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When Your Ex Gets a New Partner

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 10 Jan 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Ex New Partner Children

It can be hard enough to maintain a good relationship with your children if there's just a limited amount of time you can spend with them. It never feels like enough, and you worry that there might be a distance growing between you.

That feeling can worsen if your ex gets a serious, long-term partner. The natural feeling is that the new man in her life might end up closer to your children than you are.

The Feelings

How do you cope with the emotions and fear – because that's exactly what it is – that your children might end up calling another man dad? A lot depends on the bond you have with your children. If it's strong and secure, you really have no need to worry. In their minds you will always be their father, even if someone else sees a lot more of them than you. Of course, it can be hard to remember and hold on to that, and the only thing that can make you feel better is time.

The problem can be if your relationship with your children is tenuous. The trick is not to feel it's a competition between you and your ex's new man. Remember, he needs to get to know the children and form his own relationship with them, which will take time. Ultimately, however much he's around, there's no way he can replace you. Simply be yourself with the kids and try to improve your own relationship with them.

What You Can Do

It's never an easy situation, and even if you're very secure with your children, you're bound to wonder from time to time, especially if the kids take to their mother's new man (and realistically, you should hope that they do, since it truly makes life easier for everyone).

Don't shy away from asking about things they do with him – although, in most cases, children tend to be garrulous, so they'll probably tell you anyway. Try not to show any jealousy, even if it's inside. Your kids don't need to know that there's a turmoil inside your head and heart. Try not to feel to threatened, since, in all likelihood, there's no reason.

Spend as much time as you can with your kids, and take advantage of all the time you're legally allowed. Do things they enjoy, and make sure you take part!

The Problems

If you don't have a good relationship with your ex, things can be a problem. All you can hope is that she doesn't try to turn the kids against you, and tries to put her new man into your place.

In that case, all you can do is be yourself and be loving with your children. Fighting fire with fire and saying bad things about your ex and her new partner is very counter-productive. It simply confuses the children and leaves them feeling very insecure. Enjoy your time with them and simply be you.

For more information, read Introducing A New Partner To Your Children and When Daddy Got A New Girlfriend on this site.

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[Add a Comment]
Chris - Your Question:
Hi, My ex has a new partner/carer not sure which or both. My mum who has regular Skype calls with my daughter to keep in touch, told me how my daughter had accidentally weed herself. My ex's partner or carer then took my daughter to change her. I find this very inappropriate to have someone who is not family changing our 4 year old daughter.Any information on the legality of this would be good.Cheers.

Our Response:
There are no legal rules regarding this matter. A parent with parental responsibility over their child can make day-to-day practical decisions about what is in their children's best interests.
SeparatedDads - 11-Jan-17 @ 11:37 AM
Hi, My ex has a new partner/carer not sure which or both. My mum who has regular Skype calls with my daughter to keep in touch, told me how my daughter had accidentally weed herself. My ex's partner or carer then took my daughter to change her. I find this very inappropriate to have someone who is not family changing our 4 year old daughter. Any information on the legality of this would be good. Cheers.
Chris - 10-Jan-17 @ 11:01 PM
I have just received the following message by whatssapp from my ex wife "You should know that *** and I are buying a house together. Both of our houses are sold subject to contract and we're hoping to be in the new place by April. The girls have been involved in the viewings and are happy" Should I have been informed of these plans before this went ahead being I know next to nothing about her boyfriend and also she does not have custody she was named as residential parent as they live with her. Stressed out beyond belief and majorly devastated.
Lost2017 - 10-Jan-17 @ 10:35 PM
Woody - Your Question:
My ex wife now has a new man living in her house, with my two boys. How or does this effect my maintenance payments ?

Our Response:
Regardless of who your ex is living with (or married to) you are still responsible for paying child maintenance for your own children.
SeparatedDads - 6-Jan-17 @ 2:44 PM
My ex wife now has a new man living in her house, with my two boys. How or does this effect my maintenance payments?
Woody - 5-Jan-17 @ 7:00 PM
yus - Your Question:
Hi, thank you for your response regarding the problem I posted here recently. I took your advise and instructed my solicitors to write to her[ my ex wife] and it worked. she has accepted the proposals I requested. However, I found out that the man she married now, was once accused of raping his ex wife but he was found not guilty. this revelation has spooked me, given that he will have unsupervised contact with our two and a half year old daughter. in as much as I want to believe that he has been exonerated, some thing in my mind also tells me there is no smoke with out fire.due to this concern, what I can do. many thanks

Our Response:
You are welcome, I'm glad it worked. With regards to your ex's husband, if you are concerned, in the first instance you may wish to consider a background check, please see link: Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner? here.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jan-17 @ 3:14 PM
hi, thank you for your response regarding the problem i posted here recently. i took your advise and instructed my solicitors to write to her[ my ex wife] and it worked. she has accepted the proposals i requested. However, i found out that the man she married now, was once accused of raping his ex wife but he was found not guilty. this revelation has spooked me, given that he will have unsupervised contact with our two and a half year old daughter. in as much as i want to believe that he has been exonerated, some thing in my mind also tells me there is no smoke with out fire. due to this concern, what i can do. many thanks
yus - 5-Jan-17 @ 7:39 AM
I have recently separated from my ex-fiancé after nearly 16 years together. We separated in October & she moved out immediately taking my 2 boys with her. Until 2 weeks ago she was living with her mum but after an aunt of hers died she moved into her aunts home. The day after she moved she told me she had started seeing somebody new & also told my boys the same day. It turned out that not only was she seeing him but had also invited him to stay with her & my sons over the Christmas period, arriving the very day we were told about him. Obviously this has made me very angry & also very concerned for the safety of my children. I find it completely unacceptable that she can bring a complete stranger into my children's lives in this way & expect them to deal with it. I have sent her numerous messages stating how I feel about this but she has failed to respond & even stopped my children from speaking to me over Christmas. It was only when I threatened legal action that she allowed my boys to contact me again. Where do I stand in regard to this?
gixxer - 30-Dec-16 @ 4:33 PM
My wife of 13 years left me April 2016. We divorced and settled by her wishes in 7 months. We had everything. A beautiful 6 bed detached country home. 4 amazing kids. A great business. She had the ideal life. Didn't have to work. She's binned the lot for a 20 year old. She's 36 and I'm 43. Now this adolescence has been introduced to my kids so soon and has all but replaced me. I've left her in the mansion whilst she carries on like nothing is wrong. One of my kids has rejected the new lad but the others are ok/ confused. I myself have found comfort in a very understanding woman but spend most days wondering what caused the wife's mid life crisis. I've worked tirelessly for 15 years for my family and it appears to be all for nothing. I now detest my ex with a vengeance for sacrificing my family unit for a spotty youth who can't even drive and she has to collect from his mums! What a joke.
Roob - 23-Dec-16 @ 12:08 AM
yus - Your Question:
Hi, I separated from my wife in January 2016. she took my 2 year old out of the country and I took her to court immediately and the court's forces her to return. in the same proccess I was also granted a prohibited steps order and contact. my daughter stays with me two nights over the weekend. last weekend she told me she has remarried and will be moving to Nottingham. we live in Birmingham and in that case I won't be able to maintain contact as it is at the moment. she hasn't bothered to apply to the court's for an amendment of contact.I have also found out that she lied to CSA about how many days I have my daughter resulting to overpayments to her. we haven't officially divorced but people have confirmed that she is definitely married and it was a religious one. what can't do? yus 38

Our Response:
You would have to apply back to court for a further Prohibited Steps Order, if you wish to try to prevent the move. However, in the first instance a solicitor's letter outlining your rights and her commitments to the order may work.
SeparatedDads - 16-Dec-16 @ 2:14 PM
hi, I separated from my wife in January 2016. she took my 2 year old out of the country and I took her to court immediately and the court's forces her to return. in the same proccess I was also granted a prohibited steps order and contact. my daughter stays with me two nights over the weekend. last weekend she told me she has remarried and will be moving to Nottingham. we live in Birmingham and in that case I won't be able to maintain contact as it is at the moment. she hasn't bothered to apply to the court's for an amendmentof contact.I have also found out that she lied to CSA about how many days I have my daughter resulting to overpayments to her. we haven't officially divorced but people have confirmed that she is definitely married and it was a religious one. what can't do? yus 38
yus - 16-Dec-16 @ 6:58 AM
Doctor - Your Question:
I have just split from my ex and she has just got into a relationship she has two girls one is mine and the other is not should I still see the one that is not mine even tho she is gunna start bonding with this new man

Our Response:
You don't say how old your step-child is, how long you have known her and whether you wish to continue a father/daughter relationship with her. While you are under no obligation to continue to see your step-daughter, much depends on whether you wish to or not. Therefore, only you can answer this question.
SeparatedDads - 7-Dec-16 @ 12:23 PM
I have just split from my ex and she has just got into a relationship she has two girls one is mine and the other is not should I still see the one that is not mine even tho she is gunna start bonding with this new man
Doctor - 6-Dec-16 @ 9:07 PM
Luke - Your Question:
Hello I need some advice about where to go about seeing my child. I also have concerns over safety and wellbeing of my son and I don't know what to do or where to go.

Our Response:
If you have serious concerns over the safety of your child, then you should contact the NSPCC helpline, who will be able to advise further about whether to contact Social Services, please see link here. If your ex is stopping you from seeing your child, then you can see how to go about regaining contact via the link here.
SeparatedDads - 30-Nov-16 @ 12:40 PM
Hello I need some advice about where to go about seeing my child . I also have concerns over safety and wellbeing of my son and I don't know what to do or where to go .
Luke - 29-Nov-16 @ 8:45 PM
chappers - Your Question:
Hi, I'm sitting here seething! I married a foreign national, we split up and she took my two children to Sweden. Eighteen months on I am still visiting my children and staying at my ex-wifes house. She's got it all and has moved on quickly. I on the other hand continue to suffer from depression, I'm out of work and living with my parents in the UK. My situation is impossible. I've applied to jobs here in Sweden with no luck as my Swedish is basic and employers aren't interested unless I'm fluent. I'm in such a quandary, I don't know what to do. How do you cope when your toddlers are abroad and life back in the UK is lonely and sad? I've tried to find someone to talk to who is in my situation but haven't found any. To top it off my ex-wife has just been picked up by her boyfriend (as she allows me to stay in her house while I'm visiting). My kids love me and I return to the UK in an absolute mess. My ex says she understand but there's nothing she can do and I just have to try and cope with it. I feel so humiliated having to stay here at her house but don't know what else to do, I wish I can get on with my life, but I'm just going backwards and forwards to Sweden and feeling miserable and frustrated most of the time.

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this and empathise completely with your situation. However, there are a few pluses in here of which you can build upon, so we shall look first at the glass being half full, rather than half empty. Firstly, you can see your kids (there are a lot of fathers that don't). Secondly, your ex has been good enough to let you stay in her house (a lot of ex's wouldn't). Thirdly, your children love you and you have a good strong relationship with them. Number four, you have parents that can help support you through this period. Therefore, it may not seem like it at the moment, but there are some things to be thankful for. Getting back to a productive life should be your first option, whether in the UK or in Sweden (as keeping yourself occupied is one way out of depression). Learn the language properly, take any job to start, or find work in the UK, that will help you get back on your feet until you can re-assess the situation. We all have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down throughout times in our lives, but for the sake of your kids then you really need to do this. Life with your ex is not a competition (i.e seeing her moving on), and she sounds like a good supportive woman, of both you and your kids. No one is going to come along and pick you up from this - you have to do it yourself. So, the rest is up to you. Please also see: Dealing with Being Alone link here and our Separated Dads forum may help if you need to chat to other dads. I hope this helps and good luck - you can turn this around.
SeparatedDads - 10-Nov-16 @ 11:56 AM
Hi, I'm sitting here seething! I married a foreign national, we split up and she took my two children to Sweden. Eighteen months on I am still visiting my children and staying at my ex-wifes house. She's got it all and has moved on quickly. I on the other hand continue to suffer from depression, I'm out of work and living with my parents in the UK. My situation is impossible. I've applied to jobs here in Sweden with no luck as my Swedish is basic and employers aren't interested unless I'm fluent. I'm in such a quandary, I don't know what to do. How do you cope when your toddlers are abroad and life back in the UK is lonely and sad? I've tried to find someone to talk to who is in my situation but haven't found any. To top it off my ex-wife has just been picked up by her boyfriend (as she allows me to stay in her house while I'm visiting). My kids love me and I return to the UK in an absolute mess. My ex says she understand but there's nothing she can do and I just have to try and cope with it. I feel so humiliated having to stay here at her house but don't know what else to do, I wish I can get on with my life, but I'm just going backwards and forwards to Sweden and feeling miserable and frustrated most of the time....
chappers - 9-Nov-16 @ 4:56 PM
@UpsetBeyondBelief - you're in a tough place. If you know for sure it might be better to speak to her calmly first (without your son knowing) and ask what she's going to do about it. There's no point going in all guns blazing - but you need to find out the truth. Jez.
JDG84 - 7-Nov-16 @ 10:17 AM
I am looking for help from Dad's who may have gone thru similar situation...how do I tell my son I know who his pregnant wife is fooling around with? They are still in my home, sleeping separately...she has said relationship is unfixable and refuses to see her part in the breakdown.I found out tonht.. huge lie and she is having date night and sleepover at the other guys.
UpsetBeyondBelief - 6-Nov-16 @ 4:14 AM
My ex girlfriend is having a baby with a new fella that is violent and into drugs and shouts at my kid'sand abuses me verbally in front ofmy 2 kids that i have with her do i have any rights to get my children to live with me also he bit someone's nose the other month and got arrested and cautioned and got band from the pubs for 4years under pub watch
Chivy30 - 4-Sep-16 @ 9:30 PM
i was so heartbroken but after 3 days of contacting robinson.buckler @ (yahoo). com, my lover came
Juliet - 11-Jul-16 @ 9:19 PM
My son has just informed me that my wife's new partner - who has only been on the scene since just before Christmas 2015 is smacking him when he is naughty. He told me that one day last week he, along with his cousin, and my 2 step children were all being naughty at bed time and so she smacked my step children (her kids from a previous) while this new man smacked my child and my (currently mine by marriage as we are not yet divorced) niece!! I am horrified and don't know what to do as my ex is quite the 'gaslighter' and will most likely deny it as she denies most things the kids tell me. What should I do? What are the legal rights I have as father with parental responsibility towards my natural son given that we were married when he was born?
Spud - 5-Feb-16 @ 9:02 AM
Hi, My ex wife and I split up about 5 months ago. It was a semi mutual agreenment to separate because we were continuously arguing. I work away on a 2 week roster and home for a week and I would never hear from her even just to say 'hows work' or i miss you etc etc.. I gave her everything I could give.. She never appreciated it. She is from Germany and came to Australia on a work Visa for a holiday. We hooked up I fell in love and proposed to her and two weeks later we find out she was pregnant. I was happy and stood by her. Her visa was running out to the point she only had a week to go. It was hard work and stressful for both of us filling out piles of paper work to keep her here to get an extension for another week.. I was told and covinced that the only way was to get married asap so we did. 3 years later i find myslef sitting in a empty home. 5 months ago She forced me to move out of my home with my other daughter so I had no other option but to rent. It was hard paying for rent and a mortgage. I charged her next to nothing for rent and she paid in bits and pieces. I pay child support on time everytime.. Anyway I found out recently she is in a relationship with a mate of hers which i knew and met a few times.. I was upset because it had been going on for a while hence why she was so cold at the start of the separation. Then she tells me she is moving out of my place into a friends place.. I said ok go then so I can move back in and start getting my life back but make sure you take the bed becasue i don't want to see it (understandably)... I arrived yesterday back to my home to find she had taken everything! Even things that were mine way before i even knew her.. The only thing that was left apart from a couch was our bed.. Made perfectly with sheets and all in a empty house.. It shreaded my heart into pieces.. To top it off sex toys arrive in the mail while i was here addressed to her... I don't understand why she would have to go to those lenghs.. I tried to be amicable but she just ignores me.. I asked how my daughter was and she ignores me.. Our relationship didn't work because we argued a lot.. We were both wrong no more than the other.. I just don't know what to do now..
adski - 27-Nov-15 @ 5:40 PM
Hi, My ex wife and I split up about 5 months ago. It was a semi mutual agreenment to separate because we were continuously arguing. I work away on a 2 week roster and home for a week and I would never hear from her even just to say 'hows work' or i miss you etc etc.. I gave her everything I could give.. She never appreciated it. She is from Germany and came to Australia on a work Visa for a holiday. We hooked up I fell in love and proposed to her and two weeks later we find out she was pregnant. I was happy and stood by her. Her visa was running out to the point she only had a week to go. It was hard work and stressful for both of us filling out piles of paper work to keep her here to get an extension for another week.. I was told and covinced that the only way was to get married asap so we did. 3 years later i find myslef sitting in a empty home. 5 months ago She forced me to move out of my home with my other daughter so I had no other option but to rent. It was hard paying for rent and a mortgage. I charged her next to nothing for rent and she paid in bits and pieces. I pay child support on time everytime.. Anyway I found out recently she is in a relationship with a mate of hers which i knew and met a few times.. I was upset because it had been going on for a while hence why she was so cold at the start of the separation. Then she tells me she is moving out of my place into a friends place.. I said ok go then so I can move back in and start getting my life back but make sure you take the bed becasue i don't want to see it (understandably)... I arrived yesterday back to my home to find she had taken everything! Even things that were mine way before i even knew her.. The only thing that was left apart from a couch was our bed.. Made perfectly with sheets and all in a empty house.. It shreaded my heart into pieces.. To top it off sex toys arrive in the mail while i was here addressed to her... I don't understand why she would have to go to those lenghs.. I tried to be amicable but she just ignores me.. I asked how my daughter was and she ignores me.. Our relationship didn't work because we argued a lot.. We were both wrong no more than the other.. I just don't know what to do now..
adski - 27-Nov-15 @ 5:37 PM
Hi, My ex wife and I split up about 5 months ago. It was a semi mutual agreenment to separate because we were continuously arguing. I work away on a 2 week roster and home for a week and I would never hear from her even just to say 'hows work' or i miss you etc etc.. I gave her everything I could give.. She never appreciated it. She is from Germany and came to Australia on a work Visa for a holiday. We hooked up I fell in love and proposed to her and two weeks later we find out she was pregnant. I was happy and stood by her. Her visa was running out to the point she only had a week to go. It was hard work and stressful for both of us filling out piles of paper work to keep her here to get an extension for another week.. I was told and covinced that the only way was to get married asap so we did. 3 years later i find myslef sitting in a empty home. 5 months ago She forced me to move out of my home with my other daughter so I had no other option but to rent. It was hard paying for rent and a mortgage. I charged her next to nothing for rent and she paid in bits and pieces. I pay child support on time everytime.. Anyway I found out recently she is in a relationship with a mate of hers which i knew and met a few times.. I was upset because it had been going on for a while hence why she was so cold at the start of the separation. Then she tells me she is moving out of my place into a friends place.. I said ok go then so I can move back in and start getting my life back but make sure you take the bed becasue i don't want to see it (understandably)... I arrived yesterday back to my home to find she had taken everything! Even things that were mine way before i even knew her.. The only thing that was left apart from a couch was our bed.. Made perfectly with sheets and all in a empty house.. It shreaded my heart into pieces.. To top it off sex toys arrive in the mail while i was here addressed to her... I don't understand why she would have to go to those lenghs.. I tried to be amicable but she just ignores me.. I asked how my daughter was and she ignores me.. Our relationship didn't work because we argued a lot.. We were both wrong no more than the other.. I just don't know what to do now..
adski - 27-Nov-15 @ 5:30 PM
@Julzi -I'd leave him to it and his new life and if he's not interested in your children don't force him to see them. You are better off separating your life from his and keeping your distance, as being in contact and him having this other woman is obviously beating you up. If you keep away, then at least it will allow you to move on and concentrate on your children and forget about him. You don't need a man like him, he sounds like a real lowlife. Be stong and find a new happier life for yourself - you deserve it. There are much nicer men out there than him:))
Sal - 3-Nov-15 @ 12:34 PM
Hi there when I was 25 I met a guy who already had a child to an ex de facto then after a couple of months together he went off & married someone else but lied to me. I eventually found out but after a few years of marriage it broke up he had 1 child & when his wife left him was 6 weeks pregnant with his 2nd child. He got me back then we split up again & he married someone else when I found this out I moved states & then a year later he begged to come & live with me. So after a year living together I fell pregnant & we had a son together & spent the next 10 years together. I then found out he was having an affair & I couldn't cope with him lying to me again, so I moved out of the house I bought before he moved intestate (long story there) he paid me some money but not as much as he should have, I bought a house but we have had spurts of being together again he has been playing with my feelings as when we are not together he is with a lot of different women the he was having me & another woman until I said I will not be the other woman any longer he then told me spark isn't there anymore but he is happy to spend time with me & sleep with me then he has kept this woman that is 10 years older than him who doesn't give a rats about our 9 year old son & I am finding it hard to cope with. She smokes & drinks around my son & my ex doesn't really care if he sees his son as he would rather spend time with his new girlfriend but I so want him to have a relationship with his father but it's like he diesnt care. He does not see any of his other children now that he is not with me because I created a family environment for his other children to come & visit, is anyone else going through this? I'm not coping very well.
Julzi - 31-Oct-15 @ 1:06 PM
Hammer - Your Question:
How do you deal with the Ex Husband of your partner who cant handle a new guy in his ex wifes life? I am separated from my wife and she lives with my two daughters and her new partner. My concern is that the children like him and they do and he is good with them and we have even all been out to dinner, I am their dad and everyone knows and respects that. My partners ex on the other hand is the opposite. He has a new partner and they are expecting a baby but I have had to get the police to issue him with a harassment warning as I received threats directly from him to stay away from his kids and his ex. He continuously calls the kids and asks if I am at the house and asks in a way like "is that C**t there" and when he is with them he calls me every name under the sun. One phone call in the presence of his kids was so bad that his youngest apologised to me for what his father said. I have made no attempt nor would I want to replace him as their father, they get on well with me and thats all I and their mum want but he is pushing them away from him and doing everything he can to split me and my partner up. How can you deal with someone who would rather "slice your face off", his words then have an adult conversation.He has met me in past when we tried to resolve things but it lasted maybe a week. The kids have never said a bad word about me and if he is worried I may have dodgy past, criminal record I am happy for any check as the only thing I have ever done was got a speeding fine about 16 years ago.Just for record when I met my partner we were both single, he split their marriage up with numerous affairs and a ton of other stuff.

Our Response:
The world would be dull if we were all the same. However, I can appreciate this doesn't help you, and your relationship with your partner's ex. Some of us are more rational when it comes to splits, which is seems you are. I imagine you view it from the perspective of how much easier it is when there is someone in your ex's life who your kids actually like and get on with. Much better that than your ex moving in a monster. On the other hand, some people see the 'good bloke' as a threat to their own position, in an alpha male kind of a way. There is really no answer to this than to not to let this man get under your skin and be the 'bigger person'. You don't say how long you have been with your partner. I can only suggest that the situation may get better with time, when he realises it is pointless holding a grudge for so long. Keep trying not to rise to his bait, keep taking the rational route and keep being the good bloke. Unfortunately, this is his loss, not yours.
SeparatedDads - 1-Oct-15 @ 9:53 AM
How do you deal with the Ex Husband of your partner who cant handle a new guy in his ex wifes life? I am separated from my wife and she lives with my two daughters and her new partner. My concern is that the children like him and they do and he is good with them and we have even all been out to dinner, I am their dad and everyone knows and respects that. My partners ex on the other hand is the opposite. He has a new partner and they are expecting a baby but I have had to get the police to issue him with a harassment warning as I received threats directly from him to stay away from his kids and his ex. He continuously calls the kids and asks if I am at the house and asks in a way like "is that C**t there" and when he is with them he calls me every name under the sun. One phone call in the presence of his kids was so bad that his youngest apologised to me for what his father said. I have made no attempt nor would I want to replace him as their father, they get on well with me and thats all I and their mum want but he is pushing them away from him and doing everything he can to split me and my partner up. How can you deal with someone who would rather "slice your face off", his words then have an adult conversation. He has met me in past when we tried to resolve things but it lasted maybe a week. The kids have never said a bad word about me and if he is worried I may have dodgy past, criminal record I am happy for any check as the only thing I have ever done was got a speeding fine about 16 years ago. Just for record when I met my partner we were both single, he split their marriage up with numerous affairs and a ton of other stuff.
Hammer - 30-Sep-15 @ 12:53 AM
ConcernedDad - Your Question:
Ok I have 3 children and separated in april with my wife. A man that caused us issue has come back after 4 years and moved opposite where she lives which is also down the road from where I'm staying. Now this guy is a biker prospect or already fully fledged and they do things that maybe people shouldn't do in order to be allowed into the club fully. Because I know he's had to do these things but have no proof bar what I hear and have heard from bikers from the rallies and my wife saying he doesn't do that anymore but he's still in the club (not like after for years he's going to say hi, I still drug run), I don't want this man near my children yet she has become very close to him. Now I understand I cant have a say in what she does, not like I did anyway or wish to from this point but when the kids come into it and being around lets say a rather negative influence, I would like to know my options.

Our Response:
If you are truly concerned, please see article: Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner? link here. However, as it specifies in the article, ideally, you should talk to your ex about your concerns, explaining that you are not judging her choice of partner but purely protecting your children. You may feel more at ease if you were able to spend some time with the man and get to know him a bit better. It will be good for all of you if you can have a relaxed relationship. Although it may be awkward, suggest that you all get together so that you can feel better about him being a part of your children's lives. See also Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, link here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 10-Sep-15 @ 10:04 AM
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