to keep the routine the same. He comes here with him as his own home is shared with other adults and my son works shifts so these sometimes clash with the routine. He has his own bedroom and loads of toys etc. here..it's his 2nd home as we call it! My son or myself pick him up from their house and if he has school the next day, we drop him there. At the weekends, he stays two nights one weekend and one night the next.Over the last 2 weeks our grandson has suddenly stopped wanting to come here to the point of screaming and lashing out if we try and make him (which we did once while mum waited outside in the car!) His mum and step dad have been brilliant in trying to persuade him to come.trying everything possible, so I am convinced the problem does not lie with them. At Easter my son took him away to his girlfriends family who he has met before and he was a model child. Three weeks ago, his grandad and me took him away in our campervan for the weekend and he had a fantastic time, playing with other children and becoming a bit feral!It's just so out of character, that we really don't know how to handle it as we hate seeing him upset and don't want his memories of this place to be bad ones. Do we just wait and hope it's a phase??Any advice would be appreciated as it is so upsetting for all of usHe says he does not want to stay here ever and it's really upsetting for all of us.especially my son.

Our Response:
Communication is the best way around this. It may just be that he misses him mum or is going through a stage of insecurity for some reason. The best thing is to ask his mother to try to find out the reasons why (he should be able to explain at age five) as then you can work with them. It can be something incredibly simple. On a personal note, as a kid I always loved staying overnight with my aunt and uncle until they mentioned that next time I came as a treat they would give me chocolate rice pudding for dessert, I never stayed again as I loathed rice pudding. They must have felt incredibly rejected as I don't think I ever explained the reasons why - but if you're a bit of a sensitive child, anything can tip the balance. We hope it gets back to normal soon.
SeparatedDads - 15-May-17 @ 11:39 AM
Hi We have a very upsetting problem with our 5 and a half year old grandson. He is our son's son from a relationship that ended when the boy was just 6 months old. We are on good terms generally with the boys mother who had a daughter just 18 months after the split, but has since married the father of her after a stormy relationship. They seem very happy and settled now and her husband is a great step-dad to our grandson. Since the split, my son has regularly had his son (twice a week) and we have tried to keep the routine the same. He comes here with him as his own home is shared with other adults and my son works shifts so these sometimes clash with the routine. He has his own bedroom and loads of toys etc. here..........it's his 2nd home as we call it! My son or myself pick him up from their house and if he has school the next day, we drop him there. At the weekends, he stays two nights one weekend and one night the next. Over the last 2 weeks our grandson has suddenly stopped wanting to come here to the point of screaming and lashing out if we try and make him (which we did once while mum waited outside in the car!) His mum and step dad have been brilliant in trying to persuade him to come .......trying everything possible, so I am convinced the problem does not lie with them. At Easter my son took him away to his girlfriends family who he has met before and he was a model child. Three weeks ago, his grandad and me took him away in our campervan for the weekend and he had a fantastic time, playing with other children and becoming a bit feral! It's just so out of character, that we really don't know how to handle it as we hate seeing him upset and don't want his memories of this place to be bad ones. Do we just wait and hope it's a phase?? Any advice would be appreciated as it is so upsetting for all of us He says he does not want to stay here ever and it's really upsetting for all of us..especially my son.
Margie - 14-May-17 @ 11:42 AM
@BC - hopefully in time they will come to realise. Kids can only be manipulated for so long - but as they mature they form their own opinions about the split. Happened to me with my two. Got in touch again when they were teenagers and we've taken in from there. It was a long wait - but worth it to see my ex's face when she could no longer control the way my kids thought.
Jem - 12-May-17 @ 12:42 PM
My ex wife and I split 5 years ago. Many reasons, break down of the relationship, lack of love, I met someone else ... but the hardest part is how she turned my beautiful children against me. I have not seen them now in over 4 years. I miss them so very much but I know deep down they hate me. I'm not a bad person but in their eyes I don't exist. They have never had the opportunity to hear both sides of the story and were poisoned very early on. There is not a day goes by that I don't think of them .. but increasingly I am becoming aware I may never see them again, my four beautiful children.
BC - 11-May-17 @ 10:49 PM
Hi. THE LORD bless you and keep you. I have 2 children a girl and a boy 11 and 9 years old. I havent seen them in years since 2010. I need help to locate then in atlanta. What to do?
Cisummai - 25-Jan-17 @ 12:01 AM
I feel sooo lost and despereate .. im divorced now and been seperated for 18 months .. but we have a beatifull lil girl shes 3 ... we sooo close i see her everyday ... the big problem is that i work 12 hour ahifts and finish work at 5.30 and then i go and see her till 8 ( everyday) and i feel sooo tired all the time and soooooooo guilty if i dont go and see her cos shes my world and to make things worst im still madly in love with my ex which i see everyday ... what can i do ???i know i need to stay away from her but i cant just cant stay away from my baby .... any advice ??? Cant believe im writing this online but just feel soooooo desperate
Dan - 4-Jan-17 @ 8:40 PM
I'm not a dad but I'm a child who sees his dad every weekend and I didn't get to last week because he had to go to London and this week I just got here and there are people breaking windows in the street and he said "my friends here so is it ok if I go to a concert with him?" Obviously I was upset stressed and scared I told him it wasn't ok and he should've told me before I came and he said ok I won't go if you don't want me to go now I feel bad for making him stay here and not enjoying himself because this happens a lot where he chooses me over his friends and I can tell he wants to go
Someone - 21-Oct-16 @ 7:49 PM
had a bad split she took the kids said I pusher herand stole her julre took me to court had to use my daughter savings she had legal aid so keept pushingshe said that she did not love me no more after 14year marred 4 just had a baby boy got a daughter age 3 this was way a Bovey my head
jim - 14-Oct-16 @ 3:52 PM
Jay - Your Question:
Basically I'm looking for a little advice I'm married and my wife has 2 children from a previous relationship I also have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship dur to work I am only able to see him one weekend a month sometimes two if I'm lucky he is 3 years old and means the world to me when I'm not working I try to get to see him when I can but he lives over 200 miles away again because of my work I'm afraid he is going to grow up believing he is insignificant compared to his two step siblings when I see him I try and fill every moment together with enjoyable memories and his mother is very acomadating and understanding of the situation but I no matter how much I buy my son or the punt of money I spend can never be enough and I feel I'm letting him down I know he dosnt need me taking him out every time I see him he needs a dad and I'm trying my best to be that for him but I'm worried he will still grow to resent me

Our Response:
Children are pretty savvy and they know when they are loved which is what really counts. Neither do you have to 'buy' your son's love, in fact this can be one of the biggest mistakes fathers can make as it gives them a false sense of security. Speaking on the phone, via Skype, and supporting him wherever you can are the most important ways you can show your son you care. Please also see link: Developing the Relationship With Your Child, here may also help you further. The fact you are aware of these issues is a great start, as it means you are conscious of your son's emotional wellbeing and that's all that kids really need.
SeparatedDads - 12-Oct-16 @ 2:09 PM
Basically I'm looking for a little advice I'm married and my wife has 2 children from a previous relationship I also have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship dur to work I am only able to see him one weekend a month sometimes two if I'm lucky he is 3 years old and means the world to me when I'm not working I try to get to see him when I can but he lives over 200 miles away again because of my work I'm afraid he is going to grow up believing he is insignificant compared to his two step siblings when I see him I try and fill every moment together with enjoyable memories and his mother is very acomadating and understanding of the situation but I no matter how much I buy my son or the punt of money I spend can never be enough and I feel I'm letting him down I know he dosnt need me taking him out every time I see him he needs a dad and I'm trying my best to be that for him but I'm worried he will still grow to resent me
Jay - 11-Oct-16 @ 11:53 PM
Barry - Your Question:
I am a separated father of a three and a half month son who I have every weekend, saturday morning to monday evening. My issue is he loves coming to stay but when I hand him back on a monday he gets stressed of the thought of having to go back to his mums. When I pull up outside the house he holds on to his seat belt to try and prevent me from undoing it, he screams, kicks, cries and goes totally berserk to the point I have to physically pull him out of the car.It's a very distressing scene and seems to be getting worse, it's so bad I worry about what this might be doing to him mentally.When I finally get him in the house and leave I can hear him screaming "I want to go to daddys".I'm not sure what I can do.

Our Response:
Unfortunately, these are issues that many separated parents have to face and there is no telling if any psychological damage will be done as a result. It works both ways in families, sometimes children do not like to leave the security of the resident parent and find the adjustment to the non-resident parent difficult. Likewise, it can be the other way around when children may not be sure when they will see the NRP again and therefore they become clingy and upset. But this sort of behaviour can also happen if a child does not like to go to nursery, or school, dentist etc, but it does not seem to do any long term damage. The best approach you can take is to reassure your child that you will see him soon and talk of the fun things you will do next time. Also, try not to think of his behaviour as point scoring against your ex. The main objective is to make your son feel secure whichever parent he is with at the time and if you are amicable with your ex then perhaps you could discuss ways in which you can work together to make the situation easier for you all. That may mean going into the house with your son and spending a few minutes helping him adjust. There are ways around it, you just have to be creative. The link: The Psychological Effect of Separation on Children heremay also help. Good luck.
SeparatedDads - 17-Aug-16 @ 10:52 AM
I am a separated father of a three and a half month son who I have every weekend, saturday morning to monday evening. My issue is he loves coming to stay but when I hand him back on a monday he gets stressed of the thought of having to go back to his mums. When I pull up outside the house he holds on to his seat belt to try and prevent me from undoing it, he screams, kicks, cries and goes totally berserk to the point I have to physically pull him out of the car. It's a very distressing scene and seems to be getting worse, it's so bad I worry about what this might be doing to him mentally. When I finally get him in the house and leave I can hear him screaming "I want to go to daddys". I'm not sure what I can do.
Barry - 16-Aug-16 @ 12:52 PM
Gty - Your Question:
My fiancé and I have his young girls every weekend, also offer to have them more and help where we can. His ex is very bitter and confusing towards us, threatening me to him really nasty things but never to my face. She contacts him constantly and screams at him down the phone about anything and every thing. They were never married. My fiancé can no longer cope with the harassment and is feeling suicidal that he cannot just have a home with me and have the girls as we do with her trying to ruin everything and anything that we do. He has said he is going to have to walk away from them until they are older as he can no longer mentally cope with her. He would always pay maintenance for them but It's so bad now we really don't want to as we love them dearly he doesn't feel like he has a choice.

Our Response:
As difficult as it is, I'm sure your partner would not wish to be separated from his children. If his ex is harassing him, he would need to gather evidence of this and he can report her, please see link here . He does not have to take her calls, or he can request that if she needs to contact him, then she does so in an alternative manner i.e via text or email. This way he will also have evidence of her harassment, if he needs. He could also suggest mediation as a way to resolve the issue and come to an arrangement that will take the heat out of their exchanges, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. Rather than take the drastic decision to not see his children again, there are ways around overcoming this, he just needs to think outside the box.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jul-16 @ 2:13 PM
My fiancé and I have his young girls every weekend, also offer to have them more and help where we can. His ex is very bitter and confusing towards us, threatening me to him really nasty things but never to my face. She contacts him constantly and screams at him down the phone about anything and every thing. They were never married. My fiancé can no longer cope with the harassment and is feeling suicidal that he cannot just have a home with me and have the girls as we do with her trying to ruin everything and anything that we do. He has said he is going to have to walk away from them until they are older as he can no longer mentally cope with her. He would always pay maintenance for them but It's so bad now we really don't want to as we love them dearly he doesn't feel like he has a choice.
Gty - 23-Jul-16 @ 8:58 AM
I have been separated for 23 months, and also have been with my new partner for almost the same timing. I have met my new partner after the separation. I have 2 boys aged 14 and 10. My former is an NPD. I am currently in the middle of Court conferences, while I have not been seeing my sons for few months due to their very rude behavior , and omnipotent, and a results of parent alienation since separation and also being trained just like their NPD mother's behaviour. I am now almost exhausted all the ways to mend the situation as everytime my former wife will take everything against me either via court or lawyer. I am starting to think that all the money and time spent are a waste of time as long as the kids are still living with my ex. I am at the stage of moving on to have a new family with my partner. She has been supportive but very hurt when she sees that everytime I am being shot down and devalued , and framed without dignity by my former. Should I continueto have the new family and move on? Should I still continue the battle to try to hope for a miraculously change of the Boys' behaviour when they are still living with their mom? I am unsure which is the best for me , the Boys and my new partner in our new life/family? We intend to have our kid(s) not too far from now too. Hurt but want to move on. MA9
MA9 - 11-Jul-16 @ 6:25 AM
Help - Your Question:
I have 2 boys from a previous relationship. I have them every weekend 11am Saturday until 7pm Sunday. I am a truck driver and work a way through the week. So in the holidays I have both for the full weekend then one stays with me for the full week until Friday then I pick them both up the following morning then the other stays with me the full week. This continues until there back at school. I also pay 50 a week and provide for them at my end. I have a partner who also has a daughter which she has full time and sometimes it's too much for us and we would like a little time on a weekend to ourselves but my ex won't allow and says she needs a break even tho they also sleep at there grandads every Wednesday also. We both work very hard and never get a break and now we have a baby on the way the ex wants the money doubling. She's taking me to court now about excess.even tho I have them? Do I have to have them all this time?? Is it fair that sometimes we may want a Saturday

Our Response:
Questions such as this are always a tricky to answer, as there is no real answer. In an ideal world both of you as parents would negotiate between yourselves and take on board each other's point of view and come to a compromise. If your ex is taking you to court, then you may wish to seek legal advice about making an application at the same time for a child arrangement order here or a Specific Issue Order hereand let the court decide when you both should have the children. The court will look at both sides of your situation, not just one. With regards to the money side of the question, you can see how much you should be paying via the link here . You will also get a reduction if your new partner is having another child and you live together. The court will also take into consideration your new partner's child with regards to what you pay and of course, the time your own children spend with you.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jul-16 @ 9:59 AM
I have 2 boys from a previous relationship. I have them every weekend 11am Saturday until 7pm Sunday. I am a truck driver and work a way through the week. So in the holidays I have both for the full weekend then one stays with me for the full week until Friday then I pick them both up the following morning then the other stays with me the full week. This continues until there back at school. I also pay 50 a week and provide for them at my end. I have a partner who also has a daughter which she has full time and sometimes it's too much for us and we would like a little time on a weekend to ourselves but my ex won't allow and says she needs a break even tho they also sleep at there grandads every Wednesday also. We both work very hard and never get a break and now we have a baby on the way the ex wants the money doubling. She's taking me to court now about excess....even tho I have them? Do I have to have them all this time?? Is it fair that sometimes we may want a Saturday
Help - 4-Jul-16 @ 12:26 AM
spike - Your Question:
Been divorced 10 years when the kids were small. Finally at that point of forgiveness. Be at peace. You don't need a new partner to make you happy. Your kids will do a better job at that if you let them

Our Response:
Many thanks for your comments. We are glad you have resolved past issues and found your happiness through your kids.
SeparatedDads - 30-Jun-16 @ 2:05 PM
Been divorced 10 years when the kids were small.Finally at that point of forgiveness.Be at peace.You don't need a new partner to make you happy.Your kids will do a better job at that if you let them
spike - 29-Jun-16 @ 11:54 PM
Tuppyness - Your Question:
I only see my dad 24 times in a whole year write now I am crying my eyes out because of my dad and most weekends with him I cant see him because of work and that just kills me I just really want to see my dad more often

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear you are upset over this matter. Have you tried talking to your dad regarding this and telling him how you feel? You may find the site I Am A Child of Divorce here helpful, which has a forum, blogs and specific articles relating to your own situation and other similar articles for you to read. Hopefully, if you have a chat to your dad he will be able to re-assure you and try to work around the problem between you. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 16-May-16 @ 10:09 AM
I only see my dad 24 times in a whole year write now i am crying my eyes out because of my dad and most weekends with him i cant see him because of work and that just kills me i just really want to see my dad more often
Tuppyness - 15-May-16 @ 6:13 AM
I separated from my ex partner.went through the courts,had a contact order and saw them every third weekend and holidays.everything was ok until I took them away for a holiday with my now wife. That was 13 years ago and haven't seen them since. Courts were a waste of time as the only ones who get hurt (emotionaly) are the children. Hope they would contact me eventually but no luck.they are in there 20s now. Any advise out there on how to proceed.
stu - 1-Apr-16 @ 5:22 PM
ems - Your Question:
It's been a year since I have seen my two kids, a 5 year old boy and 7 year old girl. My ex is punishing me to the extreme that I am very depressed, anxious and always irritated, damaged and very much suicidal.She abducted them a year ago, she refused to have me visit my kids, she refused to tell me where they are, she refused to tell me what school my children go to, can you imagine how much pain I've been going thru? She filed for domestic violence and she got a restraining order against me but she also wants child support. How am I supposed to go and live on like these if she doesn't want me to bond with my children and all she wants is child support?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. You can apply through the court to see your kids. You would need to apply for a Contact Order and a C4 form which application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. This means you would be able to trace your child in order to apply for contact. If you cannot afford the legal fees, then you can self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here and many fathers are having success this way. I would also advise finding a solicitor that will give you a free half hour and/or paying for some initial advice. Our Separated Dads Facebook page may also help if you read some of the posts. Advice comes from dads who have been through this or similar before. Regardless of whether you see your children, I'm afraid you are still classed as financially responsible for their day-to-day support.
SeparatedDads - 26-Feb-16 @ 2:47 PM
It's been a year since I have seen my two kids, a 5 year old boy and 7 year old girl. My ex is punishing me to the extreme that I am very depressed, anxious and always irritated, damaged and very much suicidal. She abducted them a year ago, she refused to have me visit my kids, she refused to tell me where they are, she refused to tell me what school my children go to, can you imagine how much pain I've been going thru? She filed for domestic violence and she got a restraining order against me but she also wants child support. How am I supposed to go and live on like these if she doesn't want me to bond with my children and all she wants is child support?
ems - 25-Feb-16 @ 8:52 PM
hi. i am no longer with my wife. we parted when my son noah was 1 hes now coming 4. my ex wife does not let me take noah to nursery and i have to get him a wed thur meaning i had to give up my job as a joiner but thats nothing compared to not seeing my son all the time. he cries when he goes back to his mum and it kills me. i would like to go to court for shared custody but scared the judge would tell me i can get him 1 day a week. i dont know what to do. her mum and dad see him more than i do. im missing my only son grow and missing the fun of picking him up from nursery. i love him so much i live on my own so when hes away all i do is cry and the ex wife does not care. my son wants to be with me! cant wait till hes old enough to see its not me thats doing this to him.
peter88 - 9-Jan-16 @ 4:47 PM
nikki - Your Question:
What happens if ur child is brainwashed? Like he doesn't even know me anymore.i haven't seem him in 4 years and it kills me cuz his dad has this whatever against me.My son has siblings that miss him.i need a lawyer.

Our Response:
Please see partner article; Ex Partners and Parental Alienation Syndrome, here which may go some way to highlighting certain issues. If your ex is refusing access you can go through the process laid out in the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 4-Jan-16 @ 2:24 PM
What happens if ur child is brainwashed? Like he doesn't even know me anymore....i haven't seem him in 4 years and it kills me cuz his dad has this whatever against me...My son has siblings that miss him....i need a lawyer......
nikki - 4-Jan-16 @ 11:48 AM
Eden - Your Question:
I have had the worst 6 months of my life and have now hit a wall and cant continue, suicide is inevitable.Cut a long story short this all begun in end of may beginning of june this year.I was a stay at home dad to our 3 year old boy since his birth my ex is a headteacher. In beginning of june my son got very ill we thought he had meningitis but it turned out to be a neurological condition called ADEM, we thought he would either die or have brain damage at least as he was so unresponsive. He spent 7-8 weeks in intensive care me and his mum were at his bedside 24-7 for 8 weeks, Thankfully we got a miracle and he made nearly a full recovery and hes recovery is ongoing.Shortly after coming home me and his mum split up after a 12 year relationship. We split up in the august over a verbal argument over money that a nurse at our front door overheared and made a complaint. Police came but it was dropped and my ex said she wanted a break and in the end we split up for good. That's when the threats by my ex came. She threatened to emigrate with my son and taking a teaching job abroad,she threatened to change his surname from mine to hers.Threatened me with solicitors etc etc. Then in September our son had a hospital appointment a check up. That was in the morning and in the afternoon after the appointment I got more threats from my ex that I cant have a relationship with my son etc and that she was allowing her mother to have our son while she is at work,her mum is a bi polar alcoholic who has a history of suicide attemps and when I heared this I snapped it was the final straw for me. My ex and my son were living at my inlaws and I visited the property I ended up kicking the front door,breaking a wing mirror and sending my ex some threatening nasty messages out of pure emotion,stress,worry. They were borderline threats to kill but they were empty threats I had just had enough. I was arrested a week later for the first time in my life and charged with criminal damage and harassment with a fear of violence. I got a suspended sentence but served 6 weeks on remand in prison. I was released in October and me and my ex are at court December regarding access to our son. I have an interview with CAFCASS before the court date. Im missing him like crazy its killing me not seeing him since September. My parents seen my son briefly while I was on remand and my parents told my son I was at work but he replied with "Daddys dead all gone" So they are telling him im dead.If I cant get access to my son because of a stupid conviction I don't know what I will do. Well I do but that's a dark place. All I do now is go to the gym 3 hours a day lifting weights,im looking for work but not motivated or in the right frame of mind for a job.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Heightened emotion can quite easily spiral out of control, as you well know. While the sort of action you took may give short term gratification, it can really ruin your chances for long term gain regarding access to your son. It is difficult to advise what you should say to Cafcass, as it has to come from your own heart. Please see link; What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. It may also be advisable for you to seek help regarding thoughts of suicide. The support group; the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is an excellent resource for young men who are feeling unhappy, please see link here. I know things may seem bleaker than bleak now, but they will get better, and you have to be strong for your son. I wish you the best of luck gaining access, despite what you may think, the courts really do want fathers to have time with their children.
SeparatedDads - 1-Dec-15 @ 12:59 PM
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