The thought of your ex partner taking your children is the worst nightmare of many parents, and so if it happens, understandably it is a very emotional and stressful time. Many people turn to the police for help to return their children, but how much the police can help is very dependent upon your personal situation. If both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent is keeping the children against the other's wishes, the police CANNOT help, even if the children do not normally live with them. However, if the parent does not have Parental Responsibility, the police will be able to intervene.
If your ex is withholding the children and you're unsure what steps to take next, you can get personalized guidance using our free Access Denied Action Plan.
So what is Parental Responsibility?
The Children Act 1989 defines 'Parental Responsibility' as 'all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child'. In plain English, this means that you have responsibility to:
- house the child
- protect and maintain the child
- make decisions about their education
- name the child
- consent to any medical treatment for the child
Mothers automatically have Parental Responsibility as they are listed on the child's birth certificate. A father will automatically have Parental Responsibility if he was married to the mother at the time of the birth or was listed on the birth certificate. Alternatively, both parents can sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement and register it with the courts, or more commonly, a father can apply to the courts for Parental Responsibility.
To apply to the courts, you will need to fill in form C1 found at Gov.UK - Forms and Guidance. A court fee of £232 is also payable though you may be able to get assistance with this if you receive benefits or have a low income.
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Try our Father's Rights Checker free, here on this site →But what if both parents have Parental Responsibility?
The father of my son has decided not to return my child. He has access every week, but we had an argument about what time he should return my child and he said he wasn't going to return him as he has parental responsibility and he has found out he can legally keep our son. I called the police, but they said they can do nothing about it as he is named on the birth certificate and therefore has PR. I am beside myself with worry. It has been four days now and my ex is still refusing to return him. My son is only four and has never been away from me longer than a day. I can't eat or sleep and I am beside myself with worry. I just want my little boy back.
If both parents have Parental Responsibility then the police cannot intervene to take the child off one parent and give them to the other; the police cannot choose between parents, that is the remit of the courts.
In this situation, if you are concerned about being able to see the children, or, if you think that the children should live with you, you can apply for a Child Arrangement Order.
Note: You may have heard about Contact Orders or Residence Orders. A Child Arrangement Order replaces these older orders but those with Contact or Residence Orders need not re-apply. Also confusingly often those in practice will still refer to (for example) obtaining a Residence Order when applying for a Child Arrangement Order.]
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
What is a Child Arrangement Order?
This court order determines where your child lives, which relatives they have contact with, and what type of contact (e.g. in person, phone calls, or letters). Anyone with Parental Responsibility can apply for an Order.
To apply to the courts, you will need to fill in form C100 found at Gov.UK - Forms and Guidance. A court fee of £232 is also payable though you may be able to get assistance with this if you receive benefits or have a low income.
I am a father of two children six and three. When I went round to pick them up last week I found my ex collapsed on the sofa through drink and drugs and her ex partner also high on drugs. My daughter and son were not dressed and my daughter's nappy had not been changed for hours and she was playing with food in the dog's bowl. I have heard they are not being fed or looked after properly and the Social Services are looking into this.
Ordinarily, the court will give notice of the hearing to both parties so that they can attend and give their side of the story. However if you think that your child / children may be in danger, then you may be able to apply for an emergency without notice hearing which will be much quicker than a full "with notice hearing". However be aware that this will only be a temporary solution and that any without notice hearing will be followed shortly after by a full "with notice" hearing in which the court order may be changed. If you are considering this option, seek professional advice or contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau for some free assistance.
If you can show that your former partner is not able or appropriate to look after your child / children, you may be able to get an order stating that the children should live with you. However you will need to evidence this.
Below are easy ways to obtain this evidence:
- Take photographs of the condition of your children when you see them (e.g. unwashed / dirty clothes / dirty nappy)
- Video or photograph your interaction with your former partner when going to collect your children, including any condition of their house as you can see it from areas into which you are invited / the doorway. However remember that you must not trespass into the property.
- Take a witness with you when you go to try to collect the children (e.g. a family friend or if possible an independent person such as a local church minister).
Note that the courts are very unlikely to not award at least contact to a parent, even if they are inappropriate to look after a child. However this contact may be indirect, such as by letter, or supervised at a contact centre.
Remember that whilst the police cannot take a child away from a parent with Parental Responsibility, they are able to intervene and remove a child if there is a real risk to life. If you are concerned about a real and immediate threat to your child's safety, speak to your local police force and social services.
If you are unsure about your rights, speak to your local Citizens Advice Bureau who will be able to provide you with free assistance. The courts may be able to help, but this can be a lengthy process and you will need to evidence any concerns. It is therefore important to know your options before seeking a court order.
The ex is a very controlling person! its got to the point where my partner is considering breaking up with me to save the relationship woth my son what do i do? There was an instance where my ex and my partner got into a heated discussion and my ex decised thag she was gonna bang on the car windows and stand infront of the car to stop us from taking my son for the week as planned and agreed! The ex is mentally and soul destroying us! What can i do lads?
When my daughter was two and half years old I let her go to her mum's for the weekend I had done so a few times before, she came back home and all was as normal as it seemed I needed to go shopping then my daughter said her brother made her do something naughty... I said what did you do steal a sweetie she said no I said then what she paused and said her brother made her put her mouth somewhere and do an act.. I was horrified and broken gave her hugs asking if she's okay she said yes .. phoned her mum .. mum phoned police in her son who was 10 at the time ...social services got involved basically said she has to stay with me and not aloud to be around the son unless two appropriate adults are there to keep an eye on her .. 10 years later which is 2 weeks ago I let my daughter go her mum's the mum asked if she could take her for half the 6week holidays I said yes ... And all now I haven't heard from them my daughters phone is off and the mum isn't answering..till her school phoned and I told them the story gave her mum's number over they put a notice that there's a child missing from education.. I phoned social services where I'm from and the county where my daughter is at her mum's and they have both said there's nothing they or I can do apart from go to courts because she has parental responsibility.. even though I told the SS about the past history they still say they cannot do anything.. I can phone the police and make them check if the well being of my daughter is ok ... Am I literally gonna be thrown in the hole with no way out ?
The relationship between my partner and I has broken down and it has become impossible to live together. We cannot agree what is in my sons best interest and im corncerned because she has decided to run off and stay at a friends house and take my boy with her.
He is only 4 months old but she is not financially independent and is not eligibile to receive any benefits as she currently has no visa to live and work in the UK. All benefits that my son receives will be lost as he's only eligible for them when he lives with me.
I have a large and supportive family locally but my boy will be taken many miles from here, away from his nanny, aunties, cousins, great aunties and great uncles, second cousins etc.
She is also not a particularly responsible person and has often not followed safe sleep guidance or general safety advice provided to us.
I have contacted social services but she will have already run off with my boy by the time im expecting they make contact with me.
Can anyone offer any advice to me or what my expectations could be please. My understanding is that the mother has main responsibility but this is a unique situation.
Thank you
Chris
She blocked me on all social media and has changed her number.
She suffers with Bi Polar badly and last time we spoke a week ago she was saying she felt like ending it all.
I'm stuck
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