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When Your Ex Gets a New Partner

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 20 Feb 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Ex New Partner Children

It can be hard enough to maintain a good relationship with your children if there's just a limited amount of time you can spend with them. It never feels like enough, and you worry that there might be a distance growing between you.

That feeling can worsen if your ex gets a serious, long-term partner. The natural feeling is that the new man in her life might end up closer to your children than you are.

The Feelings

How do you cope with the emotions and fear – because that's exactly what it is – that your children might end up calling another man dad? A lot depends on the bond you have with your children. If it's strong and secure, you really have no need to worry. In their minds you will always be their father, even if someone else sees a lot more of them than you. Of course, it can be hard to remember and hold on to that, and the only thing that can make you feel better is time.

The problem can be if your relationship with your children is tenuous. The trick is not to feel it's a competition between you and your ex's new man. Remember, he needs to get to know the children and form his own relationship with them, which will take time. Ultimately, however much he's around, there's no way he can replace you. Simply be yourself with the kids and try to improve your own relationship with them.

What You Can Do

It's never an easy situation, and even if you're very secure with your children, you're bound to wonder from time to time, especially if the kids take to their mother's new man (and realistically, you should hope that they do, since it truly makes life easier for everyone).

Don't shy away from asking about things they do with him – although, in most cases, children tend to be garrulous, so they'll probably tell you anyway. Try not to show any jealousy, even if it's inside. Your kids don't need to know that there's a turmoil inside your head and heart. Try not to feel to threatened, since, in all likelihood, there's no reason.

Spend as much time as you can with your kids, and take advantage of all the time you're legally allowed. Do things they enjoy, and make sure you take part!

The Problems

If you don't have a good relationship with your ex, things can be a problem. All you can hope is that she doesn't try to turn the kids against you, and tries to put her new man into your place.

In that case, all you can do is be yourself and be loving with your children. Fighting fire with fire and saying bad things about your ex and her new partner is very counter-productive. It simply confuses the children and leaves them feeling very insecure. Enjoy your time with them and simply be you.

For more information, read Introducing A New Partner To Your Children and When Daddy Got A New Girlfriend on this site.

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@Hardtimes- I'm sure your ex (as a responsible mother) would be extra careful when choosing who she shares her house with. Lots of men apply for rooms as when couples separate it's usually the father who moves out of the family home. But there is no saying a female house guest would be no less impressionable than a female house guests on your children. It sounds to me as though there is a bit of alpha-male jealousy in your comment (understandably so I'd react the same). I'm sure what is going through your head is the person who is going to move into your home will be a intelligent, muscle-ripped adonis, whereas the possibility is much likely to be a female. You might have to trust that your ex will make sure she vets the person properly and that there is no way she'd want to put your kids at risk. Ben.
BJ1 - 20-Feb-17 @ 10:07 AM
My wife just served me papers today. We have been married for five years and we have two little girls ages 2 and 1. I'm moving out of our rental (we had been saving to buy a house). She is currently on Facebook trying to find a roommate to help split the rent with which is around is $1500.She posted it and almost immediately has been getting responses from A LOT of males. My question is, do I have the right to say no male roommates? I mean, I have no idea who these men are and I have two very impressionable girls. It makes me really uncomfortable just thinking about another man living with them, even if they are just roommates.
Hardtimes - 19-Feb-17 @ 4:02 AM
Jackson- Your Question:
Hi I was with my ex for over 11 years. he ended our relationship in October 12 days later he met a women in a bar nd he's been with her ever since. we have an 10 year old who we have joint custody of. within a week she was introduced to my son nd stopping over at my ex nd has been there every weekend since. even moved in for a few weeks over Christmas. there relationship is 13 weeks in now and they are taking my son on a short 3 night holiday. my son is not coping very well at all he cries at least once a week saying he is jealous of my ex new girlfriend. they hold hands kiss nd cuddle in front of him. he gets sent to his room so they can av adult time together nd told not to come into their room cos they are tired.it's not only difficult for me that he has moved on so quickly but also upsetting that it's effecting my son.I tried to explain this to the ex but he just says our son will av to get used to it. my son says it's all happening to quick he feels he's lost his dad to the new girlfriend. how do I stay calm nd together for myself nd my son when what the ex is doing is wrong. may I just ad these people are actually nearly 50 nd sud know better. it's making me stressed to hell. :-( thanks

Our Response:
It is difficult to try to control what your ex is doing with the person he now lives with. As your ex has joint residency and you both have parental responsibility you can only hope he understands that it may affect your son and will always try to act in your son's best interests. However, if you cannot resolve your differences between you, and your son cannot also make his feelings known to your ex, I can only advise that you suggest mediation in order to try to resolve the issue.
SeparatedDads - 16-Feb-17 @ 1:57 PM
Hi I was with my ex for over 11 years.. he ended our relationship in October 12 days later he met a women in a bar nd he's been with her ever since.. we have an 10 year old who we have joint custody of.. within a week she was introduced to my son nd stopping over at my ex nd has been there every weekend since.. even moved in for a few weeks over Christmas.. there relationship is 13 weeks in now and they are taking my son on a short 3 night holiday.. my son is not coping very well at all he cries at least once a week saying he is jealous of my ex new girlfriend.. they hold hands kiss nd cuddle in front of him.. he gets sent to his room so they can av adult time together nd told not to come into their room cos they are tired..it's not only difficult for me that he has moved on so quickly but also upsetting that it's effecting my son.. I tried to explain this to the ex but he just says our son will av to get used to it.. my son says it's all happening to quick he feels he's lost his dad to the new girlfriend.. how do I stay calm nd together for myself nd my son when what the ex is doing is wrong.. may I just ad these people are actually nearly 50 nd sud know better.. it's making me stressed to hell.. :-( thanks
Jackson - 16-Feb-17 @ 9:35 AM
Leecal88- Your Question:
Hello, I'm looking for some advice. Me and my partner split 6month ago and we have a 13month old daughter together. Things were fine between us and getting along just great, until she got a new boyfriend. I had looked him up on social media and found out that he takes drugs. From my knowledge she hasn't introduced him to our daughter, but when I expressed my concerns over the fact I didn't want him around or being involved with our daughter if he's taking drugs, it caused an argument and I was stopped seeing her for 3 weeks. We have now resolved that and I now get to see my daughter, but I do still have these concerns as you would imagine. And also when I'm talking to my ex partner when she's alone we reminisce about the past in a nice happy way, but when I had mentioned something innocent when she was in his company he had got involved and told me to shut up etc. I don't want any arguments between me and the mother as from recent experience I know she will stop me from seeing my daughter if I try to express my concerns. What can I do in this situation?

Our Response:
I think the main question to ask yourself here is; do you think your ex would put your daughter in a dangerous situation? Of course, you have to voice your concerns, but remember you are working together for the sake of your child - please see link here . Any accusations are obviously going to be inflammatory, therefore it may be best to try to find a mutual way around this whilst (as difficult as it may be ) also trying to take on board and respect her choice of boyfriend, even if he is not to your taste. The big issue here is the extent of the drug taking and whether he is taking Class A drugs to the likes of smoking cannabis from time to time (there is obviously a big difference). If you develop a good supportive relationship with your ex, then you are in the perfect position to step in and try to mutually negotiate further if the situation becomes more problematic. Trying to judge her new partner objectively and not personally will also help.
SeparatedDads - 30-Jan-17 @ 2:18 PM
Casper - Your Question:
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.

Our Response:
I think in this situation you would need to seek legal advice and make sure you do nothing that could result in you being charged with harrassment or stalking (which could affect your case). It is worth seeking professional guidance in the first place and after this if you cannot afford legal representation you can self litigate, please see link here. Mediation should also be considered before you approach the matter of taking it to court, (as court is seen as a last resort) please see link here . I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 30-Jan-17 @ 10:56 AM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 29-Jan-17 @ 1:40 PM
Hello, I'm looking for some advice. Me and my partner split 6month ago and we have a 13month old daughter together. Things were fine between us and getting along just great, until she got a new boyfriend. I had looked him up on social media and found out that he takes drugs. From my knowledge she hasn't introduced him to our daughter, but when I expressed my concerns over the fact I didn't want him around or being involved with our daughter if he's taking drugs, it caused an argument and I was stopped seeing her for 3 weeks. We have now resolved that and I now get to see my daughter, but I do still have these concerns as you would imagine. And also when I'm talking to my ex partner when she's alone we reminisce about the past in a nice happy way, but when I had mentioned something innocent when she was in his company he had got involved and told me to shut up etc. I don't want any arguments between me and the mother as from recent experience I know she will stop me from seeing my daughter if I try to express my concerns. What can I do in this situation?
Leecal88 - 28-Jan-17 @ 9:44 PM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 28-Jan-17 @ 4:59 PM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 28-Jan-17 @ 12:31 PM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 28-Jan-17 @ 10:31 AM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 27-Jan-17 @ 7:33 PM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 27-Jan-17 @ 3:48 PM
Hi there I'm Leaving in uk When I meet with my partner she's a escort start few months ago but she said she wants to stop and have with me long term relationship and get married in that time I was split up from my ex wife and have 2 kids had good 3 weeks talk and she told me she will except my 2 kids and we both said let's do it, and been together 4.5 years relationship and had our son 3 years ago, few weeks ago she wants to talk and said we are both not happy in 12 months had 3 times augmented to different things jobs stress,finance, looking after our son, etc and said to me she doesn't want me to in her life saying she wants to be good friend because of our son, what ever I said there is no return, so upset and heartbroken,I got sick note 1month and I said I'm going away for a month to stay with my own family because if I stay around her might cause troubles need to space and calm times,when she's at work I saw some of naked pictures and escort agency applications form, saying I'm ready to start immediately on her computer and some of few messages to one men. Make me feel sick, didn't said anything that night she ask me when you are moving out because it's getting hard for both of us and I said I'll book my flight tonight for tomorrow night she said ok. She still trying to put alot of things on my mind before leaving saying I'm going to do this I'm going to change this and that and etc. So it has been 6 days since I left and ones video call for show my son and it's only 2 minutes. Now I'm worried about my son if she's gone back to past doing escort and carrying to work for extra money. Don't want to leave my son in that situation. Witch place do I need to go plus if I put court order for all this I don't want to be in bad situations, I got all that proof to show pictures and letter. If she turns up saying he harassed me and treated me or stalking me, I might get arrested. Need help asap.
Casper - 26-Jan-17 @ 11:12 PM
Kjf78 - Your Question:
Hi just asking if you can offer me any advice, my ex wife has now said she is seriously thinking about moving in with her new partner he has 3 children and I have 3 children this means they will have to look for a bigger house so they can all live under the same roof, so my query is do I have any legal say so for my 3 children to move? It's not like they are moving abroad but my 2 eldest who are 15 and 11 does not want to do this I also have a 6 year old daughter and any advice you can give will be much appreciated

Our Response:
Yes, as your elder children are 15 and 11, they will have a say (should the matter go to court). If you think your children should stay with you, and your ex does not wish to try and resolve the matter via mediation, please see link here, then you should really seek legal advice in order to explore your options over taking the matter to court. First and foremost, the court will always decide upon what is in the best interests of your children, but will also take their preferences into account.
SeparatedDads - 24-Jan-17 @ 1:57 PM
Hi just asking if you can offer me any advice, my ex wife has now said she isseriously thinking about moving in with her new partner he has 3 children and I have 3children this means they will have to look for a bigger house so they can all live under the same roof, so my query is do I have anylegal say so for my 3 children to move? It's not like they are moving abroad but my 2eldest who are 15 and 11 does not want to do this I also have a 6 year olddaughter and any advice you can give will be muchappreciated
Kjf78 - 23-Jan-17 @ 9:17 PM
G-man - Your Question:
Can I stop my ex wife's boyfriend babysitting my children when she wants to go out. They don't live together but I don't want him being left alone with my kids

Our Response:
Unless you can agree this between you and your ex, you only alternative is to apply for a Specific Issue order through the courts here.
SeparatedDads - 23-Jan-17 @ 3:00 PM
Can I stop my ex wife's boyfriend babysitting my children when she wants to go out. They don't live together but I don't want him being left alone with my kids
G-man - 21-Jan-17 @ 5:43 PM
Chris - Your Question:
Hi, My ex has a new partner/carer not sure which or both. My mum who has regular Skype calls with my daughter to keep in touch, told me how my daughter had accidentally weed herself. My ex's partner or carer then took my daughter to change her. I find this very inappropriate to have someone who is not family changing our 4 year old daughter.Any information on the legality of this would be good.Cheers.

Our Response:
There are no legal rules regarding this matter. A parent with parental responsibility over their child can make day-to-day practical decisions about what is in their children's best interests.
SeparatedDads - 11-Jan-17 @ 11:37 AM
Hi, My ex has a new partner/carer not sure which or both. My mum who has regular Skype calls with my daughter to keep in touch, told me how my daughter had accidentally weed herself. My ex's partner or carer then took my daughter to change her. I find this very inappropriate to have someone who is not family changing our 4 year old daughter. Any information on the legality of this would be good. Cheers.
Chris - 10-Jan-17 @ 11:01 PM
I have just received the following message by whatssapp from my ex wife "You should know that *** and I are buying a house together. Both of our houses are sold subject to contract and we're hoping to be in the new place by April. The girls have been involved in the viewings and are happy" Should I have been informed of these plans before this went ahead being I know next to nothing about her boyfriend and also she does not have custody she was named as residential parent as they live with her. Stressed out beyond belief and majorly devastated.
Lost2017 - 10-Jan-17 @ 10:35 PM
Woody - Your Question:
My ex wife now has a new man living in her house, with my two boys. How or does this effect my maintenance payments ?

Our Response:
Regardless of who your ex is living with (or married to) you are still responsible for paying child maintenance for your own children.
SeparatedDads - 6-Jan-17 @ 2:44 PM
My ex wife now has a new man living in her house, with my two boys. How or does this effect my maintenance payments?
Woody - 5-Jan-17 @ 7:00 PM
yus - Your Question:
Hi, thank you for your response regarding the problem I posted here recently. I took your advise and instructed my solicitors to write to her[ my ex wife] and it worked. she has accepted the proposals I requested. However, I found out that the man she married now, was once accused of raping his ex wife but he was found not guilty. this revelation has spooked me, given that he will have unsupervised contact with our two and a half year old daughter. in as much as I want to believe that he has been exonerated, some thing in my mind also tells me there is no smoke with out fire.due to this concern, what I can do. many thanks

Our Response:
You are welcome, I'm glad it worked. With regards to your ex's husband, if you are concerned, in the first instance you may wish to consider a background check, please see link: Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner? here.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jan-17 @ 3:14 PM
hi, thank you for your response regarding the problem i posted here recently. i took your advise and instructed my solicitors to write to her[ my ex wife] and it worked. she has accepted the proposals i requested. However, i found out that the man she married now, was once accused of raping his ex wife but he was found not guilty. this revelation has spooked me, given that he will have unsupervised contact with our two and a half year old daughter. in as much as i want to believe that he has been exonerated, some thing in my mind also tells me there is no smoke with out fire. due to this concern, what i can do. many thanks
yus - 5-Jan-17 @ 7:39 AM
I have recently separated from my ex-fiancé after nearly 16 years together. We separated in October & she moved out immediately taking my 2 boys with her. Until 2 weeks ago she was living with her mum but after an aunt of hers died she moved into her aunts home. The day after she moved she told me she had started seeing somebody new & also told my boys the same day. It turned out that not only was she seeing him but had also invited him to stay with her & my sons over the Christmas period, arriving the very day we were told about him. Obviously this has made me very angry & also very concerned for the safety of my children. I find it completely unacceptable that she can bring a complete stranger into my children's lives in this way & expect them to deal with it. I have sent her numerous messages stating how I feel about this but she has failed to respond & even stopped my children from speaking to me over Christmas. It was only when I threatened legal action that she allowed my boys to contact me again. Where do I stand in regard to this?
gixxer - 30-Dec-16 @ 4:33 PM
My wife of 13 years left me April 2016. We divorced and settled by her wishes in 7 months. We had everything. A beautiful 6 bed detached country home. 4 amazing kids. A great business. She had the ideal life. Didn't have to work. She's binned the lot for a 20 year old. She's 36 and I'm 43. Now this adolescence has been introduced to my kids so soon and has all but replaced me. I've left her in the mansion whilst she carries on like nothing is wrong. One of my kids has rejected the new lad but the others are ok/ confused. I myself have found comfort in a very understanding woman but spend most days wondering what caused the wife's mid life crisis. I've worked tirelessly for 15 years for my family and it appears to be all for nothing. I now detest my ex with a vengeance for sacrificing my family unit for a spotty youth who can't even drive and she has to collect from his mums! What a joke.
Roob - 23-Dec-16 @ 12:08 AM
yus - Your Question:
Hi, I separated from my wife in January 2016. she took my 2 year old out of the country and I took her to court immediately and the court's forces her to return. in the same proccess I was also granted a prohibited steps order and contact. my daughter stays with me two nights over the weekend. last weekend she told me she has remarried and will be moving to Nottingham. we live in Birmingham and in that case I won't be able to maintain contact as it is at the moment. she hasn't bothered to apply to the court's for an amendment of contact.I have also found out that she lied to CSA about how many days I have my daughter resulting to overpayments to her. we haven't officially divorced but people have confirmed that she is definitely married and it was a religious one. what can't do? yus 38

Our Response:
You would have to apply back to court for a further Prohibited Steps Order, if you wish to try to prevent the move. However, in the first instance a solicitor's letter outlining your rights and her commitments to the order may work.
SeparatedDads - 16-Dec-16 @ 2:14 PM
hi, I separated from my wife in January 2016. she took my 2 year old out of the country and I took her to court immediately and the court's forces her to return. in the same proccess I was also granted a prohibited steps order and contact. my daughter stays with me two nights over the weekend. last weekend she told me she has remarried and will be moving to Nottingham. we live in Birmingham and in that case I won't be able to maintain contact as it is at the moment. she hasn't bothered to apply to the court's for an amendmentof contact.I have also found out that she lied to CSA about how many days I have my daughter resulting to overpayments to her. we haven't officially divorced but people have confirmed that she is definitely married and it was a religious one. what can't do? yus 38
yus - 16-Dec-16 @ 6:58 AM
Doctor - Your Question:
I have just split from my ex and she has just got into a relationship she has two girls one is mine and the other is not should I still see the one that is not mine even tho she is gunna start bonding with this new man

Our Response:
You don't say how old your step-child is, how long you have known her and whether you wish to continue a father/daughter relationship with her. While you are under no obligation to continue to see your step-daughter, much depends on whether you wish to or not. Therefore, only you can answer this question.
SeparatedDads - 7-Dec-16 @ 12:23 PM
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